Ryan O’Callaghan: Why It Matters Ex-NFL Player Came Out as Gay – Rollg Stone

Contents:

• EX-NFL PLAYER RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, WHO IS OPENLY GAY, ON JON GN: 'IT'S NEVER OK' TO E HOMOPHOBIC SLURS
• EX-PATRTS LEMAN RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, WHO ME OUT AS GAY, RELLS ROBERT KRAFT'S SUPPORT
• FORMER NFL PLAYER RYAN O’CALLAGHAN COM OUT AS GAY: WHY IT MATTERS
• GAY O’CALLAGHAN’S WINDFALL
• RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, FORMER NFL LEMAN WHO CAME OUT AS GAY, IS TELLG HIS WHOLE STORY
• FORMER PATRTS AND CHIEFS TACKLE RYAN O’CALLAGHAN OUT AS GAY
• GAY TORMENT MA NFL STAR RYAN O'CALLAGHAN PLAN SUICI
• 'LIFE'S GREAT NOW' FOR RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, THE EX-NFL PLAYER WHO ME OUT AS GAY
• FORMER NFL PLAYER: THERE ARE GAY, BISEXUAL PLAYERS ON EVERY PRO FOOTBALL TEAM
• THE EX-NFL PLAYER PHG FOR LGBTQ ACCEPTANCE AMERI’S TOUGHT SPORTINCLUSIVITYRYAN O’CALLAGHAN ONLY ME OUT AFTER HE’D LEFT PRO FOOTBALL BEHD. NOW HE’S WORKG TO MAKE SURE LGBTQ PLAYERS THE LEAGUE FEEL WELED AND SUPPORTED.ROBERT SILVERMANUPDATED SEP. 17, 2021 6:41PM EDT / PUBLISHED SEP. 13, 2021 3:59AM EDT LEON BENT/GETTY IMAG FOR THE PLAYERS' TRIBUNECARL NASSIB MA HISTORY JUNE, WHEN, A VIO POSTED WHOUT WARNG TO INSTAGRAM, THE LAS VEGAS RAIRS FENSIVE END TOLD THE WORLD A SUAL AND AFFABLE TONE: “I JT WANTED TO TAKE A QUICK MOMENT TO SAY THAT I’M GAY.”THE FIRST ACTIVE NFL PLAYER TO E OUT PUBLICLY, NASSIB STRSED THAT DOG SO WAS IMPORTANT NOT BEE HE WANTED TO ATTRACT ANY ADDNAL ATTENTN TO HIMSELF, BUT RATHER BEE BEG OPENLY, PROUDLY, AND VISIBLY GAY ULD BENEF OTHERS.“I ACTUALLY HOPE THAT ONE DAY, VIOS LIKE THIS AND THE WHOLE G OUT PROCS ARE NOT NECSARY,” HE SAID. “BUT UNTIL THEN I WILL DO MY BT.”IN A WAY, HE’S ALREADY SUCCEED. NASSIB SPENT THIS SUMMER GOG THROUGH THE RIGORS OF TRAG MP. THE RAIRS’ FIRST REGULAR SEASON GAME IS ON MONDAY NIGHT AND NASSIB MA THE FAL ROSTER. THAT REPRENTS THE SUM TOTAL OF NEWSWORTHY EVENTS ABOUT HIM. NOT TO TAKE ANYTHG AWAY OM THE TONE, BUT THE LACK OF A MEDIA FEEDG ENZY MAY BE THE BT POSSIBLE NEWS OF ALL, ACRDG TO RYAN O’CALLAGHAN, A FORMER OFFENSIVE LEMAN WHO ME OUT 2017, LONG AFTER HE’D RETIRED. THE NORMALCY THAT’S FOLLOWED THE WAKE OF NASSIB’S ANNOUNCEMENT IS DITIVE OF PROGRS, HE TOLD THE DAILY BEAST WHEN REACHED BY PHONE AT HIS HOME COLORADO. IT WAS A MERE SEVEN YEARS AGO WHEN MICHAEL SAM ME OUT PRR TO THE NFL DRAFT. FOR MONTHS AFTERWARD, SAM WAS PLACED SQUARELY AT THE CENTER OF THE CULTURE WAR. EXECS AND ACH ANONYMOLY WHISPERED THAT SAM’S SEXUALY WOULD E HIS DRAFT STOCK TO PLUMMET. A CLIP OF SAM KISSG HIS BOYIEND ON ESPN AFTER THE THEN-ST. LOUIS RAMS LLED HIS NAME WAS SEEN AS SOME KD OF TERRIBLE AFONT TO RIGHT-WGERS AND BY SAM’S ACUNT, BIGOTRY ULTIMATELY KEPT HIM OM A PRO REER.THE CHANGE N’T BE PEGGED TO ONE E, O’CALLAGHAN EXPLAED. LARGELY, ’S A QUTN OF SOCIETAL CHANG. OVERALL, HE BELIEV THE LEAGUE DID A MUCH BETTER JOB WHEN NASSIB ME OUT. (BOTH THE RAIRS AND COMMISSNER ROGER GOOLL OFFERED PUBLIC SUPPORT; NSERVATIVE MEDIA HAS LARGELY AVOID THE SUBJECT.) A (MOSTLY) SILENT, UNQUANTIFIABLE MORY MAY STILL NTUE TO VENT THEIR SPLEENS, BUT, “THE OVERWHELMG RPONSE HAS BEEN ACCEPTANCE,” HE SAID. “IT MA A BIG DIFFERENCE.”THE FEAR OF HOW PEOPLE, BOTH THE NFL AND BEYOND, MIGHT RPOND IS WHY O’CALLAGHAN KEPT HIS SEXUALY A SECRET FOR SO LONG. WHEN HIS NFL REER END, O’CALLAGHAN ABED PRCRIPTN PAKILLERS TO AVOID ALG WH WHO HE REALLY WAS. THOUGHTS OF SUICI, WHICH HE’D HARBORED THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE, RETURNED.