Moby Opens Up About Panic Attacks, Suici, and His New Book</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Moby Opens Up About Panic Attacks, Suici, and His New Book" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="Mic legend Moby discs his reer followg his h album, Play, his suici attempt, and s-long procs of reverg om alholism and panic attacks." /><meta name="keywords" ntent /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/menshealth/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Men's Health" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="128455567236258" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@MensHealthMag" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="KD2AYNrwYjrNCwZthxgElsAAkSgJhWPxx3FkmjgfPt0" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Moby Opens Up About His Suici Attempt and Livg Wh a Panic Disorr" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent=""I was lonely and sad and sick and dnk and high . . . I wanted to die."" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/menshealth/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="never" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Health" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-11-02T01:08:27Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2019-05-10T18:44:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="In October of 2008, Richard Melville, known to old iends and ravg fans and sour crics simply as “Moby,” the 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class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Health</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="1" /></li><style data-emotn="css huh8md">{display:none;}{paddg:0.25rem;ntent:">";}</style><li emProp="emListElement" emSpe emType=" class="css-huh8md e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/health/a27337138/moby-panic-attacks-suici-book/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="How Moby Got Famo, H Rock Bottom, and (Ultimately) Found Remptn" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">How Moby Got Famo, H Rock Bottom, and (Ultimately) Found Remptn</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="2" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css sgwfvb">{font-fay:GraphikConnsed,GraphikConnsed-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:3rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.75rem;le-height:1.1;}} em, i{paddg-right:0.3125rem;}</style><h1 class="css-sgwfvb exadjwu8"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>How Moby Got Famo, H Rock Bottom, and (Ultimately) Found Remptn<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css gpc83z">{lor:#595959;font-fay:GraphikBold,GraphikBold-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;marg-top:0.625rem;text-align:center;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.2;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#d2232e;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-gpc83z exadjwu6"><p>Mic legend Moby opens up about his suici attempt and his battle wh a panic disorr.</p></div><style data-emotn="css 61aae5">{lor:#6F6F6F;display:le;font-fay:GraphikBold,GraphikBold-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.03rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.71434rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.72308rem;le-height:1.2;}} span{le-height:1.6;}</style><div class="css-61aae5 exadjwu5"><style data-emotn="css l61bhe">{lor:#6F6F6F;display:le;font-fay:GraphikBold,GraphikBold-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-style:normal;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.03rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.71434rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.72308rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><addrs class="css-l61bhe ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 1rxc7sd">{lor:#6F6F6F;display:le;font-fay:GraphikBold,GraphikBold-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.03rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.71434rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.72308rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><span class="css-1rxc7sd ehvvd9m1"><style data-emotn="css 1sa04t">{borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;marg-right:0.3125rem;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Joshua St. Clair" tle="Headshot of Joshua St. Clair" width="40" height="40" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" class=" css-1sa04t ehvvd9m0" />By <style data-emotn="css 1nlla76">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#d2232e;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/218034/joshua-st-clair/" class="css-1nlla76 e1c1bym14">Joshua St. Clair</a></span><style data-emotn="css w0ebia">{display:le-block;text-transform:upperse;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-w0ebia exadjwu4">Published: May 10, 2019</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu13"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu12"><style data-emotn="css 563p4t">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;background-lor:#d2232e;borr:th solid 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61.25rem){{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc((100vw - (lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 2 * 1rem)) / -2);}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 2);max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 + 1rem)) / -2) - lc(2 * 1rem));}[data-has-sponsor] {marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);marg-right:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);}}</style><div class="standard-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-7ce51e ewisyje3"><style data-emotn="css trzem2">{jtify-self:center;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-left:-50vw;marg-right:-50vw;width:100vw;left:50%;right:50%;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead css-trzem2 ewisyje6"><style data-emotn="css sm2oir">{height:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg:to lc(50% - 50vw);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:to;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead-image css-sm2oir e5f9kgu2"><style data-emotn="css eag3eq">{posn:relative;height:to;}</style><div class="css-eag3eq e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="Whe, Photograph, Black, Black-and-whe, Monochrome, Glass, Monochrome photography, Eyewear, Snapshot, Su, " tle="Whe, Photograph, Black, Black-and-whe, Monochrome, Glass, Monochrome photography, Eyewear, Snapshot, Su, " width="5760" height="3588" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /></div><style data-emotn="css 285vyd">{le-height:1;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}}</style><figptn class="css-285vyd enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 