A Gui for Gay Men on Both Open and Monogamo Marriage | Psychology Today

Contents:

• A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
• NEGOTIATG GAY MEN'S RELATNSHIPS: HOW ARE MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EXPERIENCED AND PRACTISED OVER TIME?
• GAY MEN MONOGAMO RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?
• GAY MEN’S STORI OF MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY: CHANGE, FLEXIBILY AND TENSNS
• SEXUAL AGREEMENTS AMONG GAY MALE COUPL

A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

I had the opportuny to talk wh psychotherapist and thor Michael Dale Kimmel about his new book, The Gay Man's Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage.

NEGOTIATG GAY MEN'S RELATNSHIPS: HOW ARE MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EXPERIENCED AND PRACTISED OVER TIME?

MDK: I began offerg workshops for gay, bisexual, and transgenr men about eighteen years’ ago, and after a uple of years there were always a few guys who me up to me and said ( whispered ton), “You’ve got to put this stuff a book. While there are lots of books about how to plan your gay weddg, there were virtually none that addrs what to do after the honeymoon is over (lerally and figuratively). The Gay Man’s Gui to Open and Monogamo Marriage dar to ask the qutn: is monogamy or an open relatnship (or a batn of both) the bt way to stcture your marriage?

GAY MEN MONOGAMO RELATNSHIPS: WHAT WORKS?

Same-sex marriage has been a long time g – a few thoand years or so - and now that ’s fally here, many gay, bisexual and transgenr men may thk that ’s a bad ia to “rock the boat” by discsg the kds of ias that this book prents. I believe that now is the perfect time to qutn what gay marriage n, should and will be, while is still relatively new, h and malleable. While marriage wasn’t a possibily then, the qutns those workshops were basilly the same as those this book: as gay men, do we choose the monogamy of heterosexual marriage as our mol, or do we prefer an open marriage?

As a psychotherapist for gay upl for many years’ now, ’s been que clear to me that “handbooks” for heterosexual marriage don’t really apply to our marriag several signifint ways: our marriag are more “signed” than “assumed. I wrote the chapter about “refg genr rol, " bee we have an amazg opportuny as married gay men to terme who we are as two men, married to each other.

GAY MEN’S STORI OF MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY: CHANGE, FLEXIBILY AND TENSNS

This book enurag everyone, not jt gay men, to take a good look at that formidable stutn and beg to ask some big, meangful qutns, like:.

The are not jt qutns for gay upl, they are qutns for all upl: my polyamoro straight clients are alg wh the very same stuff. I’ve seen this kd of relatnship many of the gay marriag – both open and monogamo - that I’ve had the pleasure to work wh. This appears to acknowledge the lack of nversatn and openns amongst upl—gay or straight—that leads to a pture the relatnship and exs om timacy.

SEXUAL AGREEMENTS AMONG GAY MALE COUPL

I’ve noticed that for gay male relatnships, cheatg has ls of a negative impact than for heterosexuals—or even lbians, for that matter. My ncern is that gay men may thk that cheatg is a “natural” part of any gay relatnship and therefore, a foregone ncln—which is not the se. Gay male upl often report that what works bt for them is to engage sexual enunters based on sexual attractn only and not emotns or affectn.

I’ve heard upl, gay and straight, voice their anxiety that their partner liked the other person more, enjoyed some sexual behavr om the other person more, and so on.

This paper -pth terviews wh 61 Atralian gay men to explore how monogamy and non-monogamy are experienced over time, expectatns of what nstut the norms regardg gay men's relatnships and how upl experience and practic change. Although some gay men may ialise monogamy, particularly at the begng of a relatnship, is often experienced as temporary.