Magic Johnson on Learng to Accept His Gay Son EJ: 'He Changed Me' - Variety

Contents:

• HOW CAN I LEARN TO ACCEPT MY GAY SON
• 'ACCEPT' AND 'TOLERATE' MY GAY KID? THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• DAD'S TOUCHG LETTER ACCEPTG GAY SON GO VIRAL
• HBAND DON’T ACCEPT OUR GAY SON - HOW N I CHANGE HIS MD?
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• 'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON EJ: ‘HE CHANGED ME’
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• ACCEPTING A GAY SON TOO LATE
• HEARTWARMG NEW DOROS AD IS ABOUT A DAD ACCEPTG HIS GAY SON
• WHY ACCEPTG MY GAY SON WAS NEVER AN ISSUE

HOW CAN I LEARN TO ACCEPT MY GAY SON

Guilt may even set wh parents sometim thkg they may have ed their son’s homosexualy. Gay children often rema quiet about their sexual orientatn, but not forever.

Gay children often receive discrimatory actns and possibly rejectn om peers; this is therefore their perd of liberatn. Realizg that your son is gay may e you to grieve the loss of expectatns placed on you as a fay and the future you imaged for your loved one.

Please ll one of our specialists at Visns Adolcent Treatment Centers for more rmatn on acceptg a gay son. Many of the straight parents I terviewed for When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know exprsed havg felt disappotment learng that their child was LGBT.

'ACCEPT' AND 'TOLERATE' MY GAY KID? THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Natalie, 63, a mother om Long Island, found out that two of her three children were gay.

" Natalie felt that was a loss to the fay geic pool and kept wonrg if beg gay was a choice.

Richard told me, "Perhaps if every parent toyed wh the possibily that any of their children uld be gay, would change the way they raise their children. Gay children are no different—so ltle of their sexual orientatn has to do wh who they are as a whole. "It is rare to work wh parents of a gay child who have not stggled wh the feelg of loss at some pot the procs of acceptg their child as gay, " my -thor, Jonathan Tobk, M.

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

Parents feel sad that their gay child has lost the possibily of havg a life whout signifint difficulty.

" Yet Tobk has found that "gay people tell you they are happy wh who they are and feel that they have emerged on the other si of g out as strong, sensive, and rilient dividuals. Rob Portman (R-Oh) reversed his stance on gay marriage, largely bee his son is gay, and although I felt like I should have been happy about , left a bad taste my mouth.

Cizens, but my knee-jerk reactn was, "Oh, you support gay marriage now bee directly affects your fay? " I know that that thought was not genero, and I'm not proud of , but my tratn is real, and the problem of homophobia is U. It turns out that he has a gay son too, but his opposn to marriage equaly is not gog to change.

DAD'S TOUCHG LETTER ACCEPTG GAY SON GO VIRAL

I cherish the good stori, but there's often a moment those good stori that mak my heart hurt: when they tell me how happy they are that their parents "still" love them -- bee all those kids knew that not lovg them was an policians there is a lot talk of "acceptance" and "tolerance" when to homosexualy, and I n't help but thk that those are the wrong words. Anyone who thks that a child would make the choice to be gay is obte and not worth engagg a discsn of the people happen. That means that gay children happen, and gay children n be born to anyone or adopted to any fay.

If someone is not prepared to love a gay child, then what bs do they have parentg children at all? After all, they n't perform the number-one may feel that is possible to love a person and not accept that he or she is gay. Lovg someone but hatg the fact that he or she is gay would be like lovg someone but hatg the fact that he or she has arms or what about those parents who do "accept" and "tolerate" their gay children?

They're better parents than those who throw their children out of the hoe or abe them for beg gay. Words like "accept" and "tolerate" do not dite good thgs; the ntext of homosexualy, they imply that there is somethg wrong wh beg gay that parents have to put up wh. That is not a good child serv to be loved for exactly who they are, so I thk 's about time that we change how we talk about our gay children.

HBAND DON’T ACCEPT OUR GAY SON - HOW N I CHANGE HIS MD?

" When we cherish and celebrate who our children are, then maybe the sred gay kids this untry will stop worryg about whether their parents will "still" love them and will simply know they are loved unndnally. But time, Connie realized she had to re-exame her feelgs about homosexualy.

When he me out to his mother, Connie Casey, she sent him to a seri of nversn therapy mistri affiliated wh Exod Internatnal, the Christian anizatn that fold this month and apologized to the gay muny for tryg to "rrect" same-sex attractn.

"You feel like beg gay is like a vis," he told Connie durg a vis to StoryCorps. "But end up beg more important than I thought would." When Samuel me home aga after his sophomore year, he noticed a mag on the idge. He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet .

Mary, 57, SheffieldAnswer:DEBORAH SAYS:How do you e to terms wh the news your son is gay? Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. Of urse you wouldn’ you n’t “e to terms” wh homosexualy you n’t e to terms wh him.

