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pjjyzu">{posn:absolute;right:1.4rem;top:1.2rem;borr-lor:#000000;borr-style:solid;borr-width:0 0.0625rem 0.0625rem 0;paddg:0.2rem;-webk-transn:-webk-transform 0.25s ease--out;transn:transform 0.25s ease--out;cursor:poter;background-lor:transparent;lor:#fff;}.submenu-open {-webk-transform:rotate(45g);-moz-transform:rotate(45g);-ms-transform:rotate(45g);transform:rotate(45g);}.submenu-closed {-webk-transform:rotate(-45g);-moz-transform:rotate(-45g);-ms-transform:rotate(-45g);transform:rotate(-45g);}</style><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><style data-emotn="css 1knzpdr animatn-1dfsy">{posn:relative;list-style:none;marg:0rem;paddg:0rem;max-height:0rem;-webk-transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;height:unset;overflow:hidn;opacy:0;visibily:hidn;-webk-animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;-webk-animatn-fill-mo:forwards;animatn-fill-mo:forwards;width:lc(100% + 2rem);marg-left:-1rem;background-lor:#f9b9b6;lor:#000000;}.submenu-open {max-height:27rem;overflow-y:scroll;height:to;opacy:1;visibily:visible;marg-top:0.75rem;}.submenu-closed {max-height:0rem;}@-webk-keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}@keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}</style><ul class="css-1knzpdr eqt11jm10"><style data-emotn="css eqhohi">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;cursor:poter;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;height:2.5rem;paddg:0 1rem;} {-webk-transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;} {background-lor:#f6e5;lor:#000;} a{opacy:0.8;}{background-lor:#f9b9b6;lor:#ffffff;}</style><li class="nav-em css-eqhohi eqt11jm8"><a href="/applianc/" class="css-cv3h5u 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73.75rem)" /><source srcSet="" media="(m-width: 40.625rem)" /><img src="" alt="greg-gilhooly-team" tle="greg-gilhooly-team" width="3982" height="2782" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" siz="100vw" /></picture><style data-emotn="css 1i6sckr">{background:#c92228;bottom:0;paddg:.5rem;right:0;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0.39rem;}}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css 1l3i1cl">{display:block;height:1rem;width:1rem;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:1.063rem;height:1.063rem;}}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><style data-emotn="css 13l7o78">{paddg-left:0.625rem;}</style><div class="css-13l7o78 m8yu70"><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 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data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Life" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Life</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="1" /></li><style data-emotn="css huh8md">{display:none;}{paddg:0.25rem;ntent:">";}</style><li emProp="emListElement" emSpe emType=" class="css-huh8md e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/life/a47949/i-am-nobody-excerpt-greg-gilhooly/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Men Are Sexually Abed Sports, Too: I Was Molted by My Hockey Coach" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Men Are Sexually Abed Sports, Too: I Was Molted by My Hockey Coach</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="2" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css rdayf9">{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.8125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-rdayf9 exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Men Are Sexually Abed Sports, Too: I Was Molted by My Hockey Coach<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css ovpftp">{font-fay:Archer,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.3;} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-ovpftp exadjwu8"><p>There is so much that I don't want to remember, but there is also so much I will never, ever be able to fet. </p></div><style data-emotn="css 1hf6p7y">{lor:#323232;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;paddg-top:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}} a{text-ratn-lor:#125C68;text-ratn-thickns:0.08rem;} span{le-height:1.6;}</style><div class="css-1hf6p7y exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css s5blrc">{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;paddg-top:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><addrs class="css-s5blrc ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css m6whui">{display:le-block;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;paddg-right:0.3125rem;paddg-top:0;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><span class="css-m6whui ehvvd9m1">By Greg Gilhooly</span><style data-emotn="css lfeb1s">{display:le-block;text-transform:upperse;marg-left:0.625rem;lor:#595959;}</style><time class="css-lfeb1s exadjwu6">Published: Feb 23, 2018</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu14"><style data-emotn="css dlqg8b">{background-lor:#53c2be;lor:#000000;borr:th solid transparent;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;marg-top:0rem;marg-bottom:0rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-transform:upperse;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;font-fay:NtraDisplay,Helveti,Arial,sans-serif;width:to;borr-radi:0.125rem;font-size:0.79054rem;le-height:1.3;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.05rem;}{background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;borr:th solid transparent;} svg>path{fill:#ffffff;}{marg-left:1rem;} svg>path{fill:#000000;-webk-transn:0.3s ease--out fill;transn:0.3s ease--out fill;}{outle:0.125rem dotted #000000;outle-offset:0.2rem;}</style><button data-tooltip-id="article-hear-save" class="ntentSaveButton css-dlqg8b e12nq69g1"><style data-emotn="css 7g4d0s">{width:1rem;height:1rem;marg-right:0.625rem;} path{fill:#ffffff;} path{fill:#ffffff;}</style><svg xmlns=" fill="none" viewBox="0 0 48 62" class="css-7g4d0s e10k4xbi2"><path fill="#000" fill-le="evenodd" d="M24 46.52 48 61V0H0v61.44l24-14.92ZM5.67 50.9 24 39.5l18.33 11.4V5.7H5.67v45.2Z" clip-le="evenodd"></path></svg>Save Article</button><style data-emotn="css v7baa6">{width:160px;text-align:left;font-fay:Archer,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;letter-spacg:0.045rem;font-size:0.70284rem;le-height:1.1;lor:#595959;text-transform:none;}</style></div></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css 149neno">{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;max-width:m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2));} .e152u5os0{marg-left:lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2)))/-2);width:100vw;}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){ .e152u5os0{marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2)))/-2) - 3.5rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){ .e152u5os0{paddg-left:0.1rem;paddg-right:0.1rem;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2)))/-2));}}</style><div class="longform-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-149neno ewisyje2"><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body longform-body css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">In this exclive excerpt of<strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor"> </strong></em><style data-emotn="css 1me6ynq">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#125C68;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#125C68;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:#595959;}</style><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life" data-vars-ga-product-id="2a04c23c-4764-4b9d-b410-d98c8f57a516" data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | (not set)" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"8d84aeee-c0a0-416c-9167-5da996959aba","se_id":"8342522f-11a7-4c85-8c15-51f36ee1d53f","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-product-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-price="$12.70" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="4f45fefb-332a-45d7-ad1b-f3a1c672e230" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Abe" class="body-lk product-lks css-1me6ynq ebsw2pb0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life</strong></a><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">, Greg Gilhooly wr a heartbreakg acunt of the abe he endured om his ach and mentor, Graham Jam. Jam eventually nfsed to sexually assltg former NHL players </em><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Sheldon Kennedy" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">Sheldon Kennedy</a><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"> and </em><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Theo Flry" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">Theo Flry</a><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"> and was nvicted of both crim, but he was never nvicted for his sexual asslt of Gilhooly, leavg Gilhooly whout the closure he served. (Charg wh rpect to Gilhooly were stayed by the Crown as part of the proceedgs which he plead guilty to abg Holt and Flry.) </em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">In his memoir, Gilhooly draws om his experience as a survivor and a lawyer, liverg a powerful dictment of a legal system that, he argu, do not aquately al wh serial sexual child abe. </em></p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"></em></p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"></em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">This acunt volv explic tails about sexual abe and may be upsettg for some to read.</strong></em></p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor"></strong></em></p><style data-emotn="css 1jugtpg">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:6.56249rem;le-height:0.8;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="8" class="dropp css-1jugtpg et3p2gv0">There was never a clear start to what he was dog, never a moment to look back on where I uld say to myself, "There, 's so obv what he was dog, I should have never let happen." But then aga, when I look back on all of this, all I n see now is that every sgle teractn wh him was jt such a moment, when "Of urse, 's all so clear what he was dog. How uld I have been so weak, so stupid, to let this all happen?" is the only possible rponse.</p><style data-emotn="css 9417ib">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:45%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:45%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:45%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:right;clear:right;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="10" class="align-right size-medium embed css-9417ib e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-1" tle="greg-gilhooly-1" loadg="lazy" width="1885" height="2756" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><style data-emotn="css 78jldq">{paddg-left:0rem;}</style><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 11igspl">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;font-fay:Archer,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">Me at age 13, before him. I loved the game.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Mr. Carl Wullum</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">In a sense, our relatnship jt evolved om our ial meetgs. I voured ach Graham's progrsive theori about hockey systems and his love of fast-skatg fensemen and speedy forwards. I craved the attentn he gave me our meetgs, beg treated as a peer, as an adult. I felt fortunate that he was willg to help me progrs wh my hockey and my amics, that he was willg to mentor me and brg out the bt me. So, when he suggted that we meet at a school field for a trag ssn, where he would show me var stretchg exercis and body-posng techniqu to rporate to my off-ice workouts, I was ecstatic. </p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Beyond wantg to excel at hockey, I was still, ep si, the secure, overweight young boy who my own md need to work extra hard on my physil ndng. No matter how tall, strong, and athletic I had beme by age 14, my md I was still the unordated, pudgy boy who hadn't yet grown to his body. I was the perfect willg subject. </p><p data-no-id="16" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham had picked up on that, and he was very good at takg the stori of my past and g them to hone on my securi and nvce me that I need his trag methods. </p><style data-emotn="css 1y767x5">{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;marg-bottom:1rem;marg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.1875rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><h2 data-no-id="18" class="article-h2 css-1y767x5 et3p2gv0">1980: Groomed for His Attacks</h2><p data-no-id="20" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You know, a guy like you wh big legs has to work hard to keep up wh the play." </p><p data-no-id="22" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You know, a guy like you has to fight for everythg you'll ever get, bee nobody's ever gog to help you like I will."</p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You know, jt bee you're smart and you know what to do don't mean your body is gog to do all on s own."</p><p data-no-id="26" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham would never participate any of the physil exercis or drills, blamg his asthma (or a hernia or an arm a slg or some other exce). I have no ia why never dawned on me back then that the ailments would no way have prevented him om, say, at least dog some of the stretchg wh me. I gus I was jt so ught up the moment and what I was dog that I never even noticed that he preferred to jt lean back and stare at me. I would stretch, I would do squats, I would do ph-ups and s-ups, all unr his watchful eye. I viewed this as my opportuny to learn om an expert and imprs a leadg figure the hockey muny, one who uld give me everythg I had ever dreamed of.</p><style data-emotn="css 1736von">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;clear:both;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="28" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-team-2" tle="greg-gilhooly-team-2" loadg="lazy" width="3988" height="2864" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><style data-emotn="css swqnqv">@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">Me (ont-left), the midst of the worst, but always wh a se for others to see.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Mr. Carl Wullum</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="30" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">One night durg a trag ssn, he phed me until I was exhsted. I had worked my legs so hard that I uld already feel them stiffeng as I sat down, leaned back, and gulped for air. I was sweatg hard, my shirt was soaked, and stoppg felt so good. The tense exertn gave way to the ual post-workout phoria that I craved so much and that felt so toxitg. </p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham started gog on about the physlogy of a hockey player. He noted that a hockey player was required to perform everythg on skat, two small edg of steel.</p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"A hockey player looks wh the ey, which starts everythg. Power to move where need om the re and torso, and this power mt be transferred to the hips and down to the legs. From there, all of that power has to be rried by the feet the skat, which each s on top of the ice on th edg of steel, which transfer all of that power to the ice. A hockey player requir very strong feet, very special type of feet that n whstand the enormo forc. Can I take a look at your feet?"</p><p data-no-id="36" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Not a mand. Not a mand. A requt. A simple requt that at the time ma enormo sense to me. </p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Sure." </p><p data-no-id="40" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I reached down and took off my socks. I leaned back and put my feet the air for spectn. He took one foot and cradled , stroked . He squeezed , twisted slightly, ran his palm om heel to to. He prsed to the arch. He released the first foot and grabbed the other. Same thg, an spectn, a slow, ep analysis of my foot. He stared at each foot for what seemed like a long time. It all seemed so scientific, so analytil. </p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You've got good feet. Big, strong feet. They're perfect. Perfect." The physil barrier was broken. </p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">From then on, post-workout foot massag beme part of the route. It didn't seem strange to me but stead ma perfect sense after what he'd told me about the physil mechanics of hockey. My feet felt so good after his massag, and I'd thank him for makg me feel better and helpg me rever om the pa of the drills. </p><p data-no-id="46" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Said another way, I thanked him for touchg me.</p><p data-no-id="48" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">This new pattern of foot massag ntued for several months. Some foot massag lasted longer than others, some volved wedgg a foot agast his cht when he uld e only one arm bee of jury, some seemed a ltle different om the rt, but nothg, absolutely nothg, seemed to me to be at all appropriate or anythg other than a foot massage. </p><p data-no-id="50" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But of urse, Graham wanted more, and eventually "more" happened.</p><style data-emotn="css 108o02t">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:50%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:50%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:50%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:45%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:45%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:45%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:left;clear:left;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="52" class="align-left size-medium embed css-108o02t e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-4" tle="greg-gilhooly-4" loadg="lazy" width="1251" height="1051" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">1980, when the abe was at s worst.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Courty of Greg Gilhooly</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="54" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"More" started out as a trag ssn jt like the rt. </p><p data-no-id="56" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Here, why don't you lie down and I'll work the pa out of your feet."</p><p data-no-id="58" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I sensed somethg was different even as he started normally, wh my feet. He seemed different, a b aloof, not pletely prent. He started to move beyond my feet and slowly work his way up my legs. I oze. I did nothg but lie there, my ey closed, wonrg what was gog on. I was aaid. I was nfed. I opened my ey, tryg to get my beargs and unrstand what was happeng. But all I ught was a glimpse of him, his face, his ey. </p><p data-no-id="60" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It's his ey that I remember the most. His dark, ad ey, the kd of ey that show absolutely no emotn at all, that seem to look right through you as if you aren't there — the ey a shark has, ld, searchg ey that see whout engagg, ey that are always on the hunt for prey. I will never fet those ey. I n never fet those ey.</p><p data-no-id="62" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He moved slowly up my legs, never sayg a word. I kept my own ey shut as much as I uld after seeg those ey. They sred me. But was too late. I had seen his ey, the ad ey, and they would be wh me for the rt of my life.</p><p data-no-id="64" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I had no ia what was happeng. I mean, I knew exactly what was happeng, but I had no ia what was happeng.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="66" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css t00uqi">{font-fay:MajtiBanner,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.625rem;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.03rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;text-align:left;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.8125rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><blockquote class="css-t00uqi e1pe3zr90">There was a rad on, but I uld no longer hear a thg.</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="68" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">Where is this g om? Why am I not phg him away? What should I do? What uld I do? Why is my body rpondg? I mt want this. I mt like this. This mt be who I am. I have to get out of here. But what will he do? What will he say? What will I do? Who will believe me? How do I expla why I was wh him? How do I expla all of the meetgs I've had wh him for months? Who n I speak to who will unrstand? How do I make this go away? Why am I rpondg? Why is my body rpondg? Why n't I stop rpondg? Why n't I say anythg? Why n't I stop him? WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?</em></p><p data-no-id="70" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It all happened utter silence. There was a rad on, no doubt to muffle sounds, but I uld no longer hear a thg. All I uld hear was the blood pumpg through my templ, poundg my ears, the sensatn of beg removed om the world around me and locked my own space. At least, that's how I remember . Or maybe that memory me om the hundreds, if not thoands, of nightmar I've had ever sce. What I know wh absolute certaty is that I uldn't hear a thg.</p><p data-no-id="72" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He bbed my legs. He fondled me. He masturbated me. He exposed himself. He bbed himself on my face and serted his penis my mouth. He returned his foc to my feet. He masturbated and ejaculated over my feet and shs.</p><p data-no-id="74" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I vered myself back up as quickly as I uld. But I didn't n. I didn't know what to do. I sat there until he me back . And then we talked. Rather, he talked, I listened.</p><p data-no-id="76" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You're progrsg so well. You have so much talent, your legs are so strong, you have limls potential. You know, people like have to support each other. We're not like others. They would never unrstand who we are. They don't see thgs the way we do. I know you're a b lost right now, but I unrstand you. I see who you are and what you n be. People like have to look out for each other. We have to support each other. But people like , workg together, n make anythg happen."</p><p data-no-id="78" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><span>Maybe he had been tellg me all along and I jt hadn't unrstood. I thought "people like " had referred to the talented jock as geek, geek as jock. Now, wh what had jt happened, I was pretty sure he was tellg me that I was gay.</span></p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="80" class="align-right size-medium embed css-9417ib e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-3" tle="greg-gilhooly-3" loadg="lazy" width="906" height="1197" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">High school graduatn.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Courty of Greg Gilhooly</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="82" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And then he nfirmed : "If our secret ever gets out, everyone will thk you're gay. Nobody will want you on their team or their program. It would be the end of everythg for you bee nobody wants to al wh people like ."</p><p data-no-id="84" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I walked home, a zombie tached om the world around me. I cried like I'd never cried before my life. It was a long walk, a route I ually jogged at a leisurely pace, but I uldn't breathe properly. It was very ol outsi, that I remember, but that's about all. I uldn't feel anythg. I was off my own world, far removed om this one. Lights were blurry, and once aga I uldn't really hear anythg. Was I shock? Probably. I cried solu. There is so much that I don't remember, that I don't want to remember, that I have actively tried to fet over all of the years. But there is also so much I will never, ever be able to fet.</p><p data-no-id="86" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Bee there would be more than jt a sgle cint. Much more. </p><h2 data-no-id="88" class="article-h2 css-1y767x5 et3p2gv0">2012: Brgg Him to Jtice </h2><p data-no-id="90" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham's sentencg hearg was set for the morng of Febary 22, 2012. Even though my charg had been stayed, I wasn't gog to miss .</p><p data-no-id="92" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">This urt appearance, now his send for sexual asslt, had always been Graham's ultimate sty, the realizatn of his te self. His fg moment wasn't ever gog to be achievg achg greatns, hoistg the Stanley Cup, baskg the glory of havg revolutnized the sport of hockey, or wng aclas for velopg boys to men. No, was always Graham's sty to be urt as a nvicted serial child sexual predator facg sentencg, this time wh the Honorable Jtice Cathere Carlson pridg, Wnipeg, my hometown, the place where I had grown up, the place where had all happened.</p><p data-no-id="94" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"All rise for the Honorable Jtice Cathere Carlson."</p><p data-no-id="96" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham had left the urtroom durg a break the proceedgs and was now beg brought om the back of the room down a hallway next to the viewg gallery, separated only by a small divir. Knowg that I had wanted to look him the eye, one of the bailiffs motned for me to e over to where I uld do so. My heart was poundg. The moment I had been wag for. And then there he was, g down the hallway, surround by secury on each si. I was ready. I had been repeatg to myself over and over:</p><p data-no-id="98" class="p2 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">I'm now a fully grown man. I am ready for this. He n't hurt me </em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">anymore. Here is my moment. I have waed a lifetime for this. Do .</em></p><style data-emotn="css 18pb4rg">{borr:0;borr-bottom:th solid black;marg:1.875rem 0;clear:both;}</style><hr data-no-id="100" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><p data-no-id="102" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life" data-vars-ga-product-id="2a04c23c-4764-4b9d-b410-d98c8f57a516" data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | (not set)" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"8d84aeee-c0a0-416c-9167-5da996959aba","se_id":"8342522f-11a7-4c85-8c15-51f36ee1d53f","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-product-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-price="$12.70" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="4f45fefb-332a-45d7-ad1b-f3a1c672e230" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Abe" class="body-lk product-lks css-1me6ynq ebsw2pb0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life</strong></a> <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">will be released on March 6. It's available for pre-orr <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="here" data-vars-ga-product-id="2a04c23c-4764-4b9d-b410-d98c8f57a516" data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | (not set)" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"8d84aeee-c0a0-416c-9167-5da996959aba","se_id":"8342522f-11a7-4c85-8c15-51f36ee1d53f","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-product-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-price="$12.70" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="4f45fefb-332a-45d7-ad1b-f3a1c672e230" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Abe" class="body-lk product-lks css-1me6ynq ebsw2pb0">here</a>. <strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor"> </strong>Gilhooly went on to graduate om Prceton Universy and the Universy of Toronto, Faculty of Law, and has held senr posns numero rporatns addn to beg a public speaker and media mentator. He liv Oakville, Ontar.</em></p><p data-no-id="104" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">From the book </em>I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life<em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"> by Greg Gilhooly. Copyright © 2018 by Greg Gilhooly. Published on March 6, 2018, by Greystone. Reprted and adapted wh permissn.</em></p><p data-no-id="106" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">If you or someone you know is at risk of beg sexually abed, ntact the Rape, Abe & Inct Natnal Network's (RAINN) Natnal Sexual Asslt hotle for help (800-656-HOPE/4673)</strong></em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">. Vis <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=" class="body-el-lk longform-body-el-lk body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0"></a> for more rmatn.</strong></em></em></p><style data-emotn="css ciejky">{clear:both;marg-top:1.25rem;}</style><div id="journey-le" class="css-ciejky e1cslvxz0"></div></div></div><div></div><div data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1pqv15d">{marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0 0.938rem;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0 2.5rem;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1pqv15d e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css 14vh9p">{text-align:center;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;}</style><div class="css-14vh9p e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1sowyjy">{marg-bottom:1.25rem;}</style><div class="css-1sowyjy e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css bpa9fk">{marg:0 to;font-weight:bold;width:-webk-f-ntent;width:-moz-f-ntent;width:f-ntent;borr-bottom:th solid black;font-fay:NtraDisplay,Helveti,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-bpa9fk e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">Watch Next</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css 115x38v">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg:0rem;m-height:to;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.39461rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.575rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.92897rem;le-height:1.1;marg-top:0.9375rem;}}</style><h6 class="css-115x38v e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css b3y6x">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;} {posn:absolute;marg:0rem;}{ntent:"";display:block;height:0rem;width:100%;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.16) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 30rem) and (max-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.43) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((33% / 1.40) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.36) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.46) + 20px + 1.66em);}}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-b3y6x e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css w2pm9t">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in

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data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Life" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Life</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="1" /></li><style data-emotn="css huh8md">{display:none;}{paddg:0.25rem;ntent:">";}</style><li emProp="emListElement" emSpe emType=" class="css-huh8md e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/life/a47949/i-am-nobody-excerpt-greg-gilhooly/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Men Are Sexually Abed Sports, Too: I Was Molted by My Hockey Coach" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Men Are Sexually Abed Sports, Too: I Was Molted by My Hockey Coach</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="2" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css rdayf9">{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.8125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-rdayf9 exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Men Are Sexually Abed Sports, Too: I Was Molted by My Hockey Coach<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css ovpftp">{font-fay:Archer,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.3;} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-ovpftp exadjwu8"><p>There is so much that I don't want to remember, but there is also so much I will never, ever be able to fet. </p></div><style data-emotn="css 1hf6p7y">{lor:#323232;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;paddg-top:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}} a{text-ratn-lor:#125C68;text-ratn-thickns:0.08rem;} span{le-height:1.6;}</style><div class="css-1hf6p7y exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css s5blrc">{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;paddg-top:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><addrs class="css-s5blrc ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css m6whui">{display:le-block;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;paddg-right:0.3125rem;paddg-top:0;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><span class="css-m6whui ehvvd9m1">By Greg Gilhooly</span><style data-emotn="css lfeb1s">{display:le-block;text-transform:upperse;marg-left:0.625rem;lor:#595959;}</style><time class="css-lfeb1s exadjwu6">Published: Feb 23, 2018</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c 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90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body longform-body css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">In this exclive excerpt of<strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor"> </strong></em><style data-emotn="css 1me6ynq">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#125C68;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#125C68;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:#595959;}</style><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life" data-vars-ga-product-id="2a04c23c-4764-4b9d-b410-d98c8f57a516" data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | (not set)" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"8d84aeee-c0a0-416c-9167-5da996959aba","se_id":"8342522f-11a7-4c85-8c15-51f36ee1d53f","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-product-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-price="$12.70" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="4f45fefb-332a-45d7-ad1b-f3a1c672e230" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Abe" class="body-lk product-lks css-1me6ynq ebsw2pb0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life</strong></a><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">, Greg Gilhooly wr a heartbreakg acunt of the abe he endured om his ach and mentor, Graham Jam. Jam eventually nfsed to sexually assltg former NHL players </em><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Sheldon Kennedy" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">Sheldon Kennedy</a><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"> and </em><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Theo Flry" class="body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0">Theo Flry</a><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"> and was nvicted of both crim, but he was never nvicted for his sexual asslt of Gilhooly, leavg Gilhooly whout the closure he served. (Charg wh rpect to Gilhooly were stayed by the Crown as part of the proceedgs which he plead guilty to abg Holt and Flry.) </em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">In his memoir, Gilhooly draws om his experience as a survivor and a lawyer, liverg a powerful dictment of a legal system that, he argu, do not aquately al wh serial sexual child abe. </em></p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"></em></p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"></em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">This acunt volv explic tails about sexual abe and may be upsettg for some to read.</strong></em></p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor"></strong></em></p><style data-emotn="css 1jugtpg">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:6.56249rem;le-height:0.8;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="8" class="dropp css-1jugtpg et3p2gv0">There was never a clear start to what he was dog, never a moment to look back on where I uld say to myself, "There, 's so obv what he was dog, I should have never let happen." But then aga, when I look back on all of this, all I n see now is that every sgle teractn wh him was jt such a moment, when "Of urse, 's all so clear what he was dog. How uld I have been so weak, so stupid, to let this all happen?" is the only possible rponse.</p><style data-emotn="css 9417ib">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:45%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:45%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:45%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:right;clear:right;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="10" class="align-right size-medium embed css-9417ib e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-1" tle="greg-gilhooly-1" loadg="lazy" width="1885" height="2756" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><style data-emotn="css 78jldq">{paddg-left:0rem;}</style><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 11igspl">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;font-fay:Archer,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">Me at age 13, before him. I loved the game.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Mr. Carl Wullum</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">In a sense, our relatnship jt evolved om our ial meetgs. I voured ach Graham's progrsive theori about hockey systems and his love of fast-skatg fensemen and speedy forwards. I craved the attentn he gave me our meetgs, beg treated as a peer, as an adult. I felt fortunate that he was willg to help me progrs wh my hockey and my amics, that he was willg to mentor me and brg out the bt me. So, when he suggted that we meet at a school field for a trag ssn, where he would show me var stretchg exercis and body-posng techniqu to rporate to my off-ice workouts, I was ecstatic. </p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Beyond wantg to excel at hockey, I was still, ep si, the secure, overweight young boy who my own md need to work extra hard on my physil ndng. No matter how tall, strong, and athletic I had beme by age 14, my md I was still the unordated, pudgy boy who hadn't yet grown to his body. I was the perfect willg subject. </p><p data-no-id="16" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham had picked up on that, and he was very good at takg the stori of my past and g them to hone on my securi and nvce me that I need his trag methods. </p><style data-emotn="css 1y767x5">{font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;marg-bottom:1rem;marg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.1875rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><h2 data-no-id="18" class="article-h2 css-1y767x5 et3p2gv0">1980: Groomed for His Attacks</h2><p data-no-id="20" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You know, a guy like you wh big legs has to work hard to keep up wh the play." </p><p data-no-id="22" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You know, a guy like you has to fight for everythg you'll ever get, bee nobody's ever gog to help you like I will."</p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You know, jt bee you're smart and you know what to do don't mean your body is gog to do all on s own."</p><p data-no-id="26" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham would never participate any of the physil exercis or drills, blamg his asthma (or a hernia or an arm a slg or some other exce). I have no ia why never dawned on me back then that the ailments would no way have prevented him om, say, at least dog some of the stretchg wh me. I gus I was jt so ught up the moment and what I was dog that I never even noticed that he preferred to jt lean back and stare at me. I would stretch, I would do squats, I would do ph-ups and s-ups, all unr his watchful eye. I viewed this as my opportuny to learn om an expert and imprs a leadg figure the hockey muny, one who uld give me everythg I had ever dreamed of.</p><style data-emotn="css 1736von">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;clear:both;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:100%;marg:0 to 0.9375rem;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="28" class="align-center size-medium embed css-1736von e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-team-2" tle="greg-gilhooly-team-2" loadg="lazy" width="3988" height="2864" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><style data-emotn="css swqnqv">@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">Me (ont-left), the midst of the worst, but always wh a se for others to see.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Mr. Carl Wullum</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="30" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">One night durg a trag ssn, he phed me until I was exhsted. I had worked my legs so hard that I uld already feel them stiffeng as I sat down, leaned back, and gulped for air. I was sweatg hard, my shirt was soaked, and stoppg felt so good. The tense exertn gave way to the ual post-workout phoria that I craved so much and that felt so toxitg. </p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham started gog on about the physlogy of a hockey player. He noted that a hockey player was required to perform everythg on skat, two small edg of steel.</p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"A hockey player looks wh the ey, which starts everythg. Power to move where need om the re and torso, and this power mt be transferred to the hips and down to the legs. From there, all of that power has to be rried by the feet the skat, which each s on top of the ice on th edg of steel, which transfer all of that power to the ice. A hockey player requir very strong feet, very special type of feet that n whstand the enormo forc. Can I take a look at your feet?"</p><p data-no-id="36" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Not a mand. Not a mand. A requt. A simple requt that at the time ma enormo sense to me. </p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Sure." </p><p data-no-id="40" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I reached down and took off my socks. I leaned back and put my feet the air for spectn. He took one foot and cradled , stroked . He squeezed , twisted slightly, ran his palm om heel to to. He prsed to the arch. He released the first foot and grabbed the other. Same thg, an spectn, a slow, ep analysis of my foot. He stared at each foot for what seemed like a long time. It all seemed so scientific, so analytil. </p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You've got good feet. Big, strong feet. They're perfect. Perfect." The physil barrier was broken. </p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">From then on, post-workout foot massag beme part of the route. It didn't seem strange to me but stead ma perfect sense after what he'd told me about the physil mechanics of hockey. My feet felt so good after his massag, and I'd thank him for makg me feel better and helpg me rever om the pa of the drills. </p><p data-no-id="46" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Said another way, I thanked him for touchg me.</p><p data-no-id="48" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">This new pattern of foot massag ntued for several months. Some foot massag lasted longer than others, some volved wedgg a foot agast his cht when he uld e only one arm bee of jury, some seemed a ltle different om the rt, but nothg, absolutely nothg, seemed to me to be at all appropriate or anythg other than a foot massage. </p><p data-no-id="50" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But of urse, Graham wanted more, and eventually "more" happened.</p><style data-emotn="css 108o02t">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:50%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:50%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:50%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:0rem;float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:45%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:45%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:left;clear:left;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:45%;marg-right:1rem;marg-left:lc(-30% - 1rem);float:left;clear:left;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="52" class="align-left size-medium embed css-108o02t e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-4" tle="greg-gilhooly-4" loadg="lazy" width="1251" height="1051" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">1980, when the abe was at s worst.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Courty of Greg Gilhooly</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="54" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"More" started out as a trag ssn jt like the rt. </p><p data-no-id="56" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Here, why don't you lie down and I'll work the pa out of your feet."</p><p data-no-id="58" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I sensed somethg was different even as he started normally, wh my feet. He seemed different, a b aloof, not pletely prent. He started to move beyond my feet and slowly work his way up my legs. I oze. I did nothg but lie there, my ey closed, wonrg what was gog on. I was aaid. I was nfed. I opened my ey, tryg to get my beargs and unrstand what was happeng. But all I ught was a glimpse of him, his face, his ey. </p><p data-no-id="60" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It's his ey that I remember the most. His dark, ad ey, the kd of ey that show absolutely no emotn at all, that seem to look right through you as if you aren't there — the ey a shark has, ld, searchg ey that see whout engagg, ey that are always on the hunt for prey. I will never fet those ey. I n never fet those ey.</p><p data-no-id="62" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He moved slowly up my legs, never sayg a word. I kept my own ey shut as much as I uld after seeg those ey. They sred me. But was too late. I had seen his ey, the ad ey, and they would be wh me for the rt of my life.</p><p data-no-id="64" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I had no ia what was happeng. I mean, I knew exactly what was happeng, but I had no ia what was happeng.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="66" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css t00uqi">{font-fay:MajtiBanner,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.625rem;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.03rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;text-align:left;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.8125rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><blockquote class="css-t00uqi e1pe3zr90">There was a rad on, but I uld no longer hear a thg.</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="68" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">Where is this g om? Why am I not phg him away? What should I do? What uld I do? Why is my body rpondg? I mt want this. I mt like this. This mt be who I am. I have to get out of here. But what will he do? What will he say? What will I do? Who will believe me? How do I expla why I was wh him? How do I expla all of the meetgs I've had wh him for months? Who n I speak to who will unrstand? How do I make this go away? Why am I rpondg? Why is my body rpondg? Why n't I stop rpondg? Why n't I say anythg? Why n't I stop him? WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?</em></p><p data-no-id="70" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It all happened utter silence. There was a rad on, no doubt to muffle sounds, but I uld no longer hear a thg. All I uld hear was the blood pumpg through my templ, poundg my ears, the sensatn of beg removed om the world around me and locked my own space. At least, that's how I remember . Or maybe that memory me om the hundreds, if not thoands, of nightmar I've had ever sce. What I know wh absolute certaty is that I uldn't hear a thg.</p><p data-no-id="72" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He bbed my legs. He fondled me. He masturbated me. He exposed himself. He bbed himself on my face and serted his penis my mouth. He returned his foc to my feet. He masturbated and ejaculated over my feet and shs.</p><p data-no-id="74" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I vered myself back up as quickly as I uld. But I didn't n. I didn't know what to do. I sat there until he me back . And then we talked. Rather, he talked, I listened.</p><p data-no-id="76" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You're progrsg so well. You have so much talent, your legs are so strong, you have limls potential. You know, people like have to support each other. We're not like others. They would never unrstand who we are. They don't see thgs the way we do. I know you're a b lost right now, but I unrstand you. I see who you are and what you n be. People like have to look out for each other. We have to support each other. But people like , workg together, n make anythg happen."</p><p data-no-id="78" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><span>Maybe he had been tellg me all along and I jt hadn't unrstood. I thought "people like " had referred to the talented jock as geek, geek as jock. Now, wh what had jt happened, I was pretty sure he was tellg me that I was gay.</span></p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="80" class="align-right size-medium embed css-9417ib e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><div class="css-p7qblm ewcw41w0"><img alt="greg-gilhooly-3" tle="greg-gilhooly-3" loadg="lazy" width="906" height="1197" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="//" class="ptert css-1i6sckr e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="ptert in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1l3i1cl ewcw41w1" /></a></div><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><div class="css-11igspl e1xqj1sx1">High school graduatn.</div><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-19eokd0 e6iqd2">Courty of Greg Gilhooly</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="82" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And then he nfirmed : "If our secret ever gets out, everyone will thk you're gay. Nobody will want you on their team or their program. It would be the end of everythg for you bee nobody wants to al wh people like ."</p><p data-no-id="84" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I walked home, a zombie tached om the world around me. I cried like I'd never cried before my life. It was a long walk, a route I ually jogged at a leisurely pace, but I uldn't breathe properly. It was very ol outsi, that I remember, but that's about all. I uldn't feel anythg. I was off my own world, far removed om this one. Lights were blurry, and once aga I uldn't really hear anythg. Was I shock? Probably. I cried solu. There is so much that I don't remember, that I don't want to remember, that I have actively tried to fet over all of the years. But there is also so much I will never, ever be able to fet.