Often the real reason gay men fd so difficult to fd love and happs is bee they are their own worst enemy. YourTango expert Rick Clemons, The Comg Out Coach, drops some rather blunt tth about how gay men need to get out of their own way.
Contents:
- ARE GAY MEN HAPPIER THAN STRAIGHT MEN?
- WHO ARE THE HAPPIT? STRAIGHTS AND GAYS, BUT NOT BISEXUALS
- THE UNTRI WHERE GAY MEN ARE THE HAPPIT
- GAY AND LBIAN WELL-BEG
- 5 (RATHER BLUNT) REASONS WHY GAY MEN STGGLE TO FD HAPPS
- HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN
- WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT BEG GAY?: PERSPECTIV OM YOUTH
ARE GAY MEN HAPPIER THAN STRAIGHT MEN?
Maps and charts show where around the world gay men report beg happit * is gay happiness *
Alas, none of this good news for gays and spankg fetishists is really backed up by the data the origal study, which, while trigug, is hardly evince that is beg out and gay that mak men happier (let alone women). While gay men the study seemed to experience ls strs and prsn than straight men, there are a variety of alternative explanatns that might expla this fact (like whether they worked out or not; whether they had children or not; e level and stabily).
It seems like more than jt bad reportg to tell gay men and women that happs is up to them, not the world at large, and happs will rive om disclosure when that very disclosure n be dangero. Counter to mon sense, over a third of those wh lifelong same-sex partners and nearly half of those wh lifelong both-sex partners intified not as gay or bisexual but as straight. If, however, you ed same-sex behavr, gays and lbians were as happy as straights, but not so for dividuals wh both-sex partners--they remaed relatively unhappy.
WHO ARE THE HAPPIT? STRAIGHTS AND GAYS, BUT NOT BISEXUALS
Coverg issu val to the psychologil health and happs of gays, lbians, and their fai. * is gay happiness *
Bee the vast majory of dividuals who intify as bisexual are women (equently the 60% to 80% range), any study that b gays/lbians wh bisexuals and fds negative mental or physil health problems likely distorts our unrstandg of sexual mori and th tells ltle about male bisexuals, gay mal, and lbians. Lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr people are still officially nsired crimals roughly one-third of untri worldwi, and homosexualy is punishable by ath seven untri. Pla Romeo, an Amsterdam-based datg and muny se, llaborated wh the Johann Gutenberg Universy of Maz Germany to rry out an onle survey of 115, 000 gay men around the world.
They bed rankgs on public opn, public behavr and life satisfactn – how gay men feel about society’s view on homosexualy, how gay men feel they are treated by other people, and how satisfied gay men are wh their own liv, rpectively – to one worldwi rankg on gay happs. Iceland tops their list as the untry where gay men are the happit, followed by Norway, Denmark, Swen, Uguay, Canada, Israel, Netherlands, Swzerland and Luxembourg.
Fifty six percent of rponnts the 20 worst untri said this, pared wh 20 percent the 20 bt many societi are growg more acceptg of homosexualy, gay men some untri report that thgs have gotten worse the past few years. It is somewhat difficult to get a read on how wispread or succsful the prophylactic e of HIV treatment meditns is, but the movement of HIV preventn this directn as well as the hostile reactn by some, is revealg what is says about gay men and our general attus about sexualy.
THE UNTRI WHERE GAY MEN ARE THE HAPPIT
Others argue that, whether or not homosexualy is an illns, banng such therapy terfer wh self-termatn—that people have the right to try to change their sexual orientatn. Consirg that the Catholic Church, nservative Jews and many fundamentalist Christians have been the most outspoken opponents of gay rights, is perhaps not surprisg that LGB people and their fai intify relign as a major obstacle acceptg homosexualy, eher themselv or a fay member. There are licensed mental health profsnals who practice "reparative" or "nversn" therapi signed to make gay people heterosexual, spe the evince that 's not only effective but damagg.