11z3u4d">{lor:#6F6F6F;font-fay:GraphikBold,GraphikBold-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.03rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.71434rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.72308rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><span class="css-11z3u4d e6iqd2">Faber & Faber</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css z6i669">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-z6i669 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css 18vfmjb">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">In October of 2008, Richard Melville, known to old iends and ravg fans and sour crics simply as “Moby,” the transformative and ntroversial artist who hered electronic dance mic to the mastream and played across the world, put a plastic bag over his head, fastened wh a belt, and closed his ey. He'd been thkg about ath for years, wakg up every day disappoted that he hadn’t died his sleep. He envied and rented Heath Ledger, someone who <em>had, </em>that year, died his sleep. But that morng, after wanrg through his Mott Street apartment New York, cryg and repeatg to himself, “I jt want do die,” Moby cid to do . “In a weird way, jt seemed like the most practil urse of actn,” Moby says. “I was lonely and sad and sick and dnk and high, and I’d been that way for que a while. And nothg was gettg better.”</p><style data-emotn="css 1mtaqr6">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="1" class="align-right size-medium embed css-1mtaqr6 e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="Album ver, Poster, Mic, Movie, Sky, Font, Photography, Photo ptn, " tle="Album ver, Poster, Mic, Movie, Sky, Font, Photography, Photo ptn, " loadg="lazy" width="1807" height="2764" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 78jldq">{paddg-left:0rem;}</style><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-11z3u4d e6iqd2">Faber & Faber</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="2" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Now, ten years sober, Moby says ’s important he share this “dark si.” His new memoir, <style data-emotn="css 38knzi">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.125rem;text-ratn-lor:#d2232e;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;background-lor:#F3B032;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Then It Fell Apart" class="body-lk css-38knzi et3p2gv0"><em>Then It Fell Apart</em></a>, out this week, a chronicle of his ascent to fame and scent to addictn and bchery. He hop that wrg the moments helps make sharg easier, both for himself and for his dience. <br /></p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Moby once thought of suici as a siar munitive act. “You’re advertisg the extent to which you were pa,” he tells me. </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">If so, then Moby’s disgraphy plays like one long, betiful, paful advert, though, one often disguised by fast, upbeat dance tempos. The book’s tle <em>Then It Fell Apart</em> are the lyrics om one such rerd, 2002's “Extreme Ways.” “Extreme” enpsulated much of Moby’s dg-fueled life of late-90's and early 00's fame. It was a which he never slept before sunrise, a nonstop sundown pursu through bars and nightclubs toward “oblivn,” a state where he’d drk or snort enough to, hopefully, never wake up ever aga. In the song, "extreme ways" are "back aga," which, if wasn't so melod, might play like a more evint admissn of relapse. Moby's third verse, a portent for an October morng six years later: "I closed my ey and closed myself / And closed my world and never opened / Up to anythg."</p><style data-emotn="css 1736von">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;clear:both;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="6" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="Eyewear, Whe, Black, Facial hair, Glass, Cool, Beard, Black-and-whe, Monochrome, Human, " tle="Eyewear, Whe, Black, Facial hair, Glass, Cool, Beard, Black-and-whe, Monochrome, Human, " loadg="lazy" width="1890" height="2025" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css swqnqv">@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css fwfucd">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.4;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;} em{font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;}</style><div class="css-fwfucd e1xqj1sx1">Dis birthday party, New York Cy, 2007</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-11z3u4d e6iqd2">Faber & Faber</span></figptn></div></div></div><style data-emotn="css c5pwu3">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{lor:#d2232e;font-fay:GraphikBold,GraphikBold-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:3.8431rem;le-height:1;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:6.00318rem;le-height:1;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="7" class="body-dropp css-c5pwu3 et3p2gv0"> Moby’s father died when Moby was two, after drivg dnk to a bridge New Jersey at 100 mph. <em>Then It Fell Apart</em> reckons both wh the fallout om this ath as well as s ultimate e: alhol. Moby lls alhol the <em>molecule</em>, somethg he was both physlogilly pretermed to enjoy—and found at the age of ten—and somethg he was psychologilly motivated to abe. “It sudnly enabled me to feel lm and unaaid for the first time my life,” he says. <br /></p><p data-no-id="8" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Moby got his start Manhattan, playg hip-hop and dance to a crowd of mostly gay, black, and Lato ravers. That was the New York Cy Moby loved: hot, sweaty clubs wh dancg and energy and fun. In 1991, he released "<a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Go" class="body-lk css-38knzi et3p2gv0">Go</a>," a dance anthem that sampled the openg to David Lynch’s <em>Tw Peaks</em>, and soon he was tourg and ridg a small current of fame across Europe. Fame was joyo. Fame was playg on a barge Belgium ont of hundreds of ravers. It was havg sex a hotel shower for the first time. Fame was also possible alongsi sobriety, and for the first half of the 90s, Moby never touched a drk. </p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="9" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="Crowd, People, Audience, Event, Performance, Nightclub, Party, Magenta, Ftival, Dis, " tle="Crowd, People, Audience, Event, Performance, Nightclub, Party, Magenta, Ftival, Dis, " loadg="lazy" width="2362" height="1584" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-fwfucd e1xqj1sx1">Moby performg San Francis</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-11z3u4d e6iqd2">Faber & Faber</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="10" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">But then was New Year’s Day 1995. Moby was at a bar wh iends. His fame, he felt, was wang. He had suffered om a panic disorr sce he was a kid, and so even though he often felt lonely, he feared timacy. After he lled an ex-girliend and a man answered the phone, Moby hung up, went to the bar, and immediately orred a beer. And then another. And then