As First Dat proved this week, 's hard to be a feme gay man the datg world | The Inpennt | The Inpennt

Contents:

• AS FIRST DAT PROVED THIS WEEK, 'S HARD TO BE A FEME GAY MAN THE DATG WORLD
• FIRST DAT VIEWERS SLAM GAY PARTICIPANTS OVER ‘TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA’
• TWO PREMIER LEAGUE TEAMMAT ARE A RELATNSHIP AND OPEN ABOUT BEG A GAY UPLE
• FIRST DAT GAY UPL
• FIRST DAT HOTEL: VIEWERS CHEER ON ANDY AS HE GO ON FIRST EVER DATE AFTER G OUT AS GAY AGED 40

AS FIRST DAT PROVED THIS WEEK, 'S HARD TO BE A FEME GAY MAN THE DATG WORLD

Over the years, First Dat has served up some rather lovely gay guys lookg for love that thirsty viewers have cshed hard on.

When did you first realise that you were gay? Sharg experienc wh gay iends sce seems this strand of not knowg if the feelgs are ual and standard or whether they are fe ditors of beg gay is a mon theme. Was beg gay somethg you wanted to change about yourself?

You mentned on the show that you ed to date girls even though you knew you were gay.

FIRST DAT VIEWERS SLAM GAY PARTICIPANTS OVER ‘TERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA’

Were you tryg to nvce yourself that you weren’t gay or were you jt tryg to keep people off the scent? I fell to a pattern of tellg myself ‘but wa, what if you’re not gay? Jog an LGBT football team meant I’d vis gay bars and clubs more often, but I never really ma a nsc effort to jump head-first to the scene.

Also, havg a boyiend at the time of g out meant I didn’t have the experience of gog straight to gay datg, I have obvly had those experienc sce though. I had a partner when I me out who opened up my ey to what was to be a gay guy.

” This is a direct quote om a gay man a recently aired episo of Channel 4’s First Dat. And ’s not an unmon phrase among gay men.

TWO PREMIER LEAGUE TEAMMAT ARE A RELATNSHIP AND OPEN ABOUT BEG A GAY UPLE

As a genrqueer gay person on a journey to fd love myself, I’ve been sulted on datg apps for beg “too femme”, “a mcer” and, one mathematil impossibily, “not 1, 000 per cent straight-actg” the First Dat episo, both men are whe, cisgenr and mascule prentg. They clk their beer jugs and bond over football, which leads one of them to rejoice that, “fdg a gay who lik football is like fdg the perfect K Kat” are heartbreakg moments, like when both men nfs to havg been prsed bee of reprsg their sexualy for so long their liv. However, this rhetoric of only sirg “straight-actg” men is surely a sign of a latent, ternalised reprsn that has not sudnly out as gay is often pictured as the ultimate act of queer fiance; but we nnot kid ourselv that alone exempts om the prsur of heteronormative society.

As we watched on First Dat, the prsure to be perceived as “normal” by the standards of society mak many men unable to e out – and when they do, they replite homophobic language towards other gay men who don’t “pass as straight”. Gay shame is a eply systemic ndn; is graed to every fibre of our heteronormative culture, and ’s an impossible thg to shake yourself of entirely. The Gay Beards picturShow all 23Even as a public drag queen, I have had to e to terms wh how eply my gay shame is embedd.

Whe cisgenr masculy is celebrated as the ultimate triumph many gay spac, g wh a rejectn of non-nformism our muni.

FIRST DAT GAY UPL

It’s tellg that possibly the most celebrated gay male uple mass-culturally is Tom Daley and Dt Lance, a fairytale picture of gay men who have won by the sign posts of heteronormative ialism– one is an Olympian, the other a Hollywood veteran, both are whe, cisgenr, mascule, wealthy, they’re married and expectg children. Their nformism mak them palatable to the tast of the ifitn of whe masculy populat gay spac on the ground too. For stance, WE Party is a club night for gay male jock typ, the promotn imagery of which is almost exclively whe mcular men who are drsed as Greek gods (they recently had an “Olympic Gam”-themed party) obssn wh whe masculy has domated gay reprentatn recent film.

The crilly ld Call Me By Your Name, though a ravishg piece of filmmakg, lks gay male sexualy to the ial male forms of classil antiquy. The men the film have an all-boys amic club, where sculptur of Greek gods serve as a clunky projectn for their homoerotic sir, as if the perfectn of male mculature antiquy hand hand wh what means to be Brish breakout feature, God’s Own Country, although an acplished and rare pictn of ral England, has two straight actors portrayg gay men who would no doubt satisfy those seekg a “straight-actg” Prce Charmg. And the currently acclaimed gay-male play at The Young Vic, The Inherance, is unashamed s prentatn of exclively cisgenr gay men wh huge enomic and cultural pal.

FIRST DAT HOTEL: VIEWERS CHEER ON ANDY AS HE GO ON FIRST EVER DATE AFTER G OUT AS GAY AGED 40

I have rarely seen femme gay men portrayed as sexually empowered subjects – when we see them the media, they are often nuchs, or serve as ic relief.