'Gays Too Prec To Risk In Combat,' Says General

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THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Notg the credible rate at which the muny has grown, sourc nfirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endls Kgdom of Misery, is now a boomg haven of gay culture.

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'GAYS TOO PREC TO RISK IN COMBAT,' SAYS GENERAL

'Gays Too Prec To Risk In Combat, ' Says GeneralShare PublishedAugt 13, 2007We may earn a missn om lks on this Program GuiLatt ViosMost PopularOnn Film StandardLatt ViosSli 1 of 16Now playg03:21Back To School Edn: This Week's Most Viral NewsNow playg00:34Updated Texas Sex Ed Curriculum Instcts Children How To Stone WhorNow playg00:35Perfect 4. THE MALEBOLGE, NETHER REGIONS OF DARKNESS—Notg the credible rate at which the muny has grown, sourc nfirmed Thursday that Hell, the Endls Kgdom of Misery, is now a boomg haven of gay To School Edn: This Week's Most Viral NewsOffEnglishThe Great Abyss, home of the damned, is reportedly habed by some 600 ln nmned homosexual or transgenr souls, a large proportn of s total populatn, and has by many acunts blossomed to an oasis of gay activism and muny events. “I’ve only been here for a few months, but I’ve already fallen love wh , ” said 49-year-old Daniel Elson, addg that he has already beiend hundreds of fellow gay men and women the accursed unrworld, all of whom have weled him wh open arms.

“The streets of fire and brimstone are full of so many great fés, rtrants, bakeri, pennt bookstor, and of urse plenty of gay bars and clubs. ”Acrdg to sourc, the ept bowels of Hell have over the past several lennia veloped a thrivg gay muny that is said to rival the lik of the New York Cy neighborhood of Chelsea, San Francis’s Castro District, Soho London, and the Boystown sectn of wh s wi variety of gay-iendly bs, the Unrworld is also home to The 666, a sprawlg, five-story gay nightclub that is reportedly the largt such tablishment ever built. “It’s jt nice to fally live a place where I don’t feel like an outst or an outsir, ” said Vansa Aldridge, 38, strsg that she has faced absolutely no discrimatn sce she, like all homosexuals and gay sympathizers, was sentenced to an eterny Lucifer’s Den immediately upon her ath.

“And all of the other eternally damned homosexuals down here feel the same.

HELL NOW A THRIVG EPICENTER OF GAY CULTURE

”Hell has been wily celebrated by gay rights lears for s far-reachg acceptance of alternative liftyl, and rints told reporters is credibly mon to see a rabow flag hangg over var shop awngs, r wdows, or atop thron of blood-soaked bon and rottg flh. Addnally, the Inferno’s Gay Pri Para, held every July the Send Circle, is noted for s extravagance and high attendance rate. Reports nfirmed that, wh thoands more homosexual souls floodg the Gat of Hell every day, the Chasm of Wickedns and S has tly bee a sanctuary for gays and lbians alike, a feelg proudly shared by a majory of heterosexual lols.

“The gay muny has really flourished here, and I have to say, they’ve been great for the place, ” said Nephirem the Malevolent, a 10, 000-year-old, 70-foot-tall motr who has rid hell sce risg om the ash of a smokels flame. For more evince of our time-honored journalistic mment to endangerg liv, please see our prev verage of gay people, immigrants, Black people, and women. To School Edn: This Week's Most Viral NewsOffEnglishI know what you're sayg: Brandon, you're jt perpetuatg the stereotype that homosexuals are superhuman.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* THE ONION LGBT

Hell Now A Thrivg Epicenter Of Gay Culture.

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