It's Time to Stop Pigeonholg Gay Men as Tops and Bottoms | GQ

Contents:

• GAY "SIS": HOW LANGUAGE FRE US TO BE OURSELV
• SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"
• IT'S TIME TO STOP PIGEONHOLG GAY MEN AS TOPS AND BOTTOMS
• STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS
• THE TOP LGBTQ+ DATG S AND APPS: 14 BT GAY DATG S
• BT GAY DATG APPS FOR HOOKUPS, RELATNSHIPS, AND EVERYTHG BETWEEN
• IRS 'WHISTLEBLOWER X,' A GAY DEMOCRAT, REVEALS INTY AND TELLS CONGRS HE WAS BLOCKED OM INVTIGATG HUNTER BIN

GAY "SIS": HOW LANGUAGE FRE US TO BE OURSELV

The gay male datg app, Grdr, recently add the sexual preference I created beyond jt top, bottom, and vers when to gay men engagg terurse: "si.

That’s what happened 2013 when, an article I wrote for the Huffgton Post, “Guys on the Si, ” I created the term “si” for gay men who aren’t to beg a “top” or a “bottom” or practicg anal peratn. The term “Si” was created when 2010, I was talkg wh some lleagu about “tops” (gay men who prefer the sertive role durg peratn) and “bottoms” (gay men who prefer the receptive role durg peratn) and outed myself for beg a gay man who don’t engage anal terurse at all. Beg a “top, ” “bottom, ” or “vers” (short for "versatile, " or someone who uld go eher way) were the only acceptable mols the gay muny, and I felt dissed for not ftg to the mold.

SI GUYS: THKG BEYOND GAY MALE "TOPS" AND "BOTTOMS"

About a year and a half ago I formed a Facebook group lled “Si Guys” and some of the guys the group started a petn to Grdr, the gay datg app, to add “si” to their list of preferred posns and filters. Back 2011, an article was published the Journal of Sexual Medice which rearchers surveyed 25, 000 gay and bisexual men Ameri about their most recent sexual enunters, and only 36 percent said they had bottomed, and 34 percent said they had topped. Furthermore, a si n be a gay male, a bisexual male, a pansexual male, or fall unr the ace umbrella (asexual male/graysexual male/misexual male, etc.

Dennis Fortenberry MD, MS Sexual Behavrs and Suatnal Characteristics of Most Recent Male-Partnered Sexual Event among Gay and Bisexually Intified Men the Uned Stat. In the gay male muny, ually, you’re eher nsired to be a “top, ” the perator, or a “bottom, ” the perated, or you’re versatile (n go eher way). But what if you’re a gay man who don’t enjoy anal sex or fds anal peratn paful, don’t like the feelg or the troublome amount of preparatn and cleang up need for to be a pleasurable experience, or simply don’t experience anal sex as erotic?

IT'S TIME TO STOP PIGEONHOLG GAY MEN AS TOPS AND BOTTOMS

That’s why a 2013 article I wrote for Huffgton Post, "Guys on the ‘Si’: Lookg Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms, " I began workg on popularizg the term “si” orr for the gay men to have the language to exprs their sexual and erotic preference. A third add: “Personally I’m not crazy about the term ‘si’ (sounds to me like someone lyg there, dog not much) but ’s good that Grdr acknowledg that there’s more to gay sex than anal. Legend would have you believe that once you’ve earned your gay rd, a Harry Potter–like ceremony occurs where, stead of the Sortg Hat, a giant magil butt plug divis all gay men to two ho: tops or is clearly not the se, pecially for those people who nsir themselv versatile (HIYA).

The two subdivisns have their own l, stereotyp, and -jok, and n sometim seem as if they’re at war wh each other, rather than both workg together for mutual sexual of this n make tryg different thgs dntg, pecially if you’re a baby gay venturg to this world for the first time.

But I believe that many gay men pick one si, stick to , and that some of those dividuals choose toppg—you’ll have seen their profil markg them as “masc dom tops” on the apps—bee of s ti to tradnal Miller explas, there are outsi forc that, datg back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men om tly diggg to what sexual behavrs we might actually enjoy.

STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS

“Wh bottomg there is the perceptn that you're givg up your masculy bee receivg a penis is somethg that women do, ” Miller Chris Whe, an expert health promotn and the director and prcipal vtigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network San Francis, tak this one step further. ”To be (fucked) or not to be (fucked) shouldn’t always be the qutnAcrdg to a 2011 study by The Journal of Sexual Medice that surveyed 25, 000 gay men Ameri about their last sexual enunters, only 36 percent said they had bottomed and 34 percent said they had, realy, we’re not actually fuckg all that much. "Some fans are so keen to pigeonhole male idols as tops and bottoms that even cishet celebri, such as Shawn Mens, Timothée Chalamet, and the members of One Directn, have the sexual rol (which are most readily associated wh gay men) applied to them.

But the sire to tegorize guys based on what they might do bed isn’t jt part of stan culture; ’s a rctive part of gay culture—pecially on datg apps. “It scrib acts more than people, and don't leave a lot of space for gay guys who are vers, or gay guys like me who don't really ever have anal sex.

THE TOP LGBTQ+ DATG S AND APPS: 14 BT GAY DATG S

You know, I thk would be super-eful to te people about the si inty, and the fact that many gay guys do not often, or ed ever, have anal sex.

”David, a 35-year-old gay man om London who don’t intify as top or bottom, says he worri that “some guys n start to fe their liv” by their sexual role. “I fully unrstand the need to give yourself an inty, and when the only thg we all have mon [as gay men] is sex, ’s the easit one to lean on, ” he says. “And you know, I thk some gay guys out there maybe had one really bad experience bottomg and never allowed themselv to try aga bee they were aaid would be bad aga.

"I thk those bary inti, wh vers, vers bottom, and vers top as qualifiers too, are really helpful for many guys out there, so there’s no need to reject them entirely, ” says (not his real name), a 31-year-old gay man livg Dubai*, says his personal relatnship history means he’s never really faced the qutn “top or bottom?

BT GAY DATG APPS FOR HOOKUPS, RELATNSHIPS, AND EVERYTHG BETWEEN

While grateful for the experience of beg gay, Hartley se his gay inty as somethg that go beyond jt sex — “I never say that I’m grateful for same-sex sexual sire, ” he said — also clus athetics, culture and worldview. As Si B disurse was fdg s way to onle foms, the flagship Christian ex-gay anizatn Exod Internatnal closed s doors 2013 after s of g nversn therapy on LGBTQ dividuals. Many LGBTQ Christians who had been harmed by the ex-gay approach — but still held to tradnal church teachgs on marriage — turned to Si B for a more acceptg muny.

Bridget Eileen Rivera, a celibate gay Christian and thor of “Heavy Burns: Seven Ways LGTBQ Christians Experience Harm the Church, ” don’t e the Si B label. “When a gay person lands the more nservative, tradnal mp, ’s helpful to distguish them om those who are really theologilly a different place, ” he said.

On the flip si, some progrsive crics, who are fewer number, said Hill and Hartley, see Si B as another eratn of the ex-gay movement or a form of rpectabily polics where LGBTQ dividuals reprs their sexualy to w approval om the broar church.

IRS 'WHISTLEBLOWER X,' A GAY DEMOCRAT, REVEALS INTY AND TELLS CONGRS HE WAS BLOCKED OM INVTIGATG HUNTER BIN

“The ia that Si B is jt the ex-gay movement wh a different veneer ignor or mimiz the fact that Si B people are fleeg ex-gay movements and ex-gay church, ” said Hartley. Th agreed and add that the motivatns behd Si B and the ex-gay movement are entirely different; one is tryg to make gay people straight, and the other is tryg to expand how the church views love and kship. Colls said many Si B are cidg whether they have more mon wh the LGBTQ inty found Si A or the tradnal sexual ethic found ex-gay approach.