It's time to "man up" and get to the real reasons gay men have so many problems fdg love and Tth: We're Our Own Worst Enemi Far too many gay men script our liv to the envy of Sex and the Cy wrers. However, for gay men, the greener pasture often seems (seems beg the operative word) to have a 6-pack vers a 5-pack, and a bank acunt that's not nsistently problem that aris wh the "somethg better will e along" mentaly is you sudnly wake up one day realizg you're still wag for the green grass to grow. You will be what matters, and the amount of self-love and self-nfince will be 's a few more reasons why the problem wh gay men is themselv:We don't love ourselv enough to know how to love someone else, and then we bch bee we n't fd foc is outward-driven stead of are the total sum of the five gay men we spend most of our time wh.
GAY AND LBIAN WELL-BEG
Published fal eded form as:PMCID: PMC3326393NIHMSID: NIHMS358675AbstractThis article explor gay and bisexual male adolcents’ posive perceptns of their sexual orientatn inty.
Addnal primary them and sub-them were intified wh each tegory that further illtrate how gay/bisexual youth were able to velop posive nceptualizatns of their sexual orientatn spe experiencg negative societal msag about beg gay/bisexual. Keywords: Bisexual, gay, male, riliency, sexual orientatn, youthAdolcence is a velopmental perd where young people are maturg physilly, emotnally and socially as they transn to adulthood (Erikson, 1980; Hill, 1983). When the fluenc are negative, psychologil distrs among adolcents may rult, pecially for those youth who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual (Almeida, Johnson, Corliss, Molnar & Azrael, 2009; Hershberger & D’Augelli, 1995; Ueno, 2005).
5 (RATHER BLUNT) REASONS WHY GAY MEN STGGLE TO FD HAPPS
Th, this article tak a rilience-based approach to examg sexual orientatn inty among gay/bisexual male adolcents by sharg their perceptns regardg the posive aspects of beg gay/bisexual. One study that addrsed this topic prented riliency strategi among lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) young people North Wt England and South Wal wh the ntext of hetero-normative environments (Surfield, Roen & McDermott, 2008).
The thors assert that even though the young men were livg a hetero-normative Puerto Rin culture wh pervasive homophobia and cultural stigma, they veloped riliency strategi that helped them to overe potential obstacl. This was one of the few studi found to prent riliency strategi veloped by gay/bisexual adolcents to bat negative social and cultural ntug rearch is need on the velopmental challeng faced by LGB adolcents, pecially those who are also members of other opprsed groups such as youth of lor, a parallel le of scientific quiry is also need to explore the strengths and rilienci monstrated by LGB youth.
HOW TO BE HAPPY AS A GAY MAN
Such limatns do not allow for a more nuanced unrstandg of the current lived experienc of LGB youth’s inty exploratn procs, as has been seen more recent qualative studi of sexual orientatn inty (Ja, Harper, Fernanz, & the ATN, 2009)The purpose of the current study is to provi sights to the posive nceptualizatns that gay/bisexual male adolcents posss regardg their sexual orientatn inty utilizg qualative phenomenologil and nstctivist ameworks. Although we did quire about the full range of perceptns and experienc related to sexual orientatn inty the larger study om which the data were extracted, we chose to foc solely on the posive aspects of posssg a gay/bisexual sexual orientatn inty for the current vtigatn given the lack of empiril data foced specifilly on riliency-related factors among gay/bisexual male adolcents. We unrstand and acknowledge that gay/bisexual youth are also nonted wh challeng related to their sexual orientatn inty and enurage rears to exame prr lerature prented earlier for an exploratn of such factors.
WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT BEG GAY?: PERSPECTIV OM YOUTH
Sce prr rearch also has monstrated that sexual orientatn inty velopment for female adolcents and adults is different than that of male adolcents and adults (Diamond, 2005; Diamond & Sav-Williams, 2000; Schneir, 2001), we also foc this vtigatn exclively on gay/bisexual male adolcents. METHODSParticipantsParticipants for the prent study were 63 male youth who self-intified as gay or bisexual and were between ag of 15 and 22 at the time of recment. In orr to take part the study, participants met the followg eligibily creria: 1) be blogilly male; 2) be between the ag of 14 and 22; 3) self-intify as Ain Amerin, Hispanic/Lato, or Whe non-Hispanic/European Amerin; 4) self-intify as gay, bisexual, or qutng; 5) have no knowledge of beg HIV posive; 6) live the Chigo or Miami metropolan area; and 7) read and unrstand English.