another. </p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">By 1999, Moby was dnk or high almost every night. He would release another album that year, <em><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Play" class="body-lk css-38knzi et3p2gv0">Play</a></em>, probably his last, he thought. </p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>Play</em> was a llage, part 80s-techno, part jazz, part blu, part folk, part 50’s gospel and a ppella, and part spoken word. Songs spired by bible vers, by classil mic, by walkg around Chatown at 5am, and, ultimately, by New York Cy. And by dgs. Ined, was an album that began wh a rave energy, fad to a chemil haze, and then end wh a soft choir. It was a dirty, excg 90's New York Cy <em>trip</em>. </p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">And rocketed Moby to fame. </p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Not small-European-tour fame, but big-pop-star fame. Now fame was a fifty-foot billboard of himself on New York’s Hoton Street. Fame was Natalie Portman and Madonna dancg next to his stage, Rsell Crowe grabbg and yellg at him an Atralian bathroom, and gold and platum rerds stacked the hallway of his small Mott Street apartment. Fame was also lots of spontaneo sex, ecstasy, and vodka. And then, when the fame began to wane, aga, fame beme e, meth, and any dg offered. </p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="15" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1cvvffc">{font-fay:GraphikConnsed,GraphikConnsed-fallback,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.25rem;le-height:1;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><blockquote class="css-1cvvffc e1pe3zr90">"Fame was gold and platum rerds stacked the hallway of his small Mott Street apartment. Fame was also lots of spontaneo sex, ecstasy, and vodka."</blockquote><style data-emotn="css uj08">{background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;ntent:'';display:block;height:0.06rem;marg:0.9375rem to 0;width:10rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-uj08 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="16" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">“I fully believed that I knew exactly what I was dog,” Moby tells me. He thought that if only fame and succs worked out, then thgs would be perfect. But they weren’t. </p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="17" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="Advertisg, Billboard, Sky, Technology, Mural, Poster, Display advertisg, Display vice, Banner, Cy, " tle="Advertisg, Billboard, Sky, Technology, Mural, Poster, Display advertisg, Display vice, Banner, Cy, " loadg="lazy" width="2939" height="1984" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-fwfucd e1xqj1sx1">Calv Kle advert, rner of Broadway & Hoton, New York Cy, 1999</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-11z3u4d e6iqd2">Faber & Faber</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="18" class="body-dropp css-c5pwu3 et3p2gv0">Ultimately, Moby did wake up October 2008. The plastic bag lay on the floor. He had torn if off, unnscly, sometime durg the night, or rather, the day. A week later, Moby head to the only AA meetg lotn he knew the cy. He had avoid sobriety for years, but this week felt different. </p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">“There's a cliche AA: the first half of the first step is the only part you actually need to do really well,” Moby says. Moby’s not averse to the AA clich. In fact, he found the procre revelatnal. “[I was asked] <em>How often do you drk moratn?</em> And my answer was 'never.' <em>And how often do you leave a drk unfished?</em> And my answer was 'never.' <em>How often do you drk nsirably more than you planned on drkg?</em> And my answer was 'every sgle time I go out drkg.'” He scrib the revelatn as fally and fully acceptg “the evince”—a broken body, broken iendships, a broken plastic bag. “That te admissn—when you're able to fally adm to yourself that you are an alholic— creat a seismic, almost tectonic shift.”</p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="20" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="Camera, Cameras & optics, Glass, Eyewear, Beer, Drk, " tle="Camera, Cameras & optics, Glass, Eyewear, Beer, Drk, " loadg="lazy" width="2953" height="2214" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-fwfucd e1xqj1sx1">Self-portra wh some awards, 2002</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-11z3u4d e6iqd2">Faber & Faber</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="21" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Then It Fell Apart" ends 2008 wh Moby's "te admissn." But for Moby, that year was when a different, remptive story began. </p><p data-no-id="22" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Sobriety wasn’t jt separatg myself om the<em> molecule, </em>he says;<em></em> meant also terrogatg the unrlyg emotnal dysfunctns that ma alhol and dgs so powerful the first place. He had done dynamic psychoanalysis the early 2000s, which helped him intify particular childhood trma as e for much of his panic and alholic pe. </p><p data-no-id="23" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Moby later turned to gnive behavral therapy (CBT) and a regimen that clud exposure techniqu. “I remember early on CBT, this image me to me of lookg to a hallway and seeg a shadow of some huge, terrifyg 10-foot-tall monster,” he says. Movg toward the shadow would be the image for much of Moby’s therapy: forcg himself to m to romantic relatnships, get close to people, nont the panic.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="24" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-1cvvffc e1pe3zr90">“You're not jt givg up drkg. You're givg up the belief that you know what you're dog.” </blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-uj08 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="25" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">When Moby speaks about this nontatn, he talks a lot about acceptance. He says we all believe that if we make the right choic, we n protect ourselv om the “unavoidable facts” of the human ndn, namely, “nfn and ath.” We engage material exchange to alter the facts. We seek fame to live longer. We drk and sleep around to feel nnected, ls nfed. Clary only wh acceptance of the facts and the revelatn that you nnot alter them. Moby knows sounds like wishy-washy-wannabe-Buddhist-new-age bullsh, but he don’t re. Acceptance and givg-onelf-over-to-the-universe have bee important personal mantras. “You're not jt givg up drkg,” he clarifi. “You're givg up the belief that you know what you're dog.” You’re embracg the unavoidable fact of nfn, rather than iatg the fact of ath.</p><style data-emotn="css 8c6v">{posn:absolute;left:-10000px;top:to;width:1px;height:1px;overflow:hidn;}</style><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. 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MOBY: 'GAY MEN ARE SUPERR TO STRAIGHT MEN'

* moby gay *

Dance star Moby has no time for overly-heterosexual mal, sistg gay men are far superr to their straight unterparts.

BIG GAY FOLLOWG: MOBY

Is Moby Gay? Come and disver what has been said lately about this and what is Moby sayg about this. * moby gay *

The heterosexual mic-maker is so appalled by macho male culture he hop his future children will be gay bee "they are ls likely to get to a fight and ls likely to date rape people". The PLAY hmaker says, "I'm straight but I've grown up around gay people and gay clubs.

IS MOBY GAY?

two gay niggas jt teach 5th grars. moby is tims lover." name="Dcriptn" property="og:scriptn * moby gay *

If you have a gay child you're more cled to be a prour parent. Moby got his start Manhattan, playg hip-hop and dance to a crowd of mostly gay, black, and Lato ravers. ” Other scen are eply homoerotic: sailors massage each others’ hands a tub of sperm oil and there is an entire chapter voted to forks (albe of the whalish variety).

”Faced wh such unbridled flagrancy, the US tablishment has never been keen to accept the ia that Melville may jt possibly have been gay. After years of speculatn, the man/robot duo Tim and Moby, famo for vios loved by overly amb elementary schoolers, have publicly announced their stat as a gay uple.

IS MOBY GAY

In an terview wh The Advote's Brandon Voss, electronic mic artist Moby says he'd "much rather align myself wh the gay muny than the straight * moby gay *

Moby Dick, Queequeg, and Homossexualy 19th Century USA.

At the begng of Moby Dick, Ishmael's relatnship to Queequeg is very close to what we today would unrstand as gay. Or n we say that Herman Melville might have been puttg homosexual subtext his work - whether he was or not? After Moby spoke out agast Emem's misogynistic and homophobic lyrics at the Grammys 2001, the rapper lled him a "36-year-old baldhead fag" and clared "nobody listens to techno" his sgle "Whout Me.

