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class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>When I heard Ldsay Lohan was returng to the film world wh a <a href=" target="_blank">brand-new Christmas movie</a>, I screamed so loudly I terrified the t. Granted, I am prone to histrnics, but also: How uld we possibly have gotten so lucky? Below, fd every thought I had while takg the holiday wonr of Netflix’s <em>Fallg for Christmas</em>, starrg none other than La Lohan.</p><ol><li>God, I love a movie which an heirs los her memory a skig accint.</li><li>Actually, this is a rgg endorsement of why I will never my natural life go skig. It’s too dangero!</li><li>Who wears a beige eye mask?</li><li>Where is Ldsay’s luxury ndo? I’m assumg Aspen or somethg?</li><li>Oh, ’s a luxury rort. My bad.</li><li>Ldsay’s dad, a.k.a. “Daddy,” wants her to work the hotel bs, but she’s not to .</li><li>The person I assumed was Ldsay’s gay BFF is actually her BF, and he refers to selfi of the two of them as “si.” No!!!!!</li><li>I want six people to drs me every day and feed me viar. No fair!</li><li>Then aga, probably don’t take six people to get an adult woman to a chee-staed Kenyon College Class of ’15 T-shirt.</li><li>“This is a really actn-packed movie,” ments my partner, as some men swish down the slop. No lie!</li><li>Oh, okay, one of the men is Ldsay’s daddy, and he’s refg to vt some sweet hometown guy’s lol ski lodge.</li><li>God, adult blond men creep me out. Sorry.</li><li>The hometown guy, Jake, spills a on Ldsay’s “Valenyagi” (is that Valento pl Balenciaga pl a ltle dash of somethg else?), g her “hte uture onie.” Ldsay’s dick boyiend yells at him.</li><li>Jake has a cute dghter and a ad (I assume) wife, and his humble lodge is extremely cute.</li><li>Aw, Ldsay has a ad (nfirmed) mom.</li><li>When Ldsay sgs along to “Jgle Bell Rock” the r.....I’m gog to assume that’s a <em>Mean Girls</em> reference, and I won’t hear otherwise.</li><li>Why do Ldsay’s dick BF talk like At Powers?</li><li>God damn, I want a hot roasted chtnut.</li><li>Dick BF propos on a mountatop wh an extremely ugly and too-big rg.</li><li>It’s not a Netflix Christmas movie if the phrase “I love you, Grandma” isn’t spoken aloud.</li><li>A gt of wd blows Ldsay away (lerally), and she basilly toboggans down a hill for what feels like six hours before htg a tree. Yik.</li><li>In the world’s most hygge medil clic, we learn that Ldsay has a mor ncsn, but don’t remember anythg prr to the accint.</li><li>Nobody n figure out who Ldsay is, cludg Ldsay.</li><li>Jake, who was the one who rcued Ldsay om unr the tree, offers to let her stay at his lodge.</li><li>LOL, dick BF is lost the fort.</li><li>A very poorly animated CGI racon sr Ldsay at the lodge.</li><li>I need to know what kd of kerat treatment Ldsay’s hair team ed for this movie, bee her mane is <em>shy.</em></li><li>Not Netflix pluggg <a href=" target="_blank"><em>A Castle for Christmas</em></a>! Very meta.</li><li>Ldsay borrows a blow dryer om Jake’s dghter and they bond, which rocks, bee once the kid lik you, ’s a hop, skip and a jump to absndg wh the hot dad.</li><li>Aw, Ldsay learns to eat ban! A Christmas miracle (though certaly not a Hankah one, if you get my drift).</li><li>I’m not super-terted this subplot where dick BF wash up the b of some guy named Ralph, TBH.</li><li>I love a Christmas movie which Airbnb is the villa! Stay at your lol hotel, guys! They don’t have cleang fe!</li><li>Ldsay tryg sperately to put a flannel sheet on a mattrs is lerally me, and I’ve been makg beds for approximately 20 years. Why <em>is</em> so hard?</li><li>I mean, if you’re gog to force an heirs to do hoehold chor at your lodge, don’t be surprised when she s the washer-dryer.</li><li>Ldsay feels bad about g the washer and cri to a horse named Balthazar, which is inic.</li><li>Oh sh, Jake is teachg Ldsay to ok, and ’s <em>hot</em>.</li><li>Wa, they’re skig aga? So soon after Ldsay’s accint? Is </li><li>All right, this movie is draggg a ltle b, but I get the gist: Jake and Ldsay are bondg, but he’s still sad about his wife’s passg.</li><li>Ooh, Ldsay is g her rich-girl skills to plan a fundraiser for the lodge, but Jake is agast .</li><li>Back at the (fancy) ranch, Ldsay’s daddy jt learned she’s missg and is eakg out.</li><li>Fundraiser time! The town pch a way that’s very <em>It’s a Wonrful Life</em>, and I, unfortunately, am cryg.</li><li>Jt when everythg seems to be OK, dick BF to llect Ldsay, and he’s got that big, ugly rg tow. She go back to her life, but she’s clearly not happy about .</li><li>Ldsay plugs the lodge a prs nference, breaks up wh dick BF (while llg him a “great guy,” which...?), and gets picked up by Jake and his dghter a horse-drawn rriage to live happily ever after. Merry happy!</li></ol><figure class="CneVioEmbedFigure-kCfJjN hdJOda e-vio-embed"><div data-ttid="script-ntaer"></div></figure></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="mqwyma"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="LkStackWrapper-NFLYw kgtXXB lkstack" data-ttid="LkStack"><div class="SectnTleRoot-dBGvdq iOeYYo LkStackHear-lKjbE lcNTmq lk-stack--headg" data-ttid="SectnTle"><h2 class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SectnTleHed-dKqZet bVCFRm fPrpUs QVDXy">More Great Culture Stori om <em>Vogue</em></h2></div><div class="LkStackContent-jyKicS hgigTJ"><ul class="LkStackList-gGcjdZ dnMwpz"><li class="LkStackBullet-kQRqul iQHwiG lk-stack--lk-em" data-ttid="LkStackBullet"><div><p><a href=">It’s Fally Dawng On Me That I Might Be Sgle Forever</a></p></div></li><li class="LkStackBullet-kQRqul iQHwiG lk-stack--lk-em" data-ttid="LkStackBullet"><div><p>The <a href=">Bt Te-Crime Podsts</a> to Listen to Now</p></div></li><li class="LkStackBullet-kQRqul iQHwiG lk-stack--lk-em" data-ttid="LkStackBullet"><div><p><a href=">I Wanted Revenge. 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