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- The world's first fe art photography magaze dited to queer and gay 2 - the Pri Issue featur ten photographers om ne untri: AY (UK), David Charl Colls (Atralia), Matthew Fley (USA), Ashish Gupta (India), Manuel Monyo (Mexi), Juan Anton Papagni Me (Argenta), Sebastian Perotti (Argenta), Mric A. Lol NewsMIAMI – The diplomatic ti between the Uned Stat and Jamai uld soon be jeopardy.There are reports that Jamai is refg to accred the spoe of a gay Amerin diplomat.“Our culture is not really acceptg of ,” said Renae Stevens, who was visg the Jamain nsulate Miami Wednday.Attorney Wayne Goldg is an advisor to Jamai’s ernment.“The whole ia of legislatn to legalize same-sex marriag, I thk they still have a long way to go,” he said.

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SiegedSec, a self-scribed group of gay furry hackers, took s skills to state ernments late June, breachg agenci across five stat and releasg a wealth of data.The stat targeted on June 27 were Texas, Nebraska, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, and South Carola. Is a project by The Ltle Black Gallery, curated by -founr Ghisla Pasl, to promote queer and gay photography.It now reprents more than 60 photographers om 25 untri - cludg Cha, India, Iran, Poland, Rsia and Turkey where gay rights are reprsed and queer liv unr nstant threat.

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Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify, ” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are way more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed. 'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife. Through this reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback—siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the terveng years between the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and the prent day, thanks no small part to advancements HIV preventn technologi. Keywords: Agg, Bareback, Cultural studi, Gay-for-pay, Gay pornography, Johnny RapidIntroductnJohnny Rapid began his porn reer at the start of the 2010s as a h-faced 18-year-old, shootg scen wh Boys First Time and Bkake Boys before signg wh Men as an exclive and releasg his first scene November 2011.

1 He was also named as the send most searched for gay porn star Pornhub’s 2017 “Year Review” annual analytics report (beaten to the top spot by relative new-er William Seed, also a Men exclive)2 and was the 2017 recipient of Str8UpGayPorn’s Bt Gay-4-Pay Performer award. Through reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback; siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the years that have ticked over sce the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and our prent day (see Brennan, 2020a)—due to the wispread mastreamg of bareback mercial gay porn, which has been buoyed no small part by advancements HIV preventn Rapid Go BarebackJohnny Rapid’s bareback but served as the lnch event for Bromo; a se that shared a parent pany (MdGeek) wh Sean Cody and Men, the latter two s that 2018 held the distctn of beg the first and send most equented sourc of gay porn on the web, rpectively (Brennan, 2018).

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I observe that while Rapid’s first-time bareback performance is marketed as a up for viewers, the general nsens among Str8UpGayPorn’s rearship is more my readg of the disurse will show, the largt proportn of those mentg on the mpaign exprsed a cidly negative viewpot. Especially as this trend relat to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback Barebackg CoupAnalysis of viewer receptivens to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign offers particular sights to the functn of ‘bareback event marketg, ’ and wh the impact that the movement towards a “state of ndomlsns” (Brennan, 2020a, 131) gay porn has had on dience expectatns around what nstut a newsworthy performance—together wh dience views on the ethics of ndomls promotn self. Jt as the 2010s hered the equent prentatns of acts that would have been nsired extreme pornography a earlier—such as anal creampi—on s that are generally nsired “vanilla” gay porn (Kiss Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 132), Morris has himself been forced to gravate towards more extreme portrayals orr to mata his radil reputatn.

” (see Florênc, 2018) Also, as John Mercer (2017) not, the “first time” vice is “one of the key disurs of youth that is summoned up gay porn, ” (89) which is an unrstandg of the genre that helps expla the stg of Rapid for this particular re of passage. Consirg first the reactns to the news of Rapid’s bareback performance, the failure of Bromo to stir up tert—and for s tend msage to land wh Str8UpGayPorn rears—is surmised by two them; namely: bareback as self now mundane, and Rapid’s bareback but as dangero. ’” (C55) The more plited of the two them that emerged the wake of the announcement is the healthism 2: As DangeroOf urse, bareback sex was once the norm gay pornography—before the HIV/AIDS era—, and was mpaigns of another kd—namely for safer sex—that have created the opportuni for harsh judgement, even censure, here and more broadly.

