Gay Relatnships Can Be More Stable Than Straight On | Psychology Today

Contents:

• MANY SUCCSFUL GAY MARRIAG SHARE AN OPEN SECRET
• ARE GAY MARRIAG HEALTHIER THAN STRAIGHT MARRIAG?
• GAY RELATNSHIPS CAN BE MORE STABLE THAN STRAIGHT ON
• 30 GAY COUPLE GOALS FOR A HEALTHY RELATNSHIP
• THE SECRET TO KNOWG IF YOUR GAY RELATNSHIP WILL LAST
• JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT COACH KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY AFTER COMG OUT AS GAY
• 'PASSAG' DIRECTOR NOUNC 'DANGERO' NC-17 RATG ON A FILM PICTG A GAY LOVE STORY
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP
• GAY AND LBIAN RELATNSHIP ADVICE
• AM I GAY?

MANY SUCCSFUL GAY MARRIAG SHARE AN OPEN SECRET

Approval of same-sex relatnships has been steadily risg sce 2009 (Pew Rearch Center, 2017), and the 2015 Supreme Court cisn endorsg same-sex marriage was a w for many lbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) dividuals.

This is nsistent wh prev fdgs: Gay and bisexual men are exposed to mory strsors that n -stabilize relatnships (Meyer, 2003; L, 2012). Rearch fund by the Natnal Instut of Health on the Health of Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgenr Populatns. Prejudice, social strs, and mental health lbian, gay, and bisexual populatns: Conceptual issu and rearch evince.

But they knew om the begng that their bond would be fed on their own terms, cludg what they ll “play” wh other the trial phase of the nstutnal battle to overturn the Proposn 8 ban on same-sex marriage nclus feral urt, gay nuptials are portrayed by opponents as an effort to rewre the tradnal l of matrimony.

ARE GAY MARRIAG HEALTHIER THAN STRAIGHT MARRIAG?

Quietly, outsi of the news media and urtroom spotlight, many gay upl are dog jt that, acrdg to groundbreakg new rearch.

A study to be released next month is offerg a rare glimpse si gay relatnships and reveals that monogamy is not a central feature for many. Some gay men and lbians argue that, as a rult, they have stronger, longer-lastg and more hont relatnships. And while that may sound untertuive, some experts say boundary-challengg gay relatnships reprent an evolutn marriage — one that might pot the way for the survival of the rearch at San Francis State Universy reveals jt how mon open relatnships are among gay men and lbians the Bay Area.

The Gay Coupl Study has followed 556 male upl for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outsi their relatnships, wh the knowledge and approval of their nsent is key. “Wh straight people, ’s lled affairs or cheatg, ” said Colleen Hoff, the study’s prcipal vtigator, “but wh gay people do not have such negative nnotatns.

GAY RELATNSHIPS CAN BE MORE STABLE THAN STRAIGHT ON

”The study also found open gay upl jt as happy their relatnships as pairs sexually exclive unns, Dr. A different study, published 1985, nclud that open gay relatnships actually lasted of this is news the gay muny, but few will speak publicly about .

30 GAY COUPLE GOALS FOR A HEALTHY RELATNSHIP

“The tradnal Amerin marriage is crisis, and we need sight, ” he said, cg the h perspective gay upl brg to matrimony. A versn of this article appears prt on, Sectn A, Page NaN of the Natnal edn wh the headle: Many Succsful Gay Marriag Share an Open Secret.

Gay relatnships benef for beg the very thg straight relatnships are not: a unn of two people of the same sex. Now that the Supreme Court has cid that gay marriag serve the same rights as straight on, ’s worth keepg md the fdgs of psychologists John and Julie Gottman, arguably the world’s leadg experts on what mak relatnships work.

They are fdg that gay and heterosexual marriag share a lot mon terms of why they thrive or fail, but on one of the biggt termants of maral succs—how upl fight—gay upl have an edge. For one peer-reviewed study published the Journal of Homosexualy, Gottman and his lleague Robert Levenson at the Universy of Washgton brought straight and gay upl to Gottman’s lab and terviewed each uple separately about an issue they fought about. In this study, the gay and straight upl brought up the same sort of problems, but gay upl were, by a statistilly signifint marg, ls fensive durg fights and more likely to e shared humor to soften the tensn of the nversatn.

THE SECRET TO KNOWG IF YOUR GAY RELATNSHIP WILL LAST

“The gay and lbian upl, ” Gottman told me, “were much more open and much more direct, particularly when talkg about sex.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS ASSISTANT COACH KEV MAXEN MAK HISTORY AFTER COMG OUT AS GAY

He then refully watched how upl—both homosexual and heterosexual—teracted wh each other when discsg pots of nflict, tellg the story of how they met and reflectg on posive and negative memori of their relatnship. When monorg upl as they have a nversatn about relatnship nflicts, Gottman has found that straight upl feel more and more negative moods and emotns, like strs and anger, as a nversatn went on, whereas gay upl did not.

Gottman has found that gay upl are far ls likely to rely on one of the horseman—fensivens—durg a fight.

'PASSAG' DIRECTOR NOUNC 'DANGERO' NC-17 RATG ON A FILM PICTG A GAY LOVE STORY

It’s jt that gays, general, are better at alg wh nflict, and this appears to buffer them agast trouble.

Beyond beg better at fightg, gay relatnships benef unexpected ways for beg the very thg that straight relatnships are not: a unn of two people of the same sex.

As Liza Mundy poted out her Atlantic article, “The Gay Gui to Wedd Bliss, ” gay upl tend to be more egalarian than straight upl—which mak sense. Gay upl, by virtue of beg the same sex, also have empathy on their si—they unrstand each other better.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP

What they do see, though, is that gay men are far more polyamoro than lbian women or men heterosexual relatnships. About 60 percent of gay men, one study found, have had sex outsi of their marriage and 44 percent of them said that they had done so wh the blsg of their partner. Dan Savage, the gay sex lumnist, famoly ed the term “monogamish” to scribe the gay approach to extra-maral sex.

GAY AND LBIAN RELATNSHIP ADVICE

“They want to be physilly attached, ” Gottman says of gay men who have si-trysts, “but not emotnally attached. Hodg, the historic Supreme Court se that guarante marriage rights for gay upl all 50 stat, both liberal and nservative jtic poted out that gay marriage is a radilly new stutn.

The jtic are right: gay marriage is very new and seems to be, at least based on the social science rearch, different certa ways om straight marriage. Hodg legalized gay marriage natnwi, cludg the 14 stat that did not prevly allow gays and lbians to wed. Adults (37%) favored allowg gays and lbians to wed 2009, a share that rose to 62% 2017.

AM I GAY?

For stance, 45% of adults the Silent Generatn (those born between 1928 and 1945) favor allowg gays and lbians to wed, pared wh 74% of Millennials (born between 1981 and 1996). 4As wh the general public, Amerins who intify as lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr (LGBT) are most likely to ce love as a very important reason for gettg married. Sce then, several other European untri – cludg England and Wal, France, Ireland, all of Sndavia, Spa and, most recently, Atria, Germany and Malta – have legalized gay marriage.

And May 2019, Taiwan beme the first untry Asia to allow gays and lbians to legally wed. When asked about their love liv, gays were more likely to have long term relatnships.

Though gays did state that they alt wh creased strs levels due to societal attus, they were more likely to report beg ntent and livg happy liv. Though they were more likely to have closer ti to parents, they reported spendg ls time wh fay than their gay unterparts.