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2.21255 18.9922L5.37495 19.8396V7.66664C5.37495 6.40099 6.40096 5.37498 7.66661 5.37498H19.4723C19.3299 5.30548 19.1788 5.24858 19.0201 5.20604L6.785 1.92766Z" stroke="none"></path><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M8.44161 7.4C7.86632 7.4 7.39995 7.86637 7.39995 8.44167V22.1081C7.39995 22.6834 7.86631 23.1498 8.4416 23.1498L22.1083 23.15C22.6836 23.15 23.1499 22.6836 23.1499 22.1083V8.44167C23.1499 7.86637 22.6836 7.4 22.1083 7.4H8.44161ZM10.3999 9.65C9.84766 9.65 9.39995 10.0977 9.39995 10.65C9.39995 11.2023 9.84766 11.65 10.3999 11.65H18.3999C18.9522 11.65 19.3999 11.2023 19.3999 10.65C19.3999 10.0977 18.9522 9.65 18.3999 9.65H10.3999ZM10.3999 14.15C9.84766 14.15 9.39995 14.5977 9.39995 15.15C9.39995 15.7023 9.84766 16.15 10.3999 16.15H15.3999C15.9522 16.15 16.3999 15.7023 16.3999 15.15C16.3999 14.5977 15.9522 14.15 15.3999 14.15H10.3999Z" stroke="none"></path></g></svg></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-modulesize-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-modulele-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleweight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-modulefont-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-modulelor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-modulebody4--Pl3xY">Not</div></button><button tabInx="0" id="trigger107327" aria-expand="false" aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-ntrols="dialog107328" ariaLabel="View more" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="100" height="100" viewBox="0 0 100 100" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><circle cx="23" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="50" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="77" cy="50" r="9"></circle></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-modulesize-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-modulele-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleweight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-modulefont-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-modulelor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-modulebody4--Pl3xY">Other</div></button></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="post-hear"><h1 class="post-tle unpublished">GAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE’S</h1><h3 class="subtle">Stella was a diver and she was always down</h3><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-modulepaddg-bottom-16--KVxKv"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-modulepaddg-y-16--ohCEm"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-start--_8fEd ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-gap-12--rODKq"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-gap-8--HFpIK facepile"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-align-center--rSd6h"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-ponents-Facepile-modulefac--FVkdk ontend-ponents-Facepile-modulesize-40--pH6IT"><div class="profile-hover-rd-target ontend-rear2-ProfileAndPublitnHoverCard-moduleprofileHoverCardTarget--Od_YL"><a href=" target="_blank" rel="noopener" class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflexAuto--CnX9I ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" /><img src=" siz="100vw" alt style="z-x: 1;" width="80" class="ontend-ponents-rponsive_img-moduleimg--Pgjj2 facepile-face ontend-ponents-Facepile-moduleface--uAQkp ontend-ponents-Facepile-modulesize-40--pH6IT ontend-ponents-Facepile-modulefirst--TZamh ontend-ponents-Facepile-modulelast--DT3p3" /></picture></a></div></div></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-modulesize-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-modulele-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleweight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-modulelor-pub-primary-text--RzL7j ontend-pencraft-Text-moduletransform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-modulemeta--jzHdd"><div class="profile-hover-rd-target ontend-rear2-ProfileAndPublitnHoverCard-module__profileHoverCardTarget--Od_YL"><a href=" class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleratn-hover-unrle--BEYAn ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleret--dW0zZ"></a></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-gap-4--zeW5_"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-modulesize-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-modulele-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleweight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-modulelor-pub-sendary-text--OzRTa ontend-pencraft-Text-moduletransform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-modulemeta--jzHdd">Jun 8, 2023</div></div></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-modulepaddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleborr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleborr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button