'I’ve known you were gay sce you were six, I’ve loved you sce you were born': Dad’s touchg letter acceptg gay son go viral Published: 05:15 BST, 16 March 2013 | Updated: 17:24 BST, 18 March 2013 A simple gture of unndnal love om a dad to his gay son has taken the ter by Michigan high-school stunt, known only as Nate, had clearly been ncerned about revealg his sexualy to his his g out nversatn was preempted by his father, who wrote a tenr note explag that he had known his son was gay for years and simply didn't re. ' Touchg: One Michigan dad put his son's fears about g out to rt wh this lovg letter The note first appeared on the Facebook page of, an anti-homophobia anizatn, on Thursday. There have been so many signs over the years, so when he told me recently that he’s gay and a relatnship wh a man, I felt relief that at last we uld both be open about .

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

He’s very old fashned and when our son told him that he was gay he was horrified. It sounds like your hband’s ego has been hurt, pecially if he’s om that old-fashned era of not acceptg gay people.

I grew up outsi of New York Cy, the meltg pot, attend llege and worked New York, yet when I found out my son, Jam, age 13, was gay, I reverted to "not my backyard.

Although he didn't particularly like ntact sports, he didn't exhib the gay stereotypil image: lisp, rabow lors. D., nial is the most mon ial reactn of parents to the joltg news that their child is gay.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

When I terviewed straight parents for When Your Child Is Gay, they ed words such as fear, shock, helplsns, strs, and extreme sadns to scribe their experienc wh nial. Why do parents who are normally acceptg of their children go to the nial zone upon learng that their child is gay, bisexual, even transgenr?

Tobk, who is private practice Manhattan, do not expect their child to be gay. However, be sure you pick a gay-iendly one om an anizatn such as the Amerin Associatn of Psychiatrists that has a divisn of gay therapists om which to choose.

'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN

They will be empathetic and unrstandg and turn will ntribute to your unrstandg of what means to be the parent of a gay child. At PFLAG, you will fd parents who have siar feelgs, thoughts, and reactns to havg a gay child. I uldn't be around people who judged me, thought beg gay was a "liftyle" that uld be changed or thought that homosexualy was wrong.

As a parent wh no role mols for havg a gay child, I didn't expect to know how to parent a gay child.

You may say that parentg is parentg, but the straight parent of a gay child has to al wh addnal issu such as bullyg, possible low self-teem of their child, discrimatn, to name a few. The gay child has most likely gone through the same issu that you are now experiencg: nial, fear, guilt, shame, anger, loss, to arrive at acceptance.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

In future blogs, we will tackle those subjects, jt as When Your Child Is Gay (Sterlg, 2016) do. Fathers many fai are myster, distant, timidatg figur—even more so for boys wh homosexual attractns. They are the fay torchbearers of manls, and, as mal young and old know, homosexualy is nsired the dread oppose of masculy.

Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay.

MAGIC JOHNSON ON LEARNG TO ACCEPT HIS GAY SON EJ: ‘HE CHANGED ME’

To be gay is to be powerls, weak, unable to break ee om Mommy, and the characteristics are patible wh real manls.

Inially, the assertn that homophobia plays center stage men's mascule self-ncept may seem rather extreme. A boy growg to a gay man will get the msage loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, ls than a man.

Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood. Fathers too were raised to not only look down upon homosexualy, but to fear themselv.

Th havg a gay son might feel particularly shameful for a father, as he may believe is an dictment of his own masculy. When a father this study ially found out his son was gay, he repeated, over and over, "Do you know what two men do to each other? " Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls.

Neverthels, is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man.

ACCEPTING A GAY SON TOO LATE

Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers). When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son.

Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance.

Sadly, father-son disengagement or stra may have particularly pernic nsequenc for gay men's adult liv and relatnships. If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future.

HEARTWARMG NEW DOROS AD IS ABOUT A DAD ACCEPTG HIS GAY SON

For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers.

Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships.

Armed wh this sight, gay men n then make more rmed choic about how to teract wh the men their liv.

WHY ACCEPTG MY GAY SON WAS NEVER AN ISSUE

Fathers who love their gay sons need to unrstand the unique role they play their son's self-teem and future relatnships. Certaly all fathers need to show that they love their sons and dghters, but fathers of gay sons need to fd ways to surmount the barrier of homophobia and socially scripted queass about gay sex to show their sons that they are ed lovable and serve the love of a good man. Although I rarely remend fictn to my clients or stunts, I urge all fathers of gay sons to follow the televisn seri Glee to study the relatnship between the gay character Kurt Hummel and his dad, Burt.

Watch this very macho father reach across the great divi of sex-role expectatns to mata a relatnship wh his wonrfully "flamboyant" gay son built on unndnal love. And also know, Dad, that there are many, many of gay men out there watchg that relatnship too—wh tears of gratu, envy, and longg.