Follow a gay uple’s lead as to how to refer to one spoe. And when doubt, “partner” ually satisfi everyone.
Contents:
- WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
- IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
- GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
- HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
- MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
- GAY DADS APPEAR ON REBOOT OF 'WIFE SWAP'
- A GAY UPLE RAN A RAL RTRANT PEACE. THEN NEW NEIGHBORS ARRIVED.
- THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
* gay couple wife *
Dear Civili: My wife (female) and I are supporters of gay marriage, but we are puzzled about gay upl g the terms “wife” and “hband.
(Still, I uldn’t help but notice that the boyiend of Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player to be drafted by an NFL team, was rrectly lled out by some as Sam’s “wife” and “trophy wife” on social media, highlightg the tradnal stereotyp of “hband/wife” rol. A gay man, engaged to his fiance, spoke for many on my Facebook page when he posted this rponse to your qutn: “When we marry I will ll him my hband bee he will be, and I will be his.
IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
As New York gay and lbian upl prepare to sh for marriage licens, the cy may be unprepared for genr qutns. * gay couple wife *
” In short, once legally wed, spo — whether straight or gay — have earned the tl “hbands” and “wiv. ” That don’t mean that every gay or lbian uple will embrace those terms, jt as some oppose-sex upl prefer partner or spoe spe their legal stat.
Take a look at this lovely vio of a young boy talkg to his newly married gay dad. Every other week, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” addrs qutns about LGBT and straight etiquette his new lumn, Civili. Boomg|Is It Gay Hband?
27, 2012Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience. " I am a straight man my 50s, and most same-sex upl of my age group e “partner” to refer to each other although younger gay male iends speak of their “hbands” wh lbian upl routely g “wife.
GAY MARRIAGE QUANDARY: AM I THE BRI OR GROOM?
An Army sergeant asks how to troduce his girliend to a married gay uple, one of whom is an officer. * gay couple wife *
Given today’s crazy-quilt mix of state marriage laws (ma even more so by the Electn Day victori for gay weddgs), ’s no wonr you are nfed about how to refer to our signifint others. The other day I heard about a recently married gay man who mentned his “hband” passg to a woman of a certa age (meang ours! It’s tertg to me that you rrectly intify the generatnal difference among your gay, lbian and bisexual iends (two snaps for payg attentn!
HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
) and I’ll bet you’re likely to rell when other terms were vogue — “longtime pann” was obuary for “gay” – and back the day the sexually suggtive “lover” was the mon moniker for many a practil level what I suggt dog is listeng to how a uple troduc or refers to each other. For stance, I recently overheard a gay iend a long-term relatnship refer to his better half as his “spoe” only to hear one of the straight folks ask him mut later what kd of work his “iend” did. I’d love to see Endora st a spell on Congrs and get to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which prohibs Feral regnn of gay and lbian weddgs (and ni more than 1, 100 benefs like Social Secury for survivg spo or hospal visatn rights).
If you need advice about gay/straight suatns or issu (geared to a boomer-aged dience), send them to Mr.
The stunts were there to learn about gay relatnships a settg where they uld ask qutns whout fear.
MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
”Now ’s easy for a gay person to get offend by this qutn. I read an article recently that quoted RuPl, a gay in, who said, “The people who are mullg over certa words will have to ask themselv, ‘Is that word g om a place of love, or g om a place of hate? One of the biggt reasons is that we as gay people are fightg to not be assigned a genr or a role all of the time our relatnships or life.
As gay people, we want to be seen as two people who love each other and are a mted relatnship. That’s , but you n’t apply who we are to all gay relatnships.
It was clear that people the class me om all walks of life and had many different levels of experience wh gay people. "Clerks at cy hall told baffled upl to wa until onle applitn forms uld be adjted to acmodate same-sex upl, who ptured the right to marry July 24 after New York joed five other stat and the District of Columbia to legally sanctn gay the right to marry gas momentum across the Uned Stat, same-sex upl are refg the tradnal rol of hband and wife, and burecrats are scramblg to keep pace wh the social revolutn.
GAY DADS APPEAR ON REBOOT OF 'WIFE SWAP'
"This kd of thg don't set well wh [Mayor] Michael Bloomberg, " said Richard Soris, print of the natnal advocy group Equaly Matters and former advisor to Print Bill Clton on issu affectg gays and only took Bloomberg -- one of the most vol supporters of the gay marriage bill -- 24 hours to straighten out the ms, orrg the cy clerk to update the onle applitns to rephrase the personal rmatn tegori to "Bri/Groom/Spoe A" and "Bri/Groom/Spoe B.
""I thk 's important not to try to put gay upl tradnal heterosexual married rol, " said Soris. "But even as morn heterosexual upl are movg beyond stereotyp, cultural perceptns of gay upl -- one is assertive and mascule, the other more feme and submissive -- still persist. "Stonewall Uprisg Refed Gay MovementHistorilly, same-sex upl lived on the g of Amerin society and never thought they uld aspire to maral rights.
A GAY UPLE RAN A RAL RTRANT PEACE. THEN NEW NEIGHBORS ARRIVED.
All that changed after the Stonewall Uprisg, the 1969 police raid of Greenwich Village's Stonewall Inn and the six-day vlent street protts that that, gay upl "anized themselv along heterosexual genr l, " acrdg to New York Cy psychiatrist Jack Drcher. " "Gay upl talked about their stggl that emerged out of not havg clear genr guil, " said Drcher. "But today, both heterosexual and homosexual relatnships, there is a "blurrg of the boundari, " he said.
Men are creasgly takg on childrearg rponsibili that were once legated to gay upl marry the stat were is legal -- Connecticut, Vermont, Iowa, Massachetts, New Hampshire, District of Columbia and now New York -- they have more choic, llg themselv, "wife and wife" or "hband and hband, " or the ntral term, "spoe. "I hear of people referrg to themselv as hbands and wiv, and even though I am gay myself 's somethg that startl me, " he said. "In the early psychiatric lerature, one of the early crics of homosexualy was a major theorizer about homosexualy as an illns, like a lot of 20th century thkg, " said Drcher.
THE LBIAN WRER AND HER FLAMBOYANT GAY HBAND
"Instead, both gays and straights, genr rol overlap. 24, 2013Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience.
Send qutns for Civil Behavr to Dear Civil Behavr: I’m a sergeant the Army, and my girliend and I are to meet wh a married gay uple (he’s an officer). ” This year, thanks to the Supreme Court’s double punch June — guttg the feral Defense of Marriage Act and dismissg California’s Prop 8 — the floodgat have opened and gay upl are shg to take advantage of this momento time.
’ ”Ined, etiquette n sometim seem like a strajacket (“do this, not that”), but also sets out protol, as this suatn, that simply mak for fewer missteps or fx that said, I know om iends and my own recent marriage that changg monikers tak some gettg ed to — by both gays and straights.