Is Your Dad Gay—or Are You a Gay Dad? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• 50 GAY DADS WH CHILD STOCK ILLTRATNS AND CLIPART
• SGLE GAY DADS GIVE TIPS FOR FIRST-TIME PARENTS: ‘I CREATED THE VILLAGE AROUND MYSELF’
• UK'S FIRST GAY DADS' TRIPLETS TO MAKE HISTORY WH 3 PARENTS ON BIRTH CERTIFIT
• IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?
• REPORT REVEALS HOW TWO GAY MEN ALLEGEDLY VICTIMIZED THEIR ADOPTED SONS FOR YEARS
• FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED
• WHAT DO CHILDREN LL THEIR GAY PARENTS?
• VIDEO: HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! DADS WH THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS
• GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?
• THE STORY BEHD THE INIC PHOTO OF GAY DADS KISSG
• 33 FAMO GAY DADS FOR FATHER'S DAY
• MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
• GAY PARENTG: 'S PLITED

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr. It’s an unrstandable impulse, which he attribut to a sire among gay parents to feel “normal” after havg their pabili as parents ntually lled to qutn.

Heynen said, but rather a celebratn of the day-to-day liv of gay Jt for the YoungCly Rose, 61, and Ryan, 12Cly Rose, who liv Manhattan, was first photographed for “Dads” three years ago after meetg Mr. Heynen “a lot of cred” for cludg a father like him — a sgle dad his 60s — sce he said there is often a lack of reprentatn of olr gay people art and media, which tends to foc on young, f men. Our Missn: To spire, rm and gui gay, bi and trans men throughout their journey of fay buildg, and then to support the dads to live their bt thentic liv while navigatg fatherhood.

50 GAY DADS WH CHILD STOCK ILLTRATNS AND CLIPART

In fact, gay sgle dads are part of a growg movement that has seen a signifint surge of tert the last few years, as noted by the New York get a more plete picture of the joys of fatherhood, Yahoo Life spoke to four sgle gay dads who prove that love is what tly mak a fay.

SGLE GAY DADS GIVE TIPS FOR FIRST-TIME PARENTS: ‘I CREATED THE VILLAGE AROUND MYSELF’

”Fzpatrick, whose father, a gay Black man, was killed senselsly by gun vlence the parkg lot of a gay bar when Fzpatrick was 18, says that fatherhood gave him unique opportuni to turn his paful past to purpose through the love of his dghter. ”“I was gog through that empts of growg olr as a gay man and not havg a signifint other and not havg the life I once lived, and not unrstandg where I was gog, ” he ntu. Father of six Barrie Drewt-Barlow is havg triplets wh his new fiancé Stt Hutchson and his ex hband Tony wh the pair spendg £1ln on their IVF fayThe fay uld soon make history wh three parents listed on the birth certifitBra's first gay dads are set to wele triplets after a £1ln journey to plete their IVF fay.

But perhaps the most important rearch fdg is that gay dads and their dghters have closer relatnships when dads tell the tth—and the dads are ls clilly prsed than dads who hi this important rmatn om their children (Tornello, 2018). So if you as a dghter or as a gay dad are still tiptoeg around the topic, ’s time to give yourselv a gift by gettg this skeleton out of the closet.

When our son was an fant, I worried that some people would thk that I won somethg by gettg the tle, or even that the name impli that I’m geilly related to our gay dads have pulled through stggl and self-reckongs to plant ourselv parentg and should have the kship nam we want. A months-long vtigatn has found that the horrific story of a gay uple allegedly sexually abg their two adopted sons may be even worse than origally reported as now appears the young children may have been victims of a pedophile rg.

UK'S FIRST GAY DADS' TRIPLETS TO MAKE HISTORY WH 3 PARENTS ON BIRTH CERTIFIT

The procs tak about two years and sts around $200, 000 per child - and prospective gay fathers don't meet eligibily creria for most health surance plans' fertily benefs, although this is begng to change. Brent Monsr, MD, recently helped lead a study to document tails of how gay men e assisted reproductive technology to build their fai, cludg qutns such as how many children they wish to have and how often their efforts succeed.

Cisgenr gay men are almost never clud this rearch, so as physicians we don't know anythg about their characteristics as reproductive health patients, even basic rmatn such as their mographics, clil cisn-makg patterns or out. It's important to keep md that our data reflect the experienc of dividuals who n afford reproductive medil re bee their employer-sponsored fertily benefs ver , and that is still an unual suatn for gay men. This data served as the foundatn for a grant applitn we've jt had approved to nduct a much larger populatn study that will give accs to rmatn on about 2, 000 embryo transfers annually gay men.

A lot of people see a fertily doctor bee they have an unrlyg medil issue, whereas gay male upl ually have two possible sperm sourc, a young egg donor and a gtatnal rrier who has already had succsful pregnanci. We regnize that this may be bee a lot of gay men requt tws or may ultimately want two children, and fertily doctors may be transferrg two embryos to try to save their patients money so they only have to go through the fertily treatment procs once. I'm currently a fellow, and I have patients g specifilly to see me, not bee I'm the most amazg doctor but bee I'm gay, and they want a gay doctor.

IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

It's certaly ls nfg than the choice of lbian uple Nic and Jul the film The Kids are All Right: they are both "Mom" to their kids ll gay parents is a relatively new qutn. And although lbians are far more likely to have children eher om prev (heterosexual) relatnships as well as together (g a sperm donor), gay dads are still que rare. I ask Barrie Drewt-Barlow, Bra's most famo gay dad, who wh his partner Tony has five children rangg age om one to 11, how they approached the issue.

REPORT REVEALS HOW TWO GAY MEN ALLEGEDLY VICTIMIZED THEIR ADOPTED SONS FOR YEARS

BACKGROUND:Gay men have bee fathers the ntext of a heterosexual relatnship, by adoptn, by donatg sperm to 1 or 2 lbian women and subsequently sharg parentg rponsibili, and/or by engagg the servic of a surrogate pregnancy rrier.

The 2013 US Supreme Court’s legalizatn of full rights to marriage for same-genr partners provid full legimacy to fai created by lbian and gay upl and regnized that their children would be beneficiari of the sanctned legal stat of their parents.

FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED

Social science rearch has documented the well-beg of children raised by same-genr parents, 1, 2 and many profsnal associatns that addrs parentg have endorsed nfince and optimism about gay or lbian parents raisg children, cludg the Amerin Amy of Pediatrics, Amic Pediatric Associatn, Amerin Medil Associatn, and Amerin Amy of Child and Adolcent Psychiatry. As a rult of the velopments, over half of gay teenagers expect to bee fathers, 4, 5 and their possible pathways to parenthood have expand enormoly.

WHAT DO CHILDREN LL THEIR GAY PARENTS?

6 Prevly, most gay men beme fathers the ntext of a heterosexual marriage; some knew that they were gay and saw marriage as the only route to parenthood; others regnized and acknowledged their homosexualy later. 9, –11 More recently, new reproductive technologi have allowed gay men to provi sperm to a woman who would rry a pregnancy for them, a surrogate rrier. Th, gay fathers have risen numbers and visibily over the last , challengg assumptns that embracg a gay inty meant fog the possibily of parenthood.

Neverthels, gay men report spicn and cricism for their cisn to be parents om gay iends who have not chosen parenthood, barriers the adoptn procs, and isolatn their parental role. 16 Gay fathers have to ntend wh the still-prevalent belief that children need a mother to thrive and stereotyp associated wh gay men as ivolo, unstable, and unf parents.