“I ONLY PLAYED FOOTBALL AS A VER FOR BEG GAY,” O’CALLAGHAN, WHO IS NOW REVERY AND STARTED A FOUNDATN DITED TO SUPPORTG LGBTQ ATHLET, SAID. GROWG UP READG, CALIFORNIA, A NSERVATIVE ENCLAVE THE STATE, ONCE HE’D REACHED A CERTA SIZE PROMPTED QUTNS ABOUT WHY HE WASN’T ON THE GRIDIRON. (HAVG A FATHER WHO ACHED PHED HIM THAT DIRECTN AS WELL.)SO HE SLAPPED ON A SET OF PADS AND HELMET. “I NEVER LOVED FOOTBALL,” SAID O’CALLAGHAN. “IT WAS THE MOST MACHO THG I N DO, RELYG ON EVERYONE'S IGNORANCE THKG THAT A GAY GUY ULDN’T PLAY FOOTBALL.” THERE WERE MOMENTS HIGH SCHOOL WHERE HE’D HEAR STANDARD HOMOPHOBIC MENTS—“DUMB SH,” WAS HOW O’CALLAGHAN PUT . IN RPONSE HE’D ACT LIKE “AN ASSHOLE OR A BULLY,” HE TOLD THE ADVOTE. AFTER ALL, LORDG OVER HIS CLASSMAT AND BEG FEARED WAS PREFERABLE TO ANYONE THKG HE WASN’T STRAIGHT.WHEN O’CALLAGHAN ARRIVED AT THE UNIVERSY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY, THE ANTI-GAY SLURS FAD TO A GREE. RARELY DID HE HEAR ANYONE GOG ON A TLY IMPASSNED ANTI-GAY TIRA. ONE ACH THE NFL WOULD DROP THE GROAN-DUCG “NO HOMO” LE. (O’CALLAGHAN CLED TO NAME HIM.)STILL, “WHEN YOU HEAR ONE OF YOUR TEAMMMAT AND IENDS LL SOMEONE A FA--OT, YOU REMEMBER THAT,” HE SAID. IT WAS THE HETERONORMATIVE ASSUMPTNS WHICH PUT O’CALLAGHAN A DIFFICULT PLACE—THE REGULAR NVERSATNS ABOUT PARTNERS AND “SEXUAL NQUTS,” HE SAID. AS A MATTER OF URSE, “IT’S A NVERSATN YOU N’T RELATE TO." THOUGH HE’S AWARE—AND WAS AT THE TIME—THAT NO ONE THE LOCKER ROOM TEND ANY HARM, VARIABLY LEFT HIM FEELG LIKE AN OUTSIR. ONE WAY TO PE WAS BY LYG. “AS SOON AS I LEARNED THAT WAS OKAY TO BE GAY, AND THEN LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF, MA QUTG EASIER.” “YOU FEEL THIS PRSURE TO SAY THE RIGHT THG,” SAID O’CALLAGHAN. IT WAS AN ALL-NSUMG PREOCCUPATN: THE IA THAT IF HE LET HIS GUARD DROP FOR A MOMENT, OR SAID SOMETHG SLIGHTLY OFF, HIS SECRET WOULD BE REVEALED. AFTER HE ME OUT, NONE OF HIS FORMER TEAMMAT EVER ASKED O’CALLAGHAN TO APOLOGIZE FOR CEIVG THEM. “THEY WERE MORE WORRIED THAT THEY HAD EVER SAID ANYTHG THAT AFFECTED ME WHEN I WAS CLOSETED,” HE SAID.THE NEAR-NSTANT VIGILANCE HE MAND OF HIMSELF AND THE PERFORMANCE HE FELT REQUIRED TO PUT ON WAS NOT JT STRSFUL, BUT DOWNRIGHT EXHSTG AND BILATG.AFTER A STANDOUT REER AT CAL, THE NOW 6-FOOT-7, 340-PL-POUNR WAS SELECTED THE FIFTH ROUND BY THE NEW ENGLAND PATRTS. HE WORKED HIMSELF RAGGED TO MAKE AS A BACKUP ON THE SQUAD THAT LOST TO THE NEW YORK GIANTS SUPER BOWL XLII. IN A WAY, HIS SIRE TO REMA CLOSETED AND THE PATRTS’ ETHOS WERE MUTUALLY PATIBLE. "ALL YOU ARE THERE TO DO IS WHATEVER TAK TO W," HE TOLD OUTSPORTS. “DISTRACTNS WERE NOT ALLOWED… AS LTLE FORT AS DID BRG, DID HELP.”THE KANSAS CY CHIEFS SIGNED HIM 2009, AFTER MISSG A YEAR DUE TO JURY. O’CALLAGHAN LASTED ANOTHER TWO SEASONS BEFORE BEG RELEASED. IT WAS THEN THAT HE BEGAN ABG PAKILLERS. INIALLY, HE WAS GTG THEM TO AL WH THE LGERG SYMPTOMS OF MULTIPLE JURI AND SURGERI. EVENTUALLY, THEY SERVED TO NUMB A DIFFERENT KD OF PA, CLUDG THOUGHTS OF SUICI.“THEY GIVE YOU THIS PHORIC FEELG THAT MAK YOU NOT FEEL LIKE YOURSELF,” O’CALLAGHAN SAID. “AND WHEN YOU HATE YOURSELF—LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS CLOSETED—YOU’LL DO ANYTHG NOT TO FEEL LIKE YOURSELF.”O’CALLAGHAN BEGAN BURNG THROUGH THE SH EARNED DURG HIS REER, TOO, AND PHG AWAY ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO PULL HIM OUT OF THIS SPIRAL, ALL TO ARRIVE AT ROCK BOTTOM. IT WAS, A SENSE, A WAY TO JTIFY TAKG HIS OWN LIFE. O’CALLAGHAN WAS WORKG AT THE CHIEFS’ FACILY THE SNT HOPE OF MAKG BACK TO PRO FOOTBALL. THERE, HE BEGAN SPEAKG WH A TEAM TRAER AND UNSELOR, WHO WERE ABLE TO PULL HIM BACK OM THE BRK, AS OUTSPORTS DOCUMENTED.“PEOPLE ASK ME, HOW’D YOU DO ? HOW’D YOU GET OVER ?” SAID O’CALLAGHAN. HE NEVER SPENT TIME ANY REHABILATN FACILI TO AL WH HIS SUBSTANCE ABE PROBLEM. INSTEAD, “WHAT WORKED FOR ME WAS FIXG THE UNRLYG PROBLEM OF WHY I WAS ABG THE FIRST PLACE.”O’CALLAGHAN NTUED: “AS SOON AS I LEARNED THAT WAS OKAY TO BE GAY, AND THEN LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF, MA QUTG EASIER.” NOT EASY BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGATN, HE STRSED, BUT DOABLE.SO BEGAN THE UT PROCS OF G OUT. FIRST TO FAY MEMBERS AND IENDS, THEN FORMER TEAMMAT AND PROFSNAL LLEAGU, BUILDG OUT A SUPPORT WORK AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY REBUILDG HIS LIFE. FROM THERE, HIS FOC SHIFTED TO HELPG OTHERS DO THE SAME. HE TABLISHED THE RYAN O’CALLAGHAN FOUNDATN 2018. AT FIRST, THE ANIZATN’S GOAL WAS TO HELP PAY FOR LGBTQ ATHLET TO ATTEND LLEGE WHOSE FAI CLED TO SUPPORT THEM AFTER G OUT. UNFORTUNATELY, HE EXPLAED, THE NCAA L AND REGULATNS PROVED TOO MUCH OF AN OBSTACLE. WHAT HE HADN’T ANTICIPATED WAS THE NUMBER OF CLOSETED ATHLET WHO JT WANTED TO MEET AND TALK, IF ONLY TO HAVE ONE PERSON THEIR LIV WHO THEY KNOW WILL GUARD THEIR SECRET UNTIL THEY’RE READY. TODAY, THE BULK OF THE FOUNDATN’S WORK IS VOTED TO THE OUTREACH EFFORTS, CLUDG SPEAKG TO GROUPS AT SCHOOLS AND RPORATNS—ANYONE WHO’LL GIVE HIM AN DIENCE. “MY GOAL IS TO REACH AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE,” O’CALLAGHAN SAID.O’CALLAGHAN HAS PARTNERED DIRECTLY WH THE NFL TOO, ON PSAS AND OTHER EVENTS. DPE HIS PRAISE FOR HOW THEY SUPPORTED NASSIB, THE LEAGUE HAS MTED “TO DO MORE,” AS O’CALLAGHAN PUT . AND THE QUTN OF WHAT THAT MORE MIGHT EXACTLY ENTAIL REMAS A B VAGUE. HE HAS PRSED THIS SE TO GOOLL, WHO HE BELIEV TO BE AN ALLY, BUT DONATNS TO NONPROFS LIKE GLAAD AND THE TREVOR PROJECT NSUMED MUCH OF THE BUDGET FOR THE YEAR. NOT TO TAKE ANYTHG AWAY OM THE GREAT WORK BOTH ANIZATNS DO, BUT “THAT DON’T REALLY HELP GUYS THE LOCKER ROOM,” SAID O'CALLAGHAN.IALLY, HE’D BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO MEET THE G ROOKI DURG THE LEAGUE’S ANNUAL TRANSN PROGRAM FOR G PLAYERS. (O’CALLAGHAN MENTNED THAT ESARA TUOLO, ANOTHER OUT FORMER NFL PLAYER HAD GIVEN THIS KD OF TALK DURG HIS ROOKIE YEAR. PANELS DITED TO SEXUAL ORIENTATN HAVE BEEN HELD, IF TERMTENTLY.) “JT GIVE ME 20 MUT,” HE SAID, TO HOLD “A VERY ANK, HONT NVERSATN. THAT’S ONE WAY OF REACHG EVERYONE.”HE’S UNSELED TRANS ATHLET TOO. OF LATE, THE RIGHT’S ANTI-LGBTQ SENTIMENTS HAVE BEEN REDIRECTED TO LEGISLATN AIMED NOT JT AT BLOCKG TRANSGENR ATHLET OM PARTICIPATG SPORTS, BUT OVERALL, RTRICTG ACCS TO GENR-AFFIRMG MEDIL RE.O’CALLAGHAN SCRIBED WORKG WH A JUNR HIGH SCHOOL STUNT WHO HAD SURVIVED A SUICI ATTEMPT. THEIR PARENTS (THE STUNT THEY/THEM PRONOUNS) HAD REACHED OUT TO HIM, AND OVER A THREE- TO FOUR-MONTH PERD, THEIR SUATN SLOWLY IMPROVED TO THE POT THEY WERE READY TO E OUT. DPE LIVG A SMALL, NSERVATIVE TOWN, THEY’VE FULLY TRANSNED.OF ALL THE PEOPLE HE’S HEARD OM, ONE OF THE FIRST EMAILS HE RECEIVED STANDS OUT. A FATHER WHOSE CHILD HAD RECENTLY E OUT WROTE O’CALLAGHAN. IN HIS EMAIL, THE FATHER NFSED THAT HE FOUND THIS ACT SO OBJECTNABLE, “HE BASILLY DISOWNED THEM,” HE SAID. UPON HEARG O’CALLAGHAN’S STORY, THE FATHER HAD A CHANGE OF HEART—SO MUCH SO, HE WAS SPIRED TO TRY AND RENNECT WH HIS CHILD. O’CALLAGHAN DIDN’T HEAR OM THE FATHER AGA. WHETHER THEY WERE ABLE TO RENCILE, HE DON’T KNOW.BUT THE THOUGHT—THE HOPE—HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HELP THIS ONE FAY RENCILE, JT BY BEG PUBLICLY HONT WH WHO HE WAS, MEANT EVERYTHG.”THAT ALONE MA G OUT WORTH ,” HE SAID.IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE ARE STGGLG WH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, PLEASE REACH OUT TO THE NATNAL SUICI PREVENTN LIFELE AT 1-800-273-TALK (8255), OR NTACT THE CRISIS TEXT LE BY TEXTG TALK TO 741741. ROBERT SILVERMAN
• HOW RYAN O'CALLAGHAN'S STORY OF BEG GAY THE NFL IS HELPG TO SMASH STEREOTYP
• EX-NFL PLAYER RYAN O’CALLAGHAN NEARLY KILLED HIMSELF STEAD OF G OUT AS GAY

EX-NFL PLAYER RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, WHO IS OPENLY GAY, ON JON GN: 'IT'S NEVER OK' TO E HOMOPHOBIC SLURS

Former NFL offensive leman Ryan O'Callaghan nmned the homophobic language ed by former Las Vegas Rairs ach Jon Gn and said he believ was right for him to step down due to the emotnal harm ed. But O'Callaghan, who me out as gay 2017 after a six-year reer wh the Kansas Cy Chiefs and New England Patrts, said he's wag to pass judgment until he hears more om Gn, bee tim have changed over the last when to LGBTQ cln the sports world.

"It don't matter when he said the f-word or ed (homophobic) slurs, 's never OK, " O'Callaghan told USA TODAY Sports.

EX-PATRTS LEMAN RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, WHO ME OUT AS GAY, RELLS ROBERT KRAFT'S SUPPORT

" Gn rigned late Monday night as head ach of the Rairs amid reports that he repeatedly ed homophobic and misogynistic language a seri of emails over a perd of seven years – between 2011 and 2018. " Acrdg to the emails, first unveiled by The New York Tim, Gn ed a homophobic slur to scribe NFL missner Roger Gooll, nigrated the then-St.

Louis Rams' cisn to draft Michael Sam, who is openly gay, and mocked transgenr woman Calyn Jenner, among other racist and sexists Gettg rid of Jon Gn was easy.

FORMER NFL PLAYER RYAN O’CALLAGHAN COM OUT AS GAY: WHY IT MATTERS

"One of Gn's players Las Vegas, fensive leman Carl Nassib, me out as gay earlier this year as the only publicly out player the league.

"In my experience, all tak is knowg one gay person to change how you feel about the matter bee then the issue is humanized. But 's a clearexample of the fears and homophobic culture that n exist sports om top-level people who have power and are charge.

"Gn is an olr guy, and a lot of homophobia is generatnal – 's g om people's parents' imprsns, " O'Callaghan said. But the more homophobia is happeng behd closed doors, then the fear for someone to e out is gog to stay.

GAY O’CALLAGHAN’S WINDFALL

“Even as the first out gay player is petg on the Rairs and receivg wispread support om fans and teammat, acuntabily is necsary to ensure that all athlet n pete whout discrimatn and harassment, " Ferraro said. Former NFL player Ryan O'Callaghan said New England Patrts owner Robert Kraft supported him when he publicly me out as gay two years ago and told him he will be "forever a Patrt.

For (Kraft), who opens up to me about a gay iend, I am the most important person the world those few moments. He didn’t f the gay stereotyp, but O’Callaghan had spent a lot of time cultivatg a self-acceptg inty that he spent so much time tryg to pe. “I waed so long, bee I don’t thk you go, my se, 29 years, not planng on livg, not acceptg livg as a gay man.

For Cyd Zeigler, the story’s thor and an expert on sexualy sports, there’s a slow yet ntuo trend of more acceptance of homosexualy the athletic world. He wouldn’t speculate on why gay athlet so rarely e out, bee he didn’t thk he uld speak broadly when each answer is so dividualized.

RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, FORMER NFL LEMAN WHO CAME OUT AS GAY, IS TELLG HIS WHOLE STORY

He opened one email om a man who said he’d stopped talkg to his son bee he was gay, and that O’Callaghan’s story ma him want to re-tablish that relatnship. IT LOOKS like big ngratulatns are orr for former banker Gay O’Callaghan, whose Morristown Latt Bloodstock operatn looks to have ted nearly €8m thanks to the purchase of a leg of a horse by one Sheikh Mohammed al Maktoum.

He h rock bottom and even went so far as to wre a suici a well-tentned observer stepped and helped turn thgs around, which led O’Callaghan to grow even more fortable his sk before eventually g out as gay  a June 2017 article Outsports article wrten by Cyd years and change later, O’Callaghan and Ziegler have bed to tell the full story a book lled My Life on the Le: How the NFL Damn Near Killed Me and End Up Savg My Life, which will be released on September 3rd.

FORMER PATRTS AND CHIEFS TACKLE RYAN O’CALLAGHAN OUT AS GAY

ROC: Yeah, I thk ’s for the — not necsarily athlete — but closeted kid and straight people who don’t really unrstand beg gay. Sce I’ve me out I’ll say the support has been fantastic and How receptive is football right now to a gay player the locker room? I’ve had chats wh the higher-ups the NFL and they’re aware that there are gay players and they want to do what they n to help the next player.

I’ve also chatted wh people at the llege level and had discsns about if they’ve had a gay teammate and their ncerns about the locker room. A lot of has to do wh the masculy and I’m sure that other people playg sports chose that sport siar to what I did, as a ver for beg gay.

GAY TORMENT MA NFL STAR RYAN O'CALLAGHAN PLAN SUICI

You n pick up Ryan O’Callaghan’s tobgraphy, My Life On The Le, which he talks about beg gay the NFL and his llisn urse wh suici, on Amazon by clickg here. From a ep red rner of a blue state, the nflicted young man had cid high school that he would never — uld never — live as a gay man.

While the 6-foot-7, 330-pound offensive tackle didn’t f any of the gay stereotyp, he cid shortly after g out to himself junr high school that he uld never let anyone else on his darkt secret. Every utterance of a gay slur or a joke about gay men — and he heard them plenty when he was young — was like a knife to the gut.

'LIFE'S GREAT NOW' FOR RYAN O'CALLAGHAN, THE EX-NFL PLAYER WHO ME OUT AS GAY

"If you’re a gay kid and you hear someone you love say ‘fag, ’ mak you thk that their ey you’re jt a fag too, " O’Callaghan told Outsports on a recent vis to Los Angel for his first-ever Pri celebratn.

FORMER NFL PLAYER: THERE ARE GAY, BISEXUAL PLAYERS ON EVERY PRO FOOTBALL TEAM

Growg up a nservative area light years away om nearby San Francis, his own views of gay people had been shaped by those off-lor ments and the rare image on televisn showg a gay man he uldn’t relate to. At his size, few people would spect he was gay, and if he was a football player on top of that, he felt his secret would be buried. By his sophomore year he unrstood the playbook and was elicg attentn om opposg JV fensive-le ach across Shasta County.

THE EX-NFL PLAYER PHG FOR LGBTQ ACCEPTANCE AMERI’S TOUGHT SPORTINCLUSIVITYRYAN O’CALLAGHAN ONLY ME OUT AFTER HE’D LEFT PRO FOOTBALL BEHD. NOW HE’S WORKG TO MAKE SURE LGBTQ PLAYERS THE LEAGUE FEEL WELED AND SUPPORTED.ROBERT SILVERMANUPDATED SEP. 17, 2021 6:41PM EDT / PUBLISHED SEP. 13, 2021 3:59AM EDT LEON BENT/GETTY IMAG FOR THE PLAYERS' TRIBUNECARL NASSIB MA HISTORY JUNE, WHEN, A VIO POSTED WHOUT WARNG TO INSTAGRAM, THE LAS VEGAS RAIRS FENSIVE END TOLD THE WORLD A SUAL AND AFFABLE TONE: “I JT WANTED TO TAKE A QUICK MOMENT TO SAY THAT I’M GAY.”THE FIRST ACTIVE NFL PLAYER TO E OUT PUBLICLY, NASSIB STRSED THAT DOG SO WAS IMPORTANT NOT BEE HE WANTED TO ATTRACT ANY ADDNAL ATTENTN TO HIMSELF, BUT RATHER BEE BEG OPENLY, PROUDLY, AND VISIBLY GAY ULD BENEF OTHERS.“I ACTUALLY HOPE THAT ONE DAY, VIOS LIKE THIS AND THE WHOLE G OUT PROCS ARE NOT NECSARY,” HE SAID. “BUT UNTIL THEN I WILL DO MY BT.”IN A WAY, HE’S ALREADY SUCCEED. NASSIB SPENT THIS SUMMER GOG THROUGH THE RIGORS OF TRAG MP. THE RAIRS’ FIRST REGULAR SEASON GAME IS ON MONDAY NIGHT AND NASSIB MA THE FAL ROSTER. THAT REPRENTS THE SUM TOTAL OF NEWSWORTHY EVENTS ABOUT HIM. NOT TO TAKE ANYTHG AWAY OM THE TONE, BUT THE LACK OF A MEDIA FEEDG ENZY MAY BE THE BT POSSIBLE NEWS OF ALL, ACRDG TO RYAN O’CALLAGHAN, A FORMER OFFENSIVE LEMAN WHO ME OUT 2017, LONG AFTER HE’D RETIRED. THE NORMALCY THAT’S FOLLOWED THE WAKE OF NASSIB’S ANNOUNCEMENT IS DITIVE OF PROGRS, HE TOLD THE DAILY BEAST WHEN REACHED BY PHONE AT HIS HOME COLORADO. IT WAS A MERE SEVEN YEARS AGO WHEN MICHAEL SAM ME OUT PRR TO THE NFL DRAFT. FOR MONTHS AFTERWARD, SAM WAS PLACED SQUARELY AT THE CENTER OF THE CULTURE WAR. EXECS AND ACH ANONYMOLY WHISPERED THAT SAM’S SEXUALY WOULD E HIS DRAFT STOCK TO PLUMMET. A CLIP OF SAM KISSG HIS BOYIEND ON ESPN AFTER THE THEN-ST. LOUIS RAMS LLED HIS NAME WAS SEEN AS SOME KD OF TERRIBLE AFONT TO RIGHT-WGERS AND BY SAM’S ACUNT, BIGOTRY ULTIMATELY KEPT HIM OM A PRO REER.THE CHANGE N’T BE PEGGED TO ONE E, O’CALLAGHAN EXPLAED. LARGELY, ’S A QUTN OF SOCIETAL CHANG. OVERALL, HE BELIEV THE LEAGUE DID A MUCH BETTER JOB WHEN NASSIB ME OUT. (BOTH THE RAIRS AND COMMISSNER ROGER GOOLL OFFERED PUBLIC SUPPORT; NSERVATIVE MEDIA HAS LARGELY AVOID THE SUBJECT.) A (MOSTLY) SILENT, UNQUANTIFIABLE MORY MAY STILL NTUE TO VENT THEIR SPLEENS, BUT, “THE OVERWHELMG RPONSE HAS BEEN ACCEPTANCE,” HE SAID. “IT MA A BIG DIFFERENCE.”THE FEAR OF HOW PEOPLE, BOTH THE NFL AND BEYOND, MIGHT RPOND IS WHY O’CALLAGHAN KEPT HIS SEXUALY A SECRET FOR SO LONG. WHEN HIS NFL REER END, O’CALLAGHAN ABED PRCRIPTN PAKILLERS TO AVOID ALG WH WHO HE REALLY WAS. THOUGHTS OF SUICI, WHICH HE’D HARBORED THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE, RETURNED.“I ONLY PLAYED FOOTBALL AS A VER FOR BEG GAY,” O’CALLAGHAN, WHO IS NOW REVERY AND STARTED A FOUNDATN DITED TO SUPPORTG LGBTQ ATHLET, SAID. GROWG UP READG, CALIFORNIA, A NSERVATIVE ENCLAVE THE STATE, ONCE HE’D REACHED A CERTA SIZE PROMPTED QUTNS ABOUT WHY HE WASN’T ON THE GRIDIRON. (HAVG A FATHER WHO ACHED PHED HIM THAT DIRECTN AS WELL.)SO HE SLAPPED ON A SET OF PADS AND HELMET. “I NEVER LOVED FOOTBALL,” SAID O’CALLAGHAN. “IT WAS THE MOST MACHO THG I N DO, RELYG ON EVERYONE'S IGNORANCE THKG THAT A GAY GUY ULDN’T PLAY FOOTBALL.” THERE WERE MOMENTS HIGH SCHOOL WHERE HE’D HEAR STANDARD HOMOPHOBIC MENTS—“DUMB SH,” WAS HOW O’CALLAGHAN PUT . IN RPONSE HE’D ACT LIKE “AN ASSHOLE OR A BULLY,” HE TOLD THE ADVOTE. AFTER ALL, LORDG OVER HIS CLASSMAT AND BEG FEARED WAS PREFERABLE TO ANYONE THKG HE WASN’T STRAIGHT.WHEN O’CALLAGHAN ARRIVED AT THE UNIVERSY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY, THE ANTI-GAY SLURS FAD TO A GREE. RARELY DID HE HEAR ANYONE GOG ON A TLY IMPASSNED ANTI-GAY TIRA. ONE ACH THE NFL WOULD DROP THE GROAN-DUCG “NO HOMO” LE. (O’CALLAGHAN CLED TO NAME HIM.)STILL, “WHEN YOU HEAR ONE OF YOUR TEAMMMAT AND IENDS LL SOMEONE A FA--OT, YOU REMEMBER THAT,” HE SAID. IT WAS THE HETERONORMATIVE ASSUMPTNS WHICH PUT O’CALLAGHAN A DIFFICULT PLACE—THE REGULAR NVERSATNS ABOUT PARTNERS AND “SEXUAL NQUTS,” HE SAID. AS A MATTER OF URSE, “IT’S A NVERSATN YOU N’T RELATE TO." THOUGH HE’S AWARE—AND WAS AT THE TIME—THAT NO ONE THE LOCKER ROOM TEND ANY HARM, VARIABLY LEFT HIM FEELG LIKE AN OUTSIR. ONE WAY TO PE WAS BY LYG. “AS SOON AS I LEARNED THAT WAS OKAY TO BE GAY, AND THEN LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF, MA QUTG EASIER.” “YOU FEEL THIS PRSURE TO SAY THE RIGHT THG,” SAID O’CALLAGHAN. IT WAS AN ALL-NSUMG PREOCCUPATN: THE IA THAT IF HE LET HIS GUARD DROP FOR A MOMENT, OR SAID SOMETHG SLIGHTLY OFF, HIS SECRET WOULD BE REVEALED. AFTER HE ME OUT, NONE OF HIS FORMER TEAMMAT EVER ASKED O’CALLAGHAN TO APOLOGIZE FOR CEIVG THEM. “THEY WERE MORE WORRIED THAT THEY HAD EVER SAID ANYTHG THAT AFFECTED ME WHEN I WAS CLOSETED,” HE SAID.THE NEAR-NSTANT VIGILANCE HE MAND OF HIMSELF AND THE PERFORMANCE HE FELT REQUIRED TO PUT ON WAS NOT JT STRSFUL, BUT DOWNRIGHT EXHSTG AND BILATG.AFTER A STANDOUT REER AT CAL, THE NOW 6-FOOT-7, 340-PL-POUNR WAS SELECTED THE FIFTH ROUND BY THE NEW ENGLAND PATRTS. HE WORKED HIMSELF RAGGED TO MAKE AS A BACKUP ON THE SQUAD THAT LOST TO THE NEW YORK GIANTS SUPER BOWL XLII. IN A WAY, HIS SIRE TO REMA CLOSETED AND THE PATRTS’ ETHOS WERE MUTUALLY PATIBLE. "ALL YOU ARE THERE TO DO IS WHATEVER TAK TO W," HE TOLD OUTSPORTS. “DISTRACTNS WERE NOT ALLOWED… AS LTLE FORT AS DID BRG, DID HELP.”THE KANSAS CY CHIEFS SIGNED HIM 2009, AFTER MISSG A YEAR DUE TO JURY. O’CALLAGHAN LASTED ANOTHER TWO SEASONS BEFORE BEG RELEASED. IT WAS THEN THAT HE BEGAN ABG PAKILLERS. INIALLY, HE WAS GTG THEM TO AL WH THE LGERG SYMPTOMS OF MULTIPLE JURI AND SURGERI. EVENTUALLY, THEY SERVED TO NUMB A DIFFERENT KD OF PA, CLUDG THOUGHTS OF SUICI.“THEY GIVE YOU THIS PHORIC FEELG THAT MAK YOU NOT FEEL LIKE YOURSELF,” O’CALLAGHAN SAID. “AND WHEN YOU HATE YOURSELF—LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS CLOSETED—YOU’LL DO ANYTHG NOT TO FEEL LIKE YOURSELF.”O’CALLAGHAN BEGAN BURNG THROUGH THE SH EARNED DURG HIS REER, TOO, AND PHG AWAY ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO PULL HIM OUT OF THIS SPIRAL, ALL TO ARRIVE AT ROCK BOTTOM. IT WAS, A SENSE, A WAY TO JTIFY TAKG HIS OWN LIFE. O’CALLAGHAN WAS WORKG AT THE CHIEFS’ FACILY THE SNT HOPE OF MAKG BACK TO PRO FOOTBALL. THERE, HE BEGAN SPEAKG WH A TEAM TRAER AND UNSELOR, WHO WERE ABLE TO PULL HIM BACK OM THE BRK, AS OUTSPORTS DOCUMENTED.“PEOPLE ASK ME, HOW’D YOU DO ? HOW’D YOU GET OVER ?” SAID O’CALLAGHAN. HE NEVER SPENT TIME ANY REHABILATN FACILI TO AL WH HIS SUBSTANCE ABE PROBLEM. INSTEAD, “WHAT WORKED FOR ME WAS FIXG THE UNRLYG PROBLEM OF WHY I WAS ABG THE FIRST PLACE.”O’CALLAGHAN NTUED: “AS SOON AS I LEARNED THAT WAS OKAY TO BE GAY, AND THEN LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF, MA QUTG EASIER.” NOT EASY BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGATN, HE STRSED, BUT DOABLE.SO BEGAN THE UT PROCS OF G OUT. FIRST TO FAY MEMBERS AND IENDS, THEN FORMER TEAMMAT AND PROFSNAL LLEAGU, BUILDG OUT A SUPPORT WORK AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY REBUILDG HIS LIFE. FROM THERE, HIS FOC SHIFTED TO HELPG OTHERS DO THE SAME. HE TABLISHED THE RYAN O’CALLAGHAN FOUNDATN 2018. AT FIRST, THE ANIZATN’S GOAL WAS TO HELP PAY FOR LGBTQ ATHLET TO ATTEND LLEGE WHOSE FAI CLED TO SUPPORT THEM AFTER G OUT. UNFORTUNATELY, HE EXPLAED, THE NCAA L AND REGULATNS PROVED TOO MUCH OF AN OBSTACLE. WHAT HE HADN’T ANTICIPATED WAS THE NUMBER OF CLOSETED ATHLET WHO JT WANTED TO MEET AND TALK, IF ONLY TO HAVE ONE PERSON THEIR LIV WHO THEY KNOW WILL GUARD THEIR SECRET UNTIL THEY’RE READY. TODAY, THE BULK OF THE FOUNDATN’S WORK IS VOTED TO THE OUTREACH EFFORTS, CLUDG SPEAKG TO GROUPS AT SCHOOLS AND RPORATNS—ANYONE WHO’LL GIVE HIM AN DIENCE. “MY GOAL IS TO REACH AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE,” O’CALLAGHAN SAID.O’CALLAGHAN HAS PARTNERED DIRECTLY WH THE NFL TOO, ON PSAS AND OTHER EVENTS. DPE HIS PRAISE FOR HOW THEY SUPPORTED NASSIB, THE LEAGUE HAS MTED “TO DO MORE,” AS O’CALLAGHAN PUT . AND THE QUTN OF WHAT THAT MORE MIGHT EXACTLY ENTAIL REMAS A B VAGUE. HE HAS PRSED THIS SE TO GOOLL, WHO HE BELIEV TO BE AN ALLY, BUT DONATNS TO NONPROFS LIKE GLAAD AND THE TREVOR PROJECT NSUMED MUCH OF THE BUDGET FOR THE YEAR. NOT TO TAKE ANYTHG AWAY OM THE GREAT WORK BOTH ANIZATNS DO, BUT “THAT DON’T REALLY HELP GUYS THE LOCKER ROOM,” SAID O'CALLAGHAN.IALLY, HE’D BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO MEET THE G ROOKI DURG THE LEAGUE’S ANNUAL TRANSN PROGRAM FOR G PLAYERS. (O’CALLAGHAN MENTNED THAT ESARA TUOLO, ANOTHER OUT FORMER NFL PLAYER HAD GIVEN THIS KD OF TALK DURG HIS ROOKIE YEAR. PANELS DITED TO SEXUAL ORIENTATN HAVE BEEN HELD, IF TERMTENTLY.) “JT GIVE ME 20 MUT,” HE SAID, TO HOLD “A VERY ANK, HONT NVERSATN. THAT’S ONE WAY OF REACHG EVERYONE.”HE’S UNSELED TRANS ATHLET TOO. OF LATE, THE RIGHT’S ANTI-LGBTQ SENTIMENTS HAVE BEEN REDIRECTED TO LEGISLATN AIMED NOT JT AT BLOCKG TRANSGENR ATHLET OM PARTICIPATG SPORTS, BUT OVERALL, RTRICTG ACCS TO GENR-AFFIRMG MEDIL RE.O’CALLAGHAN SCRIBED WORKG WH A JUNR HIGH SCHOOL STUNT WHO HAD SURVIVED A SUICI ATTEMPT. THEIR PARENTS (THE STUNT THEY/THEM PRONOUNS) HAD REACHED OUT TO HIM, AND OVER A THREE- TO FOUR-MONTH PERD, THEIR SUATN SLOWLY IMPROVED TO THE POT THEY WERE READY TO E OUT. DPE LIVG A SMALL, NSERVATIVE TOWN, THEY’VE FULLY TRANSNED.OF ALL THE PEOPLE HE’S HEARD OM, ONE OF THE FIRST EMAILS HE RECEIVED STANDS OUT. A FATHER WHOSE CHILD HAD RECENTLY E OUT WROTE O’CALLAGHAN. IN HIS EMAIL, THE FATHER NFSED THAT HE FOUND THIS ACT SO OBJECTNABLE, “HE BASILLY DISOWNED THEM,” HE SAID. UPON HEARG O’CALLAGHAN’S STORY, THE FATHER HAD A CHANGE OF HEART—SO MUCH SO, HE WAS SPIRED TO TRY AND RENNECT WH HIS CHILD. O’CALLAGHAN DIDN’T HEAR OM THE FATHER AGA. WHETHER THEY WERE ABLE TO RENCILE, HE DON’T KNOW.BUT THE THOUGHT—THE HOPE—HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HELP THIS ONE FAY RENCILE, JT BY BEG PUBLICLY HONT WH WHO HE WAS, MEANT EVERYTHG.”THAT ALONE MA G OUT WORTH ,” HE SAID.IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE ARE STGGLG WH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, PLEASE REACH OUT TO THE NATNAL SUICI PREVENTN LIFELE AT 1-800-273-TALK (8255), OR NTACT THE CRISIS TEXT LE BY TEXTG TALK TO 741741. ROBERT SILVERMAN

