You’re Not Gay: Homosexualy Anxiety OCD - OCD Rource Center

Contents:

• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT
• I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual.

If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight. ” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng. I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt.

Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg. Observg themselv for evince of “lookg, ” talkg, walkg, drsg, or gturg like someone who is eher gay or straight. Compulsively reviewg and analyzg past teractns wh other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person.

Readg articl on the ter about how an dividual n tell if they are gay or straight to see which group they might be most siar to.

THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH

Do you thk I uld be gay (or straight)? How n I tell if I’m really gay (or straight)? Can you sudnly turn to a homosexual (or heterosexual) even if you have never felt or acted that that way?

Do I look (or act) gay (or straight) to you? If I get sexual sensatns when viewg sexual material of an oppose orientatn do mean I am gay (or straight)? A typil example would be a heterosexual man who experienc an erectn while lookg at gay eroti.

This reactn is strengthened by the rrect belief that homosexual cu never stimulate heterosexuals. Avoidg standg close to, touchg or bshg agast members of the same sex (or oppose sex if the sufferer is gay). Not readg or lookg at vios news reports books or articl havg anythg to do wh gay people or other sexual subjects.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Never sayg the words “gay, ” “homosexual, ” (or “straight”) or any other related term. Tryg to not look or act effemately (if a man), or a mascule way (if a woman), (or vice versa if the sufferer is gay).

Not drsg ways that would make one look effemate (if a man), or mascule (if a woman), (aga vice versa if the sufferer is gay).

Avoidg associatg wh anyone who may be gay or who seems to lean that directn (if the sufferer is heterosexual). The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight). Readg books by or about gay persons.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

Watchg vios on gay them or about gay characters. Visg gay meetgs shops, browsg gay bookstor, or visg areas of town that are more predomantly gay. Wearg a T-shirt at home wh the word ‘gay’ on .

Dog a seri of wrg assignments of a uple of pag each that suggt more and more that you actually are gay or wish to be. Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you).

PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT

Avoid observg yourself to see if you behaved a way you image a homosexual or member of the oppose sex would.

I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex.

Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at. Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual. The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept .