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Schwab Fally Found the Words to Come Out of the Closet" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">How Btsellg Author V.E. 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Schwab Fally Found the Words to Come Out of the Closet<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 157op6k">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.3125rem;font-weight:normal;letter-spacg:-0.01em;le-height:1.2;marg-bottom:0;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:1.25rem;paddg-right:1.25rem;}} p{marg:0rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-157op6k exadjwu8"><p>For the wrer, was more like g out of a hoe.</p></div><style data-emotn="css 18sv25j">{display:block;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{marg-top:1.35rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-top:1.75rem;}} addrs{marg:0rem;} span{display:le-block;le-height:1.6;marg:0rem;}</style><div class="css-18sv25j exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css 11sx28l">{font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;display:block;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><addrs class="css-11sx28l ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 2rg66j">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;display:block;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><span class="css-2rg66j ehvvd9m1"><style data-emotn="css 1sa04t">{borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;marg-right:0.3125rem;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of V.E. Schwab" tle="Headshot of V.E. Schwab" width="40" height="40" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" class=" css-1sa04t ehvvd9m0" />By <style data-emotn="css 7l5upj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/226584/ve-schwab/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">V.E. Schwab</a></span><style data-emotn="css 1gryrf1">{display:le-block;text-transform:unset;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-1gryrf1 exadjwu6">Published: Oct 5, 2020</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu14"><style data-emotn="css rx4sqf">{background-lor:#E61957;lor:#ffffff;borr:th solid transparent;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;marg-top:0rem;marg-bottom:0rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-transform:upperse;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;borr-radi:50rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;font-weight:bold;letter-spacg:0.05em;width:to;}{background-lor:#9D002F;lor:#ffffff;cursor:poter;borr:th solid transparent;}{marg-left:1rem;}{outle:0.125rem dotted #000000;outle-offset:0.2rem;}</style><button data-tooltip-id="article-hear-save" class="ntentSaveButton css-rx4sqf e12nq69g1"><style data-emotn="css p7o3tf">{width:1rem;height:1rem;marg-right:0.625rem;} path{fill:#ffffff;} path{fill:#ffffff;}</style><svg xmlns=" fill="none" viewBox="0 0 48 62" class="css-p7o3tf e10k4xbi2"><path fill="#000" fill-le="evenodd" d="M24 46.52 48 61V0H0v61.44l24-14.92ZM5.67 50.9 24 39.5l18.33 11.4V5.7H5.67v45.2Z" clip-le="evenodd"></path></svg>Save Article</button><style data-emotn="css 1mhe1is">{width:160px;lor:#595959;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70284rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:0.045rem;text-align:left;}</style></div></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css k008qs">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;}</style><div class="css-k008qs ewisyje0"><style data-emotn="css 7ce51e">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{max-width:lc(100vw - (1rem * 2));marg-left:1rem;marg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(-1 * 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc((100vw - (lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 2 * 1rem)) / -2);}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 2);max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 + 1rem)) / -2) - lc(2 * 1rem));}[data-has-sponsor] {marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);marg-right:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);}}</style><div class="standard-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-7ce51e ewisyje3"><style data-emotn="css trzem2">{jtify-self:center;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-left:-50vw;marg-right:-50vw;width:100vw;left:50%;right:50%;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead css-trzem2 ewisyje6"><style data-emotn="css sm2oir">{height:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg:to lc(50% - 50vw);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:to;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead-image css-sm2oir e5f9kgu2"><style data-emotn="css eag3eq">{posn:relative;height:to;}</style><div class="css-eag3eq e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="jenna mrice" tle="Jenna Mrice" width="1000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /></div><style data-emotn="css 5kpeya">{font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;letter-spacg:0.05em;le-height:2rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}} span{lor:#6F6F6F;}</style><figptn class="css-5kpeya enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css bdkd9">{lor:#6F6F6F;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-bdkd9 e6iqd2">Jenna Mrice</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css z6i669">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-z6i669 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css 18vfmjb">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>In 's seri </em><style data-emotn="css 9cezh6">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#E61957;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Comg Out" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">Comg Out</a><em>, LGBTQ change-makers reflect on their journey toward self-acceptance. While 's betiful to bravely share your inty wh the world, choosg to do so is entirely up to you—perd.</em></p><style data-emotn="css 18pb4rg">{borr:0;borr-bottom:th solid black;marg:1.875rem 0;clear:both;}</style><hr data-no-id="1" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><p data-no-id="2" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">By the time V.E. Schwab was her 20s, she was already the #1 <em>New York Tim </em><em></em>btsellg thor of beloved, and staggergly epic, <a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="works of fantasy" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">works of fantasy</a>. Her next book, and her first-ever standalone novel, <em><a href=" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue" data-vars-ga-product-id="e2e86019-59f8-4b54-a348-8508c75d7b9d" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"31518d15-56f8-4a3f-8799-8066452d82","se_id":"10a25939-3448-4c42-8343-9bfdfc32076b","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-media-role data-vars-ga-media-type data-vars-ga-product-brand="V E Schwab" data-vars-ga-product-price="$10.46" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="d9dc0a-350c-4253-8bc1-5578d9fac25f" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="V E Schwab" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Horror" data-vars-ga-gallery-id data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | (not set)" class="body-lk product-lks css-9cezh6 ebsw2pb0">The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue</a></em>, is already rackg up rave reviews. The book's central characters, Addie LaRue and Henry Strss, are troduced as bisexual whout fanfare. </p><style data-emotn="css 1fbb0rt">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:40%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:30%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:30%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="small" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="3" class="align-right size-small embed css-1fbb0rt e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="temi oyeyola" tle="Temi Oyeyola" loadg="lazy" width="320" height="320" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 78jldq">{paddg-left:0rem;}</style><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 183nka8">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;} em{font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;}</style><div class="css-183nka8 e1xqj1sx1"><a data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" href=" target="_blank" class="css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">Click here for more stori.</a></div><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-bdkd9 e6iqd2">Temi Oyeyola</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="4" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">But while her characters eely lived out their romantic (and supernatural) adventur, Schwab felt nstraed to pursue her own. She didn't e out as gay until she was her late 20s—partially, she wr, bee she didn't have the vobulary. </p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">In this say for 's Comg Out seri, Schwab ploys her characteristic figurative language to scribe her own g-out story—this time around, sentially, she's the character. Schwab likens her s-long realizatn to movg through a hoe, and realizg, aga and aga, that certa inti are not que "home." It's a feat of storytellg that only Schwab n pull off. </p><p data-no-id="7" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Comg out, as this say om Schwab shows, don't have to happen high school. Nor do have to be overnight, wh a lightng bolt of regnn. This is her journey. <em><br /></em></p><hr data-no-id="8" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><style data-emotn="css 1w19hrk">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:3.8431rem;font-weight:300;le-height:1;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:7.87499rem;le-height:0.9;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="9" class="body-dropp css-1w19hrk et3p2gv0"> Y<em>ou are a room and is dark. There are no wdows and no doors, the bed is too soft—or too firm—and the books aren’t your taste, and the cloth the closet have never really f, and ’s a ltle hard to breathe here, but ’s your room. It has always been your room. So you stay put. </em></p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 16 when you fall love wh your bt iend—only you don’t unrstand the “” part yet, so you jt ll love. Teenage girls are always lovg their iends, beg entangled, like tre grown together, so you thk that’s what is. You ll iendship when you lean your head on her shoulr between class. You ll iendship when she draws ty not the plaid margs of your uniform skirt. You ll iendship when she throws her arms around your shoulrs and everythg you settl like silt. </p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="11" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css y6rgkz">{borr:th solid #CDCDCD;borr-bottom:th solid black;borr-left:0;borr-right:0;borr-top:th solid black;borr-width:0.75rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0.625rem 0 0.25rem;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-top:2.5rem;marg-bottom:2.5rem;}}</style><asi class="css-y6rgkz e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css whsy2b">{borr-bottom:th solid black;display:block;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:500;letter-spacg:0.1em;marg:0rem;marg-bottom:0.3125rem;paddg-bottom:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-whsy2b e6pr2lz3"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Stori</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 1b7ml99">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;paddg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.2;}}{borr-bottom:th solid black;paddg-bottom:1.25rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;} a>img{borr-radi:0.1875rem;}</style><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/entertament/books/a28510255/ro-kwon-cendiari-bisexual-twter/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Why I Came Out As Bisexual on Twter" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="Face, Hair, Blue, Eyebrow, Sk, Ch, Lip, Nose, Bety, Forehead, " tle="Face, Hair, Blue, Eyebrow, Sk, Ch, Lip, Nose, Bety, Forehead, " width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Why I Came Out As Bisexual on Twter</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><a href="/life/a33913828/g-out-police-statn-sexual-asslt/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="On Comg Out a Police Statn Chigo" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="empty hospal bed emergency room" tle="Empty hospal bed emergency room" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">On Comg Out a Police Statn Chigo</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><a href="/life/relatnships-love/a32868010/genevieve-hudson-g-out-story/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Comg Out the Deep South Helped Me Fd Myself" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="genevieve hudson" tle="Comg Out the Deep South Helped Me Fd Myself" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Comg Out the Deep South Helped Me Fd Myself</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="12" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You take a boy to prom, and his hand feels like a wet fish yours, his breath on your cheek like stale steam. You don’t have a brother but if you did, kissg him would feel like this. A sk-squirmg disfort. </p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>One day, you realize your room has a door. You don’t know why you’ve never noticed before. Perhaps wasn’t there, but now is. You don’t know where leads, except that leads out, which is a sry word, so you s on the bed, and stare at the handle. You don’t open . </em></p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 17, and the girls around you are all boy crazy and you wonr if somethg si you is broken, or missg, or if your body is simply ignorant, unpracticed. You stggle wh an eatg disorr, and maybe your disfort your sk has spilled over, ma your body an enemy. Maybe is fightg back. You ci is jt your nerv, your nros, your md gettg your way. It shouts “wrong wrong wrong,: and you put your thoughts on mute. </p><p data-no-id="15" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>You n’t stand the room anymore. You open the door, and step out to the space beyond.</em></p><p data-no-id="16" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>And stantly, you feel better. There is room out here, to stretch, to move. There is even a lamp, stg a dim glow, and your ey beg to as they do, you realize, this isn’t a room, ’s jt a hall, a space between here and there. You have cid where you don’t belong, but you still have to fd where you do. </em></p><p data-no-id="17" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 19, home for wter break and the girl you love is there, too. You flg yourself to each other’s arms, and feels like g home. For one credible moment, the world mak sense. She tells you about the aterni and sorori, and about the boy she’s datg, and you try to se, bee she seems happy. </p><style data-emotn="css 1rs7iiu">{borr-image-slice:1;borr-image-source:lear-gradient(to right, #0ED2C6 0 15%, #7A3BAF, #FF3F44);borr-top:0.125rem solid #E61957;clear:none;paddg-top:0.75rem;posn:relative;text-align:center;word-break:break-word;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{text-align:center;}{max-width:100%;}{max-width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{text-align:center;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:m(20.625rem, lc((100vw - (1rem * 3))/2));float:left;marg-left:0rem;marg-right:1rem;}{max-width:m(20.625rem, lc((100vw - (1rem * 3))/2));float:right;marg-right:0rem;marg-left:1rem;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:20.625rem;float:left;clear:left;marg-right:1rem;}{max-width:20.625rem;float:right;clear:right;marg-left:1rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{max-width:20.625rem;float:left;clear:left;marg-right:1rem;}{max-width:20.625rem;float:right;clear:right;marg-left:1rem;}}</style><div data-ad-exclu="(m-width: 90rem)" data-embed="embed-product" data-no-id="18" size="medium" class="size-medium align-right embed css-1rs7iiu etrqhn80"><style data-emotn="css 17pp2fn">{posn:absolute;top:-1rem;}</style><div id="product-1f34c67e-d7-4765-868f-e8d5c139b3fc" class="css-17pp2fn etrqhn81"></div><style data-emotn="css 60ezry">@media(m-width: 