The Washgton Post</tle><path d="M39.2 32v36.6c4.7-2.8 7-6.8 8.7-12.1l1.2.6c-1.1 13.2-10.3 26-24.3 26S0 72.6 0 55.8C0 43 7.7 35.1 18.7 28.2a16.11 16.11 0 00-4.4-.6c-7.2 0-11.4 4.9-11.4 9.9H1.5a14.77 14.77 0 01-.1-2.1c0-9.3 5.5-19.7 16.9-19.7 7.3 0 12.9 6.7 21.4 6.7 4.3 0 6.7-1.6 8.4-5.3h1.2c-.1 6.5-2 12.8-10.1 14.9zm-19-3.3C15.1 34 10.1 39.6 10.1 50.9c0 6.2 1.9 12.4 6.6 16.4l3.1-1.7V40.3L16.6 42l-1-1.6 15-8.4c-3.8-.8-6.9-2.3-10.4-3.3zm17.1 3.7a17 17 0 01-2.3.1 17.52 17.52 0 01-4-.4v29.5l-12.8 7a15.57 15.57 0 009.9 3 22.58 22.58 0 009.2-2zm44 9.2v34.3c0 9.6-8.51 16.11-18 18l-.6-1c4.7-2.3 7.8-6.41 7.8-11.41V45.7l-4.9-4.5-2.6 2.6v27.1l3 2.8v.4l-8.1 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.4l3.6-3.8V25.8l10.6-11.3.2.1v26.6l8.7-9.2 8.7 7.9 2.7-2.6 1.31 1.3zM97.91 62v4.5l9 7.1 7-7.3 1.3 1.3L101 82.8 88.21 72.6l-2.8 2.8-1.2-1.3 3.1-3.2V45.8l18.9-13.8 10.5 16.3zm.2-22.6l-.2.1v20.1l8.7-6.4zM180 82.71l-13.9-12-10.6 12-14.4-12.41V50.7h-2.8a3.89 3.89 0 00-4.1 3.5h-1a15.87 15.87 0 01-.5-3.8c0-2.6 1.1-9.4 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3.3-3.4V44.7l-3.6-3.3-2.7 2.6-1.3-1.3L322 32l7.6 6.9 2.7-2.8 1.4 1.4-3.4 3.4v28.6l4.2 3.9 3-3.1 1.3 1.4zm-2.9-51.61l-8.2-7.5 7.5-8 8.2 7.5zm46.1 51.61l-8.7-7.91V45.6l-4.7-4.4-3.4 3.5v26.1l3.1 2.9v.4l-8.2 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.3l3.6-3.8V44.9l-4.1-3.7-3 3-1.4-1.3L345.9 32l9.1 8.1v2l9.5-10.1 8.7 7.8 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4-3.5 3.5v28l3.9 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.2 1.3zm43-41V75.6c0 5.2 2.9 5 2.9 8.9 0 4.51-6.5 8.71-16.5 16.21-3.3-3.6-5.6-5.1-8.7-5.1a19.85 19.85 0 00-10.7 3.6l-1-.8 13.7-16.11-9-7.09-2.9 2.89-1.3-1.3 3.4-3.5V45.5l19-13.6 10.2 8 3-2.9 1.3 1.3zm-7.7 41.71c-2.5-1.61-3.1-3.31-3.1-7.61V74.3L387.9 93l.1.1c3.2-1.9 5.6-3.1 10.3-3.1 4 0 6.9 1.7 9.5 4 1.9-1.6 3.3-3.2 3.3-5.7 0-1.99-1.5-3.3-4-4.89zM404 45.3l-8.3-6.5-.2.2v30.7l5.9 4.6 2.6-3zm31.5 37.41l-8.8-6.91-2.7 2.7-1.3-1.29 3.1-3.21V39.4H420l-.2-.2 3.5-5.2h2.5v-6.7L436.4 16l.2.2V34h8l.2.2-3.5 5.2h-4.7v30.3l4.8 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.3 1.4zm43.71-40.11v27.7l-16.9 12.5L450 73.5l-2.8 2.8-1.3-1.3 3.2-3.3v-27L466.81 32l11.4 8.9 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4zm-10.8 3L460 39l-.09.1v29.8l8.5 6.4zm50.4 37l-8.7-7.9V45.5l-4.7-4.4-3.41 3.5v26.1l3.1 2.9v.4l-8.2 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.3l3.6-3.8V44.8l-4.1-3.7-3 3-1.4-1.3 10.2-10.9L502 40v2l9.5-10.1 8.7 7.8 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4-3.5 3.5v28l3.9 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.2 1.3zm61.39.11a12.91 12.91 0 00-6.3-4.61v20.81l-.2.1-5.5-5.1-11.6 10.7-.2-.1V77.6a18.83 18.83 0 00-10.2 6.61l-.8-.5c.7-7.71 4.5-13.41 11-15.61V48.6h-2.1a5.25 5.25 0 00-5.3 4.2h-1.2a12.28 12.28 0 01-.7-4.6c0-4.9 3.3-8.6 8.7-8.6h.6V28.8l-3.6-3.2-2.8 2.8-1.4-1.3 11.1-11.4 9.4 8.6v9.8L572 31V19.5h1.9V29l12.5-13.3L597.7 26v43.5zM572 32.9l-2.9 3v56.31l2.9 2.7zm13.1-2.3l-5.9-5.4-5.3 5.6v36.3c4.7.6 8.2 2.2 11.1 5.3l.1-.1zm48.7 12v27.7l-16.9 12.5-12.3-9.3-2.8 2.8-1.3-1.3 3.2-3.3v-27L621.4 32l11.4 8.9 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4zm-10.8 3l-8.4-6.6-.1.1v29.8l8.5 6.4zm35.6 4.5h9.4v21.4l-15.9 11.21a11.52 11.52 0 00-8.8-4.11c-3 0-5.4 1.4-7.8 4l-1.4-.5 13.8-19.8h-8.5V43.7L656 32c2 1.6 3.6 2.6 6.2 2.6a11.38 11.38 0 007.11-2.2l1 .7zm-1.4 8.8h-4.7l-11.1 15.9.1.2a12.36 12.36 0 017.6-2.5 10.4 10.4 0 018 3.8l.1-.09zm6.41-19.6a9.78 9.78 0 01-6.91 2.3 8.92 8.92 0 01-6.3-2.9l-.2.1v14.6h3.8l9.7-14zm22.9 43.41l-8.8-6.91-2.71 2.7-1.3-1.29 3.1-3.21V39.4H671l-.2-.2 3.5-5.2h2.5v-6.7L687.41 16l.2.2V34h8l.2.2-3.5 5.2h-4.7v30.3l4.8 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.3 1.4z"></path></svg><span class="alic gray font-xxxxs font--body">Democracy Di Darkns</span></div></div><hear class="w-100" data-qa="ma-full"><div class="hi-for-prt"></div><div class="mt-lg"><div data-qa="kicker" class="wpds-c-eyomNc wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-jYXVnY-lor-black wpds-c-PJLV-mlvxn-size-lg"><a href=" class="PJLV PJLV-ieDwgbC-css">PostEverythg</a></div></div><div class="w-100" style="max-width:1000px"><h1 class="font--headle offblack headle mb-sm" data-ttid="headle" data-qa="headle" id="ma-ntent"><span data-qa="headle-text">My own rape shows how much we get wrong about the attacks</span></h1></div><div class="flex prt-byle prt-mt-none"><div class="byle-wrapper flex-lumn flex"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ihSmMVC-css"><div class="mb-xxs" style="gap:0.5rem" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class="wpds-c-PJLV"><div class="flex" data-qa="thor-byle"><div class="mr-sm flex lh-0"><div class="wpds-c-iTcer"><img src=" alt="" class="wpds-c-dgBqAZ"/></div></div><span class="left"><div class="flex"><div class="dib font-xxs" data-qa="name-wh-optnal-lk" data-cy="name-wh-optnal-lk"><span data-qa="attributn-text" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP">By <!-- --> </span><a data-qa="thor-name" href=" rel="thor" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP wpds-c-cNdzuP-ejzZdU-isLk-te">Richard Man</a></div></div></span></div></span></div></div><div data-ttid="timtamp" class="wpds-c-kgabfe wpds-c-kgabfe-ikrKXLV-css"><span data-ttid="display-date" class="wpds-c-iKQyrV">July 1, 2014 at 10:18 a.m. EDT</span></div></div></div></hear></div><article class="grid-article mb-xxl-ns" data-qa="ma"><div data-ttid="le-art" data-qa="le-art" class=""><figure class="overflow-hidn relative hi-for-prt center center mb-sm mb-md-ns ml-to-ns mr-to-ns grid-mobile-full-bleed"><div style="filter:blur(10px);transn:filter .1s;le-height:0" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="399"><img style="background-size:ver;max-width:1600px;background-image:url('data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,%3Csvg xmlns='http%3A//; xmlns%3Axlk='http%3A//; viewBox='0 0 1280 853'%3E%3Cfilter id='b' lor-terpolatn-filters='sRGB'%3E%3CfeGssianBlur stdDeviatn='.5'%3E%3C/feGssianBlur%3E%3CfeComponentTransfer%3E%3CfeFuncA type='discrete' tableValu='1 1'%3E%3C/feFuncA%3E%3C/feComponentTransfer%3E%3C/filter%3E%3Cimage filter='url(%23b)' x='0' y='0' height='100%25' width='100%25' xlk%3Ahref='data%3Aimage/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAkAAAAGCAIAAACepSOSAAAACXBIWXMAAC4jAAAuIwF4pT92AAAAs0lEQVQI1wGoAFf/AImSoJSer5yjs52ktp2luJuluKOpuJefsoCNowB+kKaOm66grL+krsCnsMGrt8m1u8mzt8OVoLIAhJqzjZ2tnLLLnLHJp7fNmpyjqbPCqLrRjqO7AIeUn5ultaWtt56msaSnroZyY4mBgLq7wY6TmwCRfk2Pf1uzm2WulV+xmV6rmGyQfFm3nWSBcEIAfm46jX1FkH5Djn5AmodGo49MopBLlIRBfG8yj/dfjF5TUAAAAASUVORK5CYII='%3E%3C/image%3E%3C/svg%3E')" alt="" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="399" srcSet=" 400w, 540w, 691w, 767w, 916w, 1200w" siz="(max-width: 440px) 440px,(max-width: 600px) 691px,(max-width: 768px) 691px,(m-width: 769px) and (max-width: 1023px) 960px,(m-width: 1024px) and (max-width: 1299px) 530px,(m-width: 1300px) and (max-width: 1439px) 691px,(m-width: 1440px) 916px,440px" dg="async"/></div><figptn class="ml-gutter mr-gutter mr-to-ns ml-to-ns font--subhead font-xxxs mt-xs left gray-dark">Some people still see rape acrdg to the old cliche: vile men draggg nocent women to dark alleys and then btalizg them. (Arturo Latierro )</figptn></figure></div><div class="grid-body"><div class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-hSmMVC-isLuf2-false"><div class="wpds-c-jUMcim wpds-c-jUMcim-ibVGacg-css hi-for-prt mb-sm"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ieDMgMI-css flex ems-center" nfig="[object Object]" data-qa="article-actns"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div class="dib poter" data-qa="gift-share"><div aria-label="Gift this story" aria-ntrols="gift-share" aria-owns="gift-share" id="gift-share-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false" role="button" tabx="0"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-PJLV" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg></div></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Gift<!-- --> <span class="PJLV PJLV-ikqOWxF-css">Article</span></span></div></div><div class="dib poter" data-qa="wpds-tooltip-ntrol"><div aria-ntrols="actns-tooltip" aria-owns="actns-tooltip" id="actns-tooltip-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div tabx="0" aria-label="Share" class="PJLV PJLV-ietWzJw-css"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-dJBvpf-iPJLV-css "><path d="M14 14H2V7h1v6h10V7h1Zm-5.5-2h-1V3h1Z"></path><path d="M10.29 5.71 11 5 8 2l-.71.71L5 5l.71.71L8 3.42l2.29 2.29z"></path></svg></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Share</span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="teaser-ntent grid-center"><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><em>[WARNING: This say scrib sexually explic suatns.]</em></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“I ma the for to celebrate,” he said, snterg out of the kchen wh two shot glass full of a red nctn.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="db dn-ns mr-neg-gutter ml-neg-gutter mb-md hi-for-prt" data-qa="subscribe-promo"><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div><a class="pt-sm pb-sm flex ems-center bold font-xxxs font-xxs-ns jtify-center" href=" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="lor:#166dfc;borr:none"><svg class="ntent-box" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" xmlns=" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>Wp</tle><path d="M11.055 8.728l-1.018-1.019-.782.782v6.292l1.782 1.564.018-.019v-7.6zm-4.11.236L5.674 7.71l-.836.855v6.237l1.545 1.327.564-.636V8.964zm2.656 9.074l-2.528-2.182-1.927 2.182-2.619-2.255v-3.564h-.509c-.454 0-.672.273-.745.636H1.09a2.89 2.89 0 0 1-.091-.69c0-.473.2-1.71 1.527-1.71V7.691c0-1.073-.709-1.127-.709-2.054 0-1.037.982-2 2.782-2.637l.164.145c-.6.291-1.09.655-1.09 1.437 0 1.2 1.163.89 1.163 2.782v.727l2.127-2.236 2.237 2.2 2.109-2.2 2.036 2v6.728l-3.745 3.455zm11.108-9.625l-1.073-.982-.964 1.018v6.6c.855.11 1.491.4 2.019.964l.018-.018V8.413zm-2.382.418l-.528.545v10.237l.528.492V8.83zm1.49 9.055c-.308-.382-.69-.709-1.145-.836v3.782l-.036.018-1-.927-2.11 1.945-.036-.018V16.96c-.636.145-1.327.545-1.854 1.2l-.146-.091c.127-1.4.818-2.436 2-2.837v-3.545h-.382c-.527 0-.89.363-.963.763h-.219c-.054-.145-.127-.381-.127-.836 0-.891.6-1.564 1.582-1.564h.11V8.085l-.655-.582-.51.51-.254-.237 2.018-2.073 1.71 1.564V9.05l.527-.564v-2.09h.345v1.727l2.273-2.419L23 7.576v7.91l-3.182 2.4z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg><span class="mr-xs ml-xs gray-darkt flex ems-center">Get the full experience.<span class="ml-xs subs-theme blue">Choose your plan</span></span><svg class="ntent-box" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 16 16" xmlns=" style="fill:#166dfc" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>ArrowRight</tle><path d="M7.664 1.25l6 6a1 1 0 010 1.414l-6 6L6.25 13.25 10.499 9H2V7h8.585L6.25 2.664 7.664 1.25z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></a><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“Celebrate what?” I asked.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">He cked his head to one si. “You’re here!” he cheered. “You fally ma .”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I had been on a long, gelg b ri up om Washgton DC to his apartment New York. It was already 9:45 p.m on a Friday last summer. I felt sore and had jt taken a shower to rid the b experience om my sk. I lghed and, holdg the towel around my waist one hand and the shot glass the other, I looked at . “What’s ?”</p></div></div><div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“G!” I thought he said, more excedly than he should have. G mak me sick. “That’s not really my thg,” I said. Then he pouted, illy and even adorably: “But I ma jt for .”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">So I drank and was a b sharp but really lic, like tart watermelon. “You n hardly taste the g,” I said.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“What g?”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“You said there was g.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">He lghed. “I said G.” He meant GHB, gamma-hydroxybutyric acid, monly known as the date-rape dg. Later me several more dgggs, as he held Gatora up to my limp lips wh who-knows-what mixed . I spent the weekend — about 60 hours — semi-nsc and didn’t leave his apartment until Monday morng. Sometim I thk I never left his apartment, that someone who merely looks and sounds like me walked out.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I had received anal sex twice my life before that night. By weekend’s end, was 17 tim, acrdg to my fog-of-war unt. Ey squeezed shut, the tally was the only thg I foced on at tim — like a tickg clock a solary nfement cell. Every addn to the tally meant I was one moment closer to the end. He moved out soon afterward, which helped erase the existence of that place for me.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I was raped. I had met him a few weeks earlier at a hoe party, and we had h off. He was handsome: 30, well-built, tall wh long black hair, a surfer’s lgh, and great taste “X-Men” (Gamb). He was not some lechero old man. He was not a sexually reprsed loser. There was nothg about him that was “rapey” (a word I tt). The sex self was — I n’t really say was “good,” bee that’s far too moral of a word and far more than he serv, but was highly skilled. He knew exactly what he was dog, exactly how to stimulate me. What he didn’t know was when to listen to me sayg “no,” when to stop, when to realize that my kickg and punchg and shovg and screamg and wrhg was not jt some sick roleplay while he blasted Lady Gaga’s “I Like It Rough.” He vered my sobbg mouth wh his hands. He hhed me and lled me “sexy,” as “You got this, sexy.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When I wrote about <a href=">men who are raped by women</a>, for Details magaze 2004, ught the eye of Bill O’Reilly, who discsed on his show. “If you’re lucky enough as a guy to have some girl e on to you that manner,” he said, “but you don’t want to reciprote, you stand up and you leave, unls the woman is 240 pounds and tackl you. The man is tradnally stronger and better equipped to leave the room.” There is a great disbelief out there, spe the numbers — om the CDC! the NIH! the Jtice Department! — about how <a href=">1 33 men</a> have experienced “a pleted or attempted rape,” or <a href=">12.9 percent</a> have been sexually asslted. Mostly ’s by men they know. (I have a uple dozen mutual Facebook iends wh my assailant.)</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Some people still see rape acrdg to the old cliche: vile men draggg nocent women to dark alleys and then btalizg them. As we are fally learng, the realy is much more plited than the nventnal-wisdom rtoon. Sometim those women experience asm, which n be psychologilly vastatg. I was erect for much of my rape (at least the parts for which I was awake, but probably other parts, too); my assailant knew how to stimulate the physlogil rponse of an erectn — as opposed to the emotnal or psychologil rponse — even if I was cryg or actively tryg to thk about unsexy thgs. I wasn’t handcuffed or tied up, but was a versn of dissociated shock. The visible, immeasurable shackl of such a vlatn are immense.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">From the bed, I uld see the ont door, but was away and I thought, <em>No, I won’t be able to get to the door, unlock , open and pe before he beats the hell out of me</em>. And what was my optn, anyway? To n naked and groggy through his halls and down Nth Avenue? It’s amazg how much fear n make you want — really want — to appease a ptor.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Rape may be as bad as murr, but, like murr, there are many kds of rape. War-crime rape, date rape, rape as a rual for pledgg a aterny, spoal rape, ct, rape wh known assailants, rape wh unknown assailants, police officers sodomizg a man wh a broomstick. Rape ntas multus. Any discsn of rape is gog to require as a culture to get much more imagative about . (Helpfully, the Jtice Department jt <a href=">expand s fn</a> to clu men.) Every time we discs rape as if ’s only men draggg women to alleys, we make the act of reportg all the more unfortable, burnsome and alienatg for women beg raped by their boyiends, or stunts beg raped by their teachers, or men beg raped by women, or men beg raped by men. It is an act of theft on top of an act of rape.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">* * *</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><strong>What’s shockg about this limed perspective is, sadly, how much opportuny there is to see the full spectm of rape our culture.</strong> Not only are dozens of lleg currently embroiled sex asslt vtigatns — cludg Jam Madison Universy, which jt punished three rapists wh <a href=">“expulsn after graduatn”</a> (or, as a iend noted, jt “graduatn”). There are the tw revulsns of <a href=">Dov Charney</a> and Terry Richardson. New York magaze put Richardson on s ver last month wh the qutn “<a href=">Is Terry Richardson an Artist or a Predator?</a>” as if a person nnot be both. There’s self-scribed “Ve star” Brtany Furlan on the red rpet for Soap Opera Network’s Daytime Emmys verage tellg a male actor “We’re gog to get you away om before we rape you.” It’s a world where Gee Will realistilly n fend <a href=">wrg</a> that sexual asslt survivors “make victimhood a veted stat that nfers privileg.” The Web se <a href="></a>, which tracks Republin blunrs on rape, is now s eighth edn.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When male victims are discsed, ’s almost always about children — the Sandky stori and all their perverse variants. For adults, or out of prison, male-on-male rape is mostly thought of as an attack on a heterosexual victim, rape addg homophobic sult to jury. Yet rape is, ironilly, always on the tongu of men. “I’m gonna rape you Halo!” “This Monday morng is rapg me.” “Paper jam? Ugh, I wanna rape this prter.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">The terrible thg about beg a gay man is that is pennt on exprsn. If you’re straight and have never had sex, you’re a virg. If you’re gay and have never had sex, you’re nfed. <em>How n you know you’re gay unls you’ve tried ?</em> In the wake of my nightmare — and all the subsequent nightmar and daymar that have e wh — I wanted nothg to do wh sex. But what is a gay man who don’t have sex? I wasn’t even sure what I beme.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When I fally eed myself om that apartment — I flatter myself; the tth is, he was done wh me — I took the next tra out of town. I wanted to be as far away as I uld. From the lobby of Unn Statn D.C., I sobbed to my phone and told a iend what happened. He might have saved my life by urgg me to a b to Whman-Walker Clic, where <a href=">I began a 30-day anti-HIV dg regimen</a> (I am HIV-negative, thank God). In the exam, when the nurse asked me to exhale eply, I uld smell his sweat and semen on my breath, and I began cryg all over aga, bee I didn’t remember givg — or beg forced to give — fellat, and sudnly I realized there was a whole extra circle of Hell, hidn horrors done to my unnsc body wh no way of ever knowg fully what happened.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I wasn’t gog to wre any of this. But even given all those statistics, I’ve never heard a story told om my perspective, and certaly never expected to be the one tellg . I had e to accept my life as a kd of ongog closet: a secret room which a playthg lled Richard — lled “sexy” — broken by some zealo child. But the untold stori are precisely the most important stori to tell. The more stori that are told, the ls they n all be the same.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">* * *</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><strong>I know how dumb and selfish and even endangerg this n sound, but I don’t want to charge my attacker (not everyone do)</strong><strong>.</strong> After the JMU asslt, the survivor <a href=">told</a> the Huffgton Post that “It was kd of hard for me to al wh. I jt tried to dimish the suatn. I didn’t want to brg up, didn’t want to talk about .” That ronated wh me. I don’t want anythg to do wh him. I don’t want him my life, even a urtroom. I kept imagg, perhaps too cematilly, that he’d toss off some hntg quip as he was hled away. I won’t let him. I won’t even let him have a name now. He’s a namels mon who has taken so much that I don’t want to give him even the possibily of takg more.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Beg asslted changed sex for me. The total absence of timacy durg that horrible weekend rtored my need for . In the world of hook-up apps, where you n know the size of a paramour’s penis before you know his name — if you ever learn his name — sex be worse than sual, worse than rnal; be transactnal. Usg Grdr and s ilk, men orr guys over to their apartments as if they were specialty pizzas.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Afterward, the 30-day anti-HIV dg regimen weirdly helped thgs. I was certaly not about to be sexually active that time. It enabled a kd of monasticism. My new le beme that I didn’t want to have sex wh anyone I wouldn’t brg to a dner party. I recently spent an eveng wh a guy that peaked wh hand-holdg. (It was everythg The Beatl promised and more.)</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">So much — too much — of our llective gay story is about sadns and spair and downfall. “Gvanni’s Room.” “Dancer From The Dance.” “The Normal Heart.” “Angels Ameri.” “My Own Private Idaho.” “Philalphia.” “Brokeback Mounta.” “Milk.” “Weekend.” When the two hot teenage boys “Y Tu Mamá También” hook up, stroys their iendship. Even “Will & Grace” end wh the lifelong iendship s of . It’s an unspoken tra-off: gays n be pop culture as long as they’re vacuo or miserable or both, as if we’re born wh the gene for sad endgs (#getsbter).</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I n’t offer a happy endg here. I don’t want the sort of closure that turns cints like this to a neat three-act “Law & Orr” episo. I’ve cid stead — and wrg this is the first step — that the rultg self-awarens, and hopefully, beyond me, a ter social awarens of rape, is a sufficient da. It would be pretty ironic for me to force my takeaway upon anyone else, but the year sce my trma, I’ve redited myself to kdns and hope and timacy, which has ma me feel fortable enough to realize that my story n serve a purpose, too. That, I pray, n at least be an everlastg happy begng.</p></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-ibHxfFu-css flex overriStyl"><div class="wpds-c-dXjReQ"><button id="gift-share-shortcut" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-SQjOY-variant-sendary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left hi-for-prt"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf "><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg><span class="wpds-c-iSKIAI">Gift this article</span>Gift Article</button></div></div><div></div><div></div><sectn class="dn-ns hi-for-prt" data-ttid="mostRead" subscriptns-sectn="ntent"><div data-ttid="lazy-most-read-parent" class=""><div style="m-height:800px"></div></div></sectn><div class="wpds-c-hsVKiV"><div data-qa="newsletter" class="hi-for-prt relative"><div class="dib w-100"><div><div class="flex jtify-center align self-center center transn-all duratn-400 ease--out" data-qa="sc-newsletter-signup" aria-label=""><svg aria-labelledby="react-aria-1-aria" role="img" viewBox="0 0 100 80"><tle id="react-aria-1-aria">Loadg...

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19, 2021.PREVIOUS REPORT: 'I'll never get my baby back': Fay of woman killed crash on North Freeway angry over lossHoton police said Sarah Gay was toxited when she drove northbound the southbound lan of the I-45 North Freeway near the Whe Oak ex and h two rs.

Hoeley and Griff were the same r, and the other driver volved wasn't serly hurt.Gay, who was 26 years old at the time of the crash, was charged wh two unts of toxitn manslghter.She was sentenced to 10 years prison this week for both unts. Lol NewsMIAMI – The diplomatic ti between the Uned Stat and Jamai uld soon be jeopardy.There are reports that Jamai is refg to accred the spoe of a gay Amerin diplomat.“Our culture is not really acceptg of ,” said Renae Stevens, who was visg the Jamain nsulate Miami Wednday.Attorney Wayne Goldg is an advisor to Jamai’s ernment.“The whole ia of legislatn to legalize same-sex marriag, I thk they still have a long way to go,” he said. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs.

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While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify, ” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are way more mon than people let on.

Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed. " KB is known on for his vios wh his sex slave, mega-popular gay pornstar Dev Fran. " The term "kg" and the actn associated wh are most monly ed the gay BDSM muny, though not exclively.

Mcular gay pornstar @LivgLargerXXX knows a thg or two about transformatn -- he's been to mcle growth and jectg siline to his dick and balls (which is a fetish) sce 2017. He scrib himself as a domant daddy, keyholr (for gay submissive men to chasty), and fistg top who posts vios on both OnlyFans and JtForFans. PREVIOUS REPORT: 'I'll never get my baby back': Fay of woman killed crash on North Freeway angry over lossHoton police said Sarah Gay was toxited when she drove northbound the southbound lan of the I-45 North Freeway near the Whe Oak ex and h two rs.

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3.8l.1-.09zm6.41-19.6a9.78 9.78 0 01-6.91 2.3 8.92 8.92 0 01-6.3-2.9l-.2.1v14.6h3.8l9.7-14zm22.9 43.41l-8.8-6.91-2.71 2.7-1.3-1.29 3.1-3.21V39.4H671l-.2-.2 3.5-5.2h2.5v-6.7L687.41 16l.2.2V34h8l.2.2-3.5 5.2h-4.7v30.3l4.8 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.3 1.4z"></path></svg><span class="alic gray font-xxxxs font--body">Democracy Di Darkns</span></div></div><hear class="w-100" data-qa="ma-full"><div class="hi-for-prt"></div><div class="mt-lg"><div data-qa="kicker" class="wpds-c-eyomNc wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-jYXVnY-lor-black wpds-c-PJLV-mlvxn-size-lg"><a href=" class="PJLV PJLV-ieDwgbC-css">PostEverythg</a></div></div><div class="w-100" style="max-width:1000px"><h1 class="font--headle offblack headle mb-sm" data-ttid="headle" data-qa="headle" id="ma-ntent"><span data-qa="headle-text">My own rape shows how much we get wrong about the attacks</span></h1></div><div class="flex prt-byle prt-mt-none"><div class="byle-wrapper flex-lumn flex"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ihSmMVC-css"><div class="mb-xxs" style="gap:0.5rem" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class="wpds-c-PJLV"><div class="flex" data-qa="thor-byle"><div class="mr-sm flex lh-0"><div class="wpds-c-iTcer"><img src=" alt="" class="wpds-c-dgBqAZ"/></div></div><span class="left"><div class="flex"><div class="dib font-xxs" data-qa="name-wh-optnal-lk" data-cy="name-wh-optnal-lk"><span data-qa="attributn-text" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP">By <!-- --> </span><a data-qa="thor-name" href=" rel="thor" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP wpds-c-cNdzuP-ejzZdU-isLk-te">Richard Man</a></div></div></span></div></span></div></div><div data-ttid="timtamp" class="wpds-c-kgabfe wpds-c-kgabfe-ikrKXLV-css"><span data-ttid="display-date" class="wpds-c-iKQyrV">July 1, 2014 at 10:18 a.m. EDT</span></div></div></div></hear></div><article class="grid-article mb-xxl-ns" data-qa="ma"><div data-ttid="le-art" data-qa="le-art" class=""><figure class="overflow-hidn relative hi-for-prt center center mb-sm mb-md-ns ml-to-ns mr-to-ns grid-mobile-full-bleed"><div style="filter:blur(10px);transn:filter .1s;le-height:0" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="399"><img style="background-size:ver;max-width:1600px;background-image:url('data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,%3Csvg xmlns='http%3A//; xmlns%3Axlk='http%3A//; viewBox='0 0 1280 853'%3E%3Cfilter id='b' lor-terpolatn-filters='sRGB'%3E%3CfeGssianBlur stdDeviatn='.5'%3E%3C/feGssianBlur%3E%3CfeComponentTransfer%3E%3CfeFuncA type='discrete' tableValu='1 1'%3E%3C/feFuncA%3E%3C/feComponentTransfer%3E%3C/filter%3E%3Cimage filter='url(%23b)' x='0' y='0' height='100%25' width='100%25' xlk%3Ahref='data%3Aimage/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAkAAAAGCAIAAACepSOSAAAACXBIWXMAAC4jAAAuIwF4pT92AAAAs0lEQVQI1wGoAFf/AImSoJSer5yjs52ktp2luJuluKOpuJefsoCNowB+kKaOm66grL+krsCnsMGrt8m1u8mzt8OVoLIAhJqzjZ2tnLLLnLHJp7fNmpyjqbPCqLrRjqO7AIeUn5ultaWtt56msaSnroZyY4mBgLq7wY6TmwCRfk2Pf1uzm2WulV+xmV6rmGyQfFm3nWSBcEIAfm46jX1FkH5Djn5AmodGo49MopBLlIRBfG8yj/dfjF5TUAAAAASUVORK5CYII='%3E%3C/image%3E%3C/svg%3E')" alt="" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="399" srcSet=" 