no-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" stroke-width="2" stroke="#000" xmlns=" class="in"><g><tle></tle><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-heart"><path d="M19 14c1.49-1.46 3-3.21 3-5.5A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 16.5 3c-1.76 0-3 .5-4.5 2-1.5-1.5-2.74-2-4.5-2A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 2 8.5c0 2.3 1.5 4.05 3 5.5l7 7Z"></path></svg></g></svg></a><div ert role="dialog" class="modal typography out gone share-dialog popup"><div class="modal-table"><div class="modal-row"><div class="modal-cell modal-ntent no-fullscreen"><div class="ntaer"><button tabInx="0" type="button" data-ttid="close-modal" class="pencraft modal-btn modal-ex-btn no-marg ontend-pencraft-Button-moduleinButton--xpBoH ontend-pencraft-Button-modulebuttonBase--T0hXz ontend-pencraft-Button-module__size_40--RASvV ontend-pencraft-Button-module__prry_sendary--UEXV6 ontend-pencraft-Button-module__fill_empty--OPYgN ontend-pencraft-Button-moduleround--D6jfD"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="sendary" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci 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ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-modulepaddg-y-8--exiCC ontend-pencraft-Box-modulepaddg-left-12--eE6bp"><h4 class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-modulesize-16--fFowu ontend-pencraft-Text-modulele-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleweight-bold--Ps9DB ontend-pencraft-Text-modulefont-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-modulelor-primary--ud4Z0 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleret--dW0zZ">GAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE’S</h4><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-modulesize-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-modulele-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleweight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-modulefont-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-modulelor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-moduleret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-modulebody4--Pl3xY"></div></div></div><div class="pencraft 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There are thgs other than sex.</p><div class="subscriptn-widget-wrap"><div class="subscriptn-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p> is a rear-supported publitn. To receive new posts and support my work, nsir beg a ee or paid subscriber.</p></div><div data-ponent-name="SubscribeWidget" class="subscribe-widget"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-center--SQPji"><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__ntaer--OfBh4"><form actn="/api/v1/ee?nojs=te" method="post" noValidate class="form ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__form--LDIzl"><put type="hidn" name="first_url" /><put type="hidn" name="first_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="current_url" /><put type="hidn" name="current_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="referral_" /><put type="hidn" name="source" value="subscribe-widget-preamble" /><put type="hidn" name="referrg_pub_id" /><put type="hidn" name="addnal_referrg_pub_ids" /><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__siBySiWrap--yhsgv"><put type="email" name="email" placeholr="Type your email..." class="pencraft ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__emailInput--BLQGf" /><button tabInx="0" type="subm" class="button rightButton primary subscribe-btn ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__button--WcLG9"><span class="button-text ">Subscribe</span></button></div><div id="error-ntaer"></div><div class="subtle-help-text below-put ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__lks--G_QlQ"></div></form><div class="ontend-log-typo_handler-EmailTypoHandler-module__animatnWrapper--UT0du"></div></div></div></div></div></div><p>It is difficult to feel like you have been touched by the hands of God. When I was breakg up wh my vegetarian guar-playg lbian girliend and attemptg to ok for myself for the first time ever, the bottom of my Trar Joe’s bag fell out. All the fake snack-foods I was planng to rely on for stenance land a plasticy blob the snow wh my muddy aquate footwear. I cried, DEVASTATION.</p><p><span>In bed I play brat mostly. This volv a cloyg hope for strength and then the verb of the game is DEVASTATION. I have this one lay I’m the most obssed wh at the moment. </span><em>You’re trag me,</em><span> I told him my girl-voice after he phed my head down and down and didn't let up and I gagged. </span><em>One time when I was twelve and they were ttg me for strep throat I kicked a nurse the sh,</em><span> I said. He lghed but not genuely enough. </span><em>Involuntarily,</em><span> I add.</span></p><p>I cry and choke and fs exactly like an fant, when I’m gaggg on ck; when I’m cummg the real way and not the fake one; when I’m g down om acid; when I’m beg fold half to be fucked; when my grocery bag breaks; when I ci to open the part of me that feels the mortaly of my mother and the vlence of the world which has wrought .