Joe Kort, Ph.D., talks about his new book, "Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi?"
Contents:
- WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
- WHY ARE SO MANY GAYS AND LBIANS ATTRACTED TO SAME-SEX PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THE OPPOSE SEX?
- IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
- GAY OR STRAIGHT: WE ALL HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS
- AM I GAY?
WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
Many young men intify as mostly straight — a sexual orientatn that is not que straight but also, they say, ls gay than bisexualy * gay straight it's all the same *
If you’re a young man, you might assume that eher you’re straight or you’re not, meang you’re likely gay and maybe bisexual. Yet the evince suggts that more young men intify or scribe themselv as mostly straight than intify as eher bisexual or gay bed.
Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.
Tradnally, our unrstandg has been that if you’re male and have even a slight attractn to the same sex, then you mt be gay. He’s not a closeted gay man who fears beg gay yet wants to keep a slight, perhaps secretive, gay si by danglg his potential for guy sex. He may retreat om a full intifitn wh heterosexualy, but rarely do he gravate toward bisexualy, and almost never do he move toward homosexualy of any sort.
WHY ARE SO MANY GAYS AND LBIANS ATTRACTED TO SAME-SEX PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THE OPPOSE SEX?
* gay straight it's all the same *
In terms of pure numbers, we know that the vast majory of those who have gay sex intify as straight — and this is te for both women and men. The dividuals tend to engage gay sex private enunters, wh some appearg to be early phas of “g out” as not straight.
Though they loved the sexual experience and wanted to have a future relatnship wh the person, they had mixed attus toward homosexualy and premaral sex. Hence, they believed that homosexual relatns were almost always wrong and scribed their polics as nservative.
Bee only four sexual orientatn optns were given to stunts — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and don’t know — perhaps many of the dividuals were misplaced the straight tegory. Are the the men who will bee vigilant wh anti-gay rhetoric, and who will e eher their nservative relig or polil beliefs to jtify their behavr? If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self.
IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
Gay or Straight: We All Have the Same Rights From as far back as anyone n remember marriage has always been somethg that everyone has done or looked forward to as a young child. Sure, back then, marriage was between a man and a woman, and beg * gay straight it's all the same *
Would this help them to curb their animosy toward homosexualy and let them accept their same-sex sexualy whout feelg stigmatized?
“Mostly straight, ” as a male sexual inty, hasn’t entered the public’s nscns the way gay or bi inti have, though that seems to be changg. To the eternal nsternatn of men who intify as gay, mostly straights aren’t ually terted long-term same-sex relatnships, Sav-Williams wr, but they’re also rehgly shame-ee about their sir, wh many not only fortable wh gay culture but even “enchanted” by, who also works as the director of the Sex and Genr Lab at Cornell Universy, spoke wh VICE about why gay men seem culturally obssed wh mostly straight guys, the need to embrace all the msy nuanc of the Ksey spectm, and why you n’t assume every guy the lol gay choir is actually What drew you to study “mostly straight” men? Sav-Williams: Usually, straight guys are jt very borg, but when I started terviewg them g the same protol I ed wh gay guys, appeared that some had same-sex attractns—and that the men were credibly plex.
Another very valuable source was the Add Health Data Set, which is a longudal study that began followg a sample of adolcents Broadly talk to Margaret Cho about power bottoms and what 's like to be an openly bisexual entertaer:Were the men also terted gay culture?
GAY OR STRAIGHT: WE ALL HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS
Y, the men I spoke to were kd of enchanted by gay culture, and I don’t know that I’ve ever met an exclively straight guy who was enchanted by gay culture. I got a sense om some of them that they would have liked to be gay—one helped his roommate e out, and another sang a gay chos. Yeah, you n’t fake your you thk we’ve overlooked the nuanc of the Ksey spectm to create orientatns like gay, bi, and straight?
I thk they believe that if you’re a guy and you have jt a ltle b of same-sex attractn, you’re eher a closet se or you’re jt sort of a wayward was tertg that the gay men you terviewed saw mostly straight men as closet s. Gays don’t really believe mostly straight men reviewer said that the hype surroundg Call Me by Your Name reflects gay men’s obssn wh straight men as a sexual nqut. I do thk mostly straight guys have this dilemma, which is that they’re gog to be largely appealg to gay men.
That’s a tough one, and I don’t know, if this inty were to bee more wispread, how gay guys would react to men may also want to preemptively reject mostly straight men so they don’t get hurt, right? If you are a gay man and prumably do not fancy women, why are you nohels attracted to other men who py feme quali? The scholarly lerature on what homosexuals fd attractive isn’t as robt as we might like, and for some reason has foced more on lbians than gay men.
AM I GAY?
In a 2010 survey, both lbians and gay men reported that what they’d ially been most attracted to their partners were personaly tras: “fun, ” “sense of humor, ” and “telligent” were at the top of the list for both groups. The same study of personal ads found more than 96 percent of the tras gay men sought their partners were characteristilly mascule, and all of the unsirable tras were feme. What exactly those terms mean is batable, though—gay men have been found to exhib a wir spectm of stereotypilly mascule and feme mannerisms and speech patterns than straight men.
Surveys notwhstandg, gay men’s appreciatn of a well-toned male body surely is at least the equal of straight men’s tenncy to drool over a shapely woman. A perennial ntroversy the gay muny ps “gay-actg” typ agast gay mal who terms of manner and appearance are distguishable om straights.
A related qutn is whether a gay or lbian relatnship one of the partners habually assum the mascule role while the other plays the female.