</p><p data-no-id="86" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Bee there would be more than jt a sgle cint. Much more. </p><h2 data-no-id="88" class="article-h2 css-1y767x5 et3p2gv0">2012: Brgg Him to Jtice </h2><p data-no-id="90" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham's sentencg hearg was set for the morng of Febary 22, 2012. Even though my charg had been stayed, I wasn't gog to miss .</p><p data-no-id="92" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">This urt appearance, now his send for sexual asslt, had always been Graham's ultimate sty, the realizatn of his te self. His fg moment wasn't ever gog to be achievg achg greatns, hoistg the Stanley Cup, baskg the glory of havg revolutnized the sport of hockey, or wng aclas for velopg boys to men. No, was always Graham's sty to be urt as a nvicted serial child sexual predator facg sentencg, this time wh the Honorable Jtice Cathere Carlson pridg, Wnipeg, my hometown, the place where I had grown up, the place where had all happened.</p><p data-no-id="94" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"All rise for the Honorable Jtice Cathere Carlson."</p><p data-no-id="96" class="p1 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Graham had left the urtroom durg a break the proceedgs and was now beg brought om the back of the room down a hallway next to the viewg gallery, separated only by a small divir. Knowg that I had wanted to look him the eye, one of the bailiffs motned for me to e over to where I uld do so. My heart was poundg. The moment I had been wag for. And then there he was, g down the hallway, surround by secury on each si. I was ready. I had been repeatg to myself over and over:</p><p data-no-id="98" class="p2 css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">I'm now a fully grown man. I am ready for this. He n't hurt me </em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">anymore. Here is my moment. I have waed a lifetime for this. Do .</em></p><style data-emotn="css 18pb4rg">{borr:0;borr-bottom:th solid black;marg:1.875rem 0;clear:both;}</style><hr data-no-id="100" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><p data-no-id="102" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life" data-vars-ga-product-id="2a04c23c-4764-4b9d-b410-d98c8f57a516" data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | (not set)" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"8d84aeee-c0a0-416c-9167-5da996959aba","se_id":"8342522f-11a7-4c85-8c15-51f36ee1d53f","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-product-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-price="$12.70" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="4f45fefb-332a-45d7-ad1b-f3a1c672e230" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Abe" class="body-lk product-lks css-1me6ynq ebsw2pb0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life</strong></a> <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">will be released on March 6. It's available for pre-orr <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="here" data-vars-ga-product-id="2a04c23c-4764-4b9d-b410-d98c8f57a516" data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | (not set)" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"8d84aeee-c0a0-416c-9167-5da996959aba","se_id":"8342522f-11a7-4c85-8c15-51f36ee1d53f","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-product-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-price="$12.70" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="4f45fefb-332a-45d7-ad1b-f3a1c672e230" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="Greystone Books" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Abe" class="body-lk product-lks css-1me6ynq ebsw2pb0">here</a>. <strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor"> </strong>Gilhooly went on to graduate om Prceton Universy and the Universy of Toronto, Faculty of Law, and has held senr posns numero rporatns addn to beg a public speaker and media mentator. He liv Oakville, Ontar.</em></p><p data-no-id="104" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">From the book </em>I Am Nobody: Conontg the Sexually Abive Coach Who Stole My Life<em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"> by Greg Gilhooly. Copyright © 2018 by Greg Gilhooly. Published on March 6, 2018, by Greystone. Reprted and adapted wh permissn.</em></p><p data-no-id="106" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">If you or someone you know is at risk of beg sexually abed, ntact the Rape, Abe & Inct Natnal Network's (RAINN) Natnal Sexual Asslt hotle for help (800-656-HOPE/4673)</strong></em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">. Vis <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=" class="body-el-lk longform-body-el-lk body-lk css-1me6ynq et3p2gv0"></a> for more rmatn.</strong></em></em></p><style data-emotn="css ciejky">{clear:both;marg-top:1.25rem;}</style><div id="journey-le" class="css-ciejky e1cslvxz0"></div></div></div><div></div><div data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1pqv15d">{marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0 0.938rem;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0 2.5rem;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1pqv15d e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css 14vh9p">{text-align:center;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;}</style><div class="css-14vh9p e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1sowyjy">{marg-bottom:1.25rem;}</style><div class="css-1sowyjy e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css bpa9fk">{marg:0 to;font-weight:bold;width:-webk-f-ntent;width:-moz-f-ntent;width:f-ntent;borr-bottom:th solid black;font-fay:NtraDisplay,Helveti,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-bpa9fk e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">Watch Next</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css 115x38v">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Ntra,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg:0rem;m-height:to;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.39461rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.575rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.92897rem;le-height:1.1;marg-top:0.9375rem;}}</style><h6 class="css-115x38v e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css b3y6x">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;} {posn:absolute;marg:0rem;}{ntent:"";display:block;height:0rem;width:100%;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.16) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 30rem) and (max-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.43) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((33% / 1.40) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.36) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.46) + 20px + 1.66em);}}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-b3y6x e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css w2pm9t">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in.