The Washgton Post</tle><path d="M39.2 32v36.6c4.7-2.8 7-6.8 8.7-12.1l1.2.6c-1.1 13.2-10.3 26-24.3 26S0 72.6 0 55.8C0 43 7.7 35.1 18.7 28.2a16.11 16.11 0 00-4.4-.6c-7.2 0-11.4 4.9-11.4 9.9H1.5a14.77 14.77 0 01-.1-2.1c0-9.3 5.5-19.7 16.9-19.7 7.3 0 12.9 6.7 21.4 6.7 4.3 0 6.7-1.6 8.4-5.3h1.2c-.1 6.5-2 12.8-10.1 14.9zm-19-3.3C15.1 34 10.1 39.6 10.1 50.9c0 6.2 1.9 12.4 6.6 16.4l3.1-1.7V40.3L16.6 42l-1-1.6 15-8.4c-3.8-.8-6.9-2.3-10.4-3.3zm17.1 3.7a17 17 0 01-2.3.1 17.52 17.52 0 01-4-.4v29.5l-12.8 7a15.57 15.57 0 009.9 3 22.58 22.58 0 009.2-2zm44 9.2v34.3c0 9.6-8.51 16.11-18 18l-.6-1c4.7-2.3 7.8-6.41 7.8-11.41V45.7l-4.9-4.5-2.6 2.6v27.1l3 2.8v.4l-8.1 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.4l3.6-3.8V25.8l10.6-11.3.2.1v26.6l8.7-9.2 8.7 7.9 2.7-2.6 1.31 1.3zM97.91 62v4.5l9 7.1 7-7.3 1.3 1.3L101 82.8 88.21 72.6l-2.8 2.8-1.2-1.3 3.1-3.2V45.8l18.9-13.8 10.5 16.3zm.2-22.6l-.2.1v20.1l8.7-6.4zM180 82.71l-13.9-12-10.6 12-14.4-12.41V50.7h-2.8a3.89 3.89 0 00-4.1 3.5h-1a15.87 15.87 0 01-.5-3.8c0-2.6 1.1-9.4 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3.3-3.4V44.7l-3.6-3.3-2.7 2.6-1.3-1.3L322 32l7.6 6.9 2.7-2.8 1.4 1.4-3.4 3.4v28.6l4.2 3.9 3-3.1 1.3 1.4zm-2.9-51.61l-8.2-7.5 7.5-8 8.2 7.5zm46.1 51.61l-8.7-7.91V45.6l-4.7-4.4-3.4 3.5v26.1l3.1 2.9v.4l-8.2 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.3l3.6-3.8V44.9l-4.1-3.7-3 3-1.4-1.3L345.9 32l9.1 8.1v2l9.5-10.1 8.7 7.8 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4-3.5 3.5v28l3.9 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.2 1.3zm43-41V75.6c0 5.2 2.9 5 2.9 8.9 0 4.51-6.5 8.71-16.5 16.21-3.3-3.6-5.6-5.1-8.7-5.1a19.85 19.85 0 00-10.7 3.6l-1-.8 13.7-16.11-9-7.09-2.9 2.89-1.3-1.3 3.4-3.5V45.5l19-13.6 10.2 8 3-2.9 1.3 1.3zm-7.7 41.71c-2.5-1.61-3.1-3.31-3.1-7.61V74.3L387.9 93l.1.1c3.2-1.9 5.6-3.1 10.3-3.1 4 0 6.9 1.7 9.5 4 1.9-1.6 3.3-3.2 3.3-5.7 0-1.99-1.5-3.3-4-4.89zM404 45.3l-8.3-6.5-.2.2v30.7l5.9 4.6 2.6-3zm31.5 37.41l-8.8-6.91-2.7 2.7-1.3-1.29 3.1-3.21V39.4H420l-.2-.2 3.5-5.2h2.5v-6.7L436.4 16l.2.2V34h8l.2.2-3.5 5.2h-4.7v30.3l4.8 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.3 1.4zm43.71-40.11v27.7l-16.9 12.5L450 73.5l-2.8 2.8-1.3-1.3 3.2-3.3v-27L466.81 32l11.4 8.9 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4zm-10.8 3L460 39l-.09.1v29.8l8.5 6.4zm50.4 37l-8.7-7.9V45.5l-4.7-4.4-3.41 3.5v26.1l3.1 2.9v.4l-8.2 8.61-9.3-8.51v-.3l3.6-3.8V44.8l-4.1-3.7-3 3-1.4-1.3 10.2-10.9L502 40v2l9.5-10.1 8.7 7.8 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4-3.5 3.5v28l3.9 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.2 1.3zm61.39.11a12.91 12.91 0 00-6.3-4.61v20.81l-.2.1-5.5-5.1-11.6 10.7-.2-.1V77.6a18.83 18.83 0 00-10.2 6.61l-.8-.5c.7-7.71 4.5-13.41 11-15.61V48.6h-2.1a5.25 5.25 0 00-5.3 4.2h-1.2a12.28 12.28 0 01-.7-4.6c0-4.9 3.3-8.6 8.7-8.6h.6V28.8l-3.6-3.2-2.8 2.8-1.4-1.3 11.1-11.4 9.4 8.6v9.8L572 31V19.5h1.9V29l12.5-13.3L597.7 26v43.5zM572 32.9l-2.9 3v56.31l2.9 2.7zm13.1-2.3l-5.9-5.4-5.3 5.6v36.3c4.7.6 8.2 2.2 11.1 5.3l.1-.1zm48.7 12v27.7l-16.9 12.5-12.3-9.3-2.8 2.8-1.3-1.3 3.2-3.3v-27L621.4 32l11.4 8.9 2.9-2.9 1.3 1.4zm-10.8 3l-8.4-6.6-.1.1v29.8l8.5 6.4zm35.6 4.5h9.4v21.4l-15.9 11.21a11.52 11.52 0 00-8.8-4.11c-3 0-5.4 1.4-7.8 4l-1.4-.5 13.8-19.8h-8.5V43.7L656 32c2 1.6 3.6 2.6 6.2 2.6a11.38 11.38 0 007.11-2.2l1 .7zm-1.4 8.8h-4.7l-11.1 15.9.1.2a12.36 12.36 0 017.6-2.5 10.4 10.4 0 018 3.8l.1-.09zm6.41-19.6a9.78 9.78 0 01-6.91 2.3 8.92 8.92 0 01-6.3-2.9l-.2.1v14.6h3.8l9.7-14zm22.9 43.41l-8.8-6.91-2.71 2.7-1.3-1.29 3.1-3.21V39.4H671l-.2-.2 3.5-5.2h2.5v-6.7L687.41 16l.2.2V34h8l.2.2-3.5 5.2h-4.7v30.3l4.8 3.7 3.3-3.4 1.3 1.4z"></path></svg><span class="alic gray font-xxxxs font--body">Democracy Di Darkns</span></div></div><hear class="w-100" data-qa="ma-full"><div class="hi-for-prt"></div><div class="mt-lg"><div data-qa="kicker" class="wpds-c-eyomNc wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-jYXVnY-lor-black wpds-c-PJLV-mlvxn-size-lg"><a href=" class="PJLV PJLV-ieDwgbC-css">PostEverythg</a></div></div><div class="w-100" style="max-width:1000px"><h1 class="font--headle offblack headle mb-sm" data-ttid="headle" data-qa="headle" id="ma-ntent"><span data-qa="headle-text">My own rape shows how much we get wrong about the attacks</span></h1></div><div class="flex prt-byle prt-mt-none"><div class="byle-wrapper flex-lumn flex"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ihSmMVC-css"><div class="mb-xxs" style="gap:0.5rem" data-qa="thor-byle"><span class="wpds-c-PJLV"><div class="flex" data-qa="thor-byle"><div class="mr-sm flex lh-0"><div class="wpds-c-iTcer"><img src=" alt="" class="wpds-c-dgBqAZ"/></div></div><span class="left"><div class="flex"><div class="dib font-xxs" data-qa="name-wh-optnal-lk" data-cy="name-wh-optnal-lk"><span data-qa="attributn-text" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP">By <!-- --> </span><a data-qa="thor-name" href=" rel="thor" class="wpds-c-cNdzuP wpds-c-cNdzuP-ejzZdU-isLk-te">Richard Man</a></div></div></span></div></span></div></div><div data-ttid="timtamp" class="wpds-c-kgabfe wpds-c-kgabfe-ikrKXLV-css"><span data-ttid="display-date" class="wpds-c-iKQyrV">July 1, 2014 at 10:18 a.m. EDT</span></div></div></div></hear></div><article class="grid-article mb-xxl-ns" data-qa="ma"><div data-ttid="le-art" data-qa="le-art" class=""><figure class="overflow-hidn relative hi-for-prt center center mb-sm mb-md-ns ml-to-ns mr-to-ns grid-mobile-full-bleed"><div style="filter:blur(10px);transn:filter .1s;le-height:0" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="399"><img style="background-size:ver;max-width:1600px;background-image:url('data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,%3Csvg xmlns='http%3A//; xmlns%3Axlk='http%3A//; viewBox='0 0 1280 853'%3E%3Cfilter id='b' lor-terpolatn-filters='sRGB'%3E%3CfeGssianBlur stdDeviatn='.5'%3E%3C/feGssianBlur%3E%3CfeComponentTransfer%3E%3CfeFuncA type='discrete' tableValu='1 1'%3E%3C/feFuncA%3E%3C/feComponentTransfer%3E%3C/filter%3E%3Cimage filter='url(%23b)' x='0' y='0' height='100%25' width='100%25' xlk%3Ahref='data%3Aimage/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAkAAAAGCAIAAACepSOSAAAACXBIWXMAAC4jAAAuIwF4pT92AAAAs0lEQVQI1wGoAFf/AImSoJSer5yjs52ktp2luJuluKOpuJefsoCNowB+kKaOm66grL+krsCnsMGrt8m1u8mzt8OVoLIAhJqzjZ2tnLLLnLHJp7fNmpyjqbPCqLrRjqO7AIeUn5ultaWtt56msaSnroZyY4mBgLq7wY6TmwCRfk2Pf1uzm2WulV+xmV6rmGyQfFm3nWSBcEIAfm46jX1FkH5Djn5AmodGo49MopBLlIRBfG8yj/dfjF5TUAAAAASUVORK5CYII='%3E%3C/image%3E%3C/svg%3E')" alt="" class="w-100 mw-100 h-to" width="600" height="399" srcSet=" 400w, 540w, 691w, 767w, 916w, 1200w" siz="(max-width: 440px) 440px,(max-width: 600px) 691px,(max-width: 768px) 691px,(m-width: 769px) and (max-width: 1023px) 960px,(m-width: 1024px) and (max-width: 1299px) 530px,(m-width: 1300px) and (max-width: 1439px) 691px,(m-width: 1440px) 916px,440px" dg="async"/></div><figptn class="ml-gutter mr-gutter mr-to-ns ml-to-ns font--subhead font-xxxs mt-xs left gray-dark">Some people still see rape acrdg to the old cliche: vile men draggg nocent women to dark alleys and then btalizg them. (Arturo Latierro )</figptn></figure></div><div class="grid-body"><div class="wpds-c-PJLV wpds-c-PJLV-hSmMVC-isLuf2-false"><div class="wpds-c-jUMcim wpds-c-jUMcim-ibVGacg-css hi-for-prt mb-sm"><div class="PJLV PJLV-ieDMgMI-css flex ems-center" nfig="[object Object]" data-qa="article-actns"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div class="dib poter" data-qa="gift-share"><div aria-label="Gift this story" aria-ntrols="gift-share" aria-owns="gift-share" id="gift-share-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false" role="button" tabx="0"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-PJLV" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg></div></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Gift<!-- --> <span class="PJLV PJLV-ikqOWxF-css">Article</span></span></div></div><div class="dib poter" data-qa="wpds-tooltip-ntrol"><div aria-ntrols="actns-tooltip" aria-owns="actns-tooltip" id="actns-tooltip-ntrol" class="" aria-haspopup="te" aria-expand="false"><div class="wpds-c-mfMEg"><div class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-hnjNCH wpds-c-kSOqLF-bywHgD-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-hZSyid-isOutle-te wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left wpds-c-kSOqLF-futx-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-eNNUQD-cv wpds-c-hnjNCH-jGqLyO-cv"><div tabx="0" aria-label="Share" class="PJLV PJLV-ietWzJw-css"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf wpds-c-dJBvpf-iPJLV-css "><path d="M14 14H2V7h1v6h10V7h1Zm-5.5-2h-1V3h1Z"></path><path d="M10.29 5.71 11 5 8 2l-.71.71L5 5l.71.71L8 3.42l2.29 2.29z"></path></svg></div><span aria-hidn="te" class="wpds-c-fBEbFG">Share</span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="teaser-ntent grid-center"><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><em>[WARNING: This say scrib sexually explic suatns.]</em></p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“I ma the for to celebrate,” he said, snterg out of the kchen wh two shot glass full of a red nctn.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="db dn-ns mr-neg-gutter ml-neg-gutter mb-md hi-for-prt" data-qa="subscribe-promo"><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div><a class="pt-sm pb-sm flex ems-center bold font-xxxs font-xxs-ns jtify-center" href=" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="lor:#166dfc;borr:none"><svg class="ntent-box" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" xmlns=" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>Wp</tle><path d="M11.055 8.728l-1.018-1.019-.782.782v6.292l1.782 1.564.018-.019v-7.6zm-4.11.236L5.674 7.71l-.836.855v6.237l1.545 1.327.564-.636V8.964zm2.656 9.074l-2.528-2.182-1.927 2.182-2.619-2.255v-3.564h-.509c-.454 0-.672.273-.745.636H1.09a2.89 2.89 0 0 1-.091-.69c0-.473.2-1.71 1.527-1.71V7.691c0-1.073-.709-1.127-.709-2.054 0-1.037.982-2 2.782-2.637l.164.145c-.6.291-1.09.655-1.09 1.437 0 1.2 1.163.89 1.163 2.782v.727l2.127-2.236 2.237 2.2 2.109-2.2 2.036 2v6.728l-3.745 3.455zm11.108-9.625l-1.073-.982-.964 1.018v6.6c.855.11 1.491.4 2.019.964l.018-.018V8.413zm-2.382.418l-.528.545v10.237l.528.492V8.83zm1.49 9.055c-.308-.382-.69-.709-1.145-.836v3.782l-.036.018-1-.927-2.11 1.945-.036-.018V16.96c-.636.145-1.327.545-1.854 1.2l-.146-.091c.127-1.4.818-2.436 2-2.837v-3.545h-.382c-.527 0-.89.363-.963.763h-.219c-.054-.145-.127-.381-.127-.836 0-.891.6-1.564 1.582-1.564h.11V8.085l-.655-.582-.51.51-.254-.237 2.018-2.073 1.71 1.564V9.05l.527-.564v-2.09h.345v1.727l2.273-2.419L23 7.576v7.91l-3.182 2.4z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg><span class="mr-xs ml-xs gray-darkt flex ems-center">Get the full experience.<span class="ml-xs subs-theme blue">Choose your plan</span></span><svg class="ntent-box" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 16 16" xmlns=" style="fill:#166dfc" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img"><tle>ArrowRight</tle><path d="M7.664 1.25l6 6a1 1 0 010 1.414l-6 6L6.25 13.25 10.499 9H2V7h8.585L6.25 2.664 7.664 1.25z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></a><div data-orientatn="horizontal" role="separator" class="wpds-c-dbVHzF wpds-c-dbVHzF-hDkAcj-variant-flt"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“Celebrate what?” I asked.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">He cked his head to one si. “You’re here!” he cheered. “You fally ma .”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I had been on a long, gelg b ri up om Washgton DC to his apartment New York. It was already 9:45 p.m on a Friday last summer. I felt sore and had jt taken a shower to rid the b experience om my sk. I lghed and, holdg the towel around my waist one hand and the shot glass the other, I looked at . “What’s ?”</p></div></div><div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“G!” I thought he said, more excedly than he should have. G mak me sick. “That’s not really my thg,” I said. Then he pouted, illy and even adorably: “But I ma jt for .”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">So I drank and was a b sharp but really lic, like tart watermelon. “You n hardly taste the g,” I said.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“What g?”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">“You said there was g.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">He lghed. “I said G.” He meant GHB, gamma-hydroxybutyric acid, monly known as the date-rape dg. Later me several more dgggs, as he held Gatora up to my limp lips wh who-knows-what mixed . I spent the weekend — about 60 hours — semi-nsc and didn’t leave his apartment until Monday morng. Sometim I thk I never left his apartment, that someone who merely looks and sounds like me walked out.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I had received anal sex twice my life before that night. By weekend’s end, was 17 tim, acrdg to my fog-of-war unt. Ey squeezed shut, the tally was the only thg I foced on at tim — like a tickg clock a solary nfement cell. Every addn to the tally meant I was one moment closer to the end. He moved out soon afterward, which helped erase the existence of that place for me.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I was raped. I had met him a few weeks earlier at a hoe party, and we had h off. He was handsome: 30, well-built, tall wh long black hair, a surfer’s lgh, and great taste “X-Men” (Gamb). He was not some lechero old man. He was not a sexually reprsed loser. There was nothg about him that was “rapey” (a word I tt). The sex self was — I n’t really say was “good,” bee that’s far too moral of a word and far more than he serv, but was highly skilled. He knew exactly what he was dog, exactly how to stimulate me. What he didn’t know was when to listen to me sayg “no,” when to stop, when to realize that my kickg and punchg and shovg and screamg and wrhg was not jt some sick roleplay while he blasted Lady Gaga’s “I Like It Rough.” He vered my sobbg mouth wh his hands. He hhed me and lled me “sexy,” as “You got this, sexy.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When I wrote about <a href=">men who are raped by women</a>, for Details magaze 2004, ught the eye of Bill O’Reilly, who discsed on his show. “If you’re lucky enough as a guy to have some girl e on to you that manner,” he said, “but you don’t want to reciprote, you stand up and you leave, unls the woman is 240 pounds and tackl you. The man is tradnally stronger and better equipped to leave the room.” There is a great disbelief out there, spe the numbers — om the CDC! the NIH! the Jtice Department! — about how <a href=">1 33 men</a> have experienced “a pleted or attempted rape,” or <a href=">12.9 percent</a> have been sexually asslted. Mostly ’s by men they know. (I have a uple dozen mutual Facebook iends wh my assailant.)</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Some people still see rape acrdg to the old cliche: vile men draggg nocent women to dark alleys and then btalizg them. As we are fally learng, the realy is much more plited than the nventnal-wisdom rtoon. Sometim those women experience asm, which n be psychologilly vastatg. I was erect for much of my rape (at least the parts for which I was awake, but probably other parts, too); my assailant knew how to stimulate the physlogil rponse of an erectn — as opposed to the emotnal or psychologil rponse — even if I was cryg or actively tryg to thk about unsexy thgs. I wasn’t handcuffed or tied up, but was a versn of dissociated shock. The visible, immeasurable shackl of such a vlatn are immense.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">From the bed, I uld see the ont door, but was away and I thought, <em>No, I won’t be able to get to the door, unlock , open and pe before he beats the hell out of me</em>. And what was my optn, anyway? To n naked and groggy through his halls and down Nth Avenue? It’s amazg how much fear n make you want — really want — to appease a ptor.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Rape may be as bad as murr, but, like murr, there are many kds of rape. War-crime rape, date rape, rape as a rual for pledgg a aterny, spoal rape, ct, rape wh known assailants, rape wh unknown assailants, police officers sodomizg a man wh a broomstick. Rape ntas multus. Any discsn of rape is gog to require as a culture to get much more imagative about . (Helpfully, the Jtice Department jt <a href=">expand s fn</a> to clu men.) Every time we discs rape as if ’s only men draggg women to alleys, we make the act of reportg all the more unfortable, burnsome and alienatg for women beg raped by their boyiends, or stunts beg raped by their teachers, or men beg raped by women, or men beg raped by men. It is an act of theft on top of an act of rape.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">* * *</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><strong>What’s shockg about this limed perspective is, sadly, how much opportuny there is to see the full spectm of rape our culture.</strong> Not only are dozens of lleg currently embroiled sex asslt vtigatns — cludg Jam Madison Universy, which jt punished three rapists wh <a href=">“expulsn after graduatn”</a> (or, as a iend noted, jt “graduatn”). There are the tw revulsns of <a href=">Dov Charney</a> and Terry Richardson. New York magaze put Richardson on s ver last month wh the qutn “<a href=">Is Terry Richardson an Artist or a Predator?</a>” as if a person nnot be both. There’s self-scribed “Ve star” Brtany Furlan on the red rpet for Soap Opera Network’s Daytime Emmys verage tellg a male actor “We’re gog to get you away om before we rape you.” It’s a world where Gee Will realistilly n fend <a href=">wrg</a> that sexual asslt survivors “make victimhood a veted stat that nfers privileg.” The Web se <a href="></a>, which tracks Republin blunrs on rape, is now s eighth edn.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When male victims are discsed, ’s almost always about children — the Sandky stori and all their perverse variants. For adults, or out of prison, male-on-male rape is mostly thought of as an attack on a heterosexual victim, rape addg homophobic sult to jury. Yet rape is, ironilly, always on the tongu of men. “I’m gonna rape you Halo!” “This Monday morng is rapg me.” “Paper jam? Ugh, I wanna rape this prter.”</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">The terrible thg about beg a gay man is that is pennt on exprsn. If you’re straight and have never had sex, you’re a virg. If you’re gay and have never had sex, you’re nfed. <em>How n you know you’re gay unls you’ve tried ?</em> In the wake of my nightmare — and all the subsequent nightmar and daymar that have e wh — I wanted nothg to do wh sex. But what is a gay man who don’t have sex? I wasn’t even sure what I beme.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div data-qa="article-image" class="hi-for-prt"><div style="m-height:358px"></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">When I fally eed myself om that apartment — I flatter myself; the tth is, he was done wh me — I took the next tra out of town. I wanted to be as far away as I uld. From the lobby of Unn Statn D.C., I sobbed to my phone and told a iend what happened. He might have saved my life by urgg me to a b to Whman-Walker Clic, where <a href=">I began a 30-day anti-HIV dg regimen</a> (I am HIV-negative, thank God). In the exam, when the nurse asked me to exhale eply, I uld smell his sweat and semen on my breath, and I began cryg all over aga, bee I didn’t remember givg — or beg forced to give — fellat, and sudnly I realized there was a whole extra circle of Hell, hidn horrors done to my unnsc body wh no way of ever knowg fully what happened.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I wasn’t gog to wre any of this. But even given all those statistics, I’ve never heard a story told om my perspective, and certaly never expected to be the one tellg . I had e to accept my life as a kd of ongog closet: a secret room which a playthg lled Richard — lled “sexy” — broken by some zealo child. But the untold stori are precisely the most important stori to tell. The more stori that are told, the ls they n all be the same.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">* * *</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null"><strong>I know how dumb and selfish and even endangerg this n sound, but I don’t want to charge my attacker (not everyone do)</strong><strong>.</strong> After the JMU asslt, the survivor <a href=">told</a> the Huffgton Post that “It was kd of hard for me to al wh. I jt tried to dimish the suatn. I didn’t want to brg up, didn’t want to talk about .” That ronated wh me. I don’t want anythg to do wh him. I don’t want him my life, even a urtroom. I kept imagg, perhaps too cematilly, that he’d toss off some hntg quip as he was hled away. I won’t let him. I won’t even let him have a name now. He’s a namels mon who has taken so much that I don’t want to give him even the possibily of takg more.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Beg asslted changed sex for me. The total absence of timacy durg that horrible weekend rtored my need for . In the world of hook-up apps, where you n know the size of a paramour’s penis before you know his name — if you ever learn his name — sex be worse than sual, worse than rnal; be transactnal. Usg Grdr and s ilk, men orr guys over to their apartments as if they were specialty pizzas.</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">Afterward, the 30-day anti-HIV dg regimen weirdly helped thgs. I was certaly not about to be sexually active that time. It enabled a kd of monasticism. My new le beme that I didn’t want to have sex wh anyone I wouldn’t brg to a dner party. I recently spent an eveng wh a guy that peaked wh hand-holdg. (It was everythg The Beatl promised and more.)</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">So much — too much — of our llective gay story is about sadns and spair and downfall. “Gvanni’s Room.” “Dancer From The Dance.” “The Normal Heart.” “Angels Ameri.” “My Own Private Idaho.” “Philalphia.” “Brokeback Mounta.” “Milk.” “Weekend.” When the two hot teenage boys “Y Tu Mamá También” hook up, stroys their iendship. Even “Will & Grace” end wh the lifelong iendship s of . It’s an unspoken tra-off: gays n be pop culture as long as they’re vacuo or miserable or both, as if we’re born wh the gene for sad endgs (#getsbter).</p></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb dn db-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-sktop"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-none pt-lg pb-lg" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"><div>Advertisement</div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><div class="cb db dn-ns" data-qa="article-body-ad" data-ttid="article-body-ad-mobile"><div aria-hidn="te" class="hi-for-prt relative flex jtify-center ntent-box ems-center b bh mb-md mt-sm pt-sm pb-sm" style="m-height:250px;borr-top-lor:;borr-bottom-lor:"><div class="center absolute w-100 borr-box" style="top:"><div class="dib gray-dark pl-xs pr-xs font-sans-serif light font-xxxxs lh-md" style="--primary-borr-lor:"></div></div><div data-ttid="placeholr-box" class="w-100 h-100 absolute flex flex-lumn jtify-center borr-box bg-offwhe" style="width:300px;height:250px"><div class="flex flex-lumn jtify-center font-sans-serif center font-xxs light gray-dark lh-md"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="article-body" data-qa="article-body"><p data-ttid="drop-p-letter" data-el="text" class="wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css overriStyl font-py" dir="null">I n’t offer a happy endg here. I don’t want the sort of closure that turns cints like this to a neat three-act “Law & Orr” episo. I’ve cid stead — and wrg this is the first step — that the rultg self-awarens, and hopefully, beyond me, a ter social awarens of rape, is a sufficient da. It would be pretty ironic for me to force my takeaway upon anyone else, but the year sce my trma, I’ve redited myself to kdns and hope and timacy, which has ma me feel fortable enough to realize that my story n serve a purpose, too. That, I pray, n at least be an everlastg happy begng.</p></div><div class="PJLV PJLV-ibHxfFu-css flex overriStyl"><div class="wpds-c-dXjReQ"><button id="gift-share-shortcut" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-SQjOY-variant-sendary wpds-c-kSOqLF-biynoz-nsy-pact wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-in-left hi-for-prt"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 16 16" fill="currentColor" aria-hidn="te" focable="false" role="img" class="wpds-c-dJBvpf "><path d="M10.73 5h.14a1.75 1.75 0 0 0 1-2.25 1.83 1.83 0 0 0-.51-.75 1.72 1.72 0 0 0-1.48-.35 1.76 1.76 0 0 0-1.2.94L8 3.93l-.68-1.4A1.76 1.76 0 0 0 4 3.59 1.74 1.74 0 0 0 5.13 5H2v4h1v5h10V9h1V5ZM9.58 3a.77.77 0 0 1 .51-.4h.17a.73.73 0 0 1 .47.17.72.72 0 0 1 .27.71.72.72 0 0 1-.48.58l-1.77.66ZM5 3.43a.72.72 0 0 1 .27-.71.73.73 0 0 1 .47-.17h.17a.77.77 0 0 1 .51.4l.83 1.7L5.48 4A.74.74 0 0 1 5 3.43ZM3 6h4.5v2H3Zm1 3h3.5v4H4Zm4.5 4V9H12v4ZM13 8H8.5V6H13Z" data-name="Path 10"></path></svg><span class="wpds-c-iSKIAI">Gift this article</span>Gift Article</button></div></div><div></div><div></div><sectn class="dn-ns hi-for-prt" data-ttid="mostRead" subscriptns-sectn="ntent"><div data-ttid="lazy-most-read-parent" class=""><div style="m-height:800px"></div></div></sectn><div class="wpds-c-hsVKiV"><div data-qa="newsletter" class="hi-for-prt relative"><div class="dib w-100"><div><div class="flex jtify-center align self-center center transn-all duratn-400 ease--out" data-qa="sc-newsletter-signup" aria-label=""><svg aria-labelledby="react-aria-1-aria" role="img" viewBox="0 0 100 80"><tle id="react-aria-1-aria">Loadg...

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'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

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Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify, ” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are way more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.

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The rults of two of their studi suggt there very well uld be blogil subgroups of gay men, which is to say that one’s blogil makp uld possibly (and most likely, directly) fluence whether or not he lik to fuck or get fucked (or both) has been studied, anal-sex role has been viewed as a rult of social factors (more on that a mute). Dpe every study I’ve read that asks about the anal-sex role of s rponnts has found that the majory men who have sex wh men intify as versatile (cludg the two studi at hand om the Universy of Toronto team) as well as my own anecdotal experience suggtg as much, the top/bottom bary persists gay culture. And wh the assumptns of femy men e sults (“bottom” as a pejorative amongst gay men) and wh those e a specific kd of shame addn to the shame many gay men already experience merely livg a heterosexual perhaps if the variatn among gay men has blogil basis, uld help make one’s sir, not to mentn those of others, ls ght or timidatg, for one thg.

“What’s tertg about this work is even among a group of dividuals who are pretty siar terms of their sexual preference—that is, gay men preferrg men—there uld be a diverse set of procs that lead them to exhib that same sexual orientatn oute, ” explaed VanrLaan, an assistant profsor the Universy of Toronto Mississga’s Department of Psychology, and the senr thor on two recent papers: “Handns is a bmarker of variatn anal sex role behavr and Relled Childhood Genr Nonnformy among gay men, ” published on PLOS One, and “Genr Nonnformy and Birth Orr Relatn to Anal Sex Role Among Gay Men, ” published Archiv of Sexual studi built on prev rearch suggtg that gay men are more likely to be genr-nonnformg (“ls terted , say, male-typil [exhibg] ls mascule personaly characteristics, ” said VanrLaan), are more likely to be non-right hand than their straight unterparts, and are more likely to have olr brothers ( what’s known as the aternal birth orr effect, which technilly poss that the more olr brothers a man has om the same mother, the more likely he is to be gay). The Universy of Toronto team ntacted what would bee their sample of men durg the 2015 Toronto Pri ftivi and asked them to fill out onle surveys regardg their sexual posng (both preference and behavr—there was discernible variatn between the two), their relled childhood genr nonnformy (which was assigned a number through a regularly ed 23-em qutnnaire The Relled Childhood Genr Inty/Genr Role Qutnnaire, which asks qutns like “As a child my bt or clost iend was 1-always a boy, to 5-always a girl, ” and “In fantasy or pretend play, I took the role 1-only of boys or men, to 5-only of girls or women), their handns, and their amount of siblgs (the sampl of the two studi were almost intil, wh 91 straight men surveyed both studi, and 242 gay men the handns study vers the 243 men of the birth orr study). ”The team’s ultimate fdgs poted to statistilly signifint variatn amongst the gay men, wh bottoms beg more likely wh the sampled populatns to be genr-nonnformg (Table 1) and non-right hand (Table 2), as well as to have a higher proportn of olr brothers (Table 3):Note that the handns study found the strongt lks terms of behavr (i.

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If you n’t thk about gay men whout thkg about our poops and the diapers you hope we’re wearg and our meaty prolapsed rectums, SHAME, that says a lot more about you than do about gay signifint other wants me to lete any NSFW pictur of my ex, but I don’t feel fortable wh that. Beg kept hidn bee you’re trans (or you’re gay or you’re big) and the person you’re datg hasn’t gotten over their shame about beg attracted to trans people (or members of their own sex or bigger people)… well, sucks to be someone’s dirty secret. - The world's first fe art photography magaze dited to queer and gay 2 - the Pri Issue featur ten photographers om ne untri: AY (UK), David Charl Colls (Atralia), Matthew Fley (USA), Ashish Gupta (India), Manuel Monyo (Mexi), Juan Anton Papagni Me (Argenta), Sebastian Perotti (Argenta), Mric A.

Our rearch has found that the last five years, medil practners at least eight untri -- Cameroon, Egypt, Kenya, Lebanon, Tunisia, Turkmenistan, Uganda, and Zambia -- have nducted such "tts" on men and transgenr women acced of homosexual, sometim armed wh a prosecutor's orr, take "spects" to a forensic doctor or a general practner, who serts fgers and sometim objects to the an to terme s "tone. Lol NewsMIAMI – The diplomatic ti between the Uned Stat and Jamai uld soon be jeopardy.There are reports that Jamai is refg to accred the spoe of a gay Amerin diplomat.“Our culture is not really acceptg of ,” said Renae Stevens, who was visg the Jamain nsulate Miami Wednday.Attorney Wayne Goldg is an advisor to Jamai’s ernment.“The whole ia of legislatn to legalize same-sex marriag, I thk they still have a long way to go,” he said. PREVIOUS REPORT: 'I'll never get my baby back': Fay of woman killed crash on North Freeway angry over lossHoton police said Sarah Gay was toxited when she drove northbound the southbound lan of the I-45 North Freeway near the Whe Oak ex and h two rs.

To evaluate the stcture and functn of the ternal (IAS) and external (EAS) anal sphcters anoreceptive homosexual men and to terme whether anoreceptive terurse (ARI) is associated wh a higher risk of ntence this populatn. Acrdg to data prented at the Associatn of Nurs AIDS Care 2019 Conference, half the gay and bisexual black men the Deep South have ed an enema — or "rectal douche" as 's lled the muny — although what they are g to douche is unclear. So Dangerfield partnered wh DeMarc Hickson, PhD, prciple vtigator of the Elogil Study of Sexual Behavrs and HIV/STI Among Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex Wh Men the Southeastern Uned Stat (the MARI study), to figure out who the particular gay and bisexual men are, and how they e anal douchg.

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Although studi have intified that up to 88% of gay and bisexual men have anally douched, and that up to 64% have done so recently, there are few data on black gay men and black women of trans experience the Deep South, the people Dangerfield is terted .

Through this reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback—siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the terveng years between the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and the prent day, thanks no small part to advancements HIV preventn technologi. Keywords: Agg, Bareback, Cultural studi, Gay-for-pay, Gay pornography, Johnny RapidIntroductnJohnny Rapid began his porn reer at the start of the 2010s as a h-faced 18-year-old, shootg scen wh Boys First Time and Bkake Boys before signg wh Men as an exclive and releasg his first scene November 2011.

1 He was also named as the send most searched for gay porn star Pornhub’s 2017 “Year Review” annual analytics report (beaten to the top spot by relative new-er William Seed, also a Men exclive)2 and was the 2017 recipient of Str8UpGayPorn’s Bt Gay-4-Pay Performer award.

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Through reflectn, I arrive at the ncln that the time was right for an agg twk performer to be hened-up by a transn to bareback; siar transns of which have bee wispread across the gay porn landspe the years that have ticked over sce the 2015 Johnny Rapid Go Bareback event and our prent day (see Brennan, 2020a)—due to the wispread mastreamg of bareback mercial gay porn, which has been buoyed no small part by advancements HIV preventn Rapid Go BarebackJohnny Rapid’s bareback but served as the lnch event for Bromo; a se that shared a parent pany (MdGeek) wh Sean Cody and Men, the latter two s that 2018 held the distctn of beg the first and send most equented sourc of gay porn on the web, rpectively (Brennan, 2018). I observe that while Rapid’s first-time bareback performance is marketed as a up for viewers, the general nsens among Str8UpGayPorn’s rearship is more my readg of the disurse will show, the largt proportn of those mentg on the mpaign exprsed a cidly negative viewpot.

Especially as this trend relat to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback Barebackg CoupAnalysis of viewer receptivens to the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign offers particular sights to the functn of ‘bareback event marketg, ’ and wh the impact that the movement towards a “state of ndomlsns” (Brennan, 2020a, 131) gay porn has had on dience expectatns around what nstut a newsworthy performance—together wh dience views on the ethics of ndomls promotn self. Jt as the 2010s hered the equent prentatns of acts that would have been nsired extreme pornography a earlier—such as anal creampi—on s that are generally nsired “vanilla” gay porn (Kiss Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 132), Morris has himself been forced to gravate towards more extreme portrayals orr to mata his radil reputatn.

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The novelty of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign, therefore, through the prentatn of a sue of scen pictg a prolific, yet still young, gay-for-pay performer beg perated ‘raw, ’ and perhaps ‘seed’ for the first time on screen. ” (see Florênc, 2018) Also, as John Mercer (2017) not, the “first time” vice is “one of the key disurs of youth that is summoned up gay porn, ” (89) which is an unrstandg of the genre that helps expla the stg of Rapid for this particular re of passage.

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Consirg first the reactns to the news of Rapid’s bareback performance, the failure of Bromo to stir up tert—and for s tend msage to land wh Str8UpGayPorn rears—is surmised by two them; namely: bareback as self now mundane, and Rapid’s bareback but as dangero.

’” (C55) The more plited of the two them that emerged the wake of the announcement is the healthism 2: As DangeroOf urse, bareback sex was once the norm gay pornography—before the HIV/AIDS era—, and was mpaigns of another kd—namely for safer sex—that have created the opportuni for harsh judgement, even censure, here and more broadly.

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Weeks wr that sexual inti are “necsary fictns” (1995, 98) shaped by historil circumstanc: the spread of HIV wh Wtern gay and queer male muni of which is a se pot, and a circumstance om which we vised a “grammar for safer sex. 21 We turn now to viewer asssment of the scen of Rapid’s barebackg but, such asssments that were thored the ments sectns of Str8UpGayPorn’s of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback CampaignFour scen were released as part of the Johnny Rapid Go Bareback mpaign—one per week begng on Augt 6, 2015. It is a view that regniz the potential of the ter promotg certa sexual practic (see Rosenberger et al., 2011); but also, pots to the “risky bs” of a regrsive trajectory followg a perceived cle the threat of HIV—whereby “agast all good medil advice, ” the porn dtry is puttg profs ahead of muny health by “showg healthy lookg people engagg unhealthy behavr, ” and “sendg a bad msage, pecially to young gay men, ” for many of whom porn, is assumed, plays an important role their inty formatn.

Not only do nfirm abundant e of pornography by gay men (also see Duggan & McCreary, 2004), but also, of the 20 participants who took part the study, three quarters of those terviewed attributed gay pornography as their primary means of learng about gay sex durg adolcence (Elr et al., 2015, 951) foregog viewer ment is ak to what Alex Carballo-Diéguez and José Bermeister (2004) found their paratively early ntent analysis of ments for and agast barebackg. Mercer mak the pot that while a theme of homophobia may be seen to unrsre certa scenars—such as sex prison (and perhaps hazg and gay-for-pay narrative settgs as well)—, to label such scenars as homophobic is “far too simplistic and rctive to acunt for the relatively plex range of disurs at play.

Scene 3 b an alleged misogynist (Rapid) wh a perceived homophobe (Black) a pairg that those mentg regnize as a meetg of ntroversi:One asshole gettg FUCKED by another how origal (C20)The only upg scene I’d be terted watchg featurg Vadim Black (don’t that make him sound like some chey vampire? (C29)32In addn to offensive signifieds that adjo the performers’ off-screen liv, one mentator also labels the men as probable racists, prumably le wh the whe-washed nature of much of gay porn:33 “As much as I dislike both of their personali, and that they both might be potentially racist as well, I’m watchg this maly for Vadim. However, what n be gleamed om the disurse regardg class is that Rapid’s gay-for-pay porn inty, bed wh his reputed treatment of women, merg wh his “power bottom” performanc to create a distctly workg-class nstctn that was central to his narrative at the time.

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” (C5) Yet the nsens seems to be that Rapid’s bareback but as an ‘event’ is the scene self together wh the promotnal imag that acpany are cricized as overly staged—“There’s some[thg] cidly unsexy about a group of guys stoppg to pose for the mera mid-fuck” (C14)—, unr erotic—“he’s the most borg and passnls gay porn performer I’ve ever seen, no matter how many dicks he n take at the same time. For Mark Kiss ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015) the performance of “double anal peratns, ” and even “graphic cream pi, ” while once an ditor of “‘extreme’ gay pornography” and “relegated to shady, dim backrooms studs” such as TIM, “are now somewhat mon place; perhaps even yawn worthy to pecially jad gay porn nnoissrs. ” ( Nielsen & Kiss, 2015, 126) In other words, for many there is a sire for specific and personally-practised gay sex acts to be exaggerated follows that if bareback is sirable, or perhaps practised as part of a nsumer’s sex life—as recent advanc HIV preventative technologi have ma possible whout beg necsarily acts of ristance—then there is an expectatn that pornography will take this portrayal further.

In fact, Mercer (2017) nomat Rapid as one of three performers who typify “the specific physily and athetic of the boy-next-door and the sexy kid” (85) his monograph on gay porn, which serv to illtrate how Rapid, aged c25 at time of Mercer’s monograph, ntu to enjoy “kid”-oriented appreciatns, spe his age. I acknowledge that the reason Rapid’s reer survived while Lyons’ flounred and soon ceased is likely attributable to a number of factors—cludg a ntued fatuatn wh “straight-actg” performers over more gay-intifiable/effemate on such as Lyons and Lyons’ movement to watersports—erotic ure play—around the same time (an area of gay porn need of greater rearch). As another study of me—to the bareback transns of the most popular sourc of gay porn (see Brennan, 2020a, 131)—reveals, 2010 falls jt shy of a number of high profile bareback adoptns that would e between the Lyons and Rapid buts: late 2011 (Sean Cody and Corb Fisher) and late 2013 (Lus Entertament and Next Door Studs).

Those who objected to the practice on ethil grounds viewed as ak to celebry endorsements of potentially harmful practic (such as smokg or alhol nsumptn), th nnectg wh a health disurse that is pecially potent given the historilly-charged nnectn between the gay muny and HIV/AIDS. Rather than rcg this to an example of reckls abandon—a posn wh s own pleasur —, I believe that unrstandg n be reached through ntextualizatn and acunt for the cultural formatns and practic that have bee embedd gay culture, and which were shaped by so-lled unsafe sexual practic of the past.

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Mowlaboc, for example, argued 2007—a time when risk bareback was perceived by gay men as much more real than is today—for the importance of a “fully ntextualized” (218) unrstandg of disurs on bareback—both the hedonistic eedoms felt by proponents and practners of , as well as the rhetoric of s tractors.

” (218)The succs—and srs—rema today  my native Atralia of other ‘event marketg’—the public service mpaigns particularly, such as the 1987 Natnal Advisory Commtee on AIDS’ Grim Reaper39—that, my readg, bled gay men-as-origal-disease-rriers wh reapers strikg at the heart of everyday cizens—children clud. Ltle wonr, therefore, that the apparent vanquishg of HIV via pre- and post-exposure technologi has served as a rapture event; one that, but sign, keeps lser risks the shadow of public enemy number one—for gay men’s health and their standg the muny at large. Rapid’s ntued populary at time of wrg (and ls so, but still popular, at time of publitn) is signifint bee bucks received wisdom on the reer trajectory of bottom twks—who tend to retire or fa to obscury by their mid-twenti, pecially when they reprent a certa workg classns (as opposed to performers like Brent Corrigan, whose dtry savvy and nnectedns wh gay culture has assured his ntued relevance).

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As HIV and AIDS has bee more of a ‘chronic’ health ndn, and as meditns that seemgly prevent HIV have bee more available and popular, gay men may have re-claimed bareback sex as a sexual practice—certaly, gay pornography has [see, for example, my (Brennan, 2020a) discsn of the change-of-heart, return-to-beg-a-bareback-stud progrsn of dtry heavyweights like Michael Lus, of Lus Entertament (143–145)].

The prent article offers rears some sight to how the reer of a popular performer gay pornography ed ‘gog bareback’ as a means of (re)lnchg a new phase of his reer, particularly as he was begng to ‘age out’ of his ial porn inty as a ‘twk’ performer. Lookg beyond 2015, exampl of a revalized reer n be found Rapid’s leadg role ‘mastream’ gay porn parody films released the wake of his bareback turn—cludg parodi of Pokémon42 and Jt Bieber43 2016, and Pirat of the Caribbean44 and Jtice League45 2017, for example (for a readg of Rapid’s portrayal of the Flash the last of the parodi, see Brennan, 2020b, 279–281). In nyg the creampie  2015, was Rapid effectively ristg the “ejaculative evince of the vlence enacted by the phall” (Semerene, 2021, 202); and wh a val—pecially gay—mment to kship and a return-to-bareback practice among gay men; somethg shown the disappotment of those viewg the seri when their hope of beg privy to an pecially timate event by, arguably, the bt-known performer at that time fell short?

Each time, however, Rapid has transned a mercially-viable manner that, if anythg, falls behd the momentum of bareback wh mercial gay porn; a momentum that accelerat all of viewg this ntent towards timaci— the receptivens to ejaculat pecially, and personal practic, possibly—more extreme.

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”40See Fiske and Hartley, 1978, 176 for a discsn of exnomatn, the evacuatn of a privileged term om the bary system—admtedly, a loose f here, yet one that do help to expla how, through an obssive pursu of HIV (through health mpaigng, and both ternal to and as an opprsive force onto the gay muny) other health risks of ndomls anal sex between men uld be bbed out of nscns, and stay fad, even today.

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