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class="in-play in-play--article"><span class="in-play-shape"><span class="in-label" data-note="for-screen-rears">Rume</span></span></i></a></div><div class="article-meta"><span class="article-meta-em--date"><span tle="Tuday, May 7th 2019, 5:00:05 am">May 07, 2019</span></span><ul class="article-meta-em--thorlist article-meta-group"><li class="article-meta-em article-meta-em--thor"><a class="article-meta-lk article-meta-em--thor" href="/si/staff/yasm-amer">Yasm Amer</a></li></ul><div class="article-share article-share-ins"><a href=" & target="_blank" rel="noreferrer" class="article-share-lk" tle="Share on Facebook"><svg class="in in-facebook" viewBox="0 0 128 128" role="img" width="24" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">facebook</tle><path display="le" d="M120.1,0H8.2c-4.4,0-8,3.6-8,8v112c0,4.4,3.6,8,8,8h60.4V78.2h-16V59.8h16V43.9 c0-14.6,8.9-24.3,26.4-24.3c7.7,0,13.1,0.9,13.1,0.9V37h-12c-5.3,0-8,3-8,8.2v14.5h18.7l-2.7,18.4h-16v49.7h32c4.4,0,8-3.6,8-8V8 C128.1,3.6,124.5,0,120.1,0z"></path></svg></a><a href="mailto:?body=Mom Who Inially Stggled To Accept Her Gay Son Now Stands In At Same-Sex Mom Who Inially Stggled To Accept Her Gay Son Now Stands In At Same-Sex Weddgs" class="article-share-lk" tle="Share by email"><svg class="in in-email" viewBox="0 0 128 128" width="20" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">Email</tle><path display="le" d="M64.2,86.3l-64-48V104c0,4.4,3.6,8,8,8h112c4.4,0,8-3.6,8-8V38.4L64.2,86.3z M64.2,72l64-48 c0-4.4-3.6-8-8-8H8.2c-4.4,0-8,3.6-8,8L64.2,72z"></path></svg></a></div></div></hear><sectn class="article-sectn--lead-image article-sectn--lead-image--standard"><figure class="article-fig" style="aspect-rat:1000 / 778"><picture class="article-fig-ner"><img class="article-image" src=" alt="Sara Cunngham (urty Sara Cunngham)"/></picture><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Sara Cunngham (urty Sara Cunngham)</figptn></figure></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--ntent hang-punctuatn article-sectn--first article-sectn--centered article-sectns"><p class="">Sara Cunngham was born and raised Oklahoma Cy a workg-class fay wh four brothers and sisters. She was the social butterfly of the fay, or as her mother liked to ll her, "the Goose."</p><p class="nt-medium">"I thk she knew I had this knack for stickg my nose everyone’s bs," said Sara. "I always wanted to know if everyone was all right [and] where everybody was."</p><p class="">She dreamed of the day she would leave Oklahoma behd for some place bigger, ls landlocked, and wh more people. Maybe California.</p><p class="nt-medium">“I remember my teens beggg my mother to not let me be buried Oklahoma," said Sara. "But as I’ve grown olr, I’ve grown to really appreciate the sense of muny here."</p><p class="">That sense of muny has kept the now-55-year-old Sara Oklahoma her whole life. She married there at 22 and began to raise her own fay. She wanted her two boys, Travis and Parker Cunngham, to love the same evangelil Christian muny she did.</p><figure class="article-fig size-medium article-fig--pull-right"><a href="><picture><img class="size-medium article-image" src=" alt="Courty Sara Cunngham" loadg="lazy"/></picture></a><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">(Courty Sara Cunngham)</figptn></figure><p class="nt-medium">"I loved church life," said Sara. "We were there every time the church doors were open, and the boys were happy to go."</p><p class=""><strong>'A Fe Young Man'</strong></p><p class="">Ltle by ltle, Sara started noticg thgs about her younger son, Parker, that ncerned her. He grew more quiet and rerved and tend to spend a lot of time alone. One moment that sticks out Sara’s md was when Parker was 5 years old and me downstairs wearg one of Sara's drs, dancg ecstatilly.</p><p class="nt-medium">"We were all taken back by his energy and to see his sheer excement that moment," relled Sara. "That was my first glimpse of like ... that’s different."</p><p class="">Sara says ever sce then, she tried to ntrol Parker's behavr. For example, on shoppg trips, she would steer him toward more mascule cloth or toys. She forced him to jo Cub Suts.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I jt tried to make Parker a fe young man, very mascule," said Sara.</p><p class="">Instead, Parker beme shy and anx. He stggled to speak openly to his mother about issu he was havg at school, and other thgs, too.</p><p class="">Fally, when he turned 21, Parker told his mother a tth he had only hted at before: he is gay.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I jt remember that I had to face realy that moment, that hour, that I have a gay child," said Sara. "I worried about his salvatn. I tly believed that my son was gog to hell. I really did."</p><p class=""><strong>'Alienated From The Congregatn'</strong></p><p class="">Sara spiraled to a prsn and when she tried to talk to her iends at church about , the nversatns were awkward. She felt isolated.</p><p class="nt-medium">"It was paful. We all jt beme alienated om the ngregatn," said Sara. "So before long, we jt qu gog."</p><p class="">There were days when Sara uldn’t get out of bed.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I’ve heard said that when a gay child out of their closet, the parents often go to theirs and that’s te," she said.</p><p class="">On one of those days, Parker me to her room to ask if she was OK. But what he said next is etched to Sara's memory.</p><p class="nt-medium">"He said, ‘I need you to unrstand that I have sucked up for 21 years beg your son, and I need you to suck up now and be my mom.' ”</p><p class="">That moment motivated Sara to do some soul-searchg and rearch. She began a journey that would change her life forever.