Every media image O’Callaghan had seen of gay men had featured chiseled featur and six-packs, so he let his appearance go, beg a "sloppy straight guy. He had spent untls nights imagg what to do a scenar such as this, all to make sure that no one would spect he was gay.

HOW RYAN O'CALLAGHAN'S STORY OF BEG GAY THE NFL IS HELPG TO SMASH STEREOTYP

For the first time sce realizg he was gay, he had no playbook to study, no practice to attend, no game to prepare for. Months and untls hours of nversatn after their first meetg, Wilson beme the first person to whom he nfid he was gay.

O’Callaghan also didn’t know that, acrdg to Pli, he wasn’t the first gay NFL player whom his GM had unseled. He’s done some work wh the lol LGBT anizatn, but meetg other gay people like him — to date or otherwise — is a stggle.

EX-NFL PLAYER RYAN O’CALLAGHAN NEARLY KILLED HIMSELF STEAD OF G OUT AS GAY

"As long as there are people killg themselv bee they are gay, there is a reason for people like me to share my story and try to help. Image source, SB NatnImage ptn, Ryan O'Callaghan is the seventh former NFL player to have e out as gayFormer NFL player Ryan O'Callaghan has e out as gay, revealg that his anguish over his sexualy drove him to wre a suici New England Patrts and Kansas Cy Chiefs leman told Outsports that fear of rejectn spurred him to hi his even built a b near his Kansas Cy home and bought guns, planng to take his secret to the is still exceedgly rare for top-flight male US athlet to e 33-year-old told Outsports, a webse foced on LGBT issu sport, that he realised he was gay while at high school a nservative northern California source, SB NatnImage ptn, Ryan O'Callaghan (middle) as a promisg NFL prospect wh his fayThe 6ft 7, 330lb (149kg) hulk saw the ultra-macho world of Amerin football as the perfect mouflage for his te inty.