What Do It Mean to Be a Gay Man? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS
• JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR MEN'S PRO SPORTS TO INTIFY AS GAY
• GAY MEN AND BODY PERFECTN
• GAY MALE SEXUALY
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Bisexual men are perceived to sound more mascule than men who are straight, acrdg to a study of Atralian subjects.Amics at the Universy of Sydney pared the voic of gay, straight and bisexual men a study volvg 160 people.In the rearch led by clil psychologist Jam Morandi, people were reced to analyse the voic of 60 men, 20 of whom were gay, 20 straight and 20 bisexual. They were then asked to rate the men on their sexual orientatn g a sle om zero (exclively heterosexual) to 10 (exclively homosexual).Listeners were also asked to rate each man’s perceived level of femy or masculy the voic on a siar sle.The men volved the study were asked to rerd themselv on a smartphone recg the first two l of the Atralian natnal anthem.Voice sampl were then modified to remove any background noise while volume levels were ma the same to ensure nsistency.Rults om the study showed listeners uld distguish between gay and straight men’s voic wh an accuracy of 62 per cent, apparently nsistent wh prev rearch.However, the study participants uld not terme any differenc between bisexual and straight men’s voic wh any gree of accuracy. The thors said their rearch showed bisexual men’s voic were perceived as beg more exclively attracted to women pared wh both gay and straight men’s voic.Bisexual men’s voic were rated as more mascule than both gay and straight men’s voic.Rearchers claimed the abily to intify a man’s bisexual inty om his voice alone uld have cril social implitns such as helpg to rce feelgs of alienatn.‘Voice may unter visibily many bisexuals feel’An abstract of the study, tled Can listeners tect if a man is bisexual om his voice alone, reads: “The prent study examed whether bisexual men n be intified om their voic ak to how gay men n be intified on their voice alone.“If this is the se, voice may be an important target of discrimatn on the one hand but may also unter the visibily many bisexuals feel (if their bisexual inti n be apprehend by their voice alone, whout explic disclosure required).“The fdgs may also she light on whether bisexual male voic, like gay male voic, differ om straight voic terms of their genr non-nformy – a qutn that to date has not been examed.”But amics noted the rearch was limed on the grounds all men who participated the study are Atralian, which may not be reflected among wir cultur.And the thors nced the study did not ntrol for the rerdg environment or microphone-to-mouth distance, which uld have affected the qualy of the voice sampl.The thors said the fdgs suggted that while the voic of bisexual men the sample were perceived as more mascule and attracted to femal, listeners did not associate this imprsn wh bisexualy.As a rult, while bisexual men may appear to be at lower risk of facg voice-based intifitn and discrimatn than gay men, they may often be mistaken as beg straight.The study was published the Journal of Sex Rearch.

When down to , there is no reliable "Am I Gay tt", so the only way to know that you are gay (fn of gay) is to look wh yourself to terme your own thoughts and feelgs towards others of the same sex. As gay people mt ci on a daily basis whether to reveal and to whom they will reveal, g out is a procs that never the jargon of ntemporary homosexual culture, those who hi their sexual inti are referred to as eher closeted or said to be the closet. On the ntrary, begng childhood--and distguishg them om racial and ethnic mori--gay people are often subjected to the antihomosexual attus of their own fai and muni (Drcher et al., 2004).

Antihomosexual attus clu homophobia (Weberg, 1972), heterosexism (Herek, 1984), moral nmnatns of homosexualy (Drcher, 1998) and antigay vlence (Herek and Berrill, 1992).

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Consequently, the feelgs mt be dissociated om the self and hidn om and when same-sex feelgs and attractns n no longer be kept out of nscns, the dividual be homosexually self-aware. While regnizg their homosexual feelgs, the dividuals reject the feelgs and, spe the low odds of succs, may even seek to change their sexual orientatn (Shidlo et al., 2001) above classifitn of homosexual inti privileg the role of self-fn. Clil prentatns of closeted gay people may lie somewhere severy between selective attentn--most monly seen the se of homosexually self-aware patients thkg about "the possibily" that they might be gay--to more severe dissociatn-- which any ht of same-sex feelgs ris totally out of nsc awarens.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

More severe forms of dissociatn are monly observed married men who are homosexually self-aware but nnot perm the thought of themselv as gay (Roughton, 2002) and the ClosetSome closeted gay people n reflexively speak whout revealg the genr of the person beg discsed or whout providg any genred tails of their personal liv. Transparency, visibily, losg one's voice, and beg stuck behd walls or other barriers are some of the terms ed to scribe the subjective experience of dissociative tachment (Drcher, 1998) Closet and Gay-BashgFor some gay men, "Hidg and passg as heterosexual be a lifelong moral hatred of the self; a maze of rptns, petty li, and half tths that spoil social relatns fay and iendship" (Herdt and Boxer, 1993). Herdt and Boxer (1993) classified g out as a rual procs of passage that requir a gay person to 1) unlearn the prcipl of natural or sentialist heterosexualy; 2) unlearn the stereotyp of homosexualy; and 3) learn the ways of the lbian and gay culture they are enterg.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS' KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE COACH TO COME OUT AS GAY MAJOR U.S. SPORTS

Fally, as gay people mt ci on a daily basis whether to reveal and to whom they will reveal themselv, g out is a procs that never out to onelf is a subjective experience of ner regnn.

After makg such a move, gay people may pletely (and perhaps dissociatively) sever relatnships wh their past Therapist's RoleA therapist's regnn and rpect for dividual differenc allows multiple possibili the g out procs.

It is a prerequise of this work that therapists be able to accept their patients' homosexualy as a normal variatn of human sexualy, and that they value and rpect same-sex feelgs and behavrs as well (Drcher, 1998). Therapists should regnize gay patients' stggl to fe themselv as the important theraptic foc--and that this is not a typil stggle for those who claim a heterosexual inty. Theraptic holdg entails beg able to nta both sis (Wnitt, 1986) gay patients unrstand their own antihomosexual attus--and the fens agast them--they have a wir view of themselv.

JAGUARS ASSISTANT KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH MAJOR MEN'S PRO SPORTS TO INTIFY AS GAY

Conversely, the same is te if a patient cis not to e the social stigma, the severy of antihomosexual attus the culture and the difficulti associated wh revealg one's sexual inty, why would a gay person e out at all? In a survey of gay men who recently arrived New York Cy, three-quarters suffered om anxiety or prsn, abed dgs or alhol or were havg risky sex—or some batn of the three. “Marriage equaly and the chang legal stat were an improvement for some gay men, ” says Christopher Stults, a rearcher at New York Universy who studi the differenc mental health between gay and straight men.

GAY MEN AND BODY PERFECTN

In the Netherlands, where gay marriage has been legal sce 2001, gay men rema three tim more likely to suffer om a mood disorr than straight men, and 10 tim more likely to engage “suicidal self-harm. When the dispary first me to light the ’50s and ’60s, doctors thought was a symptom of homosexualy self, jt one of many maniftatns of what was, at the time, known as “sexual versn.

GAY MALE SEXUALY

“We see gay men who have never been sexually or physilly asslted wh siar post-trmatic strs symptoms to people who have been bat suatns or who have been raped, ” says Alex Kroghlian, a psychiatrist at the Fenway Instute’s Center for Populatn Rearch LGBT Health.

For s, this is what psychologists thought, too: that the key stag inty formatn for gay men all led up to g out, that once we were fally fortable wh ourselv, we uld beg buildg a life wh a muny of people who’d gone through the same thg. Several studi have found that livg gay neighborhoods predicts higher rat of risky sex and meth e and ls time spent on other muny activi like volunteerg or playg sports. Acrdg to Dane Whicker, a clil psychologist and rearcher at De, most gay men report that they want to date someone mascule, and that they wished they acted more mascule themselv.

Rearchers say this kd of trag, liberately tryg to appear more mascule and takg on a different sex role, is jt one of the ways gay men prsure each other to atta “sexual pal, ” the equivalent of gog to the gym or pluckg our eyebrows. Usually when you hear about the shockg primacy of hookup apps gay life—Grdr, the most popular, says s average er spends 90 mut per day on —’s some panicked media story about murrers or homophob trawlg them for victims, or about the troublg “chemsex” scen that have spng up London and New York. In terviews that Elr, the post-trmatic strs rearcher, nducted wh gay men 2015, he found that 90 percent said they wanted a partner who was tall, young, whe, mcular and mascule.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

Walt Ots, a psychologist who’s been wrg about social isolatn sce the 1980s, says that gay men ed to be troubled by the bathho the same way they are troubled by Grdr now. “We often live our liv through the ey of others, ” says Alan Downs, a psychologist and the thor of The Velvet Rage, a book about gay men’s stggle wh shame and social validatn. One of the most strikg studi I found scribed the spike anxiety and prsn among gay men 2004 and 2005, the years when 14 stat passed nstutnal amendments fg marriage as beg between a man and a woman.

Now square that wh the fact that our untry recently elected a bright orange Demogon whose admistratn is publicly, eagerly attemptg to reverse every sgle ga the gay muny has ma the last 20 years.

Only around 30 percent of school districts the untry have anti-bullyg polici that specifilly mentn LGBTQ kids, and thoands of other districts have polici that prevent teachers om speakg about homosexualy a posive way. His parents meant well—they were jt tryg to enurage him to a field where he would enunter fewer homophob—but he was already anx: If he gave up on fance, was that surrenrg to stigma? In the last five years, as evince of this ternnectedns has piled up, a few psychologists and epimlogists have started to treat alienatn among gay men as a “synmic”: A clter of health problems, none of which n be fixed on their own.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

There will always be more straight kids than gay kids, we will always be isolated among them, and we will always, on some level, grow up alone our fai and our schools and our towns. Most people the LGBTQ+ muny know om experience that acceptg your sexualy will lead to your beg a happier, more open this gui, the term gay has been ed to clu all forms of non-heterosexual attractn, whether that be people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or otherwise not straight.

The laws the Bible were maly for health purpos - shunng homosexualy is right next to not gettg tattoos, not eatg pork, and not wearg mixed lens, but you n bet your bottom dollar all your neighbors do those thgs.

PHYSIL, BEHAVRAL, AND PSYCHOLOGIL TRAS OF GAY MEN INTIFYG AS BEARS

Article SummaryXIf you stggle wh acceptg your attractn to the same sex, know that beg gay is pletely normal and you n be proud of who you are by fdg support and embracg your dividualy. Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant. This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci.