LGBT Rource: How to Support Your Gay or Lbian Child or Grandchild

Contents:

• GAY GRANDFATHERS: INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS AND MENTAL HEALTH
• RPONDG LOVE TO AN ADULT GAY CHILD
• HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD
• LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR GRANDPARENTS
• O.K., YOU'RE GAY. SO? WHERE'S MY GRANDCHILD?

GAY GRANDFATHERS: INTERGENERATNAL RELATNSHIPS AND MENTAL HEALTH

"Wh some straight olr grandparents, homophobia sometim shows up subtle, passive-aggrsive ways, " says Joe Belisle, a queer parent Connecticut raisg a 12-year-old wh his hband David Vtner. “I was surprised to fd that many of the grandparents who didn’t have posive perceptns of homosexualy were nohels fiercely supportive of their grandchild, ’’ said Krist Scherrer, an assistant profsor the School of Social Work who has worked wh LGBT clients and their fai. When to ncepts of genr, grandparents are more nservative acceptg the ncept of non-bary inti (although ntrary to Gay Star News’ report, they didn’t weigh on whether that factor would affect their relatnship wh grandkids who intified as genr-fluid).

RPONDG LOVE TO AN ADULT GAY CHILD

Future rearch may efully rporate grandparents, as well as other extend fay members, to better unrstand the experience of “g out” cultural divi [between those who normalize GLBQ inti and those who do not] is not between gays and straights or even among the var strip of gay people. 12-13)IntroductnAs this quote dit, age and generatn are often thought of as a cril divisn between those who unrstand gay, lbian, bisexual, and queer (GLBQ1) inti as normative and those who do not. Until recently, livg an open life as a “homosexual” was not a possibily for most US cizens, creatg a suatn of “closetg” where dividuals unrstand themselv as homosexual, yet make “potentially life-shapg cisns orr to manage a public heterosexual inty” (Seidman, 2002, p.

This perd of closetg had profound implitns on fay life as GLBQ fay members would go to great lengths to keep their sexual inti and behavrs om their fay members, rultg a popular nceptn that GLBQ dividuals were somehow outsi of the spe of the fay (Cohler, 2004; Seidman, 2002) Stonewall Rebelln of 1969 has been intified, particular, as a turng pot for unrstandgs of gay and lbian inti (Armstrong & Crage, 2006; Cohler, 2004; Seidman, 2002, 2003). This shift om unrstandg same-sex sir and behavrs as negative and stigmatized, to imagg gay and lbian dividuals as servg of the same rights and privileg as their heterosexual unterparts, has nsirable implitns for Amerins’ shiftg attus about GLBQ sexuali. Contemporary Unrstandgs of GLBQ Sexuali and Fay RelatnshipsAmerin’s attus toward homosexualy2 have shifted greatly sce then, yet some Amerins still believe that homosexualy is “always wrong” and that the civil liberti of homosexuals should be limed (Loft, 2001; Yang 1997).

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD

The batn of a disclosure imperative and fay members’ (potential) negative unrstandgs about homosexualy n make “g out” to fay members a “crisis” experience (Ben-Ari, 1995; Fields, 2001; Morrow, 2000; Saltzburg, 2004; Sav-Williams & Ream, 2003; Strommen, 1989; Wirth, 1978). Rather, gays and lbians are “rarely pletely tranged om their fai of orig, [and] many ntend wh fay relatnships that are difficult and strsful” (Rostosky et al., 2004, p.

For (gay) mal this sample: 54% of mothers are aware, 28% of fathers, 15% of olr male siblgs, 14% of younger male siblgs, 21% of olr female siblgs, 15% of younger female siblgs, 15% of grandmothers, 8% of grandfathers, 20% of other relative of the same age, and 18% of other adult relativ. For (lbian) women this sample: 63% of mothers are aware, 37% of fathers, 22% of olr male siblgs, 4% of younger male siblgs, 18% of olr female siblgs, 8% of younger female siblgs, 8% of grandmothers, 3% of grandfathers, 18% of other relativ of the same age, and 23% of other adult study dit that, for gay men, about 15% of grandmothers and 8% of grandfathers know about their sexualy; and for lbian women, about 8% of grandmothers and 3% of grandfathers know about their sexualy. This study also draws attentn to the genr differenc that exist grandparent-GL grandchild relatnships as gay grandsons are more “out” than lbian granddghters, and grandmothers are more aware than grandfathers.

LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR GRANDPARENTS

” For stance, D’Augelli and Hershberger (1993) fd that of the 194 gay, lbian and bisexual youth their sample, few me out first to fay members, however of those who did, “Mothers were the first told only 7% of the time; fathers, 1% of the time; both parents, 1%; brothers, 1%; sisters, 2%; and other relativ, 4%” (p.

O.K., YOU'RE GAY. SO? WHERE'S MY GRANDCHILD?

” This fdg dit that “other relativ” (both close and distant) are ls likely to know about the sexual orientatn of their gay and lbian fay only are GLB dividuals likely to be out to their extend fay members, but acrdg to Beals and Pepl’s (2006) report on the social works of GL dividuals. Their fdgs dite that 53% of “other fay” members knew about the lbian or gay inty (as pared to 58% of mothers, 39% of fathers, and 63% of siblgs), and of the fay members, 59% were acceptg. While is unclear if grandparents may be clud this group, this study do dite that extend fay members may be likely to know about their GL fay member, and that they may be likely to rpond wh addn, D’Augelli, Grossman and Starks (2005) explore disclosure to fay members through stctured terviews wh 293 gay, lbian and bisexual youth aged 15-19, who were raised by (and currently livg wh) at least one “parent.

Unfortunately, this study giv few addnal tails about the fay relatnships, such as how the GLB grandchildren me to live wh their grandparents or how this particular type of grandparent-grandchild relatnship might impact GLB disclosure studi dite that: 1) extend fay members may be important fay members for GLB dividuals, 2) other fay members may be among the most acceptg of fay members, 3) GLB grandchildren are parented by grandparents and that, 4) one study, for gay men, 15% of grandmothers and 8% of grandfathers know about their sexualy, and for lbian women, 8% of grandmothers and 3% of grandfathers know about their sexualy (Boxer et al., 1991). The studi are also limed as they primarily exame lbian or gay dividuals, leavg much unknown about siari or differenc the disclosure patterns of bisexual or queer dividuals and their extend fay members. Wton theoriz that GLBQ dividuals often anticipate negative reactns om grandparents not based on the specific history of the relatnship, but on generalized stereotyp about olr adults:Younger gays who had e out to their parents sometim hated to disclose their sexual inty to grandparents, spe the feelgs of affectn and closens that often characterize those relatnships.