</p><p class=""><strong>'So Close For Your Entire Life' </strong></p><p class="">Not far om Sara, neighborg Arkansas, Tabatha Cash was growg up siar circumstanc. On Thanksgivg 2017, the love of her life, her girliend, Marlee Castillo, proposed to her.</p><p class="nt-medium">"So at first was really, really, really excg, and then set to me about tellg my mom and my fay," said Tabatha.</p><p class="">Tabatha worried about how her fay might react. They were Southern Baptists wh strict views agast same-sex relatnships. Tabatha was close to her four siblgs and spoke to her mother almost every day. She didn’t want any of that to change, but she also knew she uldn’t keep her relatnship wh Marlee a secret.</p><p class="nt-medium">"So I didn’t know how to marry her and be as happy as I was right then," said Tabatha. "When we told my mom about the engagement ... turned to this awkwardns after you were so close for your entire life."</p><p class="">Still, the uple ntued to plan their weddg. Tabatha’s fiance, Marlee, asked a close fay iend to officiate . That iend was Sara Cunngham om Oklahoma.</p><p class=""><strong>'Accintal Activist'</strong></p><figure class="article-fig size-medium article-fig--pull-right"><a href="><picture><img class="size-medium article-image" src=" alt="Sara Cunngham (center) wh her son Parker Cunngham. Sara is holdg a sign for her LGBTQ moms' anizatn (Courty Parker Cunngham)" loadg="lazy"/></picture></a><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Sara Cunngham, center, wh her son, Parker Cunngham. Sara is holdg a sign for her LGBTQ moms anizatn. (Courty Parker Cunngham)</figptn></figure><p class="">By that time, Sara, the same woman who stggled after her own son me out, had bee what she lls an “accintal activist.”</p><p class="">She had joed a group for moms wh LGBTQ kids lled <a href=">Free Mom Hugs</a> a few years before, and even beme an officiant so she uld pri over same-sex weddgs.</p><p class="">Tabatha remembers the first time she met Sara at a get-together Arkansas.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I thk we nnected bee I feel like I saw what I want my mom to be her," said Tabatha.</p><p class="">Instead of officiatg the weddg, Tabatha asked Sara if she would be her stand- mother. Sara said y.</p><p class=""><strong>'Stand-In Mom'</strong></p><p class="">On Sept. 1, 2018, Sara stuck by Tabatha's si on her big day. She helped her put on her whe drs and ma her bouquet.</p><p class="nt-medium">"It was btersweet. I felt for Tabatha," said Sara. "She enjoyed the day. She felt honored and celebrated but by the same token, her mother was not there."</p><p class="">Tabatha and her now-wife Marlee say Sara's role as a stand- mom was so much more than arrangg the flowers and helpg wh the ratns. As a mother who had to e to terms wh her own son’s sexualy, she brought a special kd of support Tabatha really need.</p><figure class="article-fig size-medium article-fig--pull-right"><a href="><picture><img class="size-medium article-image" src=" alt="Tabatha and Marlee Castillo's weddg (Cred Tabatha Castillo)" loadg="lazy"/></picture></a><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Tabatha and Marlee Castillo's weddg. (Cred Tabatha Castillo)</figptn></figure><p class="nt-medium">"Sara always giv me hope for my own fay," said Tabatha. "The fact that she has experienced , and experienced every b of the feelgs that my mom is probably gog through giv me hope, bee she figured out a way to make all work."</p><p class="">Sara says there are so many moments she regrets not beg there for her son when he really need her. But she’s here now and wants to help others the gay muny who are stgglg wh rejectn om their fai.</p><p class="">Sara now volunteers to go to other same-sex weddgs if the blogil parents refe to attend. She’s there as a stand- mom, and as a symbol of how a ep, unndnal love n change everythg.</p></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered"><p class=""><em>This segment aired on May 2, 2019.</em></p></sectn></article><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered"><div class="ntributor has-photo"><div class="ntributor-profile"><figure class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-photo"><a href="/si/staff/yasm-amer"><picture><img src=" class="lazy rd-image" alt=""/></picture></a></figure><p class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-b"><a class="ntributor-name" href="/si/staff/yasm-amer">Yasm Amer</a> <span class="ntributor-tle">Reporter</span><br/>Yasm Amer is a bs reporter for WBUR.</p><p class="ntributor-more"><a class="ntributor-lk ntributor-b-lk" href="/si/staff/yasm-amer">More…</a></p></div></div></sectn><sectn class="sectn--bo sectn--bp"><div class="uw bp--rponsive"><div class="bp-ner"><p class="bp-label">Advertisement</p><div class="bp-ntent bp-ntent--centered"><div></div><div id="adslot-500741"></div></div></div></div></sectn><div></div><div class="global-d-ponents onmand--is-playg"><div class="global-player"><d preload="to"></d><div class="global-player-bar"><div class="global-player-bar-left"><button class="global-player-bar-ntrol"><i class="in-play in-play--global-player-bar in-play--psed"><span class="in-play-shape"><span class="in-label" data-note="for-screen-rears">Rume</span></span></i></button><div class="global-player-label global-player-label--live"><div class="global-player-channel"><span>Listen Live</span></div><div class="global-player-tle"><a class="global-player-label-lk" href="/">Loadg...</a></div></div></div><div class="global-player-bar-right"><div class="global-player-x"><svg class="in in-close" viewBox="0 0 24 24" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">Close

