Am I gay enough?

Contents:

• AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• AM I GAY ENOUGH?
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY

)Sce I started acceptg that I was queer and havg queer enunters, I have been told numero tim that, as a super femme cis woman, I'm "not gay enough. —Devan, 26It sounds like you already know this, but let me say loud and clear: There is no such thg as not beg “gay enough.

” Many people the LGBTQ muny feel the same way you do, whether they’re fellow femm who don’t “appear” gay, bisexual people hetero relatnships, gay men who don’t f stereotypil standards, and so many others. In fact, gay people who don’t exprs their gayns wh an explicly “queer athetic” often experience what some psychologists ll “queer imposter syndrome. A uple of lumns ago, Kira, a “femme-prentg queer, ” told me about her “extremely awkward ‘look, I'm gay!

What do you do if you don’t want to bee a Profsnal Femme Gay Woman? Reachg beyond your lol muny and fillg your social feeds wh queer folks who look all kds of ways n serve as a daily affirmatn that you are gay enough, exactly the way you are. I am bisexual and have dated both men and women, but I still stggle wh wonrg whether I am queer enough for the LGBTQ muny, given my appearance ("straight-passg") and the fact that I am not monosexually gay.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

" It means not only hidg a part of onelf, but hidg past experienc and relatnships (wh the same genr if passg as straight, and wh different genrs if passg as gay).

'” Bisexual and non-gay queer people feel this prsure to prove themselv, not jt appearance but their past and experienc.

AM I GAY ENOUGH?

"In queer muni, I thk there's a tenncy to try to put people to eher a hetero or homo box, " said Hobson. Biphobia the queer munyIn Bi, Eisner wr that that biphobia wh gay and lbian circl is discsed so much bee bisexual people e out to those muni seekg acceptance — and sometim experience the same erasure, excln, and biphobia they do the straight muny stead. While may be due to blogy, stereotypg is not okay and n be unlearned — pecially wh the breadth of onle and offle rourc by anizatns such as GLAAD and The Trevor is important to regnize biphobia as a prejudice pletely separate om homophobia.

Them" mentaly, both straight and gay people may see bisexuals as havg one foot the "" tegory and one foot "them" — th makg them some sort of betrayer, or threat to power the straight or gay muny. Hobson agreed, statg that judgment by the queer muny and outsi creat an anxiety for non-gay queer folks. In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all.

If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual. If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight).

For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig. Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng.

I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt.