Gay Love, Straight Sense | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY RELATNSHIPS CAN BE MORE STABLE THAN STRAIGHT ON
• GAY MEN AND BODY PERFECTN
• THE BIGGT MYTH ABOUT GAY SEX
• “HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS GAY” — 5 WAYS (BACKED BY SCIENCE)
• AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP
• GAY LOVE, STRAIGHT SENSE
• HOW TO SUPPORT, EMPATHIZE WH, AND AFFIRM LGBTQ+ PEOPLE
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• GAY LOVE SPELLS TO FALL LOVE WH MALE

GAY RELATNSHIPS CAN BE MORE STABLE THAN STRAIGHT ON

Approval of same-sex relatnships has been steadily risg sce 2009 (Pew Rearch Center, 2017), and the 2015 Supreme Court cisn endorsg same-sex marriage was a w for many lbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) dividuals.

Though gays did state that they alt wh creased strs levels due to societal attus, they were more likely to report beg ntent and livg happy liv. The notn that all gays bounce om lover to lover is are many, many mted gays who want nothg more than to live their liv and be wh the love of their liv.

The gay media reprents bety and sirabily the form of youth and gym-toned bodi, makg the gay scene a harsh place for people who do not nform to such ials. Whilst the gay media perpetuat body perfectn and helps mata the distrs, the unrlyg disturbance that mak so many gay men predisposed to the stggl is homophobia. In my practice, I see many gay men whose real stggle is the fear of rejectn, the hypervigilance of threats makg vulnerabily tolerable for them.

GAY MEN AND BODY PERFECTN

Gay men may not be able to intify the unrlyg pa by themselv but gay-affirmative therapy, they n have a space to unpack the var layers of their disturbanc. Datg back to the ancient Greece, anal sex played a role the exprsn of same-sex sexualy (albe, wh fewer varieti of lube) art of anal sex is the thg that, both posively and negatively, has e to reprent gay men.

Then workg up the urage to say hello is nearly a guaranteed way to nnect wh men who you know are gay, vis the 4 bt gay datg s that were chosen by our ’t worry, you don’t have to tst your gaydar alone the datg scene. 5 Ways to Tell If a Man is Gay (Based On Science)There have been a number of scientific rearch studi nducted that have vtigated this very hot topic. Rearchers om the Center for Theoretil Study at Charl Universy Prague and The Amy of Scienc of the Czech Republic dite that there are some unique differenc the shape of gay vers straight men’s purport that gay men their study showed wir and shorter fac, smaller and shorter nos, and larger, more round jaws of a mascule appearance.

THE BIGGT MYTH ABOUT GAY SEX

A study published the September 2013 Journal of Personaly and Social Psychology alleg that gay men tend to walk wh a slight “sway” of the hips, while lbians walk wh a back-and-forth motn of their ’s a stereotype, but ’s also a pretty good clue. Gay men apparently have an creased nsy of fgerprt ridg on the thumb and pkie of the left hand, and their arms, legs, and hands are smaller pared to their overall stature.

“HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS GAY” — 5 WAYS (BACKED BY SCIENCE)

Many quiri I have received over and over aga through the years beg somethg like this: “I've always liked olr men, but many gay iends close to my age are cril of me and spic of my motiv. Var labels have been ascribed to tergeneratnal upl, whether straight, gay or bisexual: tergeneratnal, age-gap, age-discrepant, or, more often than not, “May-December” relatnships.

Inially, I was unnvced the relatnships were ser, but that was bee I held stereotypil views: an olr gay man who was lookg for a trophy-mate and has the money to take re of his boy toy and a younger man who was lookg for a sugar daddy. Based on the number of tim this qutn drops to my mailbox, the reasons for the age-discrepant attractns nsum a great al of bandwidth the thoughts of a lot of young gay and bisexual men. Was pletg his doctoral dissertatn, “May-December: Navigatg Life as an Intergeneratnal Gay Couple, ” he thoroughly rearched what proved to be the limed available lerature on tergeneratnal upl.

Sign up today for our ee To TopGay love has taken many forms human history, om Socrat' mentorship of his younger lovers, to the artistic passn between Rimbd and Verlae, to morn-day gay celebry upl and their adorable children.

AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL

Dpe what many hate groups would like to have you believe, gay love is jt as natural and betiful as straight, whether middle-school csh or long-term relatnships. The Advote has all the latt on gay love and sex, om historil viewpots of LGBT relatnships throughout time to verage of a Hollywood that is fally reprentg the diverse bety of LGBT relatnships. If any such issue aris at your place of work, there may be anizatns is the area that you n ntact for advice, such as the Gay/Lbian Center or GLAAD (Gay/Lbian Alliance Agast Defamatn) the Uned Stat.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP

In fact, rearchers have found that the majory of lbian, and gay, adults are mted relatnships and many upl have been together 10 or more years.

The fai and iends of lbian and gay upl who are nied marriage rights may also experience negative physil and mental health nsequenc siar to those experienced by their loved on. The vast majory of scientific studi that have directly pared lbian and gay parents wh heterosexual parents have nsistently shown that the same-sex upl are as f and pable parents as heterosexual upl, and that their children are jt as psychologilly healthy and well adjted.

GAY LOVE, STRAIGHT SENSE

The margalizatn that attend growg up homosexual saw ank exprsn Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Inty, his 2012 exploratn of how parents raise children who are markedly different om themselv any one of a number of ways. Gay men and lbian women typilly report siarly tortured experienc reckong wh their own sexualy, nstantly lculatg the sts of hidg or revealg one of the most fg arcs of beg, self-policg their behavr for mannerisms that might betray their clatns before they themselv are prepared to acknowledge them.

It’s a ttament to urage that so many eventually do, spe the possibily of rejectn om those clost to them and a self-hatred ternalized om a wir culture that still often revil homosexualy. And some stem om doublg, the pound dose of a sgle genr, which sometim brgs out the bt partners (emotnal openns among lbians)—and sometim the worst (domance stggl between gay men, emotnal enmhment lbians). When partners don’t have to divi up rol by genr, they are also ee to share rol, and many gay upl do, reports Boston psychologist Richard Miller.

Lbian partners are pecially apt to work as a team, says Maya Kollman, a New Jersey–based therapist whose practice clus both gay and straight upl. Add to that the fiance assumg a stigmatized sexual inty and a claratn of homosexualy be an act of sexual liberatn, as “we n have whatever sex we want.

HOW TO SUPPORT, EMPATHIZE WH, AND AFFIRM LGBTQ+ PEOPLE

“Our sexual IQ is bigger, ” says psychologist Joe Kort, who teach at the Universy of Michigan and se both heterosexual and homosexual upl his clil practice.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

In long-term observatnal studi of both gay and straight relatnships, Gottman, who is a profsor emer at the Universy of Washgton and founr of Seattle’s Gottman Relatnship Instute, has found that same-sex upl beg more “softly” brgg up a topic of nflict.

As a rult, homosexuals have had to learn how to be iends wh people they are attracted to and how to live a world wh lots of threats whout beg overly nfed. It’s not that boundari never get crossed: Gay men, he reports, often hook up sexually first, then bee iends, matag the secury and emotnal mment of their primary relatnship. Sometim the loosened requirement for gays is a nsequence of cultural homophobia: Not all gays are at the same pot the g-out procs, and not all fai are fully acceptg of same-sex partnerships.

GAY LOVE SPELLS TO FALL LOVE WH MALE

Rearch shows that 50 percent of gay male upl have open relatnships, says Kort, although the number may now be creasg as gays marry and tablish fai, actns that shift gay culture more to the mastream. Some gay male upl negotiate an open relatnship that has very strict l to , observ David Greenan, a psychologist and fay therapist New York who se gay and straight upl his clil practice. In 2007, Andrew Solomon relquished all vtig of shame about beg gay and before 300 guts mted himself to his partner an elaborate ceremony at a stately English untry hoe.

There are many ways that everyone — lbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual — n have sex wh a partner, cludg kissg, masturbatn, erotic massage, body bbg, fantasy, and g sex toys for cloral, anal, or vagal stimulatn. Of urse, some intify as straight but are realy closeted bisexuals or gays by sexual orientatn—perhaps likely to e out at a later age (if ever). G., "gay/lbian" to scribe attractn to the same sex/genr, "bisexual" to scribe attractn to multiple sex/genrs; "asexual" to scribe a lack of attractn to anyone, etc.

There may be, for stance, some gay people that scribe themselv as more mascule, feme, or genr-fluid, while lbian dividuals may siarly exprs themselv wh varyg gre of masculy, femy, or genr-fluidy. Work on dismissg any stereotyp that you may have about gay and lbian people so that you n start workg on seeg them as the people that they are.