What Happened When I Tried to Track Down My Childhood Bulli</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="What Happened When I Tried to Track Down My Childhood Bulli" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="A Pri Month project backfir a most surprisg way." /><meta name="keywords" ntent="LGBTQ pri, Pri, bulli, bullyg, gay life, pri month" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/shondaland/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Shondaland" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="1860347537614732" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@byshondaland" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="sfu5mSXvL_LJ0UWJMOQBi6gAhtC3W7eoCJECFtoBQiw" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="What Happened When I Tried to Track Down My Childhood Bulli" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="A Pri Month project backfir a most surprisg way." /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/shondaland/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="timely" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Relatnships & Fay" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2023-06-06T17:19:34Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2022-06-20T11:00:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="Inially, this say was gog to be an experiment: I would get ntact wh some of the people who bullied me middle and high school and hear what they had to say. The plan end up backfirg a most surprisg way. 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18slxzw">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.04em;le-height:2rem;marg-left:0.3125rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-transform:upperse;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-left:0.9375rem;}}</style><a rel="nofollow" href="/th/csrf?actn=log&return_url=/" class="css-18slxzw e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css dp60qh">{whe-space:nowrap;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:2rem;font-weight:bold;text-transform:upperse;letter-spacg:0.04em;}</style><span class="css-dp60qh e7dmux21">sign </span></a></div></div></nav><div class="oop-ad css-0 e1x3pu1"><div id="gpt-ad-oop-1" class="ad-ntaer css-0 e1x3pu0"></div></div><style data-emotn="css 1ny62y9">{background-lor:bg-primary;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-right:var(--sponsor-panel-width, 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sleTransform(sle, value, props, sx){nstbase = sle && typeof sle === 'object' ? || DEFAULT_SCALE :DEFAULT_SCALE;} margBlockEnd{props:margBlockEnd;sle:space;} margBlockEnd transform:functn sleTransform(sle, value, props, sx){nstbase = sle && typeof sle === 'object' ? || DEFAULT_SCALE :DEFAULT_SCALE;} margBlockStart{props:margBlockStart;sle:space;} margBlockStart transform:functn sleTransform(sle, value, props, sx){nstbase = sle && typeof sle === 'object' ? || DEFAULT_SCALE :DEFAULT_SCALE;} top{props:top;sle:space;} top transform:functn sleTransform(sle, value, props, sx){nstbase = sle && typeof sle === 'object' ? || DEFAULT_SCALE :DEFAULT_SCALE;} right{props:right;sle:space;} right transform:functn sleTransform(sle, value, props, sx){nstbase = sle && typeof sle === 'object' ? || DEFAULT_SCALE :DEFAULT_SCALE;} bottom{props:bottom;sle:space;} bottom transform:functn sleTransform(sle, value, props, sx){nstbase = sle && typeof sle === 'object' ? || DEFAULT_SCALE :DEFAULT_SCALE;} left{props:left;sle:space;} left transform:functn sleTransform(sle, value, props, sx){nstbase = sle && typeof sle === 'object' ? || DEFAULT_SCALE :DEFAULT_SCALE;} posn{props:posn;sle:posn;} zInx{props:zInx;sle:zIndic;} clear{props:clear;sle:clear;} set{props:set;sle:set;} img{object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="young teen stg wh his head between his kne a high school hallway" tle="What Happened When I Tried to Track Down My Bulli" width="2500" height="1406" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="exadjwu13 css-xluzk0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 13l7o78">{paddg-left:0.625rem;}</style><div class="css-13l7o78 m8yu70"><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css r1wujd">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;lor:#595959;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-r1wujd e6iqd2">Shondaland staff/Getty</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css mktybr">{marg:0 to;max-width:75rem;paddg:0 0.938rem;text-align:center;}@media(m-width: 64rem){[data-has-sponsor] {text-align:start;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0 2.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg:0.9375rem 1.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0 1.875rem;}}</style><div class="css-mktybr exadjwu4"><style data-emotn="css 6bdp5f">{font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:bold;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-6bdp5f exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>What Happened When I Tried to Track Down My Childhood Bulli<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 1cgvs9y">{font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.25rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.5rem;le-height:1.2;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#B20B16;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-1cgvs9y exadjwu8"><p>A Pri Month project backfir a most surprisg way.</p></div><style data-emotn="css 1yvxpqj">{marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;} span{le-height:1.6;}</style><div class="css-1yvxpqj exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css ku2dj9">{font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><addrs class="css-ku2dj9 ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 6ywij2">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-6ywij2 ehvvd9m1">By <style data-emotn="css 5z6rvi">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#B20B16;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/227743/mallm-venable/" class="css-5z6rvi e1c1bym14">Mallm Venable</a></span><style data-emotn="css w0ebia">{display:le-block;text-transform:upperse;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-w0ebia exadjwu6">Published: Jun 20, 2022</time></addrs></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css k008qs">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;}</style><div class="css-k008qs ewisyje0"><style data-emotn="css 7ce51e">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{max-width:lc(100vw - (1rem * 2));marg-left:1rem;marg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(-1 * 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc((100vw - (lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 2 * 1rem)) / -2);}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 2);max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 + 1rem)) / -2) - lc(2 * 1rem));}[data-has-sponsor] {marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);marg-right:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);}}</style><div class="standard-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-7ce51e ewisyje3"><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em></em>Inially, this say was gog to be an experiment: I would get ntact wh some of the people who bullied me middle and high school and hear what they had to say. The plan end up backfirg a most surprisg way. First, some ntext.</p><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I got lled a “faggot” before I unrstood what meant. Never md the celty of ; as a boy of 7 or 8, I didn’t know what “gay” was. I was jt hand a label that marked me as unsirable before I uld form sir of my own. I don’t remember beg overly effemate, but I probably was. I preferred playg wh dolls wh the girls my neighborhood more than football. I enjoyed listeng to ladi chatter my grandmother’s bety salon and gog shoppg wh my nt much more than fishg wh men or smashg thgs wh boys. Once at a fay gatherg, a woman referred to me as “a ltle sweet,” and I n remember how jarrg was. I don’t thk she meant any harm; she was jt sharg an observatn. But the msage was clear: I was not like the other boys.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="2" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css a5reqv">{borr:none;marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;paddg:1.25rem;}</style><asi class="css-a5reqv e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css 1420j22">{display:block;font-weight:bold;marg:0rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.3rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-1420j22 e6pr2lz3"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Stori</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 2zzl1o">{paddg-top:1.25rem;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.1;} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#B20B16;}</style><li class="css-2zzl1o e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/live/fay/a40232471/growg-up--the-gay-muny-ma-me-a-better-man/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="How to LGBTQ Communy Ma Me a Better Man" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="growg up the gay muny ma me a better man" tle="Growg Up the Gay Communy Ma Me a Better Man" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">How to LGBTQ Communy Ma Me a Better Man</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-2zzl1o e6pr2lz2"><a href="/act/a40155615/lgbtq-life-effects-on-our-health/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="LGBTQ+ Life Isn’t Easy on Our Health" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="lgbtq life is hard on our health" tle="LGBTQ+ Life is Hard on Our Health" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">LGBTQ+ Life Isn’t Easy on Our Health</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="3" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">By middle school, the tntg got so tense that my parents put me a private Catholic amy. I suppose the st beme too great, bee by eighth gra I was back public school, where the teasg ntued. Eventually — and I will always rpect my father for this — my dad tght me how to fight. We spent hours gog over how to throw a punch, where to land my fist for maximum effectivens. It worked. One summer day, I was playg at the creek wh a bunch of boys when Oliver (all nam have been changed) kept throwg rocks at my brother, seven years my junr. I asked him to stop. “What are you gog to do about , faggot?” I tried to get on my bike to leave, but another boy, Calib, held the seat so I uldn’t pe. I had no choice. I beat Oliver swiftly and mercilsly, shockg the other boys. Later, a huiated Oliver followed me home for a rematch. The whole neighborhood gathered my ont yard to watch as I whooped Oliver aga. Oliver never bothered me after that, but I uldn’t ast off that victory forever.</p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">By high school, the bullyg lsened equency but creased tensy. The normal bravado and machismo boys try on their teen years was exacerbated, I thk, by the creasgly “hard” image that rappers of the ’90s ma popular; ’s been said that queers and “fags” help give straight boys an inty, somethg to exprs domance over. I n rell passg the tough boys the hall, my whole body eezg wh tensn, the alkale taste my mouth as they hurled sults my way. To this day, I sometim wonr if the <a href=" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="ADHD and anxiety" class="body-lk css-5z6rvi et3p2gv0"><u>ADHD and anxiety</u></a> I experience now stems om feelg nstantly on guard, ever aware of any potential threat, real or perceived.</p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Yet, as the LGBTQ+ muny has often heard said, “It gets better.” And for me, has. Today, I have a great life. I have tons of wonrful iends. I have had great lov. As a 200-pound du who nfintly tak up space when walkg down the street, I have zero fear of the kd of harassment those boys (and a few girls) heaped on me when we were kids. They nnot hurt me like they did then. In observatn of Pri Month, I got an ia for an experiment: What if I tracked them down to talk wh them? Would they apologize? Deny? Double down, tell me I was perverted and bound for hell? I was cur. I wanted them to know I’d fiven them. I wanted the last remnants of that terrified boy wh me to have closure and peace.