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- ‘BAD CRELLA’ ON BROADWAY: SADLY, THE TLE SAYS IT ALLFAIRYTALE MESSANDREW LLOYD WEBBER’S “BAD CRELLA” AIMS TO REBRAND THE FAIRYTALE, YET ULDN’T BE MORE NVENTNAL, ILL-SERVG S TLE CHARACTER. STILL, THANKS FOR THE DANCG HUNKS.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED MAR. 24, 2023 4:40AM EDT / PUBLISHED MAR. 24, 2023 12:06AM EDT EVAN ZIMMERMANALL THROUGH ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER’S ANE MISH-MASH OF A BROADWAY MIL BAD CRELLA (IMPERIAL THEATRE, BOOKG TO SEPT. 23) THE NAGGG QUTN IS: WHAT MAK THIS CRELLA “BAD” ANY TERTG, TRIGUG, MEANGFULLY DIFFERENT WAY? THE ANSWER: NOT MUCH. THE TLE OF THE MIL IS A NONSENSE AND MARKETG STUNT— LONDON’S WT END THE SAME SHOW WAS LLED CRELLA, AND WH MORE HONT REASON.THIS CRELLA (LEDY GENAO HER BROADWAY BUT; SHE WR THE PRODUCTN PLAYBILL THAT SHE IS THE FIRST LATA PERFORMER TO ORIGATE A LEADG ROLE A LLOYD WEBBER MIL) AND HER TE LOVE PRCE SEBASTIAN (JORDAN DOBSON) ARE MORN-ISH FACSI OF FAIRLY TRADNAL CHARACTERS. THE STORY ISN’T THAT MUCH CHANGED, SPE THE SISTENCE THAT BAD CRELLA IS A PUNK AND REBEL. SHE REALLY ISN’T. AS A CHARACTER SHE SWAGGERS AND STOMPS AROUND AND LOOKS ANGRY, BUT SHE’S A VICTIM-Y DRIP AT HEART, ALBE ONE DRSED A OL JACKET AND TIGHT TROERS. SO IS SEBASTIAN. THE WHG CHARACTERS SERVE EACH OTHER, BUT NOT FOR THE REASONS THE SHOW TENDS. WHAT A STRANGE MS. BAD CRELLA LOOKS CHEAP, WH WOBBLG, AGILE-LOOKG SET RATN, MORE AK TO A BRISH PANTOMIME THAN BROADWAY SHOW. AND THE SHOW (WH A BOOK BY THE MULTI-AWARD-WNG EMERALD FENNELL), SPE ALL S LLOYD WEBBER MELODI AND FAIAR SETUPS THAT HARK TO SO MANY OF HIS PREV MILS, FEELS LIKE AN OLD-SCHOOL PANTOMIME; S EDY AND VILLAS AND MUGGG TO THE DIENCE ARE STRAIGHT OM THAT VENERABLE BRISH CHRISTMAS THEATRIL TRADN. IT WANTS TO BE BOTH ARCHLY NTEMPORARY AND FAIRYTALE-FANTASTIL, AND TUMBL BIZARRELY TO THE ABYSS BETWEEN BOTH. (LLOYD WEBBER’S 75TH BIRTHDAY WAS VERY SWEETLY MARKED BY THE ST AT THE END OF WEDNDAY NIGHT’S PERFORMANCE; HE WAS SET TO BE ABSENT OM THURSDAY’S OPENG NIGHT BEE OF HIS CRILLY ILL SON.) THE SHOW STARTS PROMISGLY, WH A STATUE OF THE ALLEGEDLY AD (SPOILER: HE ISN’T) PRCE CHARMG (CAMERON LOYAL), WH SOME RED GRAFFI SCRAWLED OVER : “BETY SUCKS.” THIS IS THE WORK OF THE AS-YET-UNSEEN “BAD CRELLA,” AND HERE THE TOWN OF BELLEVILLE SET A KD OF HISTORILLY NON-SPECIFIC BLUR OF PAST AND PRENT, AN OPENG NUMBER OUTL THAT BETY IS EVERYTHG. LOOKG GOOD AND BEG RICH, ARE THE KEY METRICS OF SUCCS AND FULFILLMENT (THE BT B, A SHIRTLS STUD OF A BAKER PROMISG “HOT BUNS”). CRELLA, KNOWG VENALY AND EXCSIVE VANY FOR WHAT THEY ARE, IS RPONSIBLE FOR THE GRAFFI. GOSH, WHAT AN TERTG NEW KD OF CRELLA WE ARE ABOUT TO MEET! IF ONLY. LEDY GENAO AND JORDAN DOBSON 'BAD CRELLA.'EVAN ZIMMERMAN SEBASTIAN IS PRCE CHARMG’S BROTHER, AND AS DOWN ON THE SHALLOWNS OF HIS MOTHER, THE QUEEN (GRACE MCLEAN) AND URT LIFE AS CRELLA IS. HE DON’T WANT TO LE OVER ANYTHG, OR MARRY ANYONE. HE MOP LIKE NO ONE ELSE, AND HIS AND CRELLA’S DOWNST, OVER- MEANORS KILL EVERY OUNCE OF LIFE OF THE SCEN THEY ARE . WE KEEP WAG TO SEE CRELLA SOCK TO SOMEONE, OR REBEL, BUT WE NEVER SEE HER DO ANYTHG BADASS AT ALL. WE NEVER HEAR HER SAY ANYTHG THAT RADIL, OR UPEND ANY TRADNAL ORR OF ANYTHG—GENR, OR POWER, OR CULTURAL EXPECTATN. HER BOUNDARY-BREAKG REPUTATN IS NOT MATCHED BY ANYTHG WE SEE ON STAGE.HER AND SEBASTIAN’S IALLY TERTG, SPIKY PENNCE AND IENDSHIP IS SOON DILUTED TO AN UN-ENGAGG, TERMABLE LOVE STORY. SHE LOV HIM, HE LOV HER. THEY DON’T TELL EACH OTHER. SHE THKS HE’S GOTTEN MARRIED. HE HASN’T. BY THE END, AFTER THE ZILLNTH, WAILG POWER BALLAD BY CRELLA (“FAR TOO LATE”—WHAT AN UNTENTNALLY ACCURATE SONG TLE), YOUR NAILS WILL BE LEAVG SR YOUR SEAT WISHG THE WHOLE DAMN THG WOULD JT END. GENAO AND DOBSON VALIANTLY DO ALL THEY N WH THE CHARACTERS, BUT ARE TRAPPED BY THE FLAT IMAGG OF THEM, AND ALL THE WORTHY GOODY TWO-SHO-NS THAT THEY ARE SADDLED WH.THERE IS SOME FUN TO BE HAD THE SHOW. CAROLEE CARMELLO AS THE EVIL STEPMOTHER BREWS HER MALEVOLENCE WH ACID RELISH, AND ODDLY—AS CEL AS SHE IS TO CRELLA—AT LEAST MAK UNRSTAND WHY SHE IS SO EVIL. “WHY BE ENEMI WHEN YOU’RE SO PLETELY EXPERT AT SABOTAGG YOURSELF!” HER STEPMOTHER TELLS CRELLA, AND VILE AS SHE IS, SHE A’T WRONG. “THE ONLY THG I EVER LEARNED OM YOU, AR STEPMOTHER, IS HOW TO BE A PLETELY HEARTLS BCH.”— CRELLA INED, WHEN CRELLA FALLY TELLS HER WHAT SHE THKS OF HER, IS THE STEPMOTHER’S RETORT THAT EARNS THE BIGGER CHEER—WHICH IS THE NNIT TURN OF STORYTELLG THE SCRIPT.CRELLA: “THE ONLY THG I EVER LEARNED OM YOU, AR STEPMOTHER, IS HOW TO BE A PLETELY HEARTLS BCH.”STEPMOTHER: “I N’T TAKE ALL THE CRED FOR THAT. YOU’RE A NATURAL. YOU N’T BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHG YOU KNOW. YOU DID ALL THE HARD WORK...”THE STEPMOTHER WANTS THE BT FOR HER SELFISH SELF, AND TWO DGHTERS, ALE (SAMI GAYLE) AND MARIE (MAN HIGGS), WHO SEEM TO BE CHANNELG SHALLOW VALLEY GIRLS. THEY, LIKE MOST OF THE CHARACTERS, SHOULD BE MORE FUN THAN THEY ARE. SO OFTEN THIS SHOW, SOME SCENE SPROUTS UP, AND YOU THK: OH, THIS ULD BE TERTG ONLY FOR TO FIZZLE AWAY. CARMELLO AND MCLEAN ARE