Datg a Closeted Gay Man (Advice From Someone Who’s Been There)

Contents:

• CLOSETED GAY MEN – WHY ARE THEY STILL THERE?
• SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND BY DEBRA SUTTON
• 29 CELEBRI WHO SOME BELIEVE ARE GAY
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• DATG A CLOSETED GAY MAN (ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN THERE)
• A GAY UPLE RAN A RAL RTRANT PEACE. THEN NEW NEIGHBORS ARRIVED.

CLOSETED GAY MEN – WHY ARE THEY STILL THERE?

Whether you're gay, lbian, bisexual, transgenr, cur, unsure or a iend of someone who is, Empty Closets will help you fd the answer. Acrdg to Gee Chncey's prehensive history of morn gay culture, Gay New York, the closet metaphor was not ed by gay people until the 1960s.

"A gay man's g out origally referred to his beg formally prented to the largt llective maniftatn of prewar gay society, the enormo drag balls that were patterned on the butante and masquera balls of the domant culture and were regularly held New York, Chigo, New Orleans, Baltimore, and other ci. The phrase was borrowed om the world of butante balls, where young women "me out" beg officially troduced to gay butante balls were a matter of public rerd and often vered the newspaper, so "g out" wh gay society often meant revealg your sexual orientatn the wir society as well, but the phrase didn't necsarily rry the implitn that if you hadn't yet e out, you were keepg a secret.

SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND BY DEBRA SUTTON

" A man uld "wear his hair up" or "let his hair down, " or "drop hairps" that would only be regnized by other gay is unclear exactly when gay people started g the closet metaphor, but " may have been ed ially bee many men who remaed 'vert' thought of their homosexualy as a sort of 'skeleton the closet.

29 CELEBRI WHO SOME BELIEVE ARE GAY

As gay people mt ci on a daily basis whether to reveal and to whom they will reveal, g out is a procs that never ends.In the jargon of ntemporary homosexual culture, those who hi their sexual inti are referred to as eher closeted or said to be the closet.

Clil experience wh gay patients reveals hidg and revealg behavrs to be psychologilly plex.Homosexual IntiIn the velopmental histori of gay men and women, perds of difficulty acknowledgg their homosexualy, eher to themselv or to others, are often reported. On the ntrary, begng childhood--and distguishg them om racial and ethnic mori--gay people are often subjected to the antihomosexual attus of their own fai and muni (Drcher et al., 2004). Antihomosexual attus clu homophobia (Weberg, 1972), heterosexism (Herek, 1984), moral nmnatns of homosexualy (Drcher, 1998) and antigay vlence (Herek and Berrill, 1992).

Hidg activi learned childhood often persist to young adulthood, middle age and even sencence, leadg many gay people to nceal important aspects of themselv.Closeted dividuals equently nnot acknowledge to themselv, let alone to others, their homoerotic feelgs, attractns and fantasi. Consequently, the feelgs mt be dissociated om the self and hidn om others.If and when same-sex feelgs and attractns n no longer be kept out of nscns, the dividual be homosexually self-aware. While homosexually self-aware people might nsir acceptg and tegratg the feelgs to their public persona, acceptance is not a pre-termed oute.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

For example, a relig, homosexually self-aware man may choose a celibate life to avoid what, for him, would be the problematic tegratn of his relig and sexual inti.Individuals who are eher nscly prepared to act on their homoerotic feelgs or to reveal a homosexual inty to others ually fe themselv as gay or lbian. Others may e out to people they have met the gay muny while keepg their gay inty separate om the rt of their liv.Another homosexual inty is the non-gay-intified dividual.

The people have experienced homosexual self-awarens, may have acted on their feelgs, and may have even once intified as gay or lbian. While regnizg their homosexual feelgs, the dividuals reject the feelgs and, spe the low odds of succs, may even seek to change their sexual orientatn (Shidlo et al., 2001).The above classifitn of homosexual inti privileg the role of self-fn.

Consequently, when dividuals bee homosexually self-aware, there is a wi range of psychosocially nstcted attus and rpons they may velop toward their own homosexualy.

DATG A CLOSETED GAY MAN (ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN THERE)

For example, a homosexually self-aware man may ially intify himself as gay but then regret that cisn and return to his earlier practic of hidg. Another may choose a non-gay inty, attempt a "sexual nversn" therapy, but then later ci to accept his homosexual feelgs and e out.DissociatnWhat psychologil mechanisms facilate separatg one's sexual inty om the rt of one's persona?

Clil prentatns of closeted gay people may lie somewhere severy between selective attentn--most monly seen the se of homosexually self-aware patients thkg about "the possibily" that they might be gay--to more severe dissociatn-- which any ht of same-sex feelgs ris totally out of nsc awarens.

A GAY UPLE RAN A RAL RTRANT PEACE. THEN NEW NEIGHBORS ARRIVED.

More severe forms of dissociatn are monly observed married men who are homosexually self-aware but nnot perm the thought of themselv as gay (Roughton, 2002).Self-Esteem and the ClosetSome closeted gay people n reflexively speak whout revealg the genr of the person beg discsed or whout providg any genred tails of their personal liv. A performance iated as such by the speech act of a silence--not a particular silence, but a silence that acc particulary by fs and starts, relatn to the disurse that surrounds and differentially nstut ." Toward that end, a gay person might avoid referenc to genr altogether: "I went out last night wh someone I've been datg for the last few weeks.