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21 We turn now to viewer asssment of the scen of Rapid’s barebackg but, such asssments that were thored the ments sectns of Str8UpGayPorn’s of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback CampaignFour scen were released as part of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign—one per week begng on Augt 6, 2015. It is a view that regniz the potential of the ter promotg certa sexual practic (see Rosenberger et al., 2011); but also, pots to the “risky bs” of a regrsive trajectory followg a perceived cle the threat of HIV—whereby “agast all good medil advice, ” the porn dtry is puttg profs ahead of muny health by “showg healthy lookg people engagg unhealthy behavr, ” and “sendg a bad msage, pecially to young gay men, ” for many of whom porn, is assumed, plays an important role their inty formatn. Not only do nfirm abundant e of pornography by gay men (also see Duggan & McCreary, 2004), but also, of the 20 participants who took part the study, three quarters of those terviewed attributed gay pornography as their primary means of learng about gay sex durg adolcence (Elr et al., 2015, 951) foregog viewer ment is ak to what Alex Carballo-Diéguez and José Bermeister (2004) found their paratively early ntent analysis of ments for and agast barebackg.

Mercer mak the pot that while a theme of homophobia may be seen to unrsre certa scenars—such as sex prison (and perhaps hazg and gay-for-pay narrative settgs as well)—, to label such scenars as homophobic is “far too simplistic and rctive to acunt for the relatively plex range of disurs at play.

Scene 3 b an alleged misogynist (Rapid) wh a perceived homophobe (Black) a pairg that those mentg regnize as a meetg of ntroversi:One asshole gettg FUCKED by another how origal (C20)The only upg scene I’d be terted watchg featurg Vadim Black (don’t that make him sound like some chey vampire?

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(C29)32In addn to offensive signifieds that adjo the performers’ off-screen liv, one mentator also labels the men as probable racists, prumably le wh the whe-washed nature of much of gay porn:33 “As much as I dislike both of their personali, and that they both might be potentially racist as well, I’m watchg this maly for Vadim.

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However, what n be gleamed om the disurse regardg class is that Rapid’s gay-for-pay porn inty, bed wh his reputed treatment of women, merg wh his “power bottom” performanc to create a distctly workg-class nstctn that was central to his narrative at the time. ” (C5) Yet the nsens seems to be that Rapid’s bareback but as an ‘event’ is the scene self together wh the promotnal imag that acpany are cricized as overly staged—“There’s some[thg] cidly unsexy about a group of guys stoppg to pose for the mera mid-fuck” (C14)—, unr erotic—“he’s the most borg and passnls gay porn performer I’ve ever seen, no matter how many dicks he n take at the same time.

For Mark Kiss ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015) the performance of “double anal peratns, ” and even “graphic cream pi, ” while once an ditor of “‘extreme’ gay pornography” and “relegated to shady, dim backrooms studs” such as TIM, “are now somewhat mon place; perhaps even yawn worthy to pecially jad gay porn nnoissrs. ” ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 126) In other words, for many there is a sire for specific and personally-practised gay sex acts to be exaggerated follows that if bareback is sirable, or perhaps practised as part of a nsumer’s sex life—as recent advanc HIV preventative technologi have ma possible whout beg necsarily acts of ristance—then there is an expectatn that pornography will take this portrayal further. In fact, Mercer (2017) nomat Rapid as one of three performers who typify “the specific physily and athetic of the boy-next-door and the sexy kid” (85) his monograph on gay porn, which serv to illtrate how Rapid, aged c25 at time of Mercer’s monograph, ntu to enjoy “kid”-oriented appreciatns, spe his age.

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I acknowledge that the reason Rapid’s reer survived while Lyons’ flounred and soon ceased is likely attributable to a number of factors—cludg a ntued fatuatn wh “straight-actg” performers over more gay-intifiable/effemate on such as Lyons and Lyons’ movement to watersports—erotic ure play—around the same time (an area of gay porn need of greater rearch).

As another study of me—to the bareback transns of the most popular sourc of gay porn (see Brennan, 2020a, 131)—reveals, 2010 falls jt shy of a number of high profile bareback adoptns that would e between the Lyons and Rapid buts: late 2011 (Sean Cody and Corb Fisher) and late 2013 (Lus Entertament and Next Door Studs).

Those who objected to the practice on ethil grounds viewed as ak to celebry endorsements of potentially harmful practic (such as smokg or alhol nsumptn), th nnectg wh a health disurse that is pecially potent given the historilly-charged nnectn between the gay muny and HIV/AIDS.

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Rather than rcg this to an example of reckls abandon—a posn wh s own pleasur —, I believe that unrstandg n be reached through ntextualizatn and acunt for the cultural formatns and practic that have bee embedd gay culture, and which were shaped by so-lled unsafe sexual practic of the past. Mowlaboc, for example, argued 2007—a time when risk bareback was perceived by gay men as much more real than is today—for the importance of a “fully ntextualized” (218) unrstandg of disurs on bareback—both the hedonistic eedoms felt by proponents and practners of , as well as the rhetoric of s tractors.

” (218)The succs—and srs—rema today  my native Atralia of other ‘event marketg’—the public service mpaigns particularly, such as the 1987 Natnal Advisory Commtee on AIDS’ Grim Reaper39—that, my readg, bled gay men-as-origal-disease-rriers wh reapers strikg at the heart of everyday cizens—children clud. Ltle wonr, therefore, that the apparent vanquishg of HIV via pre- and post-exposure technologi has served as a rapture event; one that, but sign, keeps lser risks the shadow of public enemy number one—for gay men’s health and their standg the muny at large.

Rapid’s ntued populary at time of wrg (and ls so, but still popular, at time of publitn) is signifint bee bucks received wisdom on the reer trajectory of bottom twks—who tend to retire or fa to obscury by their mid-twenti, pecially when they reprent a certa workg classns (as opposed to performers like Brent Corrigan, whose dtry savvy and nnectedns wh gay culture has assured his ntued relevance). As HIV and AIDS has bee more of a ‘chronic’ health ndn, and as meditns that seemgly prevent HIV have bee more available and popular, gay men may have re-claimed bareback sex as a sexual practice—certaly, gay pornography has [see, for example, my (Brennan, 2020a) discsn of the change-of-heart, return-to-beg-a-bareback-stud progrsn of dtry heavyweights like Michael Lus, of Lus Entertament (143–145)]. The prent article offers rears some sight to how the reer of a popular performer gay pornography ed ‘gog bareback’ as a means of (re)lnchg a new phase of his reer, particularly as he was begng to ‘age out’ of his ial porn inty as a ‘twk’ performer.

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Lookg beyond 2015, exampl of a revalized reer n be found Rapid’s leadg role ‘mastream’ gay porn parody films released the wake of his bareback turn—cludg parodi of Pokémon42 and Jt Bieber43 2016, and Pirat of the Caribbean44 and Jtice League45 2017, for example (for a readg of Rapid’s portrayal of the Flash the last of the parodi, see Brennan, 2020b, 279–281). In nyg the creampie  2015, was Rapid effectively ristg the “ejaculative evince of the vlence enacted by the phall” (Semerene, 2021, 202); and wh a val—pecially gay—mment to kship and a return-to-bareback practice among gay men; somethg shown the disappotment of those viewg the seri when their hope of beg privy to an pecially timate event by, arguably, the bt-known performer at that time fell short? Each time, however, Rapid has transned a mercially-viable manner that, if anythg, falls behd the momentum of bareback wh mercial gay porn; a momentum that accelerat all of viewg this ntent towards timaci— the receptivens to ejaculat pecially, and personal practic, possibly—more extreme.

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”40See Fiske and Hartley, 1978, 176 for a discsn of exnomatn, the evacuatn of a privileged term om the bary system—admtedly, a loose f here, yet one that do help to expla how, through an obssive pursu of HIV (through health mpaigng, and both ternal to and as an opprsive force onto the gay muny) other health risks of ndomls anal sex between men uld be bbed out of nscns, and stay fad, even today. The play, often dismissed by mastream crics but hailed as "funny, sexy, and important" by the gay prs, ran for 140 performanc off-Broadway, then toured to eight ci over ne months, and returned to Broadway starrg the legendary adult film star Casey Donovan the lead role.

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Dpe s unprecented succs and acclaim, the play was not officially published until wh the but publitn of the script of the play, this edn clus a foreword by Jordan Schildcrout tled "Tubstrip and The Erotic Theatre of Gay Liberatn", which exam the signifince of the play as one of a wave of erotic gay plays (most of them fotten or lost) that emerged between 1969 and 1974. He went on to have a major reer gay male pornography, directg numero award-wng films between 1989 and 2007, such as More of a Man, Flh & Blood, Dream Team, and Schildcrout is Associate Profsor of Theatre & Performance at SUNY Purchase.

For margalized groups, tthful reprentatn film is imperative, even lifavg, and today’s stormy polil climate there’s an urgency for straight cisgenr people to see LGBTQ characters portrayed accurately and unapologetilly — and by people who actually know what LGBTQ life is like bee they live we’re a long way om total clivy and gay movi sans stereotyp, the film dtry has ma recent stris centerg LGBTQ+ characters. German Chavez was 14 years old when he first started g a gay datg app lled Grdr to fd adult men to pay him for need to help his troubled sgle mother pay the bills, he said, and had no trouble fdg men to purchase him on the popular lotn-based mobile 25 and years away om the sex tra, Chavez is warng other mors to stay away om Grdr, one of the most popular apps the untry for gay and bisexual men.

The pany touts s mobile platform as “The World’s Largt Social Networkg App for Gay, Bi, Trans and Queer People” and says s ers have to be 18 years old and the app is teemg wh unrage gay, bisexual and qutng boys, acrdg to rearchers, child exploatn specialists and ers like Chavez who say they n easily lie about their age to ga accs to the LGBTQ teens are seekg nnectn a world that provis few safe spac, rearchers say. Turban recently -published an article the Journal of the Amerin Amy of Child and Adolcent Psychiatry timatg that about one quarter of all gay and bisexual adolcent mal are g Grdr and siar apps — likely hundreds of thoands of youth natnwi.

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A few d homosexuals n be found  Aled Hchck’s early work (check out the swishy drsmaker 1925’s The Pleasure Garn), while Ivor Novello’s films play up the flamboyant star’s androgyny, playg very odd, allegedly heterosexual men  The Lodger (1926) and The Man whout Dire (1923). It took another 10 years before partial crimalisatn took effect wh the Sexual Offenc act 1967, which allowed homosexual acts, private, between two men over the age of 21 – many feel Basil Dearn’s film helped liberalise attus and pave the way towards tolerance towards gay people.

The Leather Boys (1964)The Brish ‘kchen sk’ dramas, foced around workg-class liv, that prevailed the late 50s and early 60s ocsnally ntaed sympathetic gay characters, such as Murray Melv’s stunt  A Taste of Honey (1961) and Cicely Courtneidge’s ageg actor  The L-shaped Room (1962). WASHINGTON — A majory of gay and bisexual Generatn Z teenage boys report beg out to their parents, part of an uptick g out among young people that rearchers have noted recent s, acrdg to rearch published by the Amerin Psychologil Associatn.

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23.58C20.731 23.778 20.15 23.913 19.298 23.952C18.445 23.991 18.173 24 16 24C13.827 24 13.555 23.99 12.702 23.952C11.85 23.913 11.269 23.778 10.76 23.58C10.2262 23.379 9.74259 23.064 9.343 22.657C8.93593 22.2574 8.62093 21.7738 8.42 21.24C8.222 20.731 8.087 20.15 8.048 19.298C8.01 18.445 8 18.173 8 16C8 13.827 8.01 13.555 8.048 12.702C8.087 11.85 8.222 11.269 8.42 10.76C8.624 10.234 8.898 9.787 9.343 9.343C9.787 8.898 10.233 8.624 10.76 8.42C11.269 8.222 11.85 8.087 12.702 8.048C13.555 8.01 13.827 8 16 8ZM16 10C14.046 10 13.814 10.007 13.043 10.043C12.329 10.075 11.942 10.194 11.683 10.295C11.3657 10.4124 11.0787 10.5993 10.843 10.842C10.586 11.098 10.427 11.342 10.295 11.684C10.195 11.942 10.075 12.329 10.043 13.043C10.007 13.814 10 14.046 10 16C10 17.954 10.007 18.186 10.043 18.957C10.075 19.671 10.194 20.058 10.295 20.317C10.427 20.658 10.586 20.902 10.842 21.157C11.098 21.414 11.342 21.573 11.684 21.705C11.942 21.805 12.329 21.925 13.043 21.957C13.814 21.993 14.046 22 16 22C17.954 22 18.186 21.993 18.957 21.957C19.671 21.925 20.058 21.806 20.317 21.705C20.658 21.573 20.902 21.414 21.157 21.158C21.414 20.902 21.573 20.658 21.705 20.316C21.805 20.058 21.925 19.671 21.957 18.957C21.993 18.186 22 17.954 22 16C22 14.046 21.993 13.814 21.957 13.043C21.925 12.329 21.806 11.942 21.705 11.683C21.5876 11.3657 21.4007 11.0787 21.158 10.843C20.9219 10.5997 20.6341 10.4124 20.316 10.295C20.058 10.195 19.671 10.075 18.957 10.043C18.186 10.007 17.954 10 16 10ZM16 11.768C16.5558 11.768 17.1061 11.8775 17.6195 12.0901C18.133 12.3028 18.5995 12.6145 18.9925 13.0075C19.3855 13.4005 19.6972 13.867 19.9099 14.3805C20.1225 14.8939 20.232 15.4442 20.232 16C20.232 16.5558 20.1225 17.1061 19.9099 17.6195C19.6972 18.133 19.3855 18.5995 18.9925 18.9925C18.5995 19.3855 18.133 19.6972 17.6195 19.9099C17.1061 20.1225 16.5558 20.232 16 20.232C14.8776 20.232 13.8012 19.7861 13.0075 18.9925C12.2139 18.1988 11.768 17.1224 11.768 16C11.768 14.8776 12.2139 13.8012 13.0075 13.0075C13.8012 12.2139 14.8776 11.768 16 11.768ZM16 18.368C16.628 18.368 17.2303 18.1185 17.6744 17.6744C18.1185 17.2303 18.368 16.628 18.368 16C18.368 15.372 18.1185 14.7697 17.6744 14.3256C17.2303 13.8815 16.628 13.632 16 13.632C15.372 13.632 14.7697 13.8815 14.3256 14.3256C13.8815 14.7697 13.632 15.372 13.632 16C13.632 16.628 13.8815 17.2303 14.3256 17.6744C14.7697 18.1185 15.372 18.368 16 18.368ZM21.3 11.85C21.3 12.155 21.1788 12.4475 20.9632 12.6632C20.7475 12.8788 20.455 13 20.15 13C19.845 13 19.5525 12.8788 19.3368 12.6632C19.1212 12.4475 19 12.155 19 11.85C19 11.545 19.1212 11.2525 19.3368 11.0368C19.5525 10.8212 19.845 10.7 20.15 10.7C20.455 10.7 20.7475 10.8212 20.9632 11.0368C21.1788 11.2525 21.3 11.545 21.3 11.85Z" fill="black"></path></svg></div></a></li><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR fxaFQj social-ins__list-em social-ins__list-em--youtube social-ins__list-em--standard"><a aria-label="Follow on YouTube" class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU cLGRzS social-ins__lk 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18.015V13.257L18.545 15.637L14.364 18.015Z" fill="black"></path></svg></div></a></li><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR fxaFQj social-ins__list-em social-ins__list-em--facebook social-ins__list-em--standard"><a aria-label="Follow on Facebook" class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU cLGRzS social-ins__lk social-ins__lk--facebook" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC social-ins__in-ntaer"><svg class="SocialInNetworkInComponent-cZaKGz dlOAhZ in in-facebook" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Facebook</tle><path d="M13.621 11.099V13.302H12V15.995H13.621V24H16.951V15.995H19.186C19.186 15.995 19.395 14.704 19.496 13.292H16.964V11.45C16.964 11.175 17.327 10.804 17.686 10.804H19.5V8H17.033C13.539 8 13.621 10.696 13.621 11.099Z" fill="black"></path></svg></div></a></li><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR fxaFQj social-ins__list-em 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role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-09-27T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">September 27, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz bDeLJQ"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I was 19 when I first had full-on sex wh another man. I was at llege, livg dorms, and the experience—asi om the ual horrifyg awkwardns and somewhat spontaney of the ocsn—was pletely and utterly unremarkable asi om one thg: the guy I slept wh intified as straight.</p><p>The whole thg went down near the end of my hman year at a party, at which people om the whole dorm floor were dnk and celebratg, relsly streamg and out of each other’s rooms, followg the var different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I n remember, although I'd had some drks, stg alone my iend’s room on a sgle bed, the mattrs overly sprgy and wh a arse plastic atg, attemptg to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Inter nnectn.