ACRD A POTENTIAL JEWEL OF A DUET, “I KNOW YOU,” WHICH IS A KD OF DIVA FACE-OFF, BOTH WOMEN MAKG CLEAR THEY KNOW EACH OTHER OM BACK THE DAY OF WORKG PLAC OF SHADOWY REPUTE. BUT THE LYRICS NEVER QUE SHARPEN ENOUGH, AND THE SONG NEVER QUE HS S TARGET, SPE THE JIGGERY-MPERY THAT CARMELLO AND MCLEAN PLAY WH. CAROLEE CARMELLO 'BAD CRELLA.'EVAN ZIMMERMAN THE SHOW ALSO LEAV ODD STASIS S FOC ON THE SHALLOWNS OF PHYSIL APPEARANCE AND LOOKS. HERE, THE GODMOTHER (CHRISTA ASTA ROBSON) OFFERS CRELLA THE CHANCE TO LOOK GREAT IF THE GODMOTHER ACQUIR A MUCH-TREASURED FAY NECKLACE. SO, CRELLA HANDS OVER, THE TWO OF THEM SGG A SONG LLED “BETY HAS A PRICE,” AGA UNRSRG BAD CRELLA’S SEEMG SIRE TO SAY SOMETHG ABOUT OUR SOCIETY’S OBSSN WH BETY. CRELLA, AT THIS POT, HAS APPARENTLY SWALLOWED THIS BALONEY, SPE BEG HER ALSO, MUT EARLIER, HAVG NO TCK WH .THE STORY WORKS BT FOR BOTH CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN WHEN THEY JT, WELL, LET GO—HE WH A SOLO NUMBER, “ONLY YOU, LONELY YOU,” THAT’S THE BT SHOW AND THE MOST LLOYD WEBBER OF LLOYD WEBBERY BALLADS—WH RANGED, SOARG CHORDS, ROGLY CLARG HIS LOVE FOR HIS PAL CRS. LATER, HE ASSERTS HIMSELF WH THE BRO-ISH HUNKY LACKEYS OF HER BROTHER (FALLY), EARNG MORE CHEERS, AND EVEN DANC, SHGGG ALL THE MOPG OFF. MORE CHEERS. (PRODUCERS, THERE’S A MSAGE HERE—DO SOMETHG MORE TERTG WH YOUR TWO LEAD CHARACTERS!)ALONGSI THE PLODDG “JUNE/”MOON” RHYMG LYRICS OF THE SONGS, THE STORYTELLG THE SHOW IS STREWN WH HOL AND NTRADICTNS. THE BETY-ISN’T-EVERYTHG MSAGE IS NOT THE CENTER OF THE SHOW. IT SORT OF DRIFTS AROUND THE NARRATIVE, AND IS THEN LOST. THE RECLAMATN OF THE NECKLACE IS ANOTHER AD-END, AS ARE THE FAMO GLASS SLIPPERS OF THE STORY, WHICH ARE IMPORTANT, THEN NOT THAT IMPORTANT. CRELLA IS TOLD, AS UAL, SHE MT BE HOME BY MIDNIGHT, BUT NOTHG ULTIMATELY HAPPENS WH THAT.MOST OBVLY, CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN ARE BOTH OBJECTIVELY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE, WHO ARE NOT EXACTLY BTG ANY BETY NVENTNS BY THEIR PRENCE. ALSO, LET LL TIME ON EVERY THEATER SHOW, FILM, AND TV PROGRAM THAT BANGS ON ABOUT THE SHALLOWNS OF BETY, AND HOW REAL BETY LI WH, WHEN ALL ARE PROJECTS BORN OF AN DTRY—ENTERTAMENT—WHERE LOOKS ARE A KEY PONENT OF WHO GETS ST WHATEVER ROL, CLUDG THE ROL WH THIS SHOW. THE HAND-WRGG AND HYPOCRISY OF THIS MSAGG IS LGHABLE AND ABSURD. THE ENSEMBLE OF 'BAD CRELLA.'EVAN ZIMMERMAN BEYOND THAT, BAD CRELLA, THE MAKEOVER GIVEN TO CRELLA IS APPALLG. SHE LOOKS WORSE AFTER , WH A UMPY, GLTERY WHE DRS AND LANK GREY-WHE HAIR. IT’S LIKE ONE OF THOSE