There's a gay stereotype for every generatn, and a reason for every ntradictory eratn. But some clich are built to last.
Contents:
- HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
- GAY IS OK! HOMEPAGE
- ORTHODOX, CELIBATE, GAY AND THAT’S OK
- I’M A GAY CLICHé — AND THAT’S OK
- "THAT'S SO GAY" IS JT SO WRONG
- GAY OKLAHOMA TRAVEL GUI
- WHY GAY IS NOT OK
- GAYT PLAC IN OKLAHOMA FOR 2020
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
For gay kids who are secure their sexualy or who face hate mongers. Gay Is OK talks about prsn, thoughts of suici, gay teen suici. * gay that's ok *
Keep md that even if you have a sexual experience wh someone of the same genr or another genr, that don’t necsarily mean that you’re gay. That means, for example, that you n be transgenr but also straight (for stance, you might intify as a woman and feel attracted to men) or gay (e.
If you have had romantic experienc or fantasi volvg people who are the same genr as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but 's okay if you're a ltle nfed. If were so, people would have no tert one genr or the other, yet we see many straights formg close bonds wh their own genr, and gays wh the oppose.
Most gays have been driven to thoughts of suici at some time their liv by hostile peers, unsupportive fai, damng church, opprsive laws. Wh creasg awarens of homosexualy wh the Orthodox Jewish world, a mon, barely challenged rea has been that abstag om sex is not a real optn for um (tradnally observant) gay men. Often, advot for changg Orthodox attus and polici on homosexualy have discsed celibacy wh language and arguments that are poorly reasoned and sultg – even homophobic.
GAY IS OK! HOMEPAGE
* gay that's ok *
I am a formerly sexually active gay man who has been celibate for more than 13 years as part of my bt attempt to follow halacha (Jewish law). Soon after graduatg, I wrote a wily syndited gay history lumn, thored a book on the gay past, and owned the largt provir of ntent to the gay and lbian prs.
Already by age 20, I was cravg better answers to my qutns about homosexualy than non-tradnal rabbis and Jewish lears offered. In the 1990s, a wispread gay Jewish attu toward Levic 18:22 (ually translated as “you shall not lie down wh a male, as wh a woman: this is an abomatn”) was so pathetic seems funny today: liberal Rabbi Arthur Waskow terpreted the verse to mean, sentially: “Don’t have sex wh a man as wh a woman. At one pot, I was stgglg over whether to date women, given that I no longer really bought the supposed Jewish jtifitns for affirmg gay sexualy.
ORTHODOX, CELIBATE, GAY AND THAT’S OK
, statn travel guis wh a gay perspective. * gay that's ok *
Wh sexual abstence the ntext of my evolvg um gay inty, I had to nont direct and direct put-downs – some of which were likely untentnal. In a Huffgton Post say, Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowz promoted gay civil marriage part bee of Orthodoxy’s “empathy for those seekg lovg relatnships.
But he then tried to affirm same-sex love by suggtg that celibate gays are “prived” of “full digny, ” and that our abily to form permissible new fai is “horrifyg. Next, the unorthodox and arguably un-Orthodox Yhiva Universy-traed Rabbi Steve Greenberg suggted he don’t believe gay male claims of abstence. Rabbi Greenberg, who has a male partner, told the Huffgton Post he knows of only one other openly gay Orthodox rabbi the world, but “he sists that he is celibate.
Rabbi Greenberg even told Moment that for gays who nnot marry, celibacy is simply unthkable: “It’s jt not realistic and not human. The Relig Case for Equaly, protted my “g out” as celibate by penng a letter to Gay Cy News publicly llg me a nastier versn of “fouled-up. ” In a separate say, Michaelson said he has never met “a sgle reprsed gay Jew who is healthy, happy, wise, and livg a full life of tradnal Jewish valu.
I’M A GAY CLICHé — AND THAT’S OK
I unrstand that the very existence of celibate gays unrm the arguments portrayg tolerance of gay sex as the only legimate Torah-based rponse to homosexualy. Shouldn’t those pog more progrsive Orthodox posns on homosexualy get to know celibate gay Orthodox Jews before nouncg our cisns as non-viable? I ntacted Rabbi Yanklowz after his say appeared, and I told him that if, as I spected, he knew no gays observg halacha on sexual behavr, I would be happy to be his first.
