Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• MEETG YOUR FIRST GAY FRIEND
• WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS
• HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND
• WHAT HAPPENS TO GAY FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU GO MONOGAMO?
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS
• HOW SHOULD CHRISTIANS RELATE TO GAY FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS, AND FAY?
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Homophobia was likely one reason; another was that straight men probably assumed they didn’t have much mon wh gay men.

Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out).

We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another. Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn. At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI

If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg. Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another.

If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys.

Bee of the tst they engenr om straight women, gay men are uniquely posned to be excellent “wg men” for sgle straight men. However, straight women do tend to tst the datg advice of gay men (pecially more than advice om straight men or women). Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships.

S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur.

As a rult of this behavr-inty lk, sexual ngrs between gay and straight men creased nsirably, or at least went unrground.

MEETG YOUR FIRST GAY FRIEND

Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors. This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them. For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy.

As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved. Outsi of LGBTQ+-specific meetups, a great way to fd LGBT iendships is actually by attendg meetups that gay people typilly like.

WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS

For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to. If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

One of the theori about why some people are gay has to do wh the hormon that they're exposed to before they're born.

HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND

Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge. Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny.

The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together. Sometim you might assume that jt bee a guy only hangs out wh girls or jt bee his bt iend also seems gay, then he might also be gay. Subtly brg up subjects that show him that you're okay wh your iends beg gay and that he don't need to hi his nature around you.

WHAT HAPPENS TO GAY FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU GO MONOGAMO?

You n talk about another iend that is gay or even jt about someone hypothetilly g out if you don't know someone who's gay. Say somethg like, "You know you're stuck wh me as a iend no matter what, but I jt have to ask bee I don't want to make assumptns and e to the wrong nclns: are you gay?

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

Article SummaryXTo tell if your guy iend is gay, notice whether he refers to other guys as attractive, which uld be a sign that he’s gay. Pay attentn to how much he talks about women a romantic or sexual way, sce a lack of tert women uld suggt he’s gay.

I’ll never fet beg 15 years old and walkg to my first ever meetg for lbian, gay, bi, queer, and trans youth at BAGLY Boston. ”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms. LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS

Instagram and Twter make easier to fd other people wh the same terts, whether ’s hedgehogs or aerosol art, and there are so many homo-tastic hashtags. Or, add your inty to your state, school, or profsn to fd #GayMichigan or #QueerMorehoe or #TransUtah or #PansexualUK and more.

That may be surprisg news if you’ve been raised a homophobic branch of your relig tradn, but I promise you—they’re out there, and they n’t wa to wele you (and you may fd really healg to brg your whole self to your fah tradn). Check out Unlikely Hikers, which specifilly wel and celebrat people who don’t f the classic Patagonia profile cludg fat folks and hikers of lour; Venture Out Project, which is n by and explicly wel trans people; Gay SCUBA Week and Queer Paddlers; and basilly what I’m sayg is that if you want to be out and Out there are fely other ‘mos to do wh your area. If you’re newly sober or revery and tryg to avoid plac, people, or patterns that may not be healthy for you right now, a gay AA or other revery meetg might be a double-w for you: support on your path and a boost for your new social life.

” or “What a great lor story, ” ’s extremely likely they’re sayg HELLO I AM ALSO QUEER AND/OR TRANS AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO don’t be fooled if someone don’t “look gay. We’re everywhere and we look like anyone and also please don’t ntribute to the ia that there’s one way to look gay, ol?

HOW SHOULD CHRISTIANS RELATE TO GAY FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS, AND FAY?

At tim, many gay men feel as though they're the only on experiencg certa thoughts and feelgs, on that society still often ems abnormal. He didn't still a sense of ternalized homophobia me, which was important bee I was a mpy gay guy who'd always been teased for beg mpy.

" He gave me the permissn to be myself when I didn't even know who that, on DeanI grew up a small nservative town and didn't know anyone gay at school, so I met my first gay iends through social media. A 2022 study Psychology of Men & Masculi found that the iendships n help shift gay guys’ unrstandable prenceptns about straight men — that they’re all homophobic, for example. But after years of iendship wh me — a gay man who don’t perform masculy a tradnal way — he feels more fortable dog thgs like wearg necklac and havg his bachelor party at a drag bar.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND

It’s possible that exprsg vulnerabily has posive spillover effects: Heterosexual men who have close iendships wh gay guys may wd up havg ls fear about beg more open wh their straight guy iends, acrdg to the thors of the 2021 study. Michael Bronski, a profsor at Harvard Universy and the thor of “A Queer History of the Uned Stat, ” said the gay liberatn movement, which emerged after the Stonewall uprisg 1969, began dismantlg patriarchal systems that prsured all men to reprs their feelgs and engage toxic masculy, cludg homophobia. Bronski iendships may relieve gay guys om the prsure to nform to mascule genr norms out of fear of g across as stereotypilly gay.