The Story of a Gay Foster Parent on JSTOR

gay foster parents

2 Dec 2024

Lookg to bee an LGBT foster re parent or to adopt gay youth? You n change a child’s life by choosg this adoptn path. Learn more here.

HOW YOU CAN BEE GAY FOSTER PARENTS OR ADOPTIVE PARENTS

* gay foster parents *

for Foster ParentsThis factsheet was wrten for foster parents to help them learn about LGBTQ (lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and qutng) youth the child welfare system, the unique risks they face, and the important role that foster parents n play rcg those risks.

How You Can Bee Gay Foster Parents or Adoptive Parents. As you rearch ways to build your LGBT fay, you may e across rmatn on beg gay foster parents.

HOE CALL: KEV GERS EXPLAS HIS EXPERIENCE FOSTERG-TO-ADOPT AS A GAY MAN

Kev Gers explas his experience as a foster-to-adopt parent, as a sgle gay man Los Angel." emprop="scriptn * gay foster parents *

However, beg gay foster parents this way n be difficult when a child is placed back wh their legal parents. Child welfare agenci like AdoptUSKids provi special trag and rourc to make sure that all LGBT fai workg through their agenci feel wele and prepared for the gay foster re and adoptn procs.

Studi have even shown that whout gay fosterg, the untry would lose $87 to $130 ln child re, wh dividual stat losg as much as $27 ln. When you choose to adopt gay youth or foster gay youth, you n provi them a posive role mol of an LGBT dividual, which they may have never had growg up.

U.S. SUPREME COURT BACKS CATHOLIC GROUP THAT SHUNNED GAY FOSTER PARENTS

Clearly, when you ci to bee a gay foster parent or adoptive parent, you will make a huge difference the life of the child that you wele to your home.

An epiphany durg the early days of the panmic led him to foster young children, and as a sgle gay dad, he’s thrivg. Now Gers, 35, who is also a real tate agent Los Angel, California, is hopg to spire other sgle gay men wh hop of fosterg to adopt their own children.

GAY AND LBIAN FOSTER CARE AND ADOPTN

“I went on YouTube and I was lookg for gay men, who were fosterg to adopt. Then I was lookg for sgle men that were gay, and then was black sgle men that were gay. I went on YouTube and I was lookg for specifilly gay men, who were fosterg to adopt.

Then I was lookg for sgle men that were gay, and then was Black sgle men that were gay. Havg a child and beg gay, I fear someone wantg to live out their dreams of beg a father through me. Bee for gay men, 's still new for to be able to do this.

