3 Ways to Tell Your Parents You Are Gay - wikiHow

Contents:

• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• GAY PARENT MAGAZE
• GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG
• GAY PARENTS
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• HOW TO TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU ARE GAY
• KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

A 2013 Canadian study (Allen 2013), which analyzed data om a very large populatn-based sample, revealed that the children of gay and lbian upl are only about 65 percent as likely to have graduated om high school as are the children of married, oppose-sex upl. Three key fdgs stood out this study: children of married, oppose-sex parents have a high graduatn rate pared to the others; children of lbian fai have a very low graduatn rate pared to the others; and children the other four typ of livg arrangements (mon law marriage, gay uple, sgle mother, and sgle father) are siar to each other and fall between the extrem of married heterosexual parents and lbian upl. The women (whose average age both groups was 29) wh gay or bisexual fathers had difficulty wh adult attachment issu three areas: (1) they were ls fortable wh closens and timacy; (2) they were ls able to tst and pend on others; and (3) they experienced more anxiety relatnships pared to the women raised by heterosexual fathers (and mothers).

The study is noteworthy for several reasons: (1) his study sample was large, reprentative, and populatn-based (not a small, self-selected group); (2) Regnes studied the rpons of adult children rather than askg same-sex parents to scribe how their young pennt children are dog; and (3) he was able to draw parisons on up to 80 measur for children who had lived wh (or had) parents who fell to one of eight tegori—tact fai wh both blogil parents who were married to each other, lbian mothers, gay fathers, heterosexual sgle parents, parents who later divorced, habg parents, parents who adopted the rponnt, and other (such as a ceased parent).

4) as prevalent among children wh same-sex parents than the general populatn, after ntrollg for age, sex, ethnicy, and parent soc-enomic stat (Sulls 2015b) n one rencile the signifint fdgs wh the wily publicized studi showg no harmful effects to children who have, or have lived wh, lbian or gay parents?

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

For example, 2005, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn (APA) issued an official brief on lbian and gay parentg, which clud this assertn: “Not a sgle study has found children of lbian and gay parents to be disadvantaged any signifint rpect relative to children of heterosexual parents” (Amerin Psychologil Associatn 2005). The thor remend further flaws exist the vast majory of studi published before 2012 on this subject (Marks 2012) cludg the fact that they relied upon small, nonreprentative sampl that are not reprentative of children typil homosexual fai the Uned major studi, published by Gartrell and Bos (2010) and Biblarz and Stacey (2010), are often ced by gay activists and extensively the media.

The prev edn, which was tled Lbian and Gay Parentg: A Rource for Psychologists (1995) was the succsor to a publitn tled Lbian Parents and Their Children: A Rource Paper for Psychologists that was jotly produced by CLGBC and CWP 1991.

Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002). As this summary will show, the rults of existg rearch parg lbian and gay parents to heterosexual parents and children of lbian and gay parents to children of heterosexual parents are que clear: Common stereotyp are not supported by the data. The relevance of this cricism has been greatly rced as rearch has expand to explore life a wir array of lbian mother and gay father fai (many of which have never lived through the divorce of a heterosexual uple), and as newer studi beg to clu a wir array of ntrol groups.

GAY PARENT MAGAZE

Other cricisms have been that most studi have been based on relatively small sampl, that there have been difficulti wh asssment procr employed some studi, and that the classifitn of parents as lbian, gay, or heterosexual has been problematic.

An expert readg of the Sarantakos article reveals that certa characteristics of s methodology and sample are highly likely to have skewed the rults and renred them an valid ditor of the well-beg of children raised by gay and lbian parents at least three rpects:.

The children raised by gay and lbian parents experienced unually high levels of extreme social ostracism and overt hostily om other children and parents, which probably acunted for the former's lower levels of teractn and social tegratn wh peers (see pp. Some nonscientific anizatns have attempted to nvce urts that there is an actual scientific dispute this area by cg rearch performed by Pl Cameron as supportg the existence of fics gay and lbian parents or their children pared to heterosexual parents or their children. Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996).

GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*

Many years ago, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn removed "homosexualy" om s list of mental disorrs, statg that "homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social or votnal pabili" (Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, 1974).

In 1975, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn took the same posn and urged all mental health profsnals to help dispel the stigma of mental illns that had long been associated wh homosexual orientatn (Amerin Psychologil Associatn, 1975). The cisn to remove homosexual orientatn om the list of mental disorrs reflects extensive rearch nducted over three s showg that homosexual orientatn is not a psychologil maladjtment (Gonsrek, 1991; Hart, Roback, Ttler, Wez, Walston, & McKee, 1978; Reiss, 1980). There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980).

