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nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-bar-ll-to-actn" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-bar-ll-to-actn"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--cm-riser" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--cm-riser"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><div class="StickyHeroAdWrapper-eNLJUc gStsdY ad-stickyhero ad-stickyhero--standard ad-stickyhero-enable-mobile should-hold-space"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--hero"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--hero" data-no-id="6fdyoa"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs hbOl ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp kjLxCB"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT hsydfY"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX eNRqSb bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture/opn"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Opn</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd bwDymH isouMH">In a Same-Sex Marriage, Who Gets to Keep Their Name?</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB eDhhwT ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH uMYIE byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd hHRAkO haUSoQ eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/patricia-garcia">Patricia Garcia</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2015-07-30T10:35:48-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd eNpMLJ jDQNvc">July 30, 2015</time></div></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP cAlrhp lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc bjtV lead-asset--width-small" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz fZjRpX"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="same sex marriage last nam" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE bViSGz ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN dWhfyS"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd ftKqkn fNaHcW ptn__cred">Illtrated by Sam Kalda / Fol Art</span></div></div></figure><div data-ttid="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor" class="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor-jYVcDc djtEof"></div></div></div></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kbAoLA article-body__ntent"><div class="ActnBarWrapperContent-lasBkU cAHp"><div class="ActnBarWrapperComponent-cjwxLS bEeSLb"><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh SFwwF viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU dPbgNk bookmark large-screen"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Save this story</tle><path class="in-bookmark-stroke" d="M11.7661 16.3228L4.5 20.1695V3.5H19.5V20.1695L12.2339 16.3228L12 16.199L11.7661 16.3228Z" stroke-lep="square"/></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd fcKlBk gkccfO">Save</span></button></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh fOiOQm viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU gdCxmM bookmark mobile"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Save this story</tle><path class="in-bookmark-stroke" d="M11.7661 16.3228L4.5 20.1695V3.5H19.5V20.1695L12.2339 16.3228L12 16.199L11.7661 16.3228Z" stroke-lep="square"/></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd fcKlBk gkccfO">Save</span></button></div></div></div><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Planng a weddg always prents a seri of nundms: Should a uple settle on a ceremony upstate or a quick trip to Cy Hall? Will there be chicken or fish for dner? Will the drs be black tie or cktail attire? But for same-sex upl that ci to tie the knot, there’s one qutn that requir an even lengthier discsn: Who gets to keep their last name?</p><p>Tradn has long dictated that a woman is to adopt her hband’s name after marriage, and while more women than ever are choosg to keep their main nam, the majory—<a href=">around 80 to 90 percent, studi have shown</a>—still abi by the old ctom. There are exceptns, of urse. Addg a send last name is a popular alternative, à la <a href="><strong>Angela Jolie Pt</strong></a> or <a href="><strong>Beyoncé Knowl-Carter</strong></a>. And then there’s the rare se of a hband adoptg his wife’s name, like <a href="><strong>Zoe Saldana’</strong></a>s spoe, Mar, who <a href=">opted for his wife’s surname</a>. But when genr norms go out the wdow, the cisn n take on a whole new level of plexy and nfn.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>This year’s <a href=">landmark Supreme Court lg</a>, which legalized gay marriage around the untry, means same-sex upl will be facg the name-change qutn more than ever before. Project manager <strong>Barrie Segal</strong> and her wife, <strong>Anne Alexanr</strong>, who recently wed New York, hadn’t discsed the issue until they were si Cy Hall. “The way works is when you’re filg your marriage license, you have to ci then and there if you want to change your name,” said Alexanr. “It didn’t even occur to me until then,” Segal add. “The only person who even asked me who was gog to take the other’s name was my dad.”</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Segal and her wife ultimately cid to keep their own nam. While <em>Bloomberg</em> edor <strong>Chris Rovzar</strong>, who married his hband last year, cid to keep his last name for profsnal reasons. “When you’re a job where your name is really a part of what you do and your work, ’s mon to have an stct not to change your name,” Rovzar said. It’s not jt wrers or actors who are attached to their nam; as social media be an creasgly important part of our liv, many are hant to change their long-standg profil or handl.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="u8b5wk"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="r4lldq"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Back the seventi, a woman’s choice to keep her main name had more to do wh polics than practily. Today, same-sex upl are rebellg agast nventn as well. “We already jumped to an stutn that barely acknowledged , so why abi by all their other l?” said <em>DIS</em> Magaze Web producer <strong>Nick Scholl</strong> about his cisn not to take his hband’s name. Lawyer <strong>Richard Mollot,</strong> who married his hband <strong>Chris Donnellan</strong> 2010, feels the same way. “To me, the whole pot of the marriage is to validate people’s relatnship and love for another,” Mollot said. “I don’t thk you need to replite everythg that has gone on history.”</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="807h"></div></div><p>Yet some upl that never nsired changg their nam when enterg marriage rensir the issue when ntemplatg the possibily of havg kids. “The real impet to changg my name was knowg we were gog to have children, and we wanted them to feel part of one fay and not have different nam,” explaed <strong>Ali Bird,</strong> director of The Wall Group, who adopted her wife’s surname back 2007. And while Rovzar is agast changg his name for reer reasons, the edor says that ’s a different story for his future children. “Havg been saddled wh an unpronounceable name, I wouldn’t want to put my kids through that,” he said. “My hband’s name is Barrett, so I thk we would probably go wh that.”</p><p>The mon cir among most upl was simply optg for the more pronounceable or pleasant-soundg name. Bird, for stance, much preferred her wife’s surname over her main name of Schwartz. “A last name like Bird, there is no qutn, [is] the better last name.”</p><p>But what if the answer isn’t always as clear-cut? Rather than flip a , <strong>Martha Wt</strong> and <strong>Tanya Kalivas</strong> chose to host a soccer match on the day of their rehearsal dner to terme whose name they would adopt. The two even dubbed the event "Game for the Name." “We both played llege soccer and are crazy petive,” explaed Wt. “We told iends and fay and everyone got on board and loved the ia.”</p><p>The match, which was <a href=">filmed for <em>The New York Tim</em> Vows sectn</a>, was an emotnal experience for both fai. “I have immigrant parents who are very proud of our herage,” Kalivas explaed. “While Martha’s fay is om Texas and also have a very strong herage. So there was a lot of passn on the field.”</p><p>As luck would have , a last-mute ll—which Wt still ntts—rulted a tie. Overtime wasn’t possible, as the two bris had to sh out to have their hair and makp done for that eveng’s ftivi, so the verdict was left uncid. A year later, the two still haven’t settled on a name for their future fay. While there have been talks of a rematch, Kalivas jt might nce beforehand. “I spect Wt will w the end,” Kalivas said. “Partially based on Martha’s ep, <em>ep</em> belief that her team really won.”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="hr2o6x"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow 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gay couples with the same name

Letter wrer wonrs how to properly addrs a married gay uple wh the same last name.

Contents:

HOW TO ADDRS A MARRIED GAY COUPLE WH THE SAME LAST NAME

If you believe livg and lettg live, ’s not always easy to listen to social nservativ go on about the social chaos that gay marriage will... * gay couples with the same name *

If you believe livg and lettg live, ’s not always easy to listen to social nservativ go on about the social chaos that gay marriage will likely kdle across the land. But ’s time for all Amerins—even those who are gay and married, like me—to adm : The gloom and doom pourg forth om the anti-equaly right do, fact, nta a kernel of tth.

ONE OF N.L.'S FIRST MARRIED GAY UPL LOOK BACK WH PRI

* gay couples with the same name *

No, the problem is that an crease gay marriage evably means more upl of a prevly rare sort: two spo, one first name. Until a better suggtn appears the ments, I’ll dub “homonymo marriage. Perhaps you’re not immediately nvced homonymo marriage will brg the republic to s kne.

Well, remember Steel Magnolias, when Olympia Dakis remarked that all gay men are named “Mark, Rick, or Steve? The simplt type of homonymic nfn occurs at large gathergs: parti, dners, or barbecu.

Physil characteristics are an obv port the homonymo storm. Holidays, and the ter-fay gathergs they ocsn, pose particular hardships to homonymo upl.

MISS MANNERS: ADDRSG A MARRIED GAY UPLE WH THE SAME LAST NAME

Three years after the Supreme Court se that gave gay upl the right to marry natnwi, a patchwork of state laws still erns who n be a legal parent. * gay couples with the same name *

It’s stori like this—homonymo marriage sowg fay disrd, good Christian nam doubly filed (around the Christmas tree, no ls)—that may jtify the anti-equaly fervor of social nservativ.

A SYMBOL OF MARRIAGE: GAY UPL TAKE ON PARTNER'S LAST NAME

The road to full marriage equaly for same-sex upl the Uned Stat was paved wh setbacks and victori. The landmark 2015 Supreme Court se Obergefell v. Hodg ma gay marriage legal throughout the untry. * gay couples with the same name *

If fay gathergs are tough, out-and-proud homonymy even more trouble wh strangers. ” Then, fearg their misunrstandg reveals homophobia (or worse, an overfaiary wh Steel Magnolias), they get apologetic. I thought Mark and I had bad until I spoke wh Jon Pl Buchmeyer, a wrer and a member of a particularly ele tranche of homonymo upl: those who have the same name different languag.

GAY MARRIAGE

A supposed requt for a webse for a same-sex weddg played a mor role a major clash between ee speech and gay rights at the Supreme Court. * gay couples with the same name *

Of urse, homonymo relatnships have advantag, too. Brightly pots out that homonymy simplifi as many suatns as plit.

WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT A SEEMGLY FAKE DOCUMENT A GAY RIGHTS CASE

McLennan County Jtice of the Peace Dianne Hensley filed a lawsu after a state agency warned her about refg to marry gay upl. She hop a recent U.S. Supreme Court se about relig eedom helps her e. * gay couples with the same name *

Her , after meetg Mark and me at an Anglo-Amerin Thanksgivg London, asked his parents whether, if he disvered he was gay, he too would have to fd a partner wh the same name. Such flickers of sweetns and light make me wonr if there isn’t some way to enurage nervo nservativ to embrace all gay upl—not jt those wh different first nam.

TEXAS JUDGE WHO DON’T WANT TO PERFORM GAY MARRIAGE CEREMONI HOP WEB SIGNER’S SUPREME COURT SE HELPS HER FIGHT

It’s worth potg out that oppose-sex upl, too, n be homonymo.

And given the vogue for genr-ambiguo baby nam, there’s plenty more homonymy the pipele: Thk of all the Rileys, Jordans, and Harpers yet to meet.

A more effective tactic might be to remd nservativ that the gay-rights movement is only the outermost ripple of the Amerin experiment’s historic, ever-expandg promise of eedom.

MISS MANNERS: ADDRSG A MARRIED GAY UPLE WH THE SAME LAST NAME

Lda Hirshman, her recent history of the gay rights movement, not that Evans found particular spiratn the fathers of the Amerin Revolutn and nstutn. Feel ee to apply the l when you’re referrg to a married gay uple on thgs like weddg vatns, holiday rds, and letters.

Addrs each member of a male married gay uple as “Mr. All the l for addrsg a married gay uple wh the same last name apply whether they have chosen to e 1 last name or to e a hyphenated versn of both their last nam. There are general l you n follow, but not every gay uple has the same preference, so they might appreciate if you ask.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY COUPLES WITH THE SAME NAME

Miss Manners: Addrsg a married gay uple wh the same last name - The Washgton Post .

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