‘I have a wonrful dghter, who is gay, and a homophobic mother’ – The Irish Tim

Contents:

• WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• BEG DAD TO A GAY DGHTER
• I’M GAY, BUT THAT DON’T MEAN MY DGHTER SHOULD BE
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• ‘I HAVE A WONRFUL DGHTER, WHO IS GAY, AND A HOMOPHOBIC MOTHER’
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• MY TWEEN DGHTER IS GAY
• BEFORE I KNEW MY DGHTER WAS GAY, I LET HER GIRLIEND SPEND THE NIGHT

WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'

She jt told me she’s gay. Sign up to get "Dear Therapist" your Therapist, As a parent, I firmly believe that is my duty to prepare my kids to be posive, healthy, and productive people both the world and personal when my 12-year-old dghter announced that she is gay, my md started spng. The note said, "I am gay.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns. As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.

If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children.

Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn).

BEG DAD TO A GAY DGHTER

Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc. Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay. Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child.

Fortunate Fai: Catholic fai wh lbian dghters and gay sons.

I’M GAY, BUT THAT DON’T MEAN MY DGHTER SHOULD BE

Mom, Dad, I'm Gay: How Fai Negotiate Comg Out. For straight parents, havg a child reveal that he is gay n be a jolt. You might ask how long he or she has known, and why he feels he is gay, bi, or trans, suggts Jonathan Tobk, M.

D., a psychiatrist private practice New York Cy and the -thor of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need to Know. You n fd one through the Associatn of Gay and Lbian Psychiatrists.

Take the extra step and show your child that you are terted beg the parent of a gay child. Edute yourself on what means to be gay, lbian, bisexual or transgenr. PFLAG, or Parents for Lbians and Gays, which now has a group for transgenr youth, and holds natnwi chapters and meetgs;.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...

She also shuts down whenever I brg up boyiends or boys general (and she’s never dated a boy, as far as I know), and seems bothered by anti-gay ments and sermons she hears.

I’m worried that she might be gay and don’t feel fortable tellg bee of some ments her father has ma the past. We’re already at odds over the electn, but I still love her even if she is gay.

—Dghter Might Be Gay. You mt realize you nnot make your dghter one wh ls gay by wishg she were straight.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Nor n you make her ls gay by keepg quiet when her father or pastor says somethg homophobic or by repeatedly askg if she has a boyiend. Your dghter may be gay or bisexual, but she may also be straight and merely disturbed by the anti-gay sentiment your church po.

Do not let the only thg you ever say to your dghter about homophobia be nothg.

Tell her that you regret never speakg up the past when you’ve heard anti-gay slurs, that you were wrong to let homophobia go unremarked-upon, and that your love for her is not ndnally based upon her prumed heterosexualy. Support your dghter by overtly tellg her that you support her, not that you would still love her “even if she is gay.

‘I HAVE A WONRFUL DGHTER, WHO IS GAY, AND A HOMOPHOBIC MOTHER’

” When you tell someone, “I still love you even if you are gay, ” what you are really sayg is this: “Obvly beg gay is worse than beg straight. There are many rourc available to you as you figure out how to parent a way gog forward that repudiat pulsory heterosexualy and anti-LGBTQ sentiments: nsir the work of Mel Whe, Soulforce, PFLAG, and the Gay Christian Network, among others. ” He seemed oddly imprsed when he saw that I was the only whe person my group of llege iends, and he speaks of his one black, gay, Jewish iend like he’s some rare llectible.

“Kchen Stk: The rtrant staff thk I n’t unrstand when they ll me anti-gay slurs Spanish. Many of the straight parents I terviewed for When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know exprsed havg felt disappotment learng that their child was LGBT. Would he be fired at his job if his supervisors found out that he were gay?

Would he have to live a gay-iendly neighborhood? Natalie, 63, a mother om Long Island, found out that two of her three children were gay. " Natalie felt that was a loss to the fay geic pool and kept wonrg if beg gay was a choice.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Richard Ogawa of Seattle figured out he was gay llege.

Richard told me, "Perhaps if every parent toyed wh the possibily that any of their children uld be gay, would change the way they raise their children. Gay children are no different—so ltle of their sexual orientatn has to do wh who they are as a whole.

"It is rare to work wh parents of a gay child who have not stggled wh the feelg of loss at some pot the procs of acceptg their child as gay, " my -thor, Jonathan Tobk, M. Parents feel sad that their gay child has lost the possibily of havg a life whout signifint difficulty.

MY TWEEN DGHTER IS GAY

" Yet Tobk has found that "gay people tell you they are happy wh who they are and feel that they have emerged on the other si of g out as strong, sensive, and rilient dividuals. Havg a gay child is not a loss of a child altogether. I barely saw anyone outsi of my immediate fay when I was growg up, and got a lot of dodgy relig teachgs dmmed to me, and one of the ma on was homophobia.

BEFORE I KNEW MY DGHTER WAS GAY, I LET HER GIRLIEND SPEND THE NIGHT

I am (fairly) succsful my job, have a wi circle of iends, and smoke the ocsnal, about ne months ago, my dghter me out to me as gay.

Sce then, however, I’ve been thkg really awful, homophobic thoughts about her, stuff which I haven’t thought sce I left the example:1. I thk I’ve done a pretty good job hidg them, given she seems fortable discsg beg gay ont of me, but I’m terrified she’ll start pickg up a vibe. Even now after two years, ’s hard for some fay to my wife, the acceptance of our dghter beg gay was simple and easy as she had seen the wrg on the wall for years.

As a Christian who believ the Bible, I know the vers pertag to homosexualy and what the early church thought of those who were gay. I’ve known of others who have lerally kicked their child out of the hoe for announcg they were gay. I may not have unrstood at the time why, nor how to al wh my dghter beg gay, but she was my dghter, and I would love her, and protect her wh my a uple of weeks of searchg and prayer, boiled down to five vers the Book of Matthew:1“Do not judge lt you be judged.