The urtext about gay Orthodox celibacy is probably Rabbi Nathan Lop Cardozo’s rejectn of s feasibily an terview for the 2001 film Tremblg Before G-d. In a well-publicized say, “Homosexuals the Orthodox Communy, ” Rabbi Zev Farber wrote that celibacy for gay men is unrealistic, even impossible – “a bilatg and life-cshg prospect.
I have no tolerance for reparative therapy or the other nonsense peddled by the malic, halachilly ignorant hucksters nng “Jews Offerg New Alternativ to Homosexualy” (JONAH) and their naïve rabbic endorsers. For gay men, chewg terurse is much more achievable (and nsistent wh Torah valu) than velopg a genue heterosexual orientatn. Surely gays who try to be celibate uld learn om the experienc of people 12-step programs (and no, homosexualy is not an addictn) who have shared their experience, strength, and hope that people n bt overe nearly unntrollable cravgs by focg on one day at a time.
"THAT'S SO GAY" IS JT SO WRONG
Rabbi Farber’s say echoed an approach origally proposed by Rabbi Norman Lamm 1974: that homosexualy is vered by the rabbic dictum “ons rachmana patrei” (God exc pelled people). Rabbi Lamm’s argument nsired the typil se of homosexualy to be a sickns, but Rabbi Farber stretched the same halachic tegory to expla why he’s not troubled by homosexually active um men, sce they “really have no choice” other than same-sex behavr. Though the ons ncept ually appli to those a momentary lack of ntrol (like sick people requtg food on Yom Kippur), Rabbi Farber extend to people wh a gay orientatn bee, he said, celibacy is different om “moment by moment abstence.
” A gay man’s pulsn, he wrote, “riv om the cumulative weight of the totaly of the moments of a person’s life, an absolutely cshg weight this se. Orthodox Rabbi Hyim Shafner told a newspaper that beg gay was “the same thg theologilly” as havg an allergy to unleavened bread: “God mand them to eat matzah on Passover, but they n’t do . Many of my fellow um gay men – celibate or not – have renciled homosexualy wh Orthodox beliefs whout qutng the divy of any mzvot.
GAY OKLAHOMA TRAVEL GUI
Rabbi Chaim Rapoport (thor of the only good book I’ve read about this subject – Judaism and Homosexualy: An Authentic Orthodox View) poted out to me the irony that both Orthodox Jews who mand reparative therapy and totally permissive Reform Jews fd profound theologil challeng the ia that God allows gays no possible romantic life. Such Orthodox Jews ny that te gays exist, but mata the prohibn, whereas Reform Jews mata that gays exist, but ny the prohibn.
Homosexual acts appear sui generis to those who simply nnot image another aveirah (transgrsn) servg the same kd of migatn.
The most alarmg fense of gay Orthodox men beg sexually active is that affirmg and perhaps celebratg homosexual relatns is the only way to protect the religsy, welfare, and even the liv of um gays – pecially teenagers. But suici seems to be the tmp rd advot of Orthodox change on homosexualy play when they’re losg the bate or jt want to close the al.
WHY GAY IS NOT OK
Rpectful, passnate unselg needs to be easily obtaable by any um person stgglg wh homosexualy – or any other eply felt personal issue, for that matter. But the ntext of reasoned bate about Orthodox approach to homosexualy, strsg that gays n and do take their own liv is dirty pool. Y, there is too much gay teen suici, but is that evince gays are so weak-willed and pathetic that an explic Torah mand mt be abrogated to spare our lite sensivi?
GAYT PLAC IN OKLAHOMA FOR 2020
No matter how many LGBT shuls they daven at, no matter how many young men they date, no matter how much gay iology they swallow, they are still gog to know that Jewish law rejects exprsn of their most basic sexual sir. So stead of velopg supposedly “healthy” inti as otherwise fully Orthodox, sexually active gay men, they need help adoptg as many attus and behavrs nsistent wh halacha as possible. ” Given the limed public discsn about um sexual inty, wouldn’t be fair to expect appropriate rpons om everyone feelg angst or spair about their own homosexualy.
Image, as jt one example, a morated, nfintial E-mail listserv for young men stgglg wh homosexualy – a safe, low-prsure environment for learng about Jewish law and ias and their practil applitns for people who need guidance makg good Jewish cisns about sexualy. Clearly, the arguments advanced by rabbis like Farber and Greenberg for creased tolerance of gay male sexual aveirot are nsistent wh our tradn. And on the Morethodoxy blog, Rabbi Shafner said might be “better for gay Orthodox Jews (at least those who nnot be celibate and still keep the rt of the Torah wh joy) to be monogamo relatnships which are the most observant on they n be.