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM GAY FOSTER PARENTS

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SplScreenContentHearMa-fNigKG daohZh"><div class="GridItem-buujkM eHLzLy grid--em"><div class="SplScreenContentHearTleBlock-sCMXE jActCi"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX dZhWBL bric SplScreenContentHearRubric-cLHEJQ ildzkT"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fgWnkQ bric__lk" href="/news/-journal"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">U.S. Journal</span></a></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SplScreenContentHearHed-lcUSuI iUEiRd NbxED dfelga">The Untold Story of Queer Foster Fai</h1><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SplScreenContentHearDek-emptdL iUEiRd wOnsu dJrDEb">In the neteen-seventi, social workers several stat placed queer teen-agers wh queer foster parents, discrete acts of quiet radilism.</div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl SplScreenContentHearByle-kvEhqE ejWxsm"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ivtvgj byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd jslZfG gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd ggMZaT cXqSTL eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributors/michael-waters">Michael Waters</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2021-02-28T06:00:00-05:00" class="SplScreenContentHearPublishDate-bMGEVk gvRvVr">Febary 28, 2021</time><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard SplScreenContentHearSocialShare-gSVclr kUKgnn"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR hHoUCw social-ins__list-em social-ins__list-em--facebook social-ins__list-em--standard thner"><a aria-label="Share on Facebook" class="external-lk 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fill="black"></path></svg></div></a></li></ul></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM eHLzLy grid--em"><div class="SplScreenContentHearLeadWrapper-jYfGAC kBeEbL"><div data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset" class="SplScreenContentHearLeBlock-nUOA cwQiEB"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset SplScreenContentHearLe-bGywFh gyNssY"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SplScreenContentHearLe-bGywFh gyNssY rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Two young men and an olr man pose for a photo." class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></span></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 SplScreenContentHearGrid-kFpOdh fLkIyA"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE iTuhkZ ptn SplScreenContentHearCaptn-iOfEOv ckLUKG"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd hWyo iXWezO ptn__text">From left: Robert, Don Ward, and a young man whom Ward scribed as the love of his life, the early seventi.</span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd iicloT jbIJNS ptn__cred">Photograph urty Don Ward</span></div></div></div></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kbAoLA article-body__ntent"><div class="ActnBarWrapperContent-lasBkU cAHp"><div class="ActnBarWrapperComponent-cjwxLS bEeSLb"><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh kNjTbQ viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save this story" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU hQrwCF bookmark large-screen"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Save this story</tle><path class="in-bookmark-fill" d="M20 23.9508L12.5 19.7312L5 23.9508V2.95081H14V3.93211H6V22.1845L12.5 18.5536L19 22.1845V8.83866H20V23.9508Z"></path><path class="in-bookmark-fill" d="M23 3H20V0H19V3H16V4H19V7H20V4H23V3Z"></path></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd bkefvo gkccfO">Save this story</span></button></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh kAEsuD viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save this story" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU cjjxgx bookmark mobile"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Save this story</tle><path class="in-bookmark-fill" d="M20 23.9508L12.5 19.7312L5 23.9508V2.95081H14V3.93211H6V22.1845L12.5 18.5536L19 22.1845V8.83866H20V23.9508Z"></path><path class="in-bookmark-fill" d="M23 3H20V0H19V3H16V4H19V7H20V4H23V3Z"></path></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd bkefvo gkccfO">Save this story</span></button></div></div></div><div class="LightboxWrapper-dxsWBV hhylRt"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG Uozmo"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bDyAMU body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><figure data-ttid="IameEmbed" class="IameEmbedWrapper-sc-dRedg cjyRVU iame-embed"><div data-ttid="IameEmbedContaer" class="IameEmbedContaer-hptgUZ fXVBaX"><div class="IameEmbedAspectRatWrapper-hFVJps BKpgQ"><iame class="IameEmbedContent-cMdiev csnuAY IameEmbedContent lazyload" height="90" width="100%" sandbox="allow-scripts allow-same-orig allow-popups" tle="Embedd Frame" data-src=" allowfullscreen="" allow="toplay *; encrypted-media *; clipboard-wre; toplay; fullscreen; picture--picture"></iame></div></div></figure><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">When Don Ward was a child, Seattle, the neteen-sixti, his mother, each December, would hand him the Sears talogue and ask him to pick Christmas gifts. By the time his parents filed for divorce, the talogue had bee a refuge, for Ward, om their shoutg match. Eventually, stead of lookg at toys, he began turng to the men’s unrwear sectn, fascated by the bodi for reasons he didn’t really unrstand. Soon, he started noticg the tiras that his father ocsnally lnched to about gay people. “I thk all those queers ought to be led up and shot,” Ward remembers his father sayg.</p><p class="paywall">“It was a b of a lonely childhood,” Ward told me. After the divorce went through, he saw his parents unr the same roof only twice. The first time was urt, when they fought over ctody of Ward and his two brothers. (Ward’s mother won.) The send time was at a youth servic facily, after a close acquatance outed Ward to his parents, and, unable to tolerate a gay son, they mutually signed him over to the state of Washgton. Ward was barely fifteen.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p class="paywall">It was 1971, and the state of Washgton didn’t know how to handle an openly gay teen-ager, eher. The Department of Social and Health Servic tried sendg Ward to an all-male group home n by Pentestals who were mted to exorcisg the “mon of homosexualy” out of him. Ward didn’t get along wh his roommat. The state placed him wh a relig uple, who gave him a basement room that had only three walls; the lack of privacy, the parents said, would help keep his homosexualy check. Ward left that home six months later, after a fight wh his foster mom about chor. Then he was placed wh a childls married uple, who seemed perfect, and who accepted his sexualy. Wh a few months, they began to physilly abe him, Ward told me.</p><p class="paywall">At Christmas, Ward would ll his father. Every time, after regnizg his son’s voice, Ward’s father would hang up. Ward spoke wh his mother om time to time, and he began visg the Seattle Counselg Service, which had been tablished to “assist young homosexuals meetg their personal, medil and social problems.” There, Ward met Randy, a volunteer unsellor wh a distaste for genr nventns—Ward remembered him pairg red lipstick wh bat boots. (Randy is a psdonym, to protect his inty, as he never me out to his fay.) Randy had a close iend, Robert, a more stra-laced gay man who was his twenti and a reverend. Robert, who asked me not to clu his last name, had been on good terms wh many lol church lears until the sprg of 1972, when he me out. “The suatn is enough to gag a maggot,” a member of one church group then told a lol newspaper. Robert moved to the Metropolan Communy Church, a work of gay-iendly church that was found 1968, and he beme proment Seattle’s gay-rights movement.</p><p class="paywall">In May, 1973, Ward, Robert, and a hundred activists picketed the home of Seattle’s police chief. The Seattle Police Department had been arrtg queer men for months. “Are Homosexuals Revoltg? You bet your sweet ass we are!” one of the signs at the prott read. Ward, who was wearg a hot-pk button-up shirt and six-ch platform heels, ducked away, at one pot, to tch his breath and apply some purple lipstick. When he looked up, he saw news meras traed on him. “There were thirty-send spots of me on all three major channels for the eveng news,” Ward told me. “That was accintally my social g out,” he said. He beme the only openly gay stunt at his high school. He end up transferrg, followg his junr year, after a strg of ath threats.</p><p class="paywall">Later that year, his third foster home, as many years, turned abive. Each time a home turned bad, his state-licensed social worker, a woman named Marn, helped Ward start over. He told her about attendg protts wh Robert, and she arranged to meet Robert a hospal feteria across om his church. She asked Robert what he would thk if the state of Washgton licensed him as a foster parent for Ward. The Washgton State Department of Social and Health Servic had, turned out, been quietly placg gay adolcents gay hom for several years. Many of those teen-agers had, like Ward, been kicked out of one foster home after another. A Seattle anizatn lled Youth Advot, which was found 1970, had succsfully placed about fifteen queer adolcents wh queer foster parents. Youth Advot was privately n, but all of s placements were state-sanctned, paid for wh ernment subsidi. The anizatn ran advertisements gay newspapers. Some clud a poem, which read, part, “Don’t matter if you’re straight or gay, / All you need to get a start, / An empty room, an hont heart.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">Although few people were aware of at the time, other stat had also begun matchg queer children wh queer foster parents. A year before Marn licensed Robert, a gay social worker Chigo named David Sdt had piloted a siar experiment. Later, at a nference, Sdt said that he’d licensed three queer foster fai, cludg a gay man and a lbian woman who were married to each other. The uple took a child whom Sdt scribed as “virtually unplaceable a tradnal foster home due to his route practice of transvtism as well as several emotnal problems.” The uple told him, “We’re raisg enough straight kids already,” Sdt said.</p><p class="paywall">Around the same time, the Monroe County Social Service Department, wtern New York, ntacted the edors of <em>The Empty Closet</em>, a hand-stapled newsletter put out by a lol offshoot of the Gay Liberatn Front, a centralized activist anizatn that was formed after the Stonewall rts. The ad explaed that someone was need to foster a fifteen-year-old trans girl—a “male transvte,” the ad lled her—named Vera. “It is felt that the bt placement would be a gay home,” the ad said. Vera had been shuttled and out of a seri of unsupportive foster hom. “People jt uldn’t al wh the fact that she was a trans kid,” Karen Hagberg, then a graduate stunt at the Universy of Rochter and a ntributor to <em>The Empty Closet</em>, told me. Hagberg was livg wh her partner, Kate Duroux, and a group of gay and lbian iends an old Victorian hoe. She and Duroux cid to take Vera . “It jt seemed impossible to say no, bee what they were dog was so groundbreakg,” Hagberg told me. She and Duroux received official foster-parent licens, along wh a unty subsidy for food, cloth, and medil expens. The forms that they filled out assumed they were a married hband and wife; Hagberg and Duroux had to legate genr rol. (At one pot, Hagberg crossed out the words “hband” and “wife,” and wrote “lovers.”) At the time, New York State still crimalized homosexualy through s sodomy laws.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR daRVRt persistent-asi" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="bo9q3v"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></div></div><div data-ttid="RowWrapper" class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="0odj5t"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bDyAMU body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p class="paywall">In the fall of 1973, New York began placg queer children wh queer parents wh the aid of the Natnal Gay Task Force, a new gay-rights anizatn based Manhattan. The group’s head of muny servic, who had begun receivg panicked lls om agenci reprentg gay naways, started ördatg wh foster-re agenci Delaware and Connecticut. Other Task Force members worked wh officials Maryland, Virgia, and Washgton, D.C. A ltle more than a year later, a twenty-six-year-old gay social worker named Michael Weltmann took up the e on behalf of a lbian uple who were seekg to serve as foster parents for a gay boy who had n away om home. The boy “wanted to live wh her, and our office approved ,” Weltmann later explaed to the Philalphia <em>Gay News</em>. In the followg years, Weltmann registered two other queer foster parents: a man who had beiend a gay teen-ager while workg at a psychiatric hospal and a woman who had raised other foster kids for the partment before g out as lbian.</p><p class="paywall">Determg the number of such placements om this era is next to impossible. At least thirty-five took place New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut. There were at least three Illois and sixteen Washgton State. I’ve found referenc to others California, Oregon, Pennsylvania, and Washgton, D.C. The story of the placements, which happened whout natnal ördatn, has never been fully told. Parts of emerged a handful of newspapers; “<a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Radil Relatns</a>,” a history of the queer fay by the scholar Daniel Wunwe Rivers, published 2013, briefly not the existence of “tac programs” to match gay youth wh gay upl Illois and New Jersey. Social workers were wrtlg wh the sheer number of kids the foster system; gay and trans kids, who were often rejected by prospective foster parents, were pecially difficult to place. Fdg gay foster parents jt seemed like a natural solutn. But the social workers, some s advertently, were creatg somethg radil: state-supported queer fai an era of tense discrimatn. “My seworker put her job on the le to help me,” Ward told me. “I red eply for that woman.” I’ve tried to track down that seworker, Marn, but have been unable to lote her. It is que possible that she died the years sce she ma a dramatic difference Ward’s life. People like her helped to thor an sential chapter the story of queer fai and their acknowledgment by the state.</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">Robert took better re of Ward than Ward’s prev foster parents had, but was not an easy time. Robert “was not prepared or equipped to be a parent,” Ward told me. Robert went away for days at a time to attend nferenc and give terviews; he forba Ward om brgg home partners or drkg alhol, and, though Ward was seventeen, he was rarely allowed to stay at home unsupervised. But Robert was, for the most part, Ward’s rner. Ward had been wearg makp to school—only touch, mostly of eyhadow—and Robert received a phone ll om an admistrator, threateng to place Ward on probatn if he didn’t change how he drsed. “It creat disptns our school,” the admistrator said. Robert replied, “Listen, you’re eher gog to jt drop all this or I will create disptns your school bee I will brg twenty drag queens to picket outsi.” The school didn’t ll aga.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p class="paywall">Ward had another parent of sorts Robert’s iend Randy. “We ed to joke and say he was Don’s mother and I was Don’s father,” Robert told me. Ward said, “Randy did not actually live wh but might jt as well have.” When Randy wasn’t workg or volunteerg at the unsellg center, he ma his missn to troduce Ward to Seattle’s gay scene. Ward lled him “Mama Randy,” and together they went to events such as the Universy of Washgton’s weekly “gay skate.” Randy also supported Ward’s love of theatre. Durg his senr year, Ward played Ebenezer “A Christmas Carol” and had a part the sprg mil “No, No, Nate.” When the curta fell at the end of one sprg show, another stunt nudged Ward. “There’s someone at the stage door and I thk they’re here for you,” the stunt said. Ward walked out to fd a beard man drsed a neteen-twenti eveng gown, a fascator wh tg that hung above his ey, and bright red lipstick: Randy. Ward beamed.</p><p class="paywall">Karen Hagberg and Kate Duroux also stggled to be good parents, Hagberg told me. Like Robert, when she wasn’t workg, Hagberg was often attendg protts and monstratns. Duroux had a young son to look after. Both women were cisgenr and posssed only a basic unrstandg of what meant to be trans. But they were open to who Vera was. She “opened my ey to that whole segment of the queer muny,” Hagberg said. Vera’s iends me and hung out at the old Victorian hoe—Hagberg remembers g home one day to fd Vera hostg a tea party the livg room. “She was happit wh the peers,” Hagberg said.</p><p class="paywall">In early 1974, the Washgton State Department of Social and Health Servic floated a policy that would have banned foster parents who have “severe problems their sexual orientatn.” The Actn Childre Coaln, a group fightg for state-sponsored child re and jtice for “poor, mory and workg women,” mobilized a rponse. Five hundred people attend a public-feedback ssn Olympia that sprg, and most of the people who voiced their opns that day opposed the policy. Mary Morrison, the head of the aln, lled the new regulatns “an asslt on gay people and women.” A handful of queer activists, cludg Ward and Robert, also spoke. When one uple clared their support for banng gay foster parents, sistg that there was “no place the foster re program for lbians and homos” or “their sordid and sful way of life,” they were met wh tlls and boos. A few months later, the state announced that would drop the phrase “severe problems their sexual intifitn” om s proposal.</p><p class="paywall">That the change was nsired at all was unual. Up to that pot, the rejectn of gay foster parents was an implic policy—there were no formal l—bee was simply assumed that queer people uld not be f parents. In a 1974 paper, Michael Shernoff, a gay psychotherapist, attributed the vant policy around gay foster parents to a lack of imagatn.</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">Five years later, June, 1979, the New York <em>Tim</em> <a href=">reported</a> on an openly gay mister named John Kuiper, om Catskill, New York, who had adopted a thirteen-year-old boy. Kuiper, like Robert, was affiliated wh the Metropolan Communy Church. After several psychologil evaluatns and a report om a social worker, a fay-urt judge had permted the adoptn. “The reverend is providg a good home, the boy lov his adoptive father and wants to be wh him. Who knows this world of ours?” the judge said. Daniel Rivers, the historian, has scribed Kuiper as “the first openly gay man or lbian to publicly adopt a child the Uned Stat.”</p><p class="paywall">That fall, a graduate stunt was fishg her social-work field placement Weltmann’s office when an assistant supervisor nfid her about ocsnally licensg gay and lbian foster parents. The supervisor did not realize that the stunt was married to a journalist at the Trenton <em>Tim</em>. “She me home and she said to her hband, ‘This is such an tertg story I’ve got to tell you about,’ ” Anne Burns, who handled prs for New Jersey’s Divisn of Youth and Fay Servic at the time, told me. “And she told him about , and he said, ‘This is more than an tertg story, this is news.’ ”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p class="paywall">In November, Bernice Manshel, the director of the Divisn of Youth and Fay Servic, received a ll om a reporter at the Trenton <em>Tim</em>. The reporter said that the partment had secretly paired queer youth wh queer foster parents for much of the past , and asked for ment. “I was very surprised,” Manshel told me. “I told him I’d have to give that some thought terms of öperatg, bee ankly I had to fd out more about .” Manshel lled her puty, and the two began vtigatg. Piece by piece, the story me to light. Sce the early seventi, a loose work of New Jersey social workers had arranged for olr gay and trans foster kids—ually aged thirteen to eighteen—to be placed gay foster hom. Although var members of the partment knew about this, they had kept secret.