Internatnal OCD Foundatn | How Do I Know I’m Not Really Gay/Straight?

Contents:

• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Currently sufferg om OCD (Obssive Compulsive Disorr)Recurrg unwanted or tsive thoughts about your own sexualyConstantly reassurg yourself that you are straightAvoidg people of your same genr due to anxiety or unwanted fears that you might be gayWorryg that you might be sendg out “signals” that will make others thk you are gayHomosexual thoughts are repulsive to you, rather than arogFeelg no attractn to your same sexRepeatg an actn bee you worry that you might have done somethg a way that mak others thk you are gay (example: a man repeatedly gets up and ss down on a chair bee he worri that he tak a seat a way that looks too feme). Homosexual thoughts are enjoyable and/or arog to the person, even if they hi their sexual orientatn om others or are ashamed of Havg had past sexual experienc wh those of their same genrPreferrg to date or have sexual enunters wh people of their same genr stead of wh those of the oppose sexOften, people who are gay report havg felt differently than their same-sex peers at an early age. A person sufferg om this sub-type of OCD nstantly doubts their sexual orientatn:A straight person worri whether they might actually be gay even though they haven’t doubted their sexual orientatn the pastThey might worry that homosexualy is “tchg”They may thk that talkg wh a gay person will make them act out by triggerg their own latent homosexual tennci.

I have had hocd for about 17 years now, and I have the groal rponse hocd, but what’s been happeng for the past year the rponse is stronger and now I get like excement feelgs and my penis gets a ltle bigger and when I tt myself wh gay sexual thoughts I don’t know that I don’t like anymore and when my penis mov when this is happeng I thk this means I am gay or bisexual….

If you were to track somethg like gay pornography om s least mdful perspective to s most mdful, would go like this: a terrifyg threat to your existence, a potential source of nfn about sexualy, gay people havg sex, imagery pictg gay people havg sex, erotic imagery, imagery on a puter or tv screen, and fally, lights on a box wh sounds.

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

Freaked out: went to work…saw a uple of girls thought they were attractive and I thought of beg wh them sexually and I was gettg aroed then I started talkg to a worker who is gay and he was cheery when greetg me and then I saw a betiful girl who I was attracted to but I was discsg somethg wh you the gay worker and he was cheery and I thought he’s all bubbly and I felt a weird magic kid oof attractn or somethg and I thought he’s good lookg and I looked at him when he walked and noticed and thought he looked gay and I had a feelg my penis…and I thk I had a thought about kissg him and a feelg gro aga… was weird I don’t know if was anxiety or if I really liked him or I was jt aroed general wh all the women I was seeg and gettg turned on by……or I don’t know if this means I amm gay or bisexual now……what was that? Im not diagnosed wh OCD, but seeg as my problem was centered aeound anxiety, nd havg suffered om anxiety all my life (led to believe as my dad was never around) she thought was a simple anxiety problem, though bee s not OCD (When first started, whout lookg onle i was mentally checkg) dont mean im gay, my therapist said s not un mon for people my age (18) to obss over their sexually.

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

And a thought of “maybe ’s bee you’re supposed to be wh a girl” and my whole life fell apart that seemed to make sense so I me out to my parents and everythg however I didn’t want a relatnship wh a woman and I didn’t want to go near one sexually once I accepted they I was gay and got my life back orr mean while I still had anxiety still didn’t seem to be the answer then I started fdg men attractive aga and was like no I’m not gay how ridiculo I’m straight!! I have been alg wh unwanted gay thought s for about a year now I don’t like the thoughts I get really big migra when they bash themselv to my head and I get really anx I nstantly check myself for aroal and even if I’ve read this webse all I have managed to do is latch onto the negative thgs I read and right now I’m up to the pot where I evenn believe Imight be gay.

There is so much more I uld say I feel like I’m beg tortured my own body and my life is jt cmblg around me I have also been diagnosed wh prsn and generalized anxiety but not OCD I found this webse by mere chance I don’t unrstand what’s happeng anymore and one of my biggt qutns is HOCD somethg I’m hopg I have jt so I don’t believe I’m gay or is real I have all the symptoms but is jt me hopg ’s real bee I don’t want to be gay I have no problem wh gay people or beg gay what bothers me is that I know me and I know that ’s wrong but I feel like my md and subnscareelg me other wise I’m tired of the thoughts I do not want them anymore I mange to reprs them for awhile then I get h twice as hard I’m at the end of the rope here I hontly don’t know what to believe and what to feel I hontly have no tert Anythg anymore I uld say more wre a book on this as I’m sure everyone else uld and I know that I’m probably dog this to re assure myself but please uld anyone help me. I have a qutn I have been alg still wh all this and I read this and I have everythg hocd scrib my qutn to you is hocd real many psychologist steer away om this and don’t cred as real and another qutn n you believe you are gay llong enough to were you actually feel like your gay n bee so overwhelmg that th only way out is to accept that you are gay and live athat way even though don’t feel right also excement and anxiety are two sis to the same if you are havg trouble feelg or seeg the difference between the two is that normal what if you have gay thoughts for so long that everythg your head keeps swchg on you lets say like me I have always waned a fay a wi and everythg a girliend and I’ll know what I’m sayg but my head will swch everythg I will remember a good experience I had wh amy girliend and will be her mymnd and I’ll be happy but my head will swch the word om girliend to boyiend or when you tell yourself I have always liked girls gets to the pot where swch words on me and feel wrong and anxiety kicks or is excement I have even so overwhelmed that I n’t even remember how I e to feel and all my memori and feelgs are beg taken over wh stuff that I don’t like I dije know what to do I see my only optn as hopg out of the closet be of all this the thg is I’ve been so open wh all this I’ve told everyone om my psychologist to my fay and iends to me beg gay is not wrong I don’t hate them to me ’s myself I’m not aaid of the stigma of beg gay I font feel right if I say I am even though I’m up to the pot where I believe I am and I don’t like at all and I feels wrong and if I get a moment where I feel alright feels wrong bee I feel like I’m jt acceptg that I’m gay I don’t want to be gay but the thoughts and the abily to feel lime I ed to is killg me I wake up wh spltg headach and am aaid to go to sleep anymore bee I know I’m jt gonna wake up to the same but the exhstn om not sleepg don’t let me fight the thoughts and they repulse to the pot where I want to throw up or make myself I get weird sensatns everywhere my voy and I want tell if there good or not I n’t tell if I like or not is hocd real and do I have or is some exce for gay dividuals not wantg to accept I obss over all this the thoughts the hocd and the fact that this is rag my life I have not been able to be happy a very long time and people I love are beg hurt and are leavg I have nobly been diagnosed wh generalized anxiety I read this webse and all the symptoms I n remember havg om the start but I’m up to the pot where I don’t know anythg anymore I miss beg attracted to women i miss beg aroed by them I miss fantasizg about them or checkg them out I feel nullified sexually bee the send I feel aroed I believe for somethg else and I don’t want that and I won’t want so I’d rather not believe any if that n hocd if ’s real twist your memori even though you member how you felt and was real but now you don’t know even though those thoughts and memori where how you felt and still want to feel what do I believe anymore I lost someone I loved bee ofall of this and I n’t even remember the good time we had together bee my md swch everythg on me what do I do.

The thg which make me doubt, is that i have the imprsn that girls are imperfect, they are not perfect, i am not able to see a perfect girl, i uld crise their boobs ( too big or too small) or vaga ( i uld see a vaga and say is gtg and i have the same pot of view for every vaga) a negatif way or fd somethg negatif on their body and all this make me believe that i am gay but i have always been exced by girls and i love my girliend. For some reason I n see my self more fortable a relatnship wh one of my mat but I don’t love them and I’m not physilly or sexually attracted to them ’s jt this thought and I don’t md the thoughts of livg wh them and this me to thk I’m gay and I am always obssg about and I am nfed 24 hours a day about my sexualy and my bra says I want to be gay and ’s always tellg me to e out and I will be happy. I know for a fact that I’ve been romantilly and sexually attracted to men (even though at the ripe age of 28, I still haven’t had any long-term relatnship, never longer than a few months, which also worri me a lot), on the other hand, but I’m still qutng to what gree, as if the “gay thoughts” meant I had been wrong all along and nullified my love for men.