TV-MAKEOVERS-GONE-WRONG WHERE YOU THK: THEY FELY LOOKED BETTER BEFORE.AND ANYWAY, SPE ALL S FACILE, HALF-HEARTED JABS AT A SHALLOW OBSSN WH PHYSIL ATHETICS, THE SHOW IS ALL ABOUT LOOKS—PROUDLY. IT NSTANTLY REQUIR S PANY OF MALE DANCERS TO SHOW OFF THEIR BODI FOR THE PLEASURE OF THE DIENCE. AND THEY ED DO, EXHIBG THEIR BODI THE MOST WONRFUL, PEACK-ISH WAY POSSIBLE—THE DIENCE ON THE NIGHT THIS CRIC ATTEND WENT WILD FOR THE DANCERS, WHOSE BOMBASTIC NUMBERS LIKE “HUNK’S SONG” AND “MAN’S MAN,” AS THEY POSED, PREENED, AND WORKED OUT ON GYM EQUIPMENT, WERE AMONG THE HS OF THE NIGHT. THEY CERTALY JECTED SOME LIFE TO THE FLATLG TUNDRA OF THE CENTRAL HETEROSEXUAL LOVE STORY.LATER, THE BIGGT CHEERS ARE NOT FOR CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN FALLY GETTG TOGETHER AS THE STAGE CURTA FELL, BUT FOR THE WELL-EXECUTED SURPRISE OF PRCE CHARMG’S RETURN OM THE AD—TO PROCLAIM HIS LOVE FOR HIS GAY TE LOVE, AND FOR THEM TO BE MARRIED. THE TWNED EMPHASIS ON HIS AMAZG BODY AND ON CELEBRATG SAME-SEX LOVE WAS GREETED WH A STORM OF APPLSE AND CHEERS. THIS WAS A RLY, BRILLIANTLY STAGED MOMENT WH REAL HEART.NOT SO THE FAL UNN OF CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN, WHICH TAK PLACE, BIZARRELY, JT AS THE CURTA SCENDS A KD OF SH. Y, THE DIENCE IS HAPPY TO SEE , BUT THEY WERE DIBLY WAY HAPPIER WH THE GAY-THEMED LOVE-FT OF MOMENTS EARLIER. BAD CRELLA ISN’T A RADIL REWORKG OF CRELLA; ISN’T A REIMAGG, FEMIST OR OTHERWISE, OF THE PRISONS OF FEMY, SOCIAL NVENTN, AND POWER. THERE ARE SO MANY POSSIBILI OF RADILISM THE NARRATIVE—CRELLA SLYLY UNRMG THOSE SHE SERV; CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN THEMSELV REJECTG THE NVENTNS THAT SURROUND THEM; BOTH OF THEM QUTNG THEIR ROL, SEXUALY, GENR INTY, OR BEG SGLE OR JT IENDS AT THE END, OFF TO SEE THE WORLD; A EPER DIVE TO THE EVIL STEPMOTHER’S EARLY YEARS ON THE OTHER SI OF THE TRACKS; EVEN A GENUE NSTCTN OF THE OBSSN WH BETY.THE STORY NODS SOME OF THE DIRECTNS, ALMOST AS IF TICKG BOX OF WHAT MIGHT BE EXPECTED OF AN UPDATED CRELLA. THEN, VERY QUICKLY, PLUMPS FOR THE MOST IMPRISONG, NVENTNAL STORY ARCS—LEAVG CRELLA, BAD OR MAYBE JT MOODY, UNMOORED OM HER OWN STORY. SHE, AND GENAO, SERVE WAY BETTER. TIM TEEMAN
- ‘CRELLA’ MIL GIV PRCE CHARMG A GAY TWIST
‘BAD CRELLA’ ON BROADWAY: SADLY, THE TLE SAYS IT ALLFAIRYTALE MESSANDREW LLOYD WEBBER’S “BAD CRELLA” AIMS TO REBRAND THE FAIRYTALE, YET ULDN’T BE MORE NVENTNAL, ILL-SERVG S TLE CHARACTER. STILL, THANKS FOR THE DANCG HUNKS.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED MAR. 24, 2023 4:40AM EDT / PUBLISHED MAR. 24, 2023 12:06AM EDT EVAN ZIMMERMANALL THROUGH ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER’S ANE MISH-MASH OF A BROADWAY MIL BAD CRELLA (IMPERIAL THEATRE, BOOKG TO SEPT. 23) THE NAGGG QUTN IS: WHAT MAK THIS CRELLA “BAD” ANY TERTG, TRIGUG, MEANGFULLY DIFFERENT WAY? THE ANSWER: NOT MUCH. THE TLE OF THE MIL IS A NONSENSE AND MARKETG STUNT— LONDON’S WT END THE SAME SHOW WAS LLED CRELLA, AND WH MORE HONT REASON.THIS CRELLA (LEDY GENAO HER BROADWAY BUT; SHE WR THE PRODUCTN PLAYBILL THAT SHE IS THE FIRST LATA PERFORMER TO ORIGATE A LEADG ROLE A LLOYD WEBBER MIL) AND HER TE LOVE PRCE SEBASTIAN (JORDAN DOBSON) ARE MORN-ISH FACSI OF FAIRLY TRADNAL CHARACTERS. THE STORY ISN’T THAT MUCH CHANGED, SPE THE SISTENCE THAT BAD CRELLA IS A PUNK AND REBEL. SHE REALLY ISN’T. AS A CHARACTER SHE SWAGGERS AND STOMPS AROUND AND LOOKS ANGRY, BUT SHE’S A VICTIM-Y DRIP AT HEART, ALBE ONE DRSED A OL JACKET AND TIGHT TROERS. SO IS SEBASTIAN. THE WHG CHARACTERS SERVE EACH OTHER, BUT NOT FOR THE REASONS THE SHOW TENDS. WHAT A STRANGE MS. BAD CRELLA LOOKS CHEAP, WH WOBBLG, AGILE-LOOKG SET RATN, MORE AK TO A BRISH PANTOMIME THAN BROADWAY SHOW. AND THE SHOW (WH A BOOK BY THE MULTI-AWARD-WNG EMERALD FENNELL), SPE ALL S LLOYD WEBBER MELODI AND FAIAR SETUPS THAT HARK TO SO MANY OF HIS PREV MILS, FEELS LIKE AN OLD-SCHOOL PANTOMIME; S EDY AND VILLAS AND MUGGG TO THE DIENCE ARE STRAIGHT OM THAT VENERABLE BRISH CHRISTMAS THEATRIL TRADN. IT WANTS TO BE BOTH ARCHLY NTEMPORARY AND FAIRYTALE-FANTASTIL, AND TUMBL BIZARRELY TO THE ABYSS BETWEEN BOTH. (LLOYD WEBBER’S 75TH BIRTHDAY WAS VERY SWEETLY MARKED BY THE ST AT THE END OF WEDNDAY NIGHT’S PERFORMANCE; HE WAS SET TO BE ABSENT OM THURSDAY’S OPENG NIGHT BEE OF HIS CRILLY ILL SON.) THE SHOW STARTS PROMISGLY, WH A STATUE OF THE ALLEGEDLY AD (SPOILER: HE ISN’T) PRCE CHARMG (CAMERON LOYAL), WH SOME RED GRAFFI SCRAWLED OVER : “BETY SUCKS.” THIS IS THE WORK OF THE AS-YET-UNSEEN “BAD CRELLA,” AND HERE THE TOWN OF BELLEVILLE SET A KD OF HISTORILLY NON-SPECIFIC BLUR OF PAST AND PRENT, AN OPENG NUMBER OUTL THAT BETY IS EVERYTHG. LOOKG GOOD AND BEG RICH, ARE THE KEY METRICS OF SUCCS AND FULFILLMENT (THE BT B, A SHIRTLS STUD OF A BAKER PROMISG “HOT BUNS”). CRELLA, KNOWG VENALY AND EXCSIVE VANY FOR WHAT THEY ARE, IS RPONSIBLE FOR THE GRAFFI. GOSH, WHAT AN TERTG NEW KD OF CRELLA WE ARE ABOUT TO MEET! IF ONLY. LEDY GENAO AND JORDAN DOBSON 'BAD CRELLA.'EVAN ZIMMERMAN SEBASTIAN IS PRCE CHARMG’S BROTHER, AND AS DOWN ON THE SHALLOWNS OF HIS MOTHER, THE QUEEN (GRACE MCLEAN) AND URT LIFE AS CRELLA IS. HE DON’T WANT TO LE OVER ANYTHG, OR MARRY ANYONE. HE MOP LIKE NO ONE ELSE, AND HIS AND CRELLA’S DOWNST, OVER- MEANORS KILL EVERY OUNCE OF LIFE OF THE SCEN THEY ARE . WE KEEP WAG TO SEE CRELLA SOCK TO SOMEONE, OR REBEL, BUT WE NEVER SEE HER DO ANYTHG BADASS AT ALL. WE NEVER HEAR HER SAY ANYTHG THAT RADIL, OR UPEND ANY TRADNAL ORR OF ANYTHG—GENR, OR POWER, OR CULTURAL EXPECTATN. HER BOUNDARY-BREAKG REPUTATN IS NOT MATCHED BY ANYTHG WE SEE ON STAGE.HER AND SEBASTIAN’S IALLY TERTG, SPIKY PENNCE AND IENDSHIP IS SOON DILUTED TO AN UN-ENGAGG, TERMABLE LOVE STORY. SHE LOV HIM, HE LOV HER. THEY DON’T TELL EACH OTHER. SHE THKS HE’S GOTTEN MARRIED. HE HASN’T. BY THE END, AFTER THE ZILLNTH, WAILG POWER BALLAD BY CRELLA (“FAR TOO LATE”—WHAT AN UNTENTNALLY ACCURATE SONG TLE), YOUR NAILS WILL BE LEAVG SR YOUR SEAT WISHG THE WHOLE DAMN THG WOULD JT END. GENAO AND DOBSON VALIANTLY DO ALL THEY N WH THE CHARACTERS, BUT ARE TRAPPED BY THE FLAT IMAGG OF THEM, AND ALL THE WORTHY GOODY TWO-SHO-NS THAT THEY ARE SADDLED WH.THERE IS SOME FUN TO BE HAD THE SHOW. CAROLEE CARMELLO AS THE EVIL STEPMOTHER BREWS HER MALEVOLENCE WH ACID RELISH, AND ODDLY—AS CEL AS SHE IS TO CRELLA—AT LEAST MAK UNRSTAND WHY SHE IS SO EVIL. “WHY BE ENEMI WHEN YOU’RE SO PLETELY EXPERT AT SABOTAGG YOURSELF!” HER STEPMOTHER TELLS CRELLA, AND VILE AS SHE IS, SHE A’T WRONG. “THE ONLY THG I EVER LEARNED OM YOU, AR STEPMOTHER, IS HOW TO BE A PLETELY HEARTLS BCH.”— CRELLA INED, WHEN CRELLA FALLY TELLS HER WHAT SHE THKS OF HER, IS THE STEPMOTHER’S RETORT THAT EARNS THE BIGGER CHEER—WHICH IS THE NNIT TURN OF STORYTELLG THE SCRIPT.CRELLA: “THE ONLY THG I EVER LEARNED OM YOU, AR STEPMOTHER, IS HOW TO BE A PLETELY HEARTLS BCH.”STEPMOTHER: “I N’T TAKE ALL THE CRED FOR THAT. YOU’RE A NATURAL. YOU N’T BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHG YOU KNOW. YOU DID ALL THE HARD WORK...”THE STEPMOTHER WANTS THE BT FOR HER SELFISH SELF, AND TWO DGHTERS, ALE (SAMI GAYLE) AND MARIE (MAN HIGGS), WHO SEEM TO BE CHANNELG SHALLOW VALLEY GIRLS. THEY, LIKE MOST OF THE CHARACTERS, SHOULD BE MORE FUN THAN THEY ARE. SO OFTEN THIS SHOW, SOME SCENE SPROUTS UP, AND YOU THK: OH, THIS ULD BE TERTG ONLY FOR TO FIZZLE AWAY. CARMELLO AND MCLEAN ARE ACRD A POTENTIAL JEWEL OF A DUET, “I KNOW YOU,” WHICH IS A KD OF DIVA FACE-OFF, BOTH WOMEN MAKG CLEAR THEY KNOW EACH OTHER OM BACK THE DAY OF WORKG PLAC OF SHADOWY REPUTE. BUT THE LYRICS NEVER QUE SHARPEN ENOUGH, AND THE SONG NEVER QUE HS S TARGET, SPE THE JIGGERY-MPERY THAT CARMELLO AND MCLEAN PLAY WH. CAROLEE CARMELLO 'BAD CRELLA.'EVAN ZIMMERMAN THE SHOW ALSO LEAV