Is Your Man Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• “I DON’T FEEL LIKE I BELONG TO THE GAY COMMUNY AND IT’S DEVASTATG ME.”
• AM I GAY OR IS MY OCD?

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

High school iends who had e out to her as gay didn’t believe her when she told them that she was bisexual, cg her past relatnships wh men. She felt like her queerns alienated her om her straight iends, and her relatnships wh men prevented her om fully relatg to her gay iends. A 2017 review of 52 studi, for stance, found that when pared wh heterosexual people, bisexual people had higher rat of prsn and anxiety, and higher or equivalent rat of those ndns when pared wh those who intified as gay.

People unr 25, nclud somethg siar among Ameri’s youth: Bisexual high school stunts reported more feelgs of sadns and hopelsns and more thoughts of suici than those who intified as heterosexual or ’s also some evince that bisexual people fared worse than their heterosexual and gay unterparts durg the panmic, cludg greater strs, lonels, psychologil distrs and fatigue; and poorer mental and physil health than those intifyg as straight or dispary is often a rult of the prejudic bisexual people face, Dr.

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

The study found that much of this discrimatn often om gay and lbian people, followed by fay members and straight people; and n directly impact bisexual people’s mental health, cludg ntributg to prsn, strs and exacerbated or triggered anxiety (cludg panic attacks and post-trmatic strs disorr). She said she was never ashamed of her sexualy until her 20s, when both gay and straight iends and fay started tellg her they didn’t believe she was really attracted to women, and that she was gog through a phase.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Fish, bisexual people are ls likely than gay and lbian people to disclose their sexualy to people their liv.

“The most challengg thg hasn’t been wh my straight iends, ’s been wh gay men I’ve dated, ” he said. McKenzie said, referrg to the moment after he’s told a gay partner that he’s bisexual. 24, 2014— -- Steven Brodsky, a psychologist who specializ obssive-pulsive disorr, says that at any one time he has a "handful" of clients who are straight and spect that they are gay.

J., said he had one adult patient who was so crippled by obssive thoughts about beg gay that he was unable to live penntly and had to move back wh his parents to pe. Brodsky said a prev therapist had misdiagnosed his patient as gay, and at the patient's requt, sent him off to reparative therapy, a ntroversial method that has not been proven to be effective and n be harmful. Even though they know that they are 100 percent straight, not gay, they send gus .

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

"I say, oh, that's tertg, how do you feel about beg gay and what n we do about that? "Brodsky argu that today's open acceptance of homosexualy and gay liftyl n bld therapists to this kd of anxiety disorr straight men. Jack Drcher, a noted New York Cy psychiatrist who is nsired an expert gay and lbian mental health and treats patients for OCD, agreed that "beg worried that one might be gay is not the same thg as beg gay.

""A person wh OCD who has is havg tsive thoughts about whether or not he is gay, is not gay, the sense that he has not rporated a homosexual orientatn any mimally affirmg way to his inty, " said Drcher. "Also, if he is not actually attracted to people of the same sex, do not masturbate to fantasi of people of the same sex, is not really aroed by same sex pornography, then is hard to make the se that he has a homosexual orientatn. Another was heterosexual and feared he had agreed wh Brodsky that some therapists may miss an OCD diagnosis, but "the most likely e of that is not that they are too gay-affirmg but that they lack trag regnizg the symptoms of OCD.

Brodsky said that a gay person has "pleasant associatn" wh same-sex attractn and a person wh OCD do not. "Repeatedly, anxly, reviewg past suatns, ttg themselv, askg for reassurance, pulsively rearchg the Inter for gay tts, ttg themselv wh gay porn or gay people. ""Someone who is gay, but the closet, is not spendg time rearchg and ttg themselv, " he said.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

"Havg an obssn about beg gay is no different om any other mental obssn, said Brodsky. "A iend might say somethg and they thk, 'Gee, I uld be gay or I am dog somethg a gay person would do.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

"As for treatment, Brodsky said he would help a patient who was tly gay validate their feelgs and atta self-acceptance, "achievg lm and peace of md. Now that I’m thkg about my experience before g out to myself, I realize that I thought my gay thoughts and feelgs were somethg every woman feels.

“I DON’T FEEL LIKE I BELONG TO THE GAY COMMUNY AND IT’S DEVASTATG ME.”

You might take some fort knowg that both your same-sex mutual masturbatn experience, and your "gay thoughts" when masturbatg alone, are shared by many. Some younger and olr men feel strongly about publicly intifyg themselv, some way, as gay, straight, or bi, while others are ntent wh livg their happy liv private. In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all.

If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual.

AM I GAY OR IS MY OCD?

If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight. ” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight).

For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig. Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng. I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt.