Has the Gay Movement Failed? on JSTOR

Contents:

• GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?
• WHAT COM AFTER THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT? THE SAME THG THAT CAME BEFORE.
• HOW TO TACKLE GAY RELATNSHIP PROBLEMS

GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?

OK, so, you’re gay, and you want to fd a partner and eventually a hband; someone wh whom to share your life. You thk that maybe ’s jt not possible for gay men to have long-term relatnships.

There mt be some tth to the old joke: “What do a gay man brg on a send date?

WHAT COM AFTER THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT? THE SAME THG THAT CAME BEFORE.

As an openly gay man wh over 30 years of experience as a therapist, I have seen sr of sgle gay men sabotage their efforts to fd a partner, placg obstacl their own path—whout havg the slightt ia as to what they are dog and why. Fortunately, I have also learned how to intify and name the self-featg and often hidn hurdl—and have disvered that they are beliefs that too many gay men repeat to themselv, often whout even knowg . In my experience, this ternalized belief is the poison that prevents some gay men om buildg a healthy relatnship, and also why many ms up the on they already have.

Some of have been bullied as children; physilly, verbally, and emotnally abed at tenr ag by our peers and fay members for beg gay before we even regnized and unrstood our same-sex attractns. Sadly, the wounds are difficult to heal, and as a rult, n leave gay men wh the sense that we are unlovable and th unworthy of love, affectn, and happs. For sure, so much of the gay male world is way too foced on looks, youth, the gym, partyg, and fast hookups; so searchg for Mr.

HOW TO TACKLE GAY RELATNSHIP PROBLEMS

Right is like lookg for a needle a gaystack. In the old days, when I was g out, beg gay had more of an outlaw qualy.

Nonmonogamy was a polil statement, and gay rights advot saw marriage as nstrictive, patriarchal, heterocentric, flawed (perhaps due to the 50% failure rate) and therefore not worthy of pursu, pecially light of how gay men of the era were still gettg ejected om their jobs, hom, fai and blackmailed and arrted for who they were.

Contrary to heterosexual fears, legal gay marriage has given the stutn an enormo boost importance.