</p><p>As a woman what I’m aimg for is huy via anonymy. Today a man leaned out of his r on Delancey wh a megaphone and yelled through , to my ear, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I’m not gog to participate any disurs around that opn. But I felt rtoon that when I jumped all of my hair stood up and why did he have a megaphone. If p-ups equal rtoons then Amerin propaganda has been tegorilly effective. It’s succeed remarkably. It’s fed the form. But I didn't need to be a scholar of this. I didn't need to be a scholar at all. What I need was for youth to pour over me like the sour red light of a street-not-avenue block late the afternoon durg May. I need to do that before livg, and a ntrolled environment. I need to soften my relatnship to my sensory ans. I need four hundred ligrams of magnium.</p><p><span>I wish I uld do any sort of hallucogenic whout havg a panic attack. I never hated my body the way normal teenage girls are s’posed to, havg always been skny. I wanted redr blood sharper teeth and the nstutn of an actually large and solid thg. So my hatg was learng that I mt fet this. I hated the fettg of this bee I knew would lim me; like that childhood imagatn that mak believe peace when we are stupid. I wanted to be stupid, a log, a rock. This was where I met abjectn and jectn together wh glter-glue but my msy room I fot where I put </span><div class="footnote-hoverrd-target"><a class="footnote-anchor" data-ponent-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1-126952078" href=" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">1</a></div><span>. DEVASTATION. A loop that I closed.</span></p><p>Nothg that is a loop is also a hole. I ed to tell guys all the time that I was a virg, when </p><p><span>I was teenage and aaid of everythg and terted the prervatn of somethg I associated wh a self. If I’m not a selfish lover then I’m a mean one. Sometim is mean to provi someone wh exactly what one wish. Sometim is mean to have nothg better to do than to end up the bed of a person you rpect. </span><em>Closens,</em><span> I tell myself. Closg. Openg. Actually that’s nowhere near huy. I told the guys I was a virg but we uld do other stuff. Nothg that is a loop is also a hole. Nothg that is a loop is also a hole. Dpe popular belief. Dpe populary. </span><em>You n’t fuck your way to everythg, </em><span>she says the melty ikea mirror. </span><em>You n’t fuck your way to anythg.</em><span> Drsed tpe thgs, I wanted to suggt my g om or possible gog to a dty place. Screw this. I’m gog to the place where vibratn be material. I’m gog to the store, do you need anythg? </span><em>I’m gog to move to California and be a wboy.</em><span> </span></p><p><span>A loop is an arduo shape. Faye and I ran around her apartment tryg to look for the perfect outf and then I took her to Gh even though Faye is, like, my only iend who </span><em>isn’t</em><span> a lbian. And then I saw every lbian I’ve ever met my whole life, and so obvly I did Ketame. I thk the K I did at Gh was cut wh laxativ. DEVASTATION.</span></p><p><span>DEVASTATION is a paradox. Did you know this? To be DEVASTATED is to be overwhelmed wh grief. To be overwhelmed wh a state of nothgns. Takenns. OH, GOD, THERE IS SO MUCH NOTHING. DEVASTATION.</span><div class="footnote-hoverrd-target"><a class="footnote-anchor" data-ponent-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-2-126952078" href=" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">2</a></div></p><p><span>Frank O’Hara said somethg about heterosexualy “exorably approachg”. I love a b. I love a mment, I love to m to the b. At work on iday my worker told me about this sex club he was gonna djay at Geia. The untry, not the state. </span><em>Sex clubs Geia aren’t like sex clubs here</em><span>, he said, not meang anythg about all the ways European techno sucks, pared to Ameri, where black people unrstand athetics and affective mos beyond that glossy shallow unbbery thg which whe ropeans n only seem to scratch at: “ol”. ich.</span></p><p><span>Anyway he looked me up and down and said somethg to imply that I don’t actually get fucked at sex parti the stat, but there I would. A lot. Bee ’s straight and all the clubs here are gay, or gay enough, or gay where they fuck and straight where they don’t.</span><em> I thought that was te everywhere</em><span>, I thought, while rtockg the idge wh mate sodas. But maybe ’s actually jt te Ameri. Gay Ameri.</span></p><p><span>While he was Geia, I was somebody’s apartment who had summoned me there om Instagram. A self-scribed </span><em>queer transfem software veloper</em><span> wh a totally huge place Bhwick. She and about seven other var whe transplant Bhwick-styled queers were on their kne ont of me, who was standg a red latex top and popstar-tight fishs and the darkt lipstick I own, holdg or rather wieldg an electro-shock wand. It was such a betiful and probably expensive object, buzzg sweetly and glowg vlet, then mostly a geo sunset pk, then orange like a flame at s very tip. I was like Glda the Good Wch. </span><em>I’m not gog to take any of my cloth off, </em><span>I said. They lled me “mistrs”. </span><em>May I kiss your legs, Mistrs? </em><span>Buzz. </span><em>No.