Article on gay and lbians who say their parents accept their life styl, but still long for grandchildren; creasg visibily of gay parents and their children parallels advanc reproductive technology and changg adoptn laws that are, together, helpg to create more fay uns; photos (M)
Contents:
- GAY GRANDFATHERS: INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS AND MENTAL HEALTH
- RPONDG LOVE TO AN ADULT GAY CHILD
- HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD
- LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR GRANDPARENTS
- O.K., YOU'RE GAY. SO? WHERE'S MY GRANDCHILD?
GAY GRANDFATHERS: INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS AND MENTAL HEALTH
This study explored the experienc of 79 gay grandfathers wh their adult children and grandchildren. Acrdg to fay systems theory, tergeneratnal relatnships such as parent-grandparent dyads or parent-child-grandparent triads are important to unrstandg dividual functng wh … * grandparents of gay grandchildren *
"Wh some straight olr grandparents, homophobia sometim shows up subtle, passive-aggrsive ways, " says Joe Belisle, a queer parent Connecticut raisg a 12-year-old wh his hband David Vtner.
RPONDG LOVE TO AN ADULT GAY CHILD
“I was surprised to fd that many of the grandparents who didn’t have posive perceptns of homosexualy were nohels fiercely supportive of their grandchild, ’’ said Krist Scherrer, an assistant profsor the School of Social Work who has worked wh LGBT clients and their fai.
When to ncepts of genr, grandparents are more nservative acceptg the ncept of non-bary inti (although ntrary to Gay Star News’ report, they didn’t weigh on whether that factor would affect their relatnship wh grandkids who intified as genr-fluid). Future rearch may efully rporate grandparents, as well as other extend fay members, to better unrstand the experience of “g out” cultural divi [between those who normalize GLBQ inti and those who do not] is not between gays and straights or even among the var strip of gay people.
12-13)IntroductnAs this quote dit, age and generatn are often thought of as a cril divisn between those who unrstand gay, lbian, bisexual, and queer (GLBQ1) inti as normative and those who do not. Until recently, livg an open life as a “homosexual” was not a possibily for most US cizens, creatg a suatn of “closetg” where dividuals unrstand themselv as homosexual, yet make “potentially life-shapg cisns orr to manage a public heterosexual inty” (Seidman, 2002, p.
HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD
This perd of closetg had profound implitns on fay life as GLBQ fay members would go to great lengths to keep their sexual inti and behavrs om their fay members, rultg a popular nceptn that GLBQ dividuals were somehow outsi of the spe of the fay (Cohler, 2004; Seidman, 2002) Stonewall Rebelln of 1969 has been intified, particular, as a turng pot for unrstandgs of gay and lbian inti (Armstrong & Crage, 2006; Cohler, 2004; Seidman, 2002, 2003). This shift om unrstandg same-sex sir and behavrs as negative and stigmatized, to imagg gay and lbian dividuals as servg of the same rights and privileg as their heterosexual unterparts, has nsirable implitns for Amerins’ shiftg attus about GLBQ sexuali.
LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR GRANDPARENTS
Contemporary Unrstandgs of GLBQ Sexuali and Fay RelatnshipsAmerin’s attus toward homosexualy2 have shifted greatly sce then, yet some Amerins still believe that homosexualy is “always wrong” and that the civil liberti of homosexuals should be limed (Loft, 2001; Yang 1997).
The batn of a disclosure imperative and fay members’ (potential) negative unrstandgs about homosexualy n make “g out” to fay members a “crisis” experience (Ben-Ari, 1995; Fields, 2001; Morrow, 2000; Saltzburg, 2004; Sav-Williams & Ream, 2003; Strommen, 1989; Wirth, 1978).
Rather, gays and lbians are “rarely pletely tranged om their fai of orig, [and] many ntend wh fay relatnships that are difficult and strsful” (Rostosky et al., 2004, p. For (gay) mal this sample: 54% of mothers are aware, 28% of fathers, 15% of olr male siblgs, 14% of younger male siblgs, 21% of olr female siblgs, 15% of younger female siblgs, 15% of grandmothers, 8% of grandfathers, 20% of other relative of the same age, and 18% of other adult relativ. For (lbian) women this sample: 63% of mothers are aware, 37% of fathers, 22% of olr male siblgs, 4% of younger male siblgs, 18% of olr female siblgs, 8% of younger female siblgs, 8% of grandmothers, 3% of grandfathers, 18% of other relativ of the same age, and 23% of other adult study dit that, for gay men, about 15% of grandmothers and 8% of grandfathers know about their sexualy; and for lbian women, about 8% of grandmothers and 3% of grandfathers know about their sexualy.
O.K., YOU'RE GAY. SO? WHERE'S MY GRANDCHILD?
This study also draws attentn to the genr differenc that exist grandparent-GL grandchild relatnships as gay grandsons are more “out” than lbian granddghters, and grandmothers are more aware than grandfathers. ” For stance, D’Augelli and Hershberger (1993) fd that of the 194 gay, lbian and bisexual youth their sample, few me out first to fay members, however of those who did, “Mothers were the first told only 7% of the time; fathers, 1% of the time; both parents, 1%; brothers, 1%; sisters, 2%; and other relativ, 4%” (p.