400w, 540w, 691w, 767w, 916w, 1200w" siz="(max-width: 440px) 440px,(max-width: 600px) 691px,(max-width: 768px) 691px,(m-width: 769px) and (max-width: 1023px) 960px,(m-width: 1024px) and (max-width: 1299px) 530px,(m-width: 1300px) and (max-width: 1439px) 691px,(m-width: 1440px) 916px,440px" dg="async"/></div><figptn class="ml-gutter mr-gutter mr-to-ns ml-to-ns font--subhead font-xxxs mt-xs left gray-dark">Some people still see rape acrdg to the old cliche: vile men draggg nocent women to dark alleys and then btalizg them. (Arturo Latierro )</figptn></figure></div><div class="grid-body"><div class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-hSmMVC-isLuf2-false"><div class="wpds-c-jUMcim wpds-c-jUMcim-ibVGacg-css hi-for-prt mb-sm"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ieDMgMI-css flex ems-center" nfig="[object Object]" data-qa="article-actns"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div class="dib poter" data-qa="gift-share"><div aria-label="Gift this story" aria-ntrols="gift-share" aria-owns="gift-share" id="gift-share-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false" role="button" tabx="0"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-PJLV" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg></div></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Gift<!-- --> <span class="PJLV PJLV-ikqOWxF-css">Article</span></span></div></div><div class="dib poter" data-qa="wpds-tooltip-ntrol"><div aria-ntrols="actns-tooltip" aria-owns="actns-tooltip" id="actns-tooltip-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div tabx="0" aria-label="Share" class="PJLV PJLV-ietWzJw-css"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-dJBvpf-iPJLV-css "><path d="M14 14H2V7h1v6h10V7h1Zm-5.5-2h-1V3h1Z"></path><path d="M10.29 5.71 11 5 8 2l-.71.71L5 5l.71.71L8 3.42l2.29 2.29z"></path></svg></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Share</span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="teaser-ntent grid-center"><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><em>[WARNING: This say scrib sexually explic suatns.]</em></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“I ma the for to celebrate,” he said, snterg out of the kchen wh two shot glass full of a red nctn.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="db dn-ns mr-neg-gutter ml-neg-gutter mb-md hi-for-prt" data-qa="subscribe-promo"><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div><a class="pt-sm pb-sm flex ems-center bold font-xxxs font-xxs-ns jtify-center" href=" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="lor:#166dfc;borr:none"><svg class="ntent-box" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" xmlns=" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>Wp</tle><path d="M11.055 8.728l-1.018-1.019-.782.782v6.292l1.782 1.564.018-.019v-7.6zm-4.11.236L5.674 7.71l-.836.855v6.237l1.545 1.327.564-.636V8.964zm2.656 9.074l-2.528-2.182-1.927 2.182-2.619-2.255v-3.564h-.509c-.454 0-.672.273-.745.636H1.09a2.89 2.89 0 0 1-.091-.69c0-.473.2-1.71 1.527-1.71V7.691c0-1.073-.709-1.127-.709-2.054 0-1.037.982-2 2.782-2.637l.164.145c-.6.291-1.09.655-1.09 1.437 0 1.2 1.163.89 1.163 2.782v.727l2.127-2.236 2.237 2.2 2.109-2.2 2.036 2v6.728l-3.745 3.455zm11.108-9.625l-1.073-.982-.964 1.018v6.6c.855.11 1.491.4 2.019.964l.018-.018V8.413zm-2.382.418l-.528.545v10.237l.528.492V8.83zm1.49 9.055c-.308-.382-.69-.709-1.145-.836v3.782l-.036.018-1-.927-2.11 1.945-.036-.018V16.96c-.636.145-1.327.545-1.854 1.2l-.146-.091c.127-1.4.818-2.436 2-2.837v-3.545h-.382c-.527 0-.89.363-.963.763h-.219c-.054-.145-.127-.381-.127-.836 0-.891.6-1.564 1.582-1.564h.11V8.085l-.655-.582-.51.51-.254-.237 2.018-2.073 1.71 1.564V9.05l.527-.564v-2.09h.345v1.727l2.273-2.419L23 7.576v7.91l-3.182 2.4z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg><span class="mr-xs ml-xs gray-darkt flex ems-center">Get the full experience.<span class="ml-xs subs-theme blue">Choose your plan</span></span><svg class="ntent-box" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 16 16" xmlns=" style="fill:#166dfc" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>ArrowRight</tle><path d="M7.664 1.25l6 6a1 1 0 010 1.414l-6 6L6.25 13.25 10.499 9H2V7h8.585L6.25 2.664 7.664 1.25z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></a><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“Celebrate what?” I asked.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">He cked his head to one si. “You’re here!” he cheered. “You fally ma .”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I had been on a long, gelg b ri up om Washgton DC to his apartment New York. It was already 9:45 p.m on a Friday last summer. I felt sore and had jt taken a shower to rid the b experience om my sk. I lghed and, holdg the towel around my waist one hand and the shot glass the other, I looked at . “What’s ?”</p></div></div><div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“G!” I thought he said, more excedly than he should have. G mak me sick. “That’s not really my thg,” I said. Then he pouted, illy and even adorably: “But I ma jt for .”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">So I drank and was a b sharp but really lic, like tart watermelon. “You n hardly taste the g,” I said.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“What g?”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“You said there was g.