4 Reasons TLC’s ‘My Hband’s Not Gay’ is Dangero for LGBT people – Rollg Stone

Contents:

• ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’: MEET THE CAST OF TLC SPECIAL ABOUT 3 MORMON COUPL
• MY HBAND’S NOT GAY MISUNRSTANDS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE GAY
• THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY
• TLC'S “MY HBAND'S NOT GAY” STARS A PROMENT “EX-GAY” ACTIVIST
• MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS FELY NOT WORTH THE UPROAR
• 6 THGS ABOUT TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’
• THE REAL REASON YOU SHOULD BE OFFEND BY TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’
• 4 REASONS TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’ IS DANGERO FOR LGBT PEOPLE

‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’: MEET THE CAST OF TLC SPECIAL ABOUT 3 MORMON COUPL

Jeff (left) and Pret of the TLC special "My Hband’s Not Gay, ” airg Jan.

In January, the work will air “My Hband’s Not Gay, ” which shows a different kd of Mormon marriage: men who are attracted to other men yet marry women bee of their fah. The men do not refer to themselv as gay or homosexual. Acrdg to the Church of J Christ of Latter-day Sats, homosexualy is a s that go agast God’s law.

“We are not anti-gay. Hckley, the late print of the LDS Church, said a 2008 terview about the church’s stance on gay marriage. The church was one of the major relig anizatns that fought for Proposn 8 California to elimate same-sex a separate statement, Hckley, who died 2008, said the church lov “so-lled gays and lbians” like “sons and dghters of God.

MY HBAND’S NOT GAY MISUNRSTANDS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE GAY

11 premiere, meet the st of “My Hband’s Not Gay”:Jeff and TanyaJeff, a Salt Lake Cy native, and Tanya, who grew up Wyomg, met on a bld date 13 years ago. The guys on the TLC special My Hband’s Not Gay, which aired Sunday night, don’t intify as gay. Sure, they read as gay, they acknowledge that they are attracted to guys, and they go out together to check out other men, but they also repeatedly emphasize the ways they differ om people livg a so-lled “gay liftyle” bee of nsc choic they have ma.

Dpe the work’s assertns that the show “solely reprents the views of the dividuals featured, ” there are repeated suggtns that gay men n be attracted to women and that homosexual orientatns are not fixed and unchangg but fluid and negotiable. This ought not to be surprisg given that some of the show’s subjects are active ex-gay evangelizers. This ex-gay mdset is what mak the show so od, and s foc on orientatn change ought to be distguished om other, ls harmful efforts to rencile tradnal fah backgrounds wh LGBTQ inti.

Although My Hband’s Not Gay attempts to stick to the personal experienc of s subjects, a group of Mormons who live around Salt Lake Cy, the iology of orientatn change slips around the edg, particularly when the show’s subjects fe what means to be gay. The reful distctns they make between “experiencg same-sex attractns”—or SSA—and beg gay would be enough to imprs the most arnt votee of polilly rrect lguistic parsg. “Gay, to [the SSA Mormon men], is a liftyle choice, ” Tanya, one of the wiv, explas.

THE PROFOUND LACK OF EMPATHY MY HBAND'S NOT GAY

Later, she not, “[My hband] is fely more attracted to men than women, ” which, she says, is “what some people might ll gay. The men themselv also ame the difference between themselv and gays as a matter of choice.

Pret, one of the men wh a history of ex-gay activism, explas how, growg up, “I thought for a long time that I was gay. ” Later he says: “If was accepted to be a homosexual the church, would I be gay? ” Clearly, the are people who believe that if they had ma different choic, they would be gay men, not people who believe that beg gay is tegorilly distct om their experience of same-sex attractn.

TLC'S “MY HBAND'S NOT GAY” STARS A PROMENT “EX-GAY” ACTIVIST

There are ways that a gay orientatn uld be renciled wh heterosexual marriage that wouldn’t rely on the belief that changg one’s sexual orientatn is possible.

MY HBAND'S NOT GAY IS FELY NOT WORTH THE UPROAR

” He thereby suggts that sexual fluidy is universally experienced, implyg that a gay orientatn n be waed out, as if were a bad se of the measl. The fact that most gay men do not experience attractns to the oppose sex, or feel that their sexualy is fluid, is not addrsed.

It is, however, referenced briefly by a guy intified as Shn, who spends a few sends actg as a pro-gay foil for the show’s protagonists. In that moment, when a gay man’s assertn that he is not and uld not be attracted to women is challenged, the pretense that the show als only wh the particular men’s dividual experience evaporat.

They do not believe that they are different om gay men bee they are also attracted to women; they believe that is possible for gay men to bee attracted to women, and they explicly say so. However, I believe that there’s an important distctn to be ma between approach that irrponsibly promote orientatn change ( spe of all the evince agast ), as opposed to those that affirm the existence of persistent, unchangg sexual orientatns most gay men and many lbians. The iendlit of the renciliatn strategi is a belief that same-sex marriag are valid and should be blsed by tradnal church, and gay and lbian people of fah should chew sex outsi such unns exactly the same way that heterosexual men and women are expected to.

6 THGS ABOUT TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’

Still, even the more hardle posn that gays and lbians are lled to be celibate if they are unable to participate a heterosexual marriage is an improvement on the nial and ercn of ex-gay mistri, which promote nversn “therapy” leadg to eventual orientatn change. The expectatn that gays should fo sexual and romantic timacy altogether is a tough one—I certaly would never want to live that way—but at least don’t ny the existence of certa people whose orientatn is fixed the directn of same-sex relatnships, and regniz that such people are beg asked to do somethg unique and difficult.

The dacy of the expectatn that gays and lbians mt go whout romantic love means that celibate gay Christians such tradns n unter wh their own mands for spirual support and nourishment and hold their church acuntable if their special needs are not met. While imperfect, this at least allows space for gays and lbians to speak the tth about themselv while remag wh a fah tradn that they see as too central to their inti to let go of—or too important to let go of all at once, s where celibacy serv as a way statn on the way to a Christiany that is more affirmg of the need to form romantic partnerships.

The men featured My Hband’s Not Gay have the right to live whatever way mak sense to them.

THE REAL REASON YOU SHOULD BE OFFEND BY TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’

However, by ignorg the possibily that most gay men will never feel enough attractn to a woman to have the sort of timate, romantic bond people expect out of a marriage, the men are dog far more than sharg their personal experience—they’re suggtg that orientatn change is a viable alternative for gay men and lbians more generally. As a strategy for rencilg homosexualy wh Christiany, this one is the most toxic.

Anythg, even an expectatn of lifelong celibacy, is preferable to the li and half-tths of proponents of the ex-gay movement.

While those of who do not share a tradnal sexual ethic may fd hard to make distctns between two equally alien approach to homosexualy wh tradnal religns, behoov to give some cred to those strategi that validate LGBTQ people’s inti, ntrast to those that actively enurage self-ceptn and raise false hop of one day experiencg heterosexual attractn.

4 REASONS TLC’S ‘MY HBAND’S NOT GAY’ IS DANGERO FOR LGBT PEOPLE

It has started a ntroversy—one that reveals a lot about cultural tensns brilliance of the televisn special My Hband's Not Gay begs wh s name. And prompts the pable, skg feelg that the lady doth prott too much: If she has to expla that her hband's not gay, she's already admted that his attractn to her is ls than, many people are angry about My Hband's Not Gay, which is s send stroke of brilliance. The TLC show, which aired on Sunday night, follows four men who all experience "same-sex attractn, " or "SSA, " but who don't want to live "the gay liftyle" bee of their Mormon relig beliefs.