48rem){{display:grid;grid-template-lumns:40% 1;grid-template-areas:"product_media product_tails";}}</style><div size="medium" class="size-medium align-right css-60ezry eyaokey4"><style data-emotn="css 10ck1xh">{grid-area:product_hear;-webk-orr:0;-ms-flex-orr:0;orr:0;}{display:block;text-align:center;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{text-align:left;}}(){display:none;}</style><div class="top css-10ck1xh eyaokey2"><style data-emotn="css wxhdgw">{font-weight:bold;marg:0rem;marg-top:0.625rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;text-align:center;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}</style><h2 class="css-wxhdgw e8seki10"><i>The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue</i> by V.E. Schwab</h2></div><style data-emotn="css 1jyqnnr">{grid-area:product_media;marg-bottom:0rem;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{-webk-orr:1;-ms-flex-orr:1;orr:1;}} a{marg-top:0rem;}</style><style data-emotn="css 1gqytoh">{grid-area:product_media;marg-bottom:0rem;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{-webk-orr:1;-ms-flex-orr:1;orr:1;}} a{marg-top:0rem;}</style><style data-emotn="css 15xslai">{grid-area:product_media;marg-bottom:0rem;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{-webk-orr:1;-ms-flex-orr:1;orr:1;}} a{marg-top:0rem;}</style><a target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener" href=" aria-label="Shop Noow for <i>The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue</i> by V.E. 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Schwab" tle="<i>The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue</i> by V.E. Schwab" src="" width="331" height="500" dg="async" loadg="lazy" /></div></div></a><style data-emotn="css y6pcxk">{marg-top:0.9375rem;-webk-orr:3;-ms-flex-orr:3;orr:3;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-left:0.625rem;marg-right:0.625rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{marg-left:0rem;marg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-top:0rem;}}</style><div size="medium" class="css-y6pcxk eyaokey1"><div class="css-10ck1xh eyaokey2"><h2 class="css-wxhdgw e8seki10"><i>The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue</i> by V.E. Schwab</h2></div><style data-emotn="css s7mlzh">{marg-bottom:0;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;paddg-top:0.3125rem;}</style><div size="medium" class="size-medium css-s7mlzh e1a1omje0"><style data-emotn="css 3zvtm7">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;display:le-block;marg-top:0.625rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;background-lor:#E61957;lor:#ffffff;borr-radi:50rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.3;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;letter-spacg:0.02em;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;text-align:center;text-transform:upperse;width:to;}{outle-lor:body-cta-btn-lk-foc;}{background-lor:#9D002F;lor:#ffffff;}</style><style data-emotn="css bemvd5">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;display:le-block;marg-top:0.625rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;background-lor:#E61957;lor:#ffffff;borr-radi:50rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.3;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;letter-spacg:0.02em;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;text-align:center;text-transform:upperse;width:to;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;display:le-block;marg-top:0.625rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;background-lor:#E61957;lor:#ffffff;borr-radi:50rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.3;font-weight:bold;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;letter-spacg:0.02em;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;text-align:center;text-transform:upperse;width:to;}{outle-lor:body-cta-btn-lk-foc;}{background-lor:#9D002F;lor:#ffffff;}{outle-lor:body-cta-btn-lk-foc;}{background-lor:#9D002F;lor:#ffffff;}</style><a target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener" href=" aria-label="Shop Noow for <i>The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue</i> by V.E. Schwab" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"31518d15-56f8-4a3f-8799-8066452d82","se_id":"10a25939-3448-4c42-8343-9bfdfc32076b","is_active":te,"metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","is_active":te,"bs_un_id":"ad046b46-538b-42cb-aa54-c3d158875ed6","tails":"","metadata":{},"created_at":"2021-07-28T16:03:03.241365+00:00","last_updated_at":"2021-07-28T16:03:03.241381+00:00"}}" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Shop Noow" data-vars-ga-media-type="Sgle Product Embed" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-product-brand="V E Schwab" data-vars-ga-product-id="1f34c67e-d7-4765-868f-e8d5c139b3fc" data-vars-ga-product-price="$10.46" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="d9dc0a-350c-4253-8bc1-5578d9fac25f" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="V E Schwab" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Horror" data-vars-ga-gallery-id data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="sale | On Sale" data-vars-ga-sku="0765387565" data-vars-ga-magento-trackg="1" role="button" data-ab-label="ProdClick" class="product-btn-lk en6kra60 css-bemvd5 e1c1bym14">Shop Noow</a></div></div></div></div><p data-no-id="19" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Over break you go out wh a boy—no, not a boy, a man, even though you still feel like a girl (the word woman scrap like stubble agast your sk). He is handsome, and clever, and when he starts to climb on top of you, your stomach turns. And you know if someone took a picture, you would look right, tangled together like this, your hand on his sk and his hand unr your don’t feel right. You feel like the person behd the mera stead of the one the bed. How n a man’s body be so betiful, up until the moment touch you? </p><p data-no-id="20" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>You nnot stay the hall, so you keep walkg, to another room. And this one, this one is nice. It’s open and well-l and you thk, ah, there we are. This feels better, so you settle . You put up the curtas you saw someone else’s hoe, tell yourself they f yours, too. You hang pictur that other people like, you do everythg you n to make the space look right. You remd yourself ’s so much better than the room where you started. You try to make yourself fortable, and for a ltle while you’re nvced you don’t have to keep gog. This is far enough. </em></p><p data-no-id="21" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">The break ends and the girl go back to school, and so do you, but you don’t know what to do. You aren’t gay—as far as you know at this pot, gay is only one of two thgs, butch or lipstick, and neher of those f, and you like at least the ia of them. But you have never been love wh anyone other than your high school iend, so fally, you ci to ll and tell her how you feel, to fd the words and hope will not what you have. It tak months, but you are fally ready to pick up the phone, but she lls first, and you hold your breath and hope—but she’s llg to say that she’s engaged, which feels like the bad plot of a soap opera, except when ’s happeng to you. </p><p data-no-id="22" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">She asks how you are, and you say fe, the tth crawlg back si your throat as you tell yourself she was an exceptn, not the le. You will keep tryg to fd someone who mak you feel how other people look when they’re together.</p><p data-no-id="23" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>This room isn’t right. You thought you uld make work, but you n’t stand the pictur and the lor isn’t right, and you’re not sure when the room began to feel so small and stuffy, but do, and you n hear voic, g om somewhere else. You didn’t realize there were other people the hoe, but the sound of them talkg, lghg, fills you wh hope. You go to look for them. </em></p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 21, watchg your bt llege iends—both girls—fall love. For two years, the three of you have been separable, but for the last few months, they have been pullg away om you and toward each other, and when they fally nfs that they’ve been datg, ’s the same breath they say “There is no room for you this anymore.” They have rved you out of their story, translated iendship to romance a way you uld not. And they are so sure of themselv, so at home their sk, and you are so nfed, you nvce yourself that what you felt for them was not love, though clearly was. You feel lost. You feel alone.</p><p data-no-id="25" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>You fd room after room that isn’t yours (you had no ia the hoe was so big). Everywhere you look, you fd open doors, and people ready to wele you. Some rooms are vast and brightly l, and others zy, and everyone you pass seems so happy their home, and you want to feel the way they do, but you know that none of the rooms are ma for you. You have gotten very good at knowg what and who you aren’t, an image ma up of negative space.</em></p><p data-no-id="26" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 24 and you know you aren’t straight. When your parents ask when you’ll brg home a guy, you softly amend that might be a girl. They ask if you are bisexual, and you say y, and their takeaway is that there is still hope. To them, is 50/50, a roll of the dice. They love you so much that they want your life to be easy, and easy means normal, and so they hold their breath and hope you fall for a guy—and you hold your breath and hope you do, too. </p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You don’t. </p><p data-no-id="28" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>You slump onto the stairs, tired of searchg this hoe for somewhere that feels like home. A stranger pass and offers to help you up. They n’t show you the right room, but the gture mak you feel a ltle ls alone. </em></p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="29" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><style data-emotn="css 1um4foy">{ntent:'“';display:block;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:4.375rem;le-height:1.1;font-weight:300;height:2.25rem;marg-bottom:1.2rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-1um4foy eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css aqnz0y">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.625rem;font-weight:300;letter-spacg:0.01em;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.25rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.75rem;le-height:1;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}</style><blockquote class="css-aqnz0y e1pe3zr90">"It is shockg, to have the words. So far you have only been able to pot out what feels wrong."