</em><span> Holdg a glass of we, I actually yawned. </span><em>May I she your latex, Mistrs?</em><span> I showed her my phone. </span><em>I lled an uber. You have five mut.</em></p><p><span>It is difficult to feel like you have been touched by the hands of God. One time I read a piece I’d wrten on the mic the back of Ja Bar and later when I went out for a smoke a du me up to me and said, </span><em>I loved the part about blowjobs. </em><span>I look at him like, </span><em>what the fuck. </em><span>He said, </span><em>I mean, have you ever read the Powers of Horror by Julia Kristeva? </em><span>I looked at him like, </span><em>uh-huh. </em><span>He said, </span><em>It remd me of that.</em></p><p>In the back of a r I was we-dnk and makg out wh a girl I knew nothg about other than that she had the same name as me. We were gog to the club that I work at, where the door person would let Olivia off wh a warng for not havg an ID even though she’s twenty-one; where we would cise for the celebri and micro-celebri we dived would be here om our overzealo Instagrammg skills; where would be a night jt like any other night: stavg off sleep, lookg around, wi.</p><p>I hate this. Wins: DEVASTATION. I hate this wins. I hate the club I hate celebri I hate that I’ve ma an enemy of sleep. What if there is only sex for me, only a system of hormonal teractns, only shifts, only sets, only circus, only feeds. But the back of that r gog over the bridge I actually uldn’t hate. God, I jt uldn’t. Bee I am stupid and always thkg that there is somethg real. Kissg a betiful girl the thought occurred to me that sometim you are kissg a betiful girl. Somethg was breakg down. I was on ke. I hadn’t slept for….</p><p>In rare sleep, rare dreams: First, a le of multilor plasticy dildos a bathtub. Then, chewg gum. A trar. Accatns of pnage. Not savg the world or yourself or your sister by spillg ml down the ont of a signer biki. DEVASTATION.</p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel="nofollow ugc noopener"><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="1456" height="1092" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" loadg="lazy" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a></figure></div><p><em>Oh my god</em><span>, I said, standg ont of the doorway a way that meant I was standg the doorway. I was rpondg to a joke the punchle of which was a guy tonight’s hookup’s roommate’s iend once knew, who had participated some sort of giggilo thg that he’d heard about bee he worked at Trar Joe’s, and that apparently a number of Trar Joe’s employe participated this. </span><em>Oh my god, </em><span>I said even though nothg surprised me, my predictable almost-valley-girl, beg gay for no pay and huner a signer bra and jeans at ten am this doorway for no reason.</span></p><p></p><p><a href=" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">Stella was a diver and she was always down</a></p><p></p><div class="footnote" data-ponent-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1-126952078" href=" class="footnote-number" ntentedable="false" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">1</a><div class="footnote-ntent"><p><span> Julia Kristeva: “When I am bet by abjectn, the twisted braid of affects and thoughts I ll by such a name do not have, properly speakg, a fable </span><em>object</em><span>”.</span></p><p></p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-ponent-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-2-126952078" href=" class="footnote-number" ntentedable="false" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">2</a><div class="footnote-ntent"><p><span>Kristeva aga: “It is not the whe expanse or slack boredom of reprsn, not the translatns and transformatns of sire that wrench bodi, nights, and disurse; rather is a btish sufferg that “I” puts up wh, sublime and vastated, for “I” poss to the father’s acunt [</span><em>verse père–pèreversn</em><span>]: I endure , for I image that such is the sire of the other. A massive and sudn emergence of unnns, which, faiar as might have been an opaque and fotten life, now harri me as radilly separate, loathsome. Not me. Not that. But not nothg, eher. A “somethg” that I do not regnize as a thg. A weight of meanglsns, about which there is nothg signifint, and which csh me. </span></p><p></p></div></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class="post-footer"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-modulepaddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleborr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleborr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-moduledisplay-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-moduleflex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button no-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" 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trader joe's gay