VIDEO: HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! DADS WH THEIR GAY CHILDREN

15 A recent study revealed that although gay fathers did not differ om heterosexual fathers the strength and qualy of their relatnships, feelgs of rejectn and havg to jtify themselv as parents affected fathers’ feelgs of petence as parents. Our objective this study was to disver whether gay men ntue to enunter barriers beg fathers and stigma var ntexts and to exame associatns between the experienc and legal and social stctur that surround the fai.

mographic rmatn about the rponnt and his children;the method(s) by which the child(ren) joed the fay;whether the rponnt had faced barriers accsg pathways to parenthood; andwhether rponnts had been “ma to feel unfortable, exclud, shamed, hurt, or unwele” specific social ntexts bee of beg/havg a gay father (active stigma), or had “avoid var suatns bee of worry about people’s judgments” (anticipated stigma). We distributed a lk to the survey through targeted Facebook advertisg, an advertisement Gay Parent Magaze, Twter, Meetup groups, and direct ntacts wh lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBT) parentg groups, advocy anizatns, LGBT muny and cultural centers, surrogacy and adoptn agenci, and church groups throughout the Uned Stat. To unrstand the fluence of the social environment on gay fathers and their children, we ed the “equaly ratgs” created by the Movement Advancement Project () based on each state’s laws for protectn of LGBT fai (eg, laws regardg adoptn and foster re by lbians and gay men, the availabily of legal domtic partnerships, civil unns, and civil marriage, regulatns about bullyg schools, etc).

We ed rankgs of specific relig groups reported by Hatzenbuehler et al, 20 which were based on the explic beliefs of each relign regardg homosexualy and marriage equaly; each relign was ranked om 0 to 4. Pathways to fatherhood varied dramatilly on the basis of the birth date of the elst child (Fig 1), reflectg greater social acceptance of gay men beg parents recent years. Approximately one-fourth of rponnts reported experiencg stigma the past year om fay members, neighbors, gay iends, and/or service provirs such as waers, service provirs, and salpeople (see Table 2).

THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS

Fathers reported few stigma experienc related to havg gay parents directed at children om fay members, neighbors, or relig, school, or health re ntexts. The amount of muny support provid to members of sexual mori has been shown to be related to the well-beg of lbian and gay adolcents, 25, 26 adults, 24, 27 and children wh lbian or gay parents, 28 cludg rat of suicidaly and psychiatric disorrs.

Given their important role as lears the muny’s support for all fai, pediatricians rg for children and their gay fathers should regnize the likelihood that stigma may be a part of the fay’s experience and help both fai and muni to unteract . NPR spoke to three men, sgle gay fathers, who chose to bee dads via surrogacy, after years of g to terms wh their inti, their fai, and the technologil advanc that have ma journeys like this possible. The days, gay parents are no novelty: We see them strollg through our neighborhoods, participatg our PTA meetgs, and, perhaps most notably, appearg on our TV screens: Mchell and Cam, fathers to Lily, on the ratgs smash Morn Fay; Glee’s Sue Sylvter, expectant mom to a baby nceived wh an as-yet-unrevealed sperm donor, and Rachel’s dads, played wh humor and grace by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stok.

GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?

The Hollywood exampl are important that they’ve helped prent gay parentg as not unlike straight parentg: challengg, joyful, plited, and most of all, entirely normal. Though this media mastreamifitn of gay parentg is a relatively new phenomenon, for s, gay parents have had children all sorts of fay nfiguratns—whether through adoptn, prev heterosexual relatnships, or, creasgly, by choosg to have blogil offsprg g vro, surrogate, and other methods. Last November Illois, Catholic Chari ceased s adoptn servic after the state refed fundg unls the groups agreed not to discrimate agast gays and lbians.

Earlier this month, when Print Obama announced his support for same sex marriage days after North Carola voted to ban , he changed the nversatn nsirably by argug that ncern for children is a reason to support, rather than oppose, gay marriage. He ced gay upl his own life, “same-sex upl who are as mted, as monogamo, as rponsible, as lovg a group of parents as any heterosexual uple that I know, ” he said. ” His support for gay marriage was self a landmark turn, but jt as notable was s direct affirmatn of gay upl as parents, which served to rebut the standard argument agast gay marriage—namely, that risks the well-beg of children and the fay.