</blockquote><style data-emotn="css 5cb97h">{ntent:'”';display:block;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:4.375rem;le-height:1.1;font-weight:300;height:2.25rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-5cb97h eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="30" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 27 when you learn the difference between athetic and romantic and/or sexual attractn, when someone explas that you n love the way a person looks, you n be drawn to their md and admire their body and still not want to sleep wh them. It is shockg, to have the words. So far you have only been able to pot out what feels wrong. But this, this one tail feels right. The relief you feel is like a wdow thrown open. But the breeze rri wh a current of dread. You realize you will never brg home a man. </p><p data-no-id="31" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You beg to date girls, and feels like you are startg over, like you are 16 aga, your bt iend’s head lollg on your shoulr, the scent of her shampoo ticklg your nerv. You feel the flutter, the panic—but this time, when you kiss them goodnight, there is no wall, no reil. This time, when their hand slis along your sk, you don’t feel sick. This time, is right, is spoons, is edg ftg, is morngs beneath warm blankets, and for the first time you unrstand what people mean when they talk of longg.</p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>You have found the right room, you thk. It took so much searchg, and you’re pretty sure you passed this door a dozen tim, but hangs open now, ready to wele you, and you step through, ready to be home. It is a betiful room, full of kdns and warmth, and you fally sk to a chair bi the wdow—and se. </em></p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 29, a btsellg thor wh a major platform, when you announce that you are gay. You did not want to, really, but you have begun to wre queer characters, and people have begun to wonr if ’s your place, and so you claim . You announce yourself. It feels…uneventful. </p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">The backlash is mimal. The support is loud. Every few months, seems, you have to mentn aga. You wonr if you are not gay enough, bee people always seem surprised, even though, lookg back at your work, has always been there, the versns of you that did not f, that were not home si their sk. Every sgle story wh an outsir at s center, a person at odds wh their world, who cis to pe, to change, sometim themselv, sometim everythg else. You no longer need to hi your hero. </p><p data-no-id="35" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Your characters beg to live the way you do, unrepentant. Never rced to their queerns, only expand by . It f them many ways, sometim subtle, others loud. They take up space the world, space they serve. And you? You feel better than you have felt years. You are not hidg anymore. You feel right. And proud. And yet. </p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="36" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-1um4foy eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-aqnz0y e1pe3zr90">"Your characters beg to live the way you do, unrepentant."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-5cb97h eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="37" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>The wdow. You are stg the room bi the wdow when you look out, and see the garn. You never realized that there was a place beyond the hoe. You tell yourself to stay put, that ’s not worth , that where you are is good enough, but that old disfort ris up, a rtls whisper the back of your md. You have spent so many years watchg others be happy, at home, and the tth is, you have never felt as sure. Now, the sight of that wdow, that garn, mak your heart race. You rise, and sli open the wdow, and climb out. </em></p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>Your feet h the grass, and the breeze sh through, and is the bt feelg the world, and you realize, this is what they all felt, the people the hoe, this is what they all found. </em></p><p data-no-id="39" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>You look back at the hoe, wh all s rooms, and you are so grateful for the people them, and so glad you listened to your heart when told your tired legs to keep gog. </em></p><p data-no-id="40" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">You are 33, and you are standg the garn of the hoe. It wasn’t the rooms that were wrong. It was the hoe self. You didn’t need walls—you need space. Out here, there are no rooms, no roof. There are no walls, no doors, jt open ground, a sprawlg night filled wh radiant rto blooms. </p><p data-no-id="41" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>There are people out here the garn, and they wele you whout askg where you’ve been, and you say you’re sorry you’re late, you got lost, and they fold you to their arms and says is okay, you are here now. </em></p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em>You are home. </em></p><style data-emotn="css 1v2eakg">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:90%;}}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:95%;}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:75%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:65%;}}</style><div data-no-id="43" data-teractive="VioPlayer-1" class="embed aspect-rat-16x9 css-1v2eakg e3dq3y0"><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1iiivv4">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1iiivv4 e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in
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