Straight Women and Their Gay Hbands | Psychology Today

Contents:

• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY: PILOT
• THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• TLC'S “MY HBAND'S NOT GAY” STARS A PROMENT “EX-GAY” ACTIVIST
• WTF? TLC'S NEW SPECIAL MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS EVEN WEIRR THAN IT SOUNDS: WATCH NOW
• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS FELY NOT WORTH THE UPROAR
• REALY SHOW 'MY HBAND'S NOT GAY' DRAWS NTROVERSY
• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY: PILOT

My Hband's Not Gay - Season 1 Episo 1 - Vio Detective. It has started a ntroversy—one that reveals a lot about cultural tensns brilliance of the televisn special My Hband's Not Gay begs wh s name.

And prompts the pable, skg feelg that the lady doth prott too much: If she has to expla that her hband's not gay, she's already admted that his attractn to her is ls than, many people are angry about My Hband's Not Gay, which is s send stroke of brilliance.

THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

The TLC show, which aired on Sunday night, follows four men who all experience "same-sex attractn, " or "SSA, " but who don't want to live "the gay liftyle" bee of their Mormon relig beliefs. As one of the men's wiv, Tanya, phily puts : "SSA, not gay. " In the lead-up to the special's premiere, more than 100, 000 people signed a petn to get ncelled, claimg promot "'reparative therapy, ' a discreded and dangero practice that falsely claims to turn gay people straight.

This approach to programmg succeeds, wildly, bee 's a pure distillatn of the appeal of realy televisn: self-righteo problem, though, wh makg realy televisn about gay men who don't want to be gay is that will variably lack empathy for the pa that likely f those men's liv. The failure of My Hband's Not Gay is one of style, not substance; but the fact that has been protted for s substance says a lot about the cultural tensns surroundg homosexualy Ameri.

The openg of My Hband's Not Gay is a straight llback to the the openg sequence of the fictnal HBO seri Big Love, about a polygamo fay of fundamentalist Mormons. They're also playful about gay stereotyp, like not beg able to play sports.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

And my attractn to mal—those are the two thgs that are kd of gay about me. It's a bound performance of sexualy: They've stctured their relatnships so that they n exprs their feelgs of attractn and even toy wh gay inty while still settg firm lims on their behavr. The hbands n to an old iend who has cid to "live the gay liftyle"—what will he say to them?

Watchg My Hband's Not Gay is like the passive emotnal experience of wanrg through a low-budget rnival, gawkg at the sishow eaks for a short moment before losg attentn and movg on. All three of the upl featured have worked wh an anizatn lled Voic of Hope, sharg their experienc on tape and speakg publicly support of "non-gay liftyl" for people who experience "same-sex attractn. " While uld fairly be lled propaganda, 's not exactly "prayg away the gay": Voic of Hope is part of the Mormon anizatn North Star Internatnal, which says on s webse that "whether or not dividuals choose to make efforts to dimish or elimate homosexual feelgs, and whether or not those efforts succeed, is ls important to North Star’s purpos.

Sendg the msage that beg gay is somethg that n and ought to be changed, or that you should reject your sexual orientatn by marryg someone of the oppose sex, " the petn says. More straightforwardly: This show reprents a worldview that says beg and actg gay is a s. By airg a televisn special about this worldview, objectors say, TLC is implicly endorsg —which is a form of will be the next great nflict surroundg gayns Ameri: between those who mand acceptance of homosexualy and those who fd morally unacceptable.

TLC'S “MY HBAND'S NOT GAY” STARS A PROMENT “EX-GAY” ACTIVIST

Arguably, a gree of cultural civily toward the gay muny has been tablished, even among those who disagree wh homosexualy. It's a sign of jt how far gay rights have e Ameri that TLC would be lled out for even acknowledgg a worldview that isn't fully acceptg of gayns. The objectns aren't about wng legal rights, or enanchisement, or even civily; they're about wng total cultural acceptance of homosexualy.

WTF? TLC'S NEW SPECIAL MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS EVEN WEIRR THAN IT SOUNDS: WATCH NOW

The upl My Hband's Not Gay have created liv they say they want, liv that are tolerant of homosexualy every way except choosg, themselv, to have gay sex. Of urse, that's not what happened My Hband's Not Gay, but that probably uldn't be helped; nuance don't tend to be the tramark of realy televisn.

But if possible, My Hband's Not Gay should be treated as a varsy-level exercise fdg empathy; even for those who disagree wh the choic the upl have ma, they may still regnize the stggle.

My Hband’s Not Gay, a show on TLC, has ed an uproar. Why do some people bee so outspoken and judgmental about marriag wh one straight and one gay spoe? Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight.

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS FELY NOT WORTH THE UPROAR

The men this televisn program aren’t claimg to be ex-gay nor that they n change their sexual orientatn (at least not on the show). They report they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay man and their straight wiv accept this. People seem to get up arms when a man says he is not gay but rather simply attracted to men.

In our culture, we intify ourselv via a sexual-attractn bary: gay or straight. Later, their gay sexual inti surface and here they are—heterosexually married wh children. Many straight women married to gay men nscly choose to do so wh their ey wi open.

REALY SHOW 'MY HBAND'S NOT GAY' DRAWS NTROVERSY

There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men. They make this choice wh open discsns, which are very paful and emotnal for both the gay man and the straight wife. ” To the man, I say, “Consir whether you n really keep your homosexual feelgs and sir check.

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife.

I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage. Both the gay man and the straight spoe share the risk of stayg married.