Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI
• MEETG YOUR FIRST GAY FRIEND
• HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND
• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• BT GAY DATG APPS FOR HOOKUPS, RELATNSHIPS, AND EVERYTHG BETWEEN
• WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS
• THE TOP LGBTQ+ DATG S AND APPS: 14 BT GAY DATG S
• WHY ARE MOST OF MY GAY FRIENDS SGLE?
• GAY IEND

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI

”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms.

LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili. Instagram and Twter make easier to fd other people wh the same terts, whether ’s hedgehogs or aerosol art, and there are so many homo-tastic hashtags. That may be surprisg news if you’ve been raised a homophobic branch of your relig tradn, but I promise you—they’re out there, and they n’t wa to wele you (and you may fd really healg to brg your whole self to your fah tradn).

Check out Unlikely Hikers, which specifilly wel and celebrat people who don’t f the classic Patagonia profile cludg fat folks and hikers of lour; Venture Out Project, which is n by and explicly wel trans people; Gay SCUBA Week and Queer Paddlers; and basilly what I’m sayg is that if you want to be out and Out there are fely other ‘mos to do wh your area. If you’re newly sober or revery and tryg to avoid plac, people, or patterns that may not be healthy for you right now, a gay AA or other revery meetg might be a double-w for you: support on your path and a boost for your new social life. ” or “What a great lor story, ” ’s extremely likely they’re sayg HELLO I AM ALSO QUEER AND/OR TRANS AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO don’t be fooled if someone don’t “look gay.

MEETG YOUR FIRST GAY FRIEND

At tim, many gay men feel as though they're the only on experiencg certa thoughts and feelgs, on that society still often ems abnormal. He didn't still a sense of ternalized homophobia me, which was important bee I was a mpy gay guy who'd always been teased for beg mpy. " He gave me the permissn to be myself when I didn't even know who that, on DeanI grew up a small nservative town and didn't know anyone gay at school, so I met my first gay iends through social media.

We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another. Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn.

At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship.

HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND

If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another. If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another.

In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys.

Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person. We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships. Jt like straight people, gay people n be fashnable or cluels, sporty or un-athletic, sassy or straight-laced, supportive or distant, iendly or gff, and any other mix of personaly tras.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

Even if you believe you mt have that flamboyant gay man to be your GBF, nsir first the person si––what you are lookg for is a te iend, not a rative accsory. There are a few webs that list specialized LGBTQ meet-ups, but hontly, simply Google your hobby, cy, and the word "gay" and see what up. For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to.

If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women.

Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge. Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny. The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND

Say somethg like, "You know you're stuck wh me as a iend no matter what, but I jt have to ask bee I don't want to make assumptns and e to the wrong nclns: are you gay? Article SummaryXTo tell if your guy iend is gay, notice whether he refers to other guys as attractive, which uld be a sign that he’s gay.

I believed “sex toys” for gay men stopped at dildos and prostate stimulators, and I did not nsir them legimate sex play all on their own.

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

[RELATED: "30 Kky Terms Every Gay Man Needs to Know"]In the years sce, I have learned that there are many gay sex toys out there beyond anal toys, although the are certaly the majory, and anal toys toys are more than substutns for penis. You uld sur the Inter or make expensive pilgrimag to your neart big cy to vis a sexual retailer tered exclively to gay men — nearly every big cy has one — or you uld start wh this list of 39 sex toys you have to try, some of which are for begners and others for seasoned adventurists. For example, you might jo an LGBT service group that plants tre, distribut food or suppli to the homels, or rais awarens for gay rights.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

" If you want to talk about your iend to a parent or guardian, try askg "Would you be okay wh me mentng that you're gay to my parents if me up, or would you prefer that I keep quiet? Article SummaryXIt might e as a b of a shock to fd out your bt iend is gay, but by supportg them and givg yourself time to get ed to , your iendship n be jt like was.

It probably took a lot of urage for your iend to e out as gay, so tell them that you accept them for who they are to be a good iend. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur.

I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG

Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors. This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them. For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved. ) To be ank, havg a gay iend group is as important to queer life as iced ffee ’s a sad but te fact that growg up gay n be an isolatg experience.

) On top of that, take to acunt the hurdl of gay culture: beg the closet, g out, homophobia, ternalized homophobia, and velopg ep, unrequed csh on straight acquatanc om high school you barely spoke to, cludg that guy who was two years olr than you wh the dirty brown hair and always wore tank tops durg the summer and uld have moled and now is probably married wh three kids and I’m pretty sure his name was Ian. Somewhere along this super gay marathon (and I’m reag om sertg a pole metaphor here, send ngratulatns at your nvenience), you slowly accumulate some like-md iends beyond the people you’re hookg up wh or datg, and beg to realize there are ed others who have wad through the same torrent of emotns and experienc you’ve enuntered. Prevly feelg like the sole gay the universe, like Sigourney Weaver walkg the halls of Nostromo at the end of Alien soaked sweat, you’ve fally found other telligent queer life.

BT GAY DATG APPS FOR HOOKUPS, RELATNSHIPS, AND EVERYTHG BETWEEN

)Wh gay iends, you sudnly have others to miserate wh about eper tails that no straight iend, while passnate, uld ever be properly equipped to unrstand. ), your gay iends are there to get dnk wh on a Saturday night, followed by group msagg each other on Sunday morng that GIF of Kim Kardashian slidg unr bedvers. A member of your gay iend group will also happily be there to take a picture of you for your Instagram, and will be jt as happy to take the same picture 30 more tim wh only slightly different angl bee turns out ’s you who’s the importance of cultivatg gay iendships went over my head durg my personal evolutn, as I ially unrstood my own sexualy as much as I unrstood 11th gra math.

And like tryg to figure out the Pythagorean Theorem g a toaster oven stead of a lculator, navigatg my own queerns early on whout gay iends was a mostly futile effort. Asi om beg patient Instagram picture-takers and knowg where the bt parti are, gay iends provid a major key to further unlockg my ner-most tth and the legacy behd .

Though me n make more than, please lift those watered-down vodka sodas wh those brown, brown, wiltg lim higher to the air and make a toast to the gay iends your life. McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti.

WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS

Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men. A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight.

THE TOP LGBTQ+ DATG S AND APPS: 14 BT GAY DATG S

In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men. McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend.

Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage.

WHY ARE MOST OF MY GAY FRIENDS SGLE?

McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends. The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn.

Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men. McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend.

GAY IEND

But tim are changg quickly, and McKie’s rearch unrsr the special bond that n velop between gay and straight iends to the benef of both. On top of the classic awkward Hge date anecdot and screenshots of a rny b seepg wh sendhand embarrassment, gay sgl al wh all sorts of alienatg teractns.

Upl to nnect — pecially for gay upl, of which 28 percent met their current partner onle (vers 11 percent of straight upl) the Pew survey also dredged up those ugly experienc wh harassment. Their perfectly-tailored environments are so well-known the gay muny that they're sentially a league of their Grdr the only optn for gay datg apps? And at the end of the day, sometim gog for a popular datg app n be your bt bet for a gay datg app, sce that's where queer ers actually are.