" Turns out that the angry 8 Miler was wrong on both unts: Though an ultra-liberal vegan, Moby's not gay, and if the ternatnal succs of his crilly acclaimed CDs (particularly his 1999 pop breakthrough Play) is any ditn, electro club jams do have an dience. There were s of my life where I uld stay out until 6 the morng every night wh really no nsequenc, but I've found now that if I stay out until 5 or 6 o'clock the morng and even have jt four or five drks, the whole next day is kd of an ial night out New York volve gay clubs? On ocsn, but the only problem is that I live right next to the Lower East Si, and all the good gay clubs are Chelsea -- and I'm nothg if not provcial.

JOURNAL / ‘MOBY WANTS TO TURN HIS CHILD GAY’

Also, the bigger gay clubs -- and bigger clubs general -- kd of turn me off. In extreme s, they'll sleep until 6 the morng and go out at 6, but the ntrast is that if you walk to a club feelg bright-eyed and bhy-tailed, and everybody else there has been up for the last four days and looks like they've been ad for the last few years, then that's not so 've been such an ally to the gay muny that you've taken some heat for -- like when you stated an terview that gays were "superr to straight people. Yeah, and I also said that if and when I ever have children, I want gay children, which didn't really enar me to the Christian right wg of Ameri.

There are a lot of people the world who are vilently homophobic or misogynistic or anti-Semic, and what baffl me is that if you jt look at empirilly, gays, women, and Jews are certaly rponsible for far fewer vlent crim than straight whe guys. [Lghs] But general, and this has been the se for as long as I n remember, I'd much rather go to a really fun gay bar than some straight club where 's guys wh too much logne tryg to put date rape dgs secretari' jokgly suggted feedg extra soy k to a pregnant mother to ensure a gay child. Any other hts for makg a gay baby?

They seem to be gettg pretty good at manipulatg the human genome, so maybe they n fd the gay gene and feed more. Or jt play Dead or Alive and Donna Summer when the child's the serly, would you have rervatns about brgg a gay child to a world which he'd face prejudice?

GAY PASSAG OM MOBY DICK

People n e here and live however they so choose whout any fear of reprisal or did your relatnship wh the gay muny beg? It was such an open time, wh Larry Levan beg the poster child for that celebratory eclecticism and tolerance: an Ain-Amerin gay DJ playg punk rock, hip-hop, and dis this a time of sexual experimentatn for you?

I was a really uptight, straight-laced kid, so jt as I'd been really closed and nservative my personal habs before I was 30, om 30 to 40 I went to the other extreme to see what was out 've scribed yourself as "neher straight nor gay.

MOBY PRAIS ‘SUPERR’ GAYS, WANTS GAY KIDS, BLASTS SALLY KERN

It's a cliche to say this, but a perfect world, the dichotomo fn of straight and gay would probably rry ls Cameron Mchell, whose 2006 film Shortb you vted, once lled you "the perfect androgyne, wh all the lovelit quali of male and female. The ways which people scribe beg love, I've never experienced for a man or a om the time that you were mistakenly "gay-bashed" Boston years ago, has beg labeled as gay ever annoyed you or ed you problems?

MOBY IS ANNOYG FRIEND TO GAY COMMUNY

Hontly, I'd much rather align myself wh the gay muny than the straight you blame Emem for creatg that nfn? I don't know if he's genuely misogynistic and homophobic.

Big Gay Followg: Moby

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Contents:

MOBY: 'GAY MEN ARE SUPERR TO STRAIGHT MEN'

BIG GAY FOLLOWG: MOBY

IS MOBY GAY?

IS MOBY GAY

JOURNAL / ‘MOBY WANTS TO TURN HIS CHILD GAY’

GAY PASSAG OM MOBY DICK

MOBY PRAIS ‘SUPERR’ GAYS, WANTS GAY KIDS, BLASTS SALLY KERN

MOBY IS ANNOYG FRIEND TO GAY COMMUNY

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM MOBY GAY

Big Gay Followg: Moby

Recent Posts

Tags

Contents:

MOBY: 'GAY MEN ARE SUPERR TO STRAIGHT MEN'

BIG GAY FOLLOWG: MOBY

IS MOBY GAY?

IS MOBY GAY

JOURNAL / ‘MOBY WANTS TO TURN HIS CHILD GAY’

GAY PASSAG OM MOBY DICK

MOBY PRAIS ‘SUPERR’ GAYS, WANTS GAY KIDS, BLASTS SALLY KERN

MOBY IS ANNOYG FRIEND TO GAY COMMUNY

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* MOBY GAY

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM MOBY GAY