</p><style data-emotn="css 117ibkt">{m-height:733px;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{m-height:531px;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{m-height:648px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{m-height:818px;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:732px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{m-height:573px;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{m-height:679px;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{m-height:687px;}}{ntent:"";clear:both;display:table;}</style><div data-embed="stagram" data-no-id="6" class="embed align-center css-117ibkt e1dhx11l2"><div supprsHydratnWarng class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 10klw3m">{height:100%;}</style><div data-embed="stagram" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><style data-emotn="css m3d82h">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;height:100%;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;m-height:733px;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{m-height:531px;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{m-height:648px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{m-height:818px;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:732px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{m-height:573px;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{m-height:679px;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{m-height:687px;}}</style><div class="css-m3d82h ez8lbhw0"><style data-emotn="css 1msakm2">{width:3.125rem;height:3.125rem;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="stagram in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Instagram" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Instagram</a></div></div></div></div><p data-no-id="7" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But a funny thg happened on the road to salvatn. As I began reachg out to them on Facebook, the procs of nnectg wh the worst offenrs proved harr than I anticipated. Some never rpond to my msag. One said y and never gave me a number to ll. At least one is ad; he was murred some years ago, I would learn, durg a dg al gone awry a sketchy hotel room. I learned this unfortunate news om one guy, Donald, whom I was able to speak wh. He’s now a father of two, and back then he wasn’t as btal as some of the boys were wh me, but he was sometim a silent wns.</p><p data-no-id="8" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">As Donald and I spoke, somethg me shifted. He had no rellectn of me beg teased but offered a scere apology “if I ever ma you feel any kd of way.” I sensed that he meant , and he went on to reveal that he now has a gay bt iend. Further, he told me that when we were school, his father was revery om alholism. I learned that while I was g home om school feelg so alienated and ashamed of the powerlsns I was experiencg, Donald’s uncle was dyg of AIDS; Donald’s father weled the sick man to their home and was adamant that Donald shouldn’t judge him and should stead treat him wh passn.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="9" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1h5xk02">{font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;font-weight:bold;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.2;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><blockquote class="css-1h5xk02 e1pe3zr90">I never nsired that the people who gave me a hard time, or were an acplice to , might’ve been havg a hard time themselv.</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="10" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Wh that, my memori took on a new timbre, like a photograph beg lightened. I never nsired that the people who gave me a hard time, or were an acplice to , might’ve been havg a hard time themselv. My own old hurts started to feel even more signifint. This was the pot of the exercise.</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">When tryg to track down bulli started to bee difficult, I figured I’d try another track: talk wh the boys who didn’t give me a hard time to see how they remembered thgs. That’s when I had a ltle epiphany. There were way more boys who were ol than weren’t. One wrote to me, “I’m so proud of you and all you’ve done,” and I realized I’d given more weight to the rough parts than the uneventful on. I fot how unplited and even gentle my relatnships were wh the vast majory of boys om school. Other, more pleasant memori me back: playg basketball backyards, playg on the railroad tracks, disverg an adult’s che of nghty films. Sudnly, those already small, paful memori got even tier bee they were only a actn of my overall experience.</p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Today I am grateful for the lsons om that experience. I learned how to ignore haters, retreat to myself, endure, and hold my head up even when feels heavy. I learned that not everyone’s gog to like you, and that’s okay. Some people are mean; that’s life. I learned rilience and how to like myself no matter what. The are the fundamental valu at the heart of Pri — valu I may not have acquired otherwise.</p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Havg the plan backfire stck me as ironic and kd of funny. Here I was, pursu of fivens and healg by seekg out other people, but I didn’t need to. I didn’t need closure; I had already healed. I have not only fiven them but thanked them too. They ma me strong.</p><style data-emotn="css 18pb4rg">{borr:0;borr-bottom:th solid black;marg:1.875rem 0;clear:both;}</style><hr data-no-id="14" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><p data-no-id="15" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em>Mallm Venable is a Senr Staff Wrer at Shondaland. Follow him on Twter @</em><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="mallmvenable" class="body-lk css-5z6rvi et3p2gv0"><em><u>mallmvenable</u></em></a><em>.</em></p><p data-no-id="16" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong><em>Get Shondaland directly your box</em></strong><strong>: </strong><style data-emotn="css 18o6lw4">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#fff;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;display:le-block;font-fay:GTWalsheim,Helveti,sans-serif;text-transform:upperse;width:to;paddg:0.6rem 0.7rem;background-lor:#B20B16;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1;letter-spacg:0.05em;font-weight:bold;marg:0rem;}{lor:#fff;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;background-lor:#000000;}{outle-lor:body-cta-btn-lk-foc;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="SUBSCRIBE TODAY" rel="nofollow" data-href=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" class="body-btn-lk css-18o6lw4 et3p2gv0"><strong>SUBSCRIBE TODAY</strong></a></p></div></div><style data-emotn="css 6b9rfj">{display:block;-webk-flex-basis:lc((100vw - 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