How Parents Can Foster Children’s Self-Worth: From the Dghter of Two Gay Dads - L.A. Parent

Contents:

• OUR PARENTS ARE GAY. ARE OUR FAI GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE SUPREME COURT?
• I WAS RAISED BY 2 GAY MEN. I STILL THK CHILDREN SERVE TO BE ADOPTED TO A HOME WH A MOTHER AND A FATHER | OPN
• GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?
• BEG RAISED BY TWO DADS DIDN’T MAKE ME GAY—SO LET’S STOP THE MISNCEPTNS
• 10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS
• I WAS RAISED BY 2 GAY MEN. I STILL THK CHILDREN SERVE TO BE ADOPTED TO A HOME WH A MOTHER AND A FATHER
• HOW PARENTS CAN FOSTER CHILDREN’S SELF-WORTH: FROM THE DGHTER OF TWO GAY DADS
• KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS
• MORE EVINCE THAT KIDS OF GAY PARENTS DO JT FE

OUR PARENTS ARE GAY. ARE OUR FAI GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE SUPREME COURT?

But the gay slurs, hostile glar, and bullyg paled parison wh the realizatn that our ernment did not stand behd and our fai—forbiddg marriage and curbg parental rights, passg state nstutnal amendments exprsly nyg our parents equal protectn, and even crimalizg their sexual relatnships. After all, we all have iends we know and love who are gay and who serve to be treated fairly. For the first eight years of my life, I was raised by two gay men — my father and his partner.

I WAS RAISED BY 2 GAY MEN. I STILL THK CHILDREN SERVE TO BE ADOPTED TO A HOME WH A MOTHER AND A FATHER | OPN

The days, gay parents are no novelty: We see them strollg through our neighborhoods, participatg our PTA meetgs, and, perhaps most notably, appearg on our TV screens: Mchell and Cam, fathers to Lily, on the ratgs smash Morn Fay; Glee’s Sue Sylvter, expectant mom to a baby nceived wh an as-yet-unrevealed sperm donor, and Rachel’s dads, played wh humor and grace by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stok. The Hollywood exampl are important that they’ve helped prent gay parentg as not unlike straight parentg: challengg, joyful, plited, and most of all, entirely normal.

Though this media mastreamifitn of gay parentg is a relatively new phenomenon, for s, gay parents have had children all sorts of fay nfiguratns—whether through adoptn, prev heterosexual relatnships, or, creasgly, by choosg to have blogil offsprg g vro, surrogate, and other methods. Last November Illois, Catholic Chari ceased s adoptn servic after the state refed fundg unls the groups agreed not to discrimate agast gays and lbians.

Although gay and lbian parents are a powerful rource for kids need of adoptn—at least half of all children foster re the U.

GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?

Earlier this month, when Print Obama announced his support for same sex marriage days after North Carola voted to ban , he changed the nversatn nsirably by argug that ncern for children is a reason to support, rather than oppose, gay marriage.

He ced gay upl his own life, “same-sex upl who are as mted, as monogamo, as rponsible, as lovg a group of parents as any heterosexual uple that I know, ” he said. ” His support for gay marriage was self a landmark turn, but jt as notable was s direct affirmatn of gay upl as parents, which served to rebut the standard argument agast gay marriage—namely, that risks the well-beg of children and the fay.

BEG RAISED BY TWO DADS DIDN’T MAKE ME GAY—SO LET’S STOP THE MISNCEPTNS

Throughout many years of workg wh fai, I’ve studied the liv of gay parents raisg sons and dghters. In general, gay parents tend to be more motivated, more mted, and more thoughtful parents than heterosexual upl.

In my work, I routely saw how, wh enough support om their fai, children of gay parents veloped skills at thkg penntly and standg up for what they believed . Much of the ncern for the children of gay parents has centered specifilly on boys, who as a group have seemed, pecially recent years, prey to nfn, rentment, and stctivens—somethg creded to the risg proportn of mal beg reared fatherls hom.

10 THGS YOU’LL ONLY KNOW IF YOU’VE GROWN UP WH GAY PARENTS

And, fact, all the rearch has reported children of gay parents feel ls bound, ls rtricted, by genr stereotyp than those raised straight hoeholds. But kids of gay parents do often face discrimatn, and ’s not always the easit childhood (though show me one that is). Perhaps as a by-product of the discrimatn they sometim face, children of gay parents tend to be more sensive to others and to the posive and negative feelgs themselv.

And they have no greater chance of “turng gay” than the child wh the straight parents next door.

Science has proven that homosexualy has blogil roots, and if we believe that is neher a choice nor an unlucky orientatn, then we n relax and tst that the young men and women will fd out what possibily naturally to them. As one boy, 10-year-old Kenny, told me matter-of-factly, “I’ll know if I’m gay or straight when I’m olr. Of urse, children of gay parents may ponr their sexual orientatn at an early age, and tablish the terms of their sexualy wh more self-nscns than most other young adults.

I WAS RAISED BY 2 GAY MEN. I STILL THK CHILDREN SERVE TO BE ADOPTED TO A HOME WH A MOTHER AND A FATHER

But most children of gay parents will ultimately grow up to be straight, if only bee most children grow up to be straight—perd. In a 2007 paper published the Amerin Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 28 out of 46 adults wh at least one gay parent spontaneoly offered that they felt more open-md and empathetic than people not raised their suatn. The children I studied, and those growg up around now—those kids beg raised by gay moms and dads lovg, nurturg hom—promise to offer, as adults, the bt characteristics of men and women.

HOW PARENTS CAN FOSTER CHILDREN’S SELF-WORTH: FROM THE DGHTER OF TWO GAY DADS

I’m Chelsea, the unequivolly straight dghter of two gay men, both of whom I am blogilly related to.

It’s unbelievable the number of tim people have eher asked whether I am gay bee my parents are or jt flat out assumed that I am.

KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

As bills like the “Dont Say Gay” bill ntue to pop up throughout the untry, I’ve realized that ’s time to share parts of my story I haven’t explored before. And let me be clear—jt bee I didn’t know what the word meant don’t mean that gay is a bad word. Engagg wh and learng about different kds of fai and love and attractn don’t make you gay or bi or trans or genr nonnformg.

Havg two gay dads ma me open-md, kd, lovg of all people, and exced to learn about people different om me, but certaly didn’t make me gay. I mean, I remember growg up durg the women's liberatn movement when people were gay, they were straight, they were this, they were were no stereotyp...

MORE EVINCE THAT KIDS OF GAY PARENTS DO JT FE

In her 2001 memoir Call Me Crazy, Anne Heche wrote of her difficult relatnship wh her gay or bisexual father (labels weren't specified), whom she also acced of sexual abe when she was a child. When he died of AIDS-related plitns, her mother Nancy beme a a "Christian therapist" who works wh homophobic, ex-gay relig mistri cludg Foc on the Fay. When legendary actor Joel Grey me out as a gay man 2015, nobody was more supportive and happy than dghter Jennifer Grey.

"I feel very happy for my dad that he has e to a pot his life where he feels safe and/or fortable enough to clare himself a public way as a gay man, " Grey told People at the time.

Jodie Foster spent her childhood travelg for actg gigs wh her gay mother, Evelyn "Brandy" Foster. Before you ask, this breaks down as: my blogil father; my stepdad (his partner, y, my dad’s gay); my other stepdad (my mum’s partner); my father--law and my hband (the father of my two children). But what you and everyone else wants to know is what is really like growg up wh gay parents?