27 Dec 2024

15) LAST NIGHT, I WAS STRAIGHT-SHAMED BY A GAY BULLY AT TRAR JOE'S IN CHELSEA
FORMER EMPLOYEE FIL SU AGAST TRAR JOE’S FOR ALLEGED SEXUAL ORIENTATN DISCRIMATN
SUBSCRIBESIGN {"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","URL":","MAENTYOFPAGE":","HEADLE":"GAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE\U2019S","SCRIPTN":"STELLA WAS A DIVER AND SHE WAS ALWAYS DOWN","IMAGE":[{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":"}],"DATEPUBLISHED":"2023-06-08T20:51:57+00:00","DATEMODIFIED":"2023-06-08T20:51:57+00:00","ISACCSIBLEFORFREE":TE,"THOR":[{"@TYPE":"PERSON","NAME":"","URL":","SCRIPTN":"WRG. DUH.","INTIFIER":"ER:14042632","SAMEAS":["],"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}],"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"","URL":","SCRIPTN":"ZOEY'S WRG. DUH.","TERACTNSTATISTIC":{"@TYPE":"INTERACTNCOUNTER","NAME":"SUBSCRIBERS","TERACTNTYPE":","ERINTERACTNCOUNT":10},"INTIFIER":"PUB:831262","SAMEAS":["]}}SHARE THIS POSTGAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE’COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERGAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE’S

15) LAST NIGHT, I WAS STRAIGHT-SHAMED BY A GAY BULLY AT TRAR JOE'S IN CHELSEA

First, has there ever been a better name for a gay bar?

The place is a livg, breathg sal pch for the gay liftyle, and more than once I’ve had to pull back om steppg through the door to explore the liberty of a landspe barren of femal.

FORMER EMPLOYEE FIL SU AGAST TRAR JOE’S FOR ALLEGED SEXUAL ORIENTATN DISCRIMATN

You thk that happens at a gay bar?

No gay man would be ught ad Timberlands, unls they were fur-led and part of a nstctn-themed splay party.

SUBSCRIBESIGN {"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","URL":","MAENTYOFPAGE":","HEADLE":"GAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE\U2019S","SCRIPTN":"STELLA WAS A DIVER AND SHE WAS ALWAYS DOWN","IMAGE":[{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":"}],"DATEPUBLISHED":"2023-06-08T20:51:57+00:00","DATEMODIFIED":"2023-06-08T20:51:57+00:00","ISACCSIBLEFORFREE":TE,"THOR":[{"@TYPE":"PERSON","NAME":"","URL":","SCRIPTN":"WRG. DUH.","INTIFIER":"ER:14042632","SAMEAS":["],"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}],"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"","URL":","SCRIPTN":"ZOEY'S WRG. DUH.","TERACTNSTATISTIC":{"@TYPE":"INTERACTNCOUNTER","NAME":"SUBSCRIBERS","TERACTNTYPE":","ERINTERACTNCOUNT":10},"INTIFIER":"PUB:831262","SAMEAS":["]}}SHARE THIS POSTGAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE’COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERGAY FOR PAY AT TRADER JOE’S

I had always lived unr the imprsn that gay men are the iendlit, happit people on earth. As I stepped through the thrhold, an ENORMOUS gay man tried to squeeze .

I turned quickly to say sorry but before the word was out of my mouth, this gargantuan gargoyle of gay screamed: “USE THE OTHER DOOR, YOU STRAIGHT BITCH. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG THAT A GAY GUY IN NEW YORK’S GAYEST NEIGHBORHOOD AT THE GAYEST GROCERY STORE WOULD KNOW, IMMEDIATELY, THAT I’M NOT GAY?!