</p><p class="paywall">The Trenton <em>Tim</em> broke the story on November 26th, unr the <a href=">headle</a> “N.J. Officials Fd Gay Foster Parents for Gay Teen-Agers.” A day later, two members of the state assembly’s Health and Welfare Commtee lled for a meetg. One member of the mtee said that he was “shocked” by the story; another warned that such a program “uld lead to a dangero suatn.” A month after the Trenton <em>Tim</em> article was published, Manshel’s office circulated a policy document tend to downplay the placements to the state legislature. The document noted that securg re for gay foster kids had long been a “particularly sensive problem” for the agency and that “on rare ocsns” the divisn had placed “sexually experienced homosexual teenagers” wh gay foster parents. Not all gay and trans kids were tomatilly placed gay hom; was done only “when such an adolcent is eher not adjtg his own fay or had no fay available.” In some s, a gay foster parent had regularly worked wh the state when “very difficult, hard-to-place” children were volved. The divisn dited that at least one stance, a gay foster parent had formally applied to adopt a gay foster child.</p><p class="paywall">Richard T. O’Grady, who then served as a regnal admistrator for the Divisn of Youth and Fay Servic, had known about the placements for months before the Trenton <em>Tim</em> got wd of them, havg heard about them his monthly meetgs wh social workers. I asked O’Grady whether he had feared losg his job over the foster-re program. “Oh, sure,” he said. “Of urse.” He add, “If I felt that way about a lot of thgs, I would have never been the bs. You had to have guts.” He relayed the se of another social worker who, after seventeen years at the divisn, rigned rather than turn over a child’s nfintial rerds to state troopers. “We felt good about tryg to do the right thg,” he said.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div data-ttid="RowWrapper" class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="k3hvo"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bDyAMU body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p class="paywall">By 1982, New York had bee the first state to enshre an adoptn-nondiscrimatn policy toward homosexual parents. It was a breakthrough ma possible by the quiet acts of radilism performed by social workers the prev . Social-servic agenci had acknowledged for the first time that queer people uld serve as parents; this ultimately enuraged the agenci to wre new, clive polici regardg queer fai. “The ia of the children of gay and lbian parents be this rallyg cry, and really do start wh foster parents,” Marie-Amélie Gee, an assistant profsor of law at Wake Fort Universy who nsired the foster re placements a <a href=">2016 paper</a>, told me. “That’s the first stance where you get openly gay and lbian upl formg fai.”</p><p class="has-dropp has-dropp__lead-standard-headg paywall">Shortly before Ward turned eighteen, Robert left for California, takg a post at the Metropolan Communy Church Los Angel, and Ward scrambled to fd a place to stay. The two lost touch. But Ward, who eventually moved to Texas and began wrg thriller novels unr a different name, never stopped talkg to Randy. In 1991, Randy drove to Olympia, Washgton, to attend Ward’s weddg. When Ward first ught sight of Randy, he ran to embrace him. “There’s never been a time when I greeted Randy wh ls than a hug,” Ward said. “Randy was my fay.”</p><p class="paywall">Randy died, of ncer, Augt, 2019. Afterward, Robert and Ward each thought back to the time, nearly fifty years ago now, when they all me together. Robert now ns a libertarian thk tank and has distanced himself om his activist years. But he has always felt that somethg special happened when Marn agreed to license him as a foster parent, he said. Ward told me that, years after he lived wh Robert, he had a brief perd of renciliatn wh his father. Though his father never accepted that Ward was gay, by the late eighti, the two had started talkg aga, and Ward began to unrstand that his father’s anger stemmed om his own difficult childhood, when he had to work rather than attend school and was beaten by his stepfather, a heavy drker. Ward said, “I never shook the feelg that my life was unfairly harsh.” But, after the nversatns, he said, “I stopped hatg my dad for .” His father began attendg some of Ward’s mils. Ward rells that, around 1987, his father drove across the state to see him star a rendn of “Oliver!” When Ward looked to the dience, his father, clad a powr-blue blazer, sed back at him.</p><p class="paywall">Later life, Ward veloped a lung disease that ma breathg difficult. On our lls, he sometim psed to tch his breath. In December, 2020, after experiencg <em class="small">COVID</em>-19 symptoms, he was shed to the emergency room, acrdg to his sister, and died shortly afterward.