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">He lghed. “I said G.” He meant GHB, gamma-hydroxybutyric acid, monly known as the date-rape dg. Later me several more dgggs, as he held Gatora up to my limp lips wh who-knows-what mixed . I spent the weekend — about 60 hours — semi-nsc and didn’t leave his apartment until Monday morng. Sometim I thk I never left his apartment, that someone who merely looks and sounds like me walked out.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I had received anal sex twice my life before that night. By weekend’s end, was 17 tim, acrdg to my fog-of-war unt. Ey squeezed shut, the tally was the only thg I foced on at tim — like a tickg clock a solary nfement cell. Every addn to the tally meant I was one moment closer to the end. He moved out soon afterward, which helped erase the existence of that place for me.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I was raped. I had met him a few weeks earlier at a hoe party, and we had h off. He was handsome: 30, well-built, tall wh long black hair, a surfer’s lgh, and great taste “X-Men” (Gamb). He was not some lechero old man. He was not a sexually reprsed loser. There was nothg about him that was “rapey” (a word I tt). The sex self was — I n’t really say was “good,” bee that’s far too moral of a word and far more than he serv, but was highly skilled. He knew exactly what he was dog, exactly how to stimulate me. What he didn’t know was when to listen to me sayg “no,” when to stop, when to realize that my kickg and punchg and shovg and screamg and wrhg was not jt some sick roleplay while he blasted Lady Gaga’s “I Like It Rough.” He vered my sobbg mouth wh his hands. He hhed me and lled me “sexy,” as “You got this, sexy.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When I wrote about <a href=">men who are raped by women</a>, for Details magaze 2004, ught the eye of Bill O’Reilly, who discsed on his show. “If you’re lucky enough as a guy to have some girl e on to you that manner,” he said, “but you don’t want to reciprote, you stand up and you leave, unls the woman is 240 pounds and tackl you. The man is tradnally stronger and better equipped to leave the room.” There is a great disbelief out there, spe the numbers — om the CDC! the NIH! the Jtice Department! — about how <a href=">1 33 men</a> have experienced “a pleted or attempted rape,” or <a href=">12.9 percent</a> have been sexually asslted. Mostly ’s by men they know. (I have a uple dozen mutual Facebook iends wh my assailant.)</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Some people still see rape acrdg to the old cliche: vile men draggg nocent women to dark alleys and then btalizg them. As we are fally learng, the realy is much more plited than the nventnal-wisdom rtoon. Sometim those women experience asm, which n be psychologilly vastatg. I was erect for much of my rape (at least the parts for which I was awake, but probably other parts, too); my assailant knew how to stimulate the physlogil rponse of an erectn — as opposed to the emotnal or psychologil rponse — even if I was cryg or actively tryg to thk about unsexy thgs. I wasn’t handcuffed or tied up, but was a versn of dissociated shock. The visible, immeasurable shackl of such a vlatn are immense.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">From the bed, I uld see the ont door, but was away and I thought, <em>No, I won’t be able to get to the door, unlock , open and pe before he beats the hell out of me</em>. And what was my optn, anyway? To n naked and groggy through his halls and down Nth Avenue? It’s amazg how much fear n make you want — really want — to appease a ptor.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Rape may be as bad as murr, but, like murr, there are many kds of rape. War-crime rape, date rape, rape as a rual for pledgg a aterny, spoal rape, ct, rape wh known assailants, rape wh unknown assailants, police officers sodomizg a man wh a broomstick. Rape ntas multus. Any discsn of rape is gog to require as a culture to get much more imagative about . (Helpfully, the Jtice Department jt <a href=">expand s fn</a> to clu men.) Every time we discs rape as if ’s only men draggg women to alleys, we make the act of reportg all the more unfortable, burnsome and alienatg for women beg raped by their boyiends, or stunts beg raped by their teachers, or men beg raped by women, or men beg raped by men. It is an act of theft on top of an act of rape.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">* * *</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><strong>What’s shockg about this limed perspective is, sadly, how much opportuny there is to see the full spectm of rape our culture.</strong> Not only are dozens of lleg currently embroiled sex asslt vtigatns — cludg Jam Madison Universy, which jt punished three rapists wh <a href=">“expulsn after graduatn”</a> (or, as a iend noted, jt “graduatn”). There are the tw revulsns of <a href=">Dov Charney</a> and Terry Richardson. New York magaze put Richardson on s ver last month wh the qutn “<a href=">Is Terry Richardson an Artist or a Predator?</a>” as if a person nnot be both. There’s self-scribed “Ve star” Brtany Furlan on the red rpet for Soap Opera Network’s Daytime Emmys verage tellg a male actor “We’re gog to get you away om before we rape you.” It’s a world where Gee Will realistilly n fend <a href=">wrg</a> that sexual asslt survivors “make victimhood a veted stat that nfers privileg.” The Web se <a href="></a>, which tracks Republin blunrs on rape, is now s eighth edn.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When male victims are discsed, ’s almost always about children — the Sandky stori and all their perverse variants. For adults, or out of prison, male-on-male rape is mostly thought of as an attack on a heterosexual victim, rape addg homophobic sult to jury. Yet rape is, ironilly, always on the tongu of men. “I’m gonna rape you Halo!” “This Monday morng is rapg me.” “Paper jam? Ugh, I wanna rape this prter.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">The terrible thg about beg a gay man is that is pennt on exprsn. If you’re straight and have never had sex, you’re a virg. If you’re gay and have never had sex, you’re nfed. <em>How n you know you’re gay unls you’ve tried ?</em> In the wake of my nightmare — and all the subsequent nightmar and daymar that have e wh — I wanted nothg to do wh sex. But what is a gay man who don’t have sex? I wasn’t even sure what I beme.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When I fally eed myself om that apartment — I flatter myself; the tth is, he was done wh me — I took the next tra out of town. I wanted to be as far away as I uld. From the lobby of Unn Statn D.C., I sobbed to my phone and told a iend what happened. He might have saved my life by urgg me to a b to Whman-Walker Clic, where <a href=">I began a 30-day anti-HIV dg regimen</a> (I am HIV-negative, thank God). In the exam, when the nurse asked me to exhale eply, I uld smell his sweat and semen on my breath, and I began cryg all over aga, bee I didn’t remember givg — or beg forced to give — fellat, and sudnly I realized there was a whole extra circle of Hell, hidn horrors done to my unnsc body wh no way of ever knowg fully what happened.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I wasn’t gog to wre any of this. But even given all those statistics, I’ve never heard a story told om my perspective, and certaly never expected to be the one tellg . I had e to accept my life as a kd of ongog closet: a secret room which a playthg lled Richard — lled “sexy” — broken by some zealo child. But the untold stori are precisely the most important stori to tell. The more stori that are told, the ls they n all be the same.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">* * *</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><strong>I know how dumb and selfish and even endangerg this n sound, but I don’t want to charge my attacker (not everyone do)</strong><strong>.</strong> After the JMU asslt, the survivor <a href=">told</a> the Huffgton Post that “It was kd of hard for me to al wh. I jt tried to dimish the suatn. I didn’t want to brg up, didn’t want to talk about .” That ronated wh me. I don’t want anythg to do wh him. I don’t want him my life, even a urtroom. I kept imagg, perhaps too cematilly, that he’d toss off some hntg quip as he was hled away. I won’t let him. I won’t even let him have a name now. He’s a namels mon who has taken so much that I don’t want to give him even the possibily of takg more.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Beg asslted changed sex for me. The total absence of timacy durg that horrible weekend rtored my need for . In the world of hook-up apps, where you n know the size of a paramour’s penis before you know his name — if you ever learn his name — sex be worse than sual, worse than rnal; be transactnal. Usg Grdr and s ilk, men orr guys over to their apartments as if they were specialty pizzas.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Afterward, the 30-day anti-HIV dg regimen weirdly helped thgs. I was certaly not about to be sexually active that time. It enabled a kd of monasticism. My new le beme that I didn’t want to have sex wh anyone I wouldn’t brg to a dner party. I recently spent an eveng wh a guy that peaked wh hand-holdg. (It was everythg The Beatl promised and more.)</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">So much — too much — of our llective gay story is about sadns and spair and downfall. “Gvanni’s Room.” “Dancer From The Dance.” “The Normal Heart.” “Angels Ameri.” “My Own Private Idaho.” “Philalphia.” “Brokeback Mounta.” “Milk.” “Weekend.” When the two hot teenage boys “Y Tu Mamá También” hook up, stroys their iendship. Even “Will & Grace” end wh the lifelong iendship s of . It’s an unspoken tra-off: gays n be pop culture as long as they’re vacuo or miserable or both, as if we’re born wh the gene for sad endgs (#getsbter).</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I n’t offer a happy endg here. I don’t want the sort of closure that turns cints like this to a neat three-act “Law & Orr” episo. I’ve cid stead — and wrg this is the first step — that the rultg self-awarens, and hopefully, beyond me, a ter social awarens of rape, is a sufficient da. It would be pretty ironic for me to force my takeaway upon anyone else, but the year sce my trma, I’ve redited myself to kdns and hope and timacy, which has ma me feel fortable enough to realize that my story n serve a purpose, too. That, I pray, n at least be an everlastg happy begng.</p></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-ibHxfFu-css flex overriStyl"><div class="wpds-c-dXjReQ"><button id="gift-share-shortcut" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-SQjOY-variant-sendary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left hi-for-prt"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf "><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg><span class="wpds-c-iSKIAI">Gift this article</span>Gift Article</button></div></div><div></div><div></div><sectn class="dn-ns hi-for-prt" data-ttid="mostRead" subscriptns-sectn="ntent"><div data-ttid="lazy-most-read-parent" class=""><div style="m-height:800px"></div></div></sectn><div class="wpds-c-hsVKiV"><div data-qa="newsletter" class="hi-for-prt relative"><div class="dib w-100"><div><div class="flex jtify-center align self-center center transn-all duratn-400 ease--out" data-qa="sc-newsletter-signup" aria-label=""><svg aria-labelledby="react-aria-1-aria" role="img" viewBox="0 0 100 80"><tle id="react-aria-1-aria">Loadg... .

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