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM TRADER JOE'S GAY

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class="available-ntent"><div dir="to" class="body markup"><p>What a silly thg to occur to a twenty-one-year-old girl a vtage slip an Ikea mirror a cheap moe-fted apartment Brooklyn. There are thgs other than sex.</p><div class="subscriptn-widget-wrap"><div class="subscriptn-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p> is a rear-supported publitn. To receive new posts and support my work, nsir beg a ee or paid subscriber.</p></div><div data-ponent-name="SubscribeWidget" class="subscribe-widget"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-center--SQPji"><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__ntaer--OfBh4"><form actn="/api/v1/ee?nojs=te" method="post" noValidate class="form ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__form--LDIzl"><put type="hidn" name="first_url" /><put type="hidn" name="first_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="current_url" /><put type="hidn" name="current_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="referral_" /><put type="hidn" name="source" value="subscribe-widget-preamble" /><put type="hidn" name="referrg_pub_id" /><put type="hidn" name="addnal_referrg_pub_ids" /><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__siBySiWrap--yhsgv"><put type="email" name="email" placeholr="Type your email..." class="pencraft ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__emailInput--BLQGf" /><button tabInx="0" type="subm" class="button rightButton primary subscribe-btn ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__button--WcLG9"><span class="button-text ">Subscribe</span></button></div><div id="error-ntaer"></div><div class="subtle-help-text below-put ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__lks--G_QlQ"></div></form><div class="ontend-log-typo_handler-EmailTypoHandler-module__animatnWrapper--UT0du"></div></div></div></div></div></div><p>It is difficult to feel like you have been touched by the hands of God. When I was breakg up wh my vegetarian guar-playg lbian girliend and attemptg to ok for myself for the first time ever, the bottom of my Trar Joe’s bag fell out. All the fake snack-foods I was planng to rely on for stenance land a plasticy blob the snow wh my muddy aquate footwear. I cried, DEVASTATION.</p><p><span>In bed I play brat mostly. This volv a cloyg hope for strength and then the verb of the game is DEVASTATION. I have this one lay I’m the most obssed wh at the moment. </span><em>You’re trag me,</em><span> I told him my girl-voice after he phed my head down and down and didn't let up and I gagged. </span><em>One time when I was twelve and they were ttg me for strep throat I kicked a nurse the sh,</em><span> I said. He lghed but not genuely enough. </span><em>Involuntarily,</em><span> I add.</span></p><p>I cry and choke and fs exactly like an fant, when I’m gaggg on ck; when I’m cummg the real way and not the fake one; when I’m g down om acid; when I’m beg fold half to be fucked; when my grocery bag breaks; when I ci to open the part of me that feels the mortaly of my mother and the vlence of the world which has wrought .</p><p>As a woman what I’m aimg for is huy via anonymy. Today a man leaned out of his r on Delancey wh a megaphone and yelled through , to my ear, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I’m not gog to participate any disurs around that opn. But I felt rtoon that when I jumped all of my hair stood up and why did he have a megaphone. If p-ups equal rtoons then Amerin propaganda has been tegorilly effective. It’s succeed remarkably. It’s fed the form. But I didn't need to be a scholar of this. I didn't need to be a scholar at all. What I need was for youth to pour over me like the sour red light of a street-not-avenue block late the afternoon durg May. I need to do that before livg, and a ntrolled environment. I need to soften my relatnship to my sensory ans. I need four hundred ligrams of magnium.</p><p><span>I wish I uld do any sort of hallucogenic whout havg a panic attack. I never hated my body the way normal teenage girls are s’posed to, havg always been skny. I wanted redr blood sharper teeth and the nstutn of an actually large and solid thg. So my hatg was learng that I mt fet this. I hated the fettg of this bee I knew would lim me; like that childhood imagatn that mak believe peace when we are stupid. I wanted to be stupid, a log, a rock. This was where I met abjectn and jectn together wh glter-glue but my msy room I fot where I put </span><div class="footnote-hoverrd-target"><a class="footnote-anchor" data-ponent-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1-126952078" href=" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">1</a></div><span>. DEVASTATION. A loop that I closed.