In my work, I routely saw how, wh enough support om their fai, children of gay parents veloped skills at thkg penntly and standg up for what they believed . Much of the ncern for the children of gay parents has centered specifilly on boys, who as a group have seemed, pecially recent years, prey to nfn, rentment, and stctivens—somethg creded to the risg proportn of mal beg reared fatherls hom. And, fact, all the rearch has reported children of gay parents feel ls bound, ls rtricted, by genr stereotyp than those raised straight hoeholds.

THE STORY BEHD THE INIC PHOTO OF GAY DADS KISSG

Perhaps as a by-product of the discrimatn they sometim face, children of gay parents tend to be more sensive to others and to the posive and negative feelgs themselv. Science has proven that homosexualy has blogil roots, and if we believe that is neher a choice nor an unlucky orientatn, then we n relax and tst that the young men and women will fd out what possibily naturally to them. Of urse, children of gay parents may ponr their sexual orientatn at an early age, and tablish the terms of their sexualy wh more self-nscns than most other young adults.

33 FAMO GAY DADS FOR FATHER'S DAY

In a 2007 paper published the Amerin Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 28 out of 46 adults wh at least one gay parent spontaneoly offered that they felt more open-md and empathetic than people not raised their suatn. The children I studied, and those growg up around now—those kids beg raised by gay moms and dads lovg, nurturg hom—promise to offer, as adults, the bt characteristics of men and women.

In the fall of 1982, Bghman’s attentn was ught by a small notice, almost missed, the Village Voice, an alternative newspaper New York Cy, for the monthly meetg of the Gay Fathers’ Fom support group.

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

"Gay Dads Kissg" ran Christopher Street, a gay tert magaze, issue number 75, “Father Knows Bt, ” wh acpanyg text wrten by one of the dads, Michael. Wh a few weeks of the article, Robert was beg set up to be fired for beg gay, but he had wisely set the stage to protect his job by garnerg support om the chairman—a black man, who also unrstood what workplace discrimatn meant. Michael also shared that he and Robert rema pleased to have been part of the history that raised the issue of parental rights for gay parents to a wir dience.

Such a photograph would have been extraordarily rare jt s ago, but now is one of many published the book “Dads, ” a four-year visual archive of gay fatherhood across Ameri that began 2016. “I felt a ltle b lonely as a gay dad – although there are two of – but lonely the sense that all the other fai I knew were straight parents, ” Heynen said a vio ll, explag why he began photographg the seri. For Heynen, they reprent addnal love and re and help illtrate some of the cisn-makg that, though not exclive to them, all gay fathers mt ntend wh.

Heynen, as well as the fathers he photographed, hope that the photographs “Dads” will dispel some of the hurtful stereotyp that still lger around gay fatherhood.

GAY PARENTG: 'S PLITED

Hosted by Wt Hollywood uple Yan and Alex, the dads e each episo to chat parentg and relatnships, and lately have been focg each episo on the gay rights and fatherhood pathways by untry, and vg a gay father om each lotn on as a gut. This YA g-of-age novel follows high schooler Sal, who was adopted to a lovg Mexin Amerin fay by his gay father, when he begs to qutn his inty and place the world durg his senr year. She is the child's geic parent but, on the advice of lawyers, was obliged to adopt her own dghter after Moreno gave relatively recently, of urse, the uple would not have been treated at a fertily clic the first place and, as is still the se Arkansas, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carola, Oh and Utah, they would not, as a gay uple, have been permted to adopt.

Popular prott is unlikely to break out, any time soon, around discrepanci the tate tax or who a same-sex uple n claim ductns for the children ( the US, tax breaks pertag to married upl don't apply, sce gay marriage isn't regnised ferally) is, all this, one glargly unsubtle problem, and that is surrogacy, which as a percentage affects gay men more than any other group.

In California, Will Halm and his partner were the first gay dads a surrogacy se the US to w the right to have their nam on their child's birth certifite, after a legal battle 1998. If you had to ntrive a fay to illtrate historil chang gay parentg law, would be Halm, an attorney specialisg fertily law, his partner, Marcell Simard, and their children.