</p><p>It was late (or early, pendg on your outlook on the world) when I was joed by the boy who was livg the room next to me, way back on the other si of the buildg. He was clearly toxited, but was a party after all and who was I, <em>que</em> dnk myself, to judge. The mutiae of exactly how thgs veloped om beg together that room to havg slightly unsuccsful sex a bathroom a <em>different</em> rridor have sce ped me. All I know is that one moment we were talkg and the next mute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex wh someone before; stead, saturated wh vodka and flated by nerv, I was swept up the motns.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was prec and rtls. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrillg and, now lookg back, prer hook ups wh guys, gog far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we n fe exactly what nstut sex for ourselv, but when you’re young and your only sex tn the shape of illegally download Sean Cody vios, peratn seems like the end all be all.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Still, as I grew to my late-teens, venu started to crack down harr on unrage drkg, and soon beme creasgly difficult to go and hook up wh guys much olr than myself. I felt, my creasgly anx and flated state, that I was beg left behd. My first year at llege, apart om beg gelg mentally, was hardly a sexual smasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pg after straight boys who I knew I had no chance hell wh... <em>until</em> that night.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="g22hyn"></div></div><p>I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fuckg my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be sired. While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. The boy told his then-girliend (who I knew about), sayg I had e on to him but that nothg had really happened. Although one thg I n <em>vividly</em> remember was that was que lerally the other way around, the visceral shock of beg somewhat shoved back the closet and nied the celebratory expungement of my virgy was palpable.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="4x715b"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="u2xrtb"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, ually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partyg. We’d meet surreptly dark and make out the ld Brish weather on a park bench before venturg back to his place to have sex. And while at the begng I felt like I had the upper hand the suatn—I was the one who was out and fortable my sexualy, right?—after each time we met beme more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all <em>shameful</em>. I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of he was jt g me to get off.</p><p>I never learned whether the boy I lost my virgy to was stgglg wh his sexualy. I thk, when I look back now and ocsnally fd myself tumblg through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe was jt sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slippg to a memory duced k-hole. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for years.</p><p>It was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are <em>way</em> more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the song.</p><p>More than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Bee as queer people, we’re buried lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searg that oftentim ’s cripplg. Burstg through that shame is our badge of honor, our betifully uned experience. And maybe, like the song says, that do sanctify our sex liv and mak jt a ltle b holy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="1hcro5"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier 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class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz iqnk"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Bt Sex Toys to Buy On Amazon Right Now" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Wellns</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">The Bt Sex Toys to Buy On Amazon Right Now </div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Gigi Engle</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="ilouq"></div></div><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz iqnk"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Ezra Kle’s Formula for a Good Day Involv The Four Thgs" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Wellns</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">Ezra Kle’s Formula for a Good Day Involv The Four Thgs</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Clay Skipper</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" 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