</span></p><p>Nothg that is a loop is also a hole. I ed to tell guys all the time that I was a virg, when </p><p><span>I was teenage and aaid of everythg and terted the prervatn of somethg I associated wh a self. If I’m not a selfish lover then I’m a mean one. Sometim is mean to provi someone wh exactly what one wish. Sometim is mean to have nothg better to do than to end up the bed of a person you rpect. </span><em>Closens,</em><span> I tell myself. Closg. Openg. Actually that’s nowhere near huy. I told the guys I was a virg but we uld do other stuff. Nothg that is a loop is also a hole. Nothg that is a loop is also a hole. Dpe popular belief. Dpe populary. </span><em>You n’t fuck your way to everythg, </em><span>she says the melty ikea mirror. </span><em>You n’t fuck your way to anythg.</em><span> Drsed tpe thgs, I wanted to suggt my g om or possible gog to a dty place. Screw this. I’m gog to the place where vibratn be material. I’m gog to the store, do you need anythg? </span><em>I’m gog to move to California and be a wboy.</em><span> </span></p><p><span>A loop is an arduo shape. Faye and I ran around her apartment tryg to look for the perfect outf and then I took her to Gh even though Faye is, like, my only iend who </span><em>isn’t</em><span> a lbian. And then I saw every lbian I’ve ever met my whole life, and so obvly I did Ketame. I thk the K I did at Gh was cut wh laxativ. DEVASTATION.</span></p><p><span>DEVASTATION is a paradox. Did you know this? To be DEVASTATED is to be overwhelmed wh grief. To be overwhelmed wh a state of nothgns. Takenns. OH, GOD, THERE IS SO MUCH NOTHING. DEVASTATION.</span><div class="footnote-hoverrd-target"><a class="footnote-anchor" data-ponent-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-2-126952078" href=" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">2</a></div></p><p><span>Frank O’Hara said somethg about heterosexualy “exorably approachg”. I love a b. I love a mment, I love to m to the b. At work on iday my worker told me about this sex club he was gonna djay at Geia. The untry, not the state. </span><em>Sex clubs Geia aren’t like sex clubs here</em><span>, he said, not meang anythg about all the ways European techno sucks, pared to Ameri, where black people unrstand athetics and affective mos beyond that glossy shallow unbbery thg which whe ropeans n only seem to scratch at: “ol”. ich.</span></p><p><span>Anyway he looked me up and down and said somethg to imply that I don’t actually get fucked at sex parti the stat, but there I would. A lot. Bee ’s straight and all the clubs here are gay, or gay enough, or gay where they fuck and straight where they don’t.</span><em> I thought that was te everywhere</em><span>, I thought, while rtockg the idge wh mate sodas. But maybe ’s actually jt te Ameri. Gay Ameri.</span></p><p><span>While he was Geia, I was somebody’s apartment who had summoned me there om Instagram. A self-scribed </span><em>queer transfem software veloper</em><span> wh a totally huge place Bhwick. She and about seven other var whe transplant Bhwick-styled queers were on their kne ont of me, who was standg a red latex top and popstar-tight fishs and the darkt lipstick I own, holdg or rather wieldg an electro-shock wand. It was such a betiful and probably expensive object, buzzg sweetly and glowg vlet, then mostly a geo sunset pk, then orange like a flame at s very tip. I was like Glda the Good Wch. </span><em>I’m not gog to take any of my cloth off, </em><span>I said. They lled me “mistrs”. </span><em>May I kiss your legs, Mistrs? </em><span>Buzz. </span><em>No.</em><span> Holdg a glass of we, I actually yawned. </span><em>May I she your latex, Mistrs?</em><span> I showed her my phone. </span><em>I lled an uber. You have five mut.</em></p><p><span>It is difficult to feel like you have been touched by the hands of God. One time I read a piece I’d wrten on the mic the back of Ja Bar and later when I went out for a smoke a du me up to me and said, </span><em>I loved the part about blowjobs. </em><span>I look at him like, </span><em>what the fuck. </em><span>He said, </span><em>I mean, have you ever read the Powers of Horror by Julia Kristeva? </em><span>I looked at him like, </span><em>uh-huh. </em><span>He said, </span><em>It remd me of that.</em></p><p>In the back of a r I was we-dnk and makg out wh a girl I knew nothg about other than that she had the same name as me. We were gog to the club that I work at, where the door person would let Olivia off wh a warng for not havg an ID even though she’s twenty-one; where we would cise for the celebri and micro-celebri we dived would be here om our overzealo Instagrammg skills; where would be a night jt like any other night: stavg off sleep, lookg around, wi.