ODD STASIS S FOC ON THE SHALLOWNS OF PHYSIL APPEARANCE AND LOOKS. HERE, THE GODMOTHER (CHRISTA ASTA ROBSON) OFFERS CRELLA THE CHANCE TO LOOK GREAT IF THE GODMOTHER ACQUIR A MUCH-TREASURED FAY NECKLACE. SO, CRELLA HANDS OVER, THE TWO OF THEM SGG A SONG LLED “BETY HAS A PRICE,” AGA UNRSRG BAD CRELLA’S SEEMG SIRE TO SAY SOMETHG ABOUT OUR SOCIETY’S OBSSN WH BETY. CRELLA, AT THIS POT, HAS APPARENTLY SWALLOWED THIS BALONEY, SPE BEG HER ALSO, MUT EARLIER, HAVG NO TCK WH .THE STORY WORKS BT FOR BOTH CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN WHEN THEY JT, WELL, LET GO—HE WH A SOLO NUMBER, “ONLY YOU, LONELY YOU,” THAT’S THE BT SHOW AND THE MOST LLOYD WEBBER OF LLOYD WEBBERY BALLADS—WH RANGED, SOARG CHORDS, ROGLY CLARG HIS LOVE FOR HIS PAL CRS. LATER, HE ASSERTS HIMSELF WH THE BRO-ISH HUNKY LACKEYS OF HER BROTHER (FALLY), EARNG MORE CHEERS, AND EVEN DANC, SHGGG ALL THE MOPG OFF. MORE CHEERS. (PRODUCERS, THERE’S A MSAGE HERE—DO SOMETHG MORE TERTG WH YOUR TWO LEAD CHARACTERS!)ALONGSI THE PLODDG “JUNE/”MOON” RHYMG LYRICS OF THE SONGS, THE STORYTELLG THE SHOW IS STREWN WH HOL AND NTRADICTNS. THE BETY-ISN’T-EVERYTHG MSAGE IS NOT THE CENTER OF THE SHOW. IT SORT OF DRIFTS AROUND THE NARRATIVE, AND IS THEN LOST. THE RECLAMATN OF THE NECKLACE IS ANOTHER AD-END, AS ARE THE FAMO GLASS SLIPPERS OF THE STORY, WHICH ARE IMPORTANT, THEN NOT THAT IMPORTANT. CRELLA IS TOLD, AS UAL, SHE MT BE HOME BY MIDNIGHT, BUT NOTHG ULTIMATELY HAPPENS WH THAT.MOST OBVLY, CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN ARE BOTH OBJECTIVELY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE, WHO ARE NOT EXACTLY BTG ANY BETY NVENTNS BY THEIR PRENCE. ALSO, LET LL TIME ON EVERY THEATER SHOW, FILM, AND TV PROGRAM THAT BANGS ON ABOUT THE SHALLOWNS OF BETY, AND HOW REAL BETY LI WH, WHEN ALL ARE PROJECTS BORN OF AN DTRY—ENTERTAMENT—WHERE LOOKS ARE A KEY PONENT OF WHO GETS ST WHATEVER ROL, CLUDG THE ROL WH THIS SHOW. THE HAND-WRGG AND HYPOCRISY OF THIS MSAGG IS LGHABLE AND ABSURD. THE ENSEMBLE OF 'BAD CRELLA.'EVAN ZIMMERMAN BEYOND THAT, BAD CRELLA, THE MAKEOVER GIVEN TO CRELLA IS APPALLG. SHE LOOKS WORSE AFTER , WH A UMPY, GLTERY WHE DRS AND LANK GREY-WHE HAIR. IT’S LIKE ONE OF THOSE TV-MAKEOVERS-GONE-WRONG WHERE YOU THK: THEY FELY LOOKED BETTER BEFORE.AND ANYWAY, SPE ALL S FACILE, HALF-HEARTED JABS AT A SHALLOW OBSSN WH PHYSIL ATHETICS, THE SHOW IS ALL ABOUT LOOKS—PROUDLY. IT NSTANTLY REQUIR S PANY OF MALE DANCERS TO SHOW OFF THEIR BODI FOR THE PLEASURE OF THE DIENCE. AND THEY ED DO, EXHIBG THEIR BODI THE MOST WONRFUL, PEACK-ISH WAY POSSIBLE—THE DIENCE ON THE NIGHT THIS CRIC ATTEND WENT WILD FOR THE DANCERS, WHOSE BOMBASTIC NUMBERS LIKE “HUNK’S SONG” AND “MAN’S MAN,” AS THEY POSED, PREENED, AND WORKED OUT ON GYM EQUIPMENT, WERE AMONG THE HS OF THE NIGHT. THEY CERTALY JECTED SOME LIFE TO THE FLATLG TUNDRA OF THE CENTRAL HETEROSEXUAL LOVE STORY.LATER, THE BIGGT CHEERS ARE NOT FOR CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN FALLY GETTG TOGETHER AS THE STAGE CURTA FELL, BUT FOR THE WELL-EXECUTED SURPRISE OF PRCE CHARMG’S RETURN OM THE AD—TO PROCLAIM HIS LOVE FOR HIS GAY TE LOVE, AND FOR THEM TO BE MARRIED. THE TWNED EMPHASIS ON HIS AMAZG BODY AND ON CELEBRATG SAME-SEX LOVE WAS GREETED WH A STORM OF APPLSE AND CHEERS. THIS WAS A RLY, BRILLIANTLY STAGED MOMENT WH REAL HEART.NOT SO THE FAL UNN OF CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN, WHICH TAK PLACE, BIZARRELY, JT AS THE CURTA SCENDS A KD OF SH. Y, THE DIENCE IS HAPPY TO SEE , BUT THEY WERE DIBLY WAY HAPPIER WH THE GAY-THEMED LOVE-FT OF MOMENTS EARLIER. BAD CRELLA ISN’T A RADIL REWORKG OF CRELLA; ISN’T A REIMAGG, FEMIST OR OTHERWISE, OF THE PRISONS OF FEMY, SOCIAL NVENTN, AND POWER. THERE ARE SO MANY POSSIBILI OF RADILISM THE NARRATIVE—CRELLA SLYLY UNRMG THOSE SHE SERV; CRELLA AND SEBASTIAN THEMSELV REJECTG THE NVENTNS THAT SURROUND THEM; BOTH OF THEM QUTNG THEIR ROL, SEXUALY, GENR INTY, OR BEG SGLE OR JT IENDS AT THE END, OFF TO SEE THE WORLD; A EPER DIVE TO THE EVIL STEPMOTHER’S EARLY YEARS ON THE OTHER SI OF THE TRACKS; EVEN A GENUE NSTCTN OF THE OBSSN WH BETY.THE STORY NODS SOME OF THE DIRECTNS, ALMOST AS IF TICKG BOX OF WHAT MIGHT BE EXPECTED OF AN UPDATED CRELLA. THEN, VERY QUICKLY, PLUMPS FOR THE MOST IMPRISONG, NVENTNAL STORY ARCS—LEAVG CRELLA, BAD OR MAYBE JT MOODY, UNMOORED OM HER OWN STORY. SHE, AND GENAO, SERVE WAY BETTER. TIM TEEMAN
ImageCarolee Carmello, center, as Crella’s stepmother, wh the dread stepsisters, played by Man Higgs, far left, and Sami Gayle.
‘CRELLA’ MIL GIV PRCE CHARMG A GAY TWIST
”The stepmother wants the bt for her selfish self, and two dghters, Ale (Sami Gayle) and Marie (Man Higgs), who seem to be channelg shallow Valley Girls.
They certaly jected some life to the flatlg tundra of the central heterosexual love, the biggt cheers are not for Crella and Sebastian fally gettg together as the stage curta fell, but for the well-executed surprise of Prce Charmg’s return om the ad—to proclaim his love for his gay te love, and for them to be married. Y, the dience is happy to see , but they were dibly way happier wh the gay-themed love-ft of moments earlier.