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

Beliefs that lbian and gay adults are not f parents likewise have no empiril foundatn (Anrssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995).

GAY PARENTS

A recent study of 256 lbian and gay parent fai found that, ntrast to patterns characterizg the majory of Amerin parents, very few lbian and gay parents reported any e of physil punishment (such as spankg) as a disciplary technique; stead, they were likely to report e of posive techniqu such as reasong (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002). Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991).

For stance, one such ncern is that children brought up by lbian mothers or gay fathers will show disturbanc genr inty and/or genr role behavr (Falk, 1989, 1994; Hchens & Kirkpatrick, 1985; Kleber, Howell, & Tibbs-Kleber, 1986; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). For example, urts have exprsed fears that children the ctody of gay or lbian parents will be more vulnerable to mental breakdown, will exhib more adjtment difficulti and behavr problems, and will be ls psychologilly healthy than other children.

Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993).

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Although some children have scribed enunters wh anti-gay remarks om peers (Gartrell et al., 2005), young adult offsprg of divorced lbian mothers did not rell beg the targets of any more childhood teasg or victimizatn than did the offsprg of divorced heterosexual mothers (Tasker & Golombok, 1995, 1997). Studi of the relatnships wh adults among the children of lbian and gay parents have also rulted a generally posive picture (Brewaeys et al., 1997; Golombok et al., 1983; Harris & Turner, 1985/86; Kirkpatrick et al., 1981; Waright et al., 2004). Much of the existg rearch on lbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children was iated to addrs ncerns that arose for such fai the ntext of child ctody disput, and was apparently signed at least part to exame the veracy of mon stereotyp that have been voiced legal proceedgs.

Bee young adolcents are often preoccupied wh their own emergg sexualy, is wily agreed that early adolcence is a particularly difficult time for youth to learn that a mother is lbian or a father is gay (Bozett, 1980; Penngton, 1987; Schulenberg, 1985). In summary, rearch on diversy among fai wh lbian and gay parents and on the potential effects of such diversy on children is still sparse (Mart, 1993, 1998; Patterson, 1995b, 2000, 2001, 2004; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999). It is clear that existg rearch provis no basis for believg that children's bt terts are served by fay nflict or secrecy about a parent's lbian or gay inty, or by requirements that a lbian or gay parent mata a hoehold separate om that of a same-sex partner.

HOW TO TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU ARE GAY

Although those om lbian fai were more likely to explore same-sex relatnships, particularly if their childhood fay environment was characterized by an openns and acceptance of lbian and gay relatnships, the large majory of children who grew up lbian fai intified as heterosexual. Subjects evaluated vigt pictg eher a gay male uple or heterosexual uple and their adopted son along the dimensns of parentg abily, gree to which the child's problems were attributable to the parental relatnship, distrs of the child (cludg genr and sexual inty nfn), and the extent to which ctody reassignment was perceived to be beneficial. A sgle qutn on relatnship satisfactn revealed no signifint difference between groups reported satisfactn, while the 32-em DAS revealed the gay parentg upl to be signifintly more satisfied wh their relatnships than the heterosexual upl, pecially the area of dyadic hn and affective exprsn.

Four issu equently raised ctody s are discsed: Do gay fathers have children to ver their homosexualy, do they molt their children, do their children turn out to be gay disproportnate numbers, and do havg a gay father expose a child to homophobic harassment. Qutnnair clud: the Nungser Homosexual Attus Inventory, the Ego-Dystonic Homosexualy Sle, the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Sle, the Marlowe-Crowne Social Dirabily Sle, the Fay-of-Orig Sle, the Parent-Child Relatns Qutnnaire II, and a mographic sectn.

KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

Gay liberatn and fay polics, and the theoretil and empiril work on the hoehold divisn of labor by genr, this qualative analysis of 34 Northern California fai suggts that equable practic-a pattern of equal sharg-among the lbian parents are the norm.

A review of rearch on children of lbian and gay parents intifi some of the sourc of diversy wh lbian and gay parentg muni / prent rearch on those who beme parents the ntext of heterosexual relatnships, before g out as lbian or gay / scribe studi of lbians who beme parents after g out [prent] rearch on children born the ntext of heterosexual relatnships...

The amework foc on (1) whether selectn effects produced by homophobia acunt for associatns between parental sexual orientatns and child out; (2) the role of parental genr vis-à-vis sexual orientatn fluencg children's genr velopment; and (3) the relatnship between parental sexual orientatns and children's sexual preferenc and behavrs.