</p><p class="paywall">Vera only lived wh Hagberg and Duroux for about six months, until she was sixteen and uld legally live on her own. The old Victorian hoe was chaos, but Vera found her space . “I thk she would look back on that foster experience as probably her bt foster experience,” Hagberg said. Shortly after Vera moved out, one of her iends Rochter, John Duval, was charged wh the murr of a bsman visg om Philalphia. Vera disputed one of the prosecutn’s key piec of evince, a nfsn that Duval had supposedly given police ctody. At the trial, she ttified that she heard the police had beaten Duval. The jury nvicted Duval anyway. Hagberg last heard om Vera herself some years later, when Vera wrote her a letter om a New York prison. But Vera turned up the prs January, 2000, when Duval was granted another trial. She aga told the urt that the police had forced Duval to nfs. The prosecutn tried to e her inty to discred her, askg whether she’d been drsed as a woman that night at the statn. Vera replied, “I’m drsed as a woman every day of my life bee I am a woman.” Duval was <a href=">exonerated</a>. Vera died four years later, Florida.</p><p class="paywall">In some ways, the creatn of foster fai like Ward’s or Hagberg’s was radil even by the standards of today. Even now, only twenty-five stat mata laws or polici that explicly prohib adoptn and foster-re agenci om discrimatg agast parents on the basis of both sexualy and genr inty, and there are still agenci—cludg some that receive ernment fundg—that refe to place children wh queer parents. (Five other stat mata protectns for sexualy but not genr inty.) Barack Obama, near the end of his Princy, barred agenci that did so om receivg feral fundg, but Donald Tmp rolled back the policy, January, jt before his term end. In the meantime, Catholic Social Servic sued Philalphia after the cy announced that would no longer refer kids to the agency on acunt of s refal to license queer people as foster parents. The lawsu ma s way to the Supreme Court, which heard the se last November. Catholic Social Servic argued that was the victim of relig discrimatn. Currey Cook, a senr unsel at Lambda Legal who works on foster-re s, told me that givg public money to a group that ref to work wh queer foster parents “would sanctn discrimatn.” Queer kids are more than <a href=">twice as likely</a> as other kids to end up foster re, he poted out. What’s more, L.G.B.T.Q. people are seven tim more likely to serve as foster or adoptive parents than straight people are. “To say L.G.B.T. people are send-class cizens and not suable parents is harmful to all kids,” Cook said, “cludg L.G.B.T. youth.” The Supreme Court is expected to make a cisn later this year.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="avr65j"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div 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class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi hYsZi summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY cgDBtc summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH dSEWiO byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd jslZfG gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Larissa MacFarquhar</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff hlYhBH summary-em summary-em--article summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below-sktop-only summary-em--layout-posn-image-right summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard 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rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl ldWYvC summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kImuKS bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN fYiFyD summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">A Reporter at Large</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM cZPaWG summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="/magaze/2017/05/22/what-mak-a-parent" target="_self"><div class="SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ iIjKeM summary-em__hed" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">What Mak a Parent?</div></a><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb USLvL summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href="/magaze/2017/05/22/what-mak-a-parent" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" 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The Story of a Gay Foster Parent on JSTOR

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HOW YOU CAN BEE GAY FOSTER PARENTS OR ADOPTIVE PARENTS

HOE CALL: KEV GERS EXPLAS HIS EXPERIENCE FOSTERG-TO-ADOPT AS A GAY MAN

U.S. SUPREME COURT BACKS CATHOLIC GROUP THAT SHUNNED GAY FOSTER PARENTS

GAY AND LBIAN FOSTER CARE AND ADOPTN

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM GAY FOSTER PARENTS

The Story of a Gay Foster Parent on JSTOR

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HOW YOU CAN BEE GAY FOSTER PARENTS OR ADOPTIVE PARENTS

HOE CALL: KEV GERS EXPLAS HIS EXPERIENCE FOSTERG-TO-ADOPT AS A GAY MAN

U.S. SUPREME COURT BACKS CATHOLIC GROUP THAT SHUNNED GAY FOSTER PARENTS

GAY AND LBIAN FOSTER CARE AND ADOPTN

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY FOSTER PARENTS

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM GAY FOSTER PARENTS