</p><p>I hate this. Wins: DEVASTATION. I hate this wins. I hate the club I hate celebri I hate that I’ve ma an enemy of sleep. What if there is only sex for me, only a system of hormonal teractns, only shifts, only sets, only circus, only feeds. But the back of that r gog over the bridge I actually uldn’t hate. God, I jt uldn’t. Bee I am stupid and always thkg that there is somethg real. Kissg a betiful girl the thought occurred to me that sometim you are kissg a betiful girl. Somethg was breakg down. I was on ke. I hadn’t slept for….</p><p>In rare sleep, rare dreams: First, a le of multilor plasticy dildos a bathtub. Then, chewg gum. A trar. Accatns of pnage. Not savg the world or yourself or your sister by spillg ml down the ont of a signer biki. DEVASTATION.</p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel="nofollow ugc noopener"><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="1456" height="1092" data-attrs="{"src":"" class="sizg-normal" alt srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" loadg="lazy" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a></figure></div><p><em>Oh my god</em><span>, I said, standg ont of the doorway a way that meant I was standg the doorway. I was rpondg to a joke the punchle of which was a guy tonight’s hookup’s roommate’s iend once knew, who had participated some sort of giggilo thg that he’d heard about bee he worked at Trar Joe’s, and that apparently a number of Trar Joe’s employe participated this. </span><em>Oh my god, </em><span>I said even though nothg surprised me, my predictable almost-valley-girl, beg gay for no pay and huner a signer bra and jeans at ten am this doorway for no reason.</span></p><p></p><p><a href=" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">Stella was a diver and she was always down</a></p><p></p><div class="footnote" data-ponent-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1-126952078" href=" class="footnote-number" ntentedable="false" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">1</a><div class="footnote-ntent"><p><span> Julia Kristeva: “When I am bet by abjectn, the twisted braid of affects and thoughts I ll by such a name do not have, properly speakg, a fable </span><em>object</em><span>”.</span></p><p></p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-ponent-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-2-126952078" href=" class="footnote-number" ntentedable="false" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">2</a><div class="footnote-ntent"><p><span>Kristeva aga: “It is not the whe expanse or slack boredom of reprsn, not the translatns and transformatns of sire that wrench bodi, nights, and disurse; rather is a btish sufferg that “I” puts up wh, sublime and vastated, for “I” poss to the father’s acunt [</span><em>verse père–pèreversn</em><span>]: I endure , for I image that such is the sire of the other. A massive and sudn emergence of unnns, which, faiar as might have been an opaque and fotten life, now harri me as radilly separate, loathsome. Not me. Not that. But not nothg, eher. A “somethg” that I do not regnize as a thg. A weight of meanglsns, about which there is nothg signifint, and which csh me. </span></p><p></p></div></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class="post-footer"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button no-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" 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d="M8.44161 7.4C7.86632 7.4 7.39995 7.86637 7.39995 8.44167V22.1081C7.39995 22.6834 7.86631 23.1498 8.4416 23.1498L22.1083 23.15C22.6836 23.15 23.1499 22.6836 23.1499 22.1083V8.44167C23.1499 7.86637 22.6836 7.4 22.1083 7.4H8.44161ZM10.3999 9.65C9.84766 9.65 9.39995 10.0977 9.39995 10.65C9.39995 11.2023 9.84766 11.65 10.3999 11.65H18.3999C18.9522 11.65 19.3999 11.2023 19.3999 10.65C19.3999 10.0977 18.9522 9.65 18.3999 9.65H10.3999ZM10.3999 14.15C9.84766 14.15 9.39995 14.5977 9.39995 15.15C9.39995 15.7023 9.84766 16.15 10.3999 16.15H15.3999C15.9522 16.15 16.3999 15.7023 16.3999 15.15C16.3999 14.5977 15.9522 14.15 15.3999 14.15H10.3999Z" stroke="none"></path></g></svg></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg 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15) LAST NIGHT, I WAS STRAIGHT-SHAMED BY A GAY BULLY AT TRAR JOE'S IN CHELSEA

FORMER EMPLOYEE FIL SU AGAST TRAR JOE’S FOR ALLEGED SEXUAL ORIENTATN DISCRIMATN

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM TRADER JOE'S GAY

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Contents:

15) LAST NIGHT, I WAS STRAIGHT-SHAMED BY A GAY BULLY AT TRAR JOE'S IN CHELSEA

FORMER EMPLOYEE FIL SU AGAST TRAR JOE’S FOR ALLEGED SEXUAL ORIENTATN DISCRIMATN

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* TRADER JOE'S GAY

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM TRADER JOE'S GAY