moms of gay sons

After losg son, Rob and Lda Robertson try to change church policy while helpg other evangelil parents accept their gay children

Contents:

“MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE

The photos om Gay Sons and Mothers exemplify the posive impact mothers n have the liv of queer men. * moms of gay sons *

Perhaps is not surprisg that mothers and their gay sons often scribe their relatnships as close. However, beg gay might be a factor that mak some mothers and sons even closer. This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child ().

FOR A MOM, LEARNG TO ACCEPT A GAY SON WAS 'NONNEGOTIABLE'

Read “Mom, Dad… I’m Gay.” A Christian Parent’s Rponse by David Murray and more articl about Christian Life and Wiki on * moms of gay sons *

Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy. So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them.

The fact is that I am the mother and I was told growg up that men bee gay bee their mothers are too motherg.

EVANGELILS WH GAY CHILDREN CHALLENGE CHURCH

When Connie Casey learned her adolcent son was gay, she blamed herself and sent him to nversn therapy for several years. But when Samuel, now 22, went away to llege, Connie says, she realized that " was time to take a look at everythg that I'd ever been tght to believe." * moms of gay sons *

For a long time, the psychiatric profsn blamed overly close maternal relatnships for g the "disease" of male homosexualy.

Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay.

Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post.

MOMMI DEART: MOTHERS AND GAY SONS ON FILM

* moms of gay sons *

My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought.

COMG OUT TO MY MOM: A LETTER TO MOTHERS OF GAY SONS

Philomena's heartbreakg story of a mother's search for her gay son puts md of some of our favore mother-gay son films. * moms of gay sons *

In other words, havg a close relatnship wh your mother don't make you gay—beg gay mak you closer to your mother.

The young gay mal this study relled sharg terts mon wh their mothers, such as fashn and okg, and were also sensive to their feelgs.

Whatever s e, this feelg of monaly and nnectn to mothers is a unique (and fortunate!) aspect of the parent-child relatnship some gay fai. I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother.

MOM WHO INIALLY STGGLED TO ACCEPT HER GAY SON NOW STANDS IN AT SAME-SEX WEDDGS

On Mother's Day, an o to prent and future mothers of gay sons * moms of gay sons *

Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son. Closens between mothers and their gay sons is a stereotype and like all stereotyp, sometim they rg te.

Sara Cunngham stggled when her son told her he was gay. Now she volunteers as a stand- mom at same-sex weddgs when the blogil parents refe to attend. * moms of gay sons *

However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close.

Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv. For sure, gay men, their mothers and those who assist them need to explore and unrstand the val relatnships.

The anizatn Gay Sons and Mothers shows the impact of mothers who support their queer sons. On social media, the group featur imag of gay men and their mothers behd them, highlightg the importance the women have their sons' liv. Psychotherapist Rick Miller set out to do so and found Gay Sons and Mothers 2018.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* MOMS OF GAY SONS

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article-sectn--centered article-sectns"><p class="">Sara Cunngham was born and raised Oklahoma Cy a workg-class fay wh four brothers and sisters. She was the social butterfly of the fay, or as her mother liked to ll her, "the Goose."</p><p class="nt-medium">"I thk she knew I had this knack for stickg my nose everyone’s bs," said Sara. "I always wanted to know if everyone was all right [and] where everybody was."</p><p class="">She dreamed of the day she would leave Oklahoma behd for some place bigger, ls landlocked, and wh more people. Maybe California.</p><p class="nt-medium">“I remember my teens beggg my mother to not let me be buried Oklahoma," said Sara. "But as I’ve grown olr, I’ve grown to really appreciate the sense of muny here."</p><p class="">That sense of muny has kept the now-55-year-old Sara Oklahoma her whole life. She married there at 22 and began to raise her own fay. She wanted her two boys, Travis and Parker Cunngham, to love the same evangelil Christian muny she did.</p><figure class="article-fig size-medium article-fig--pull-right"><a href="><picture><img class="size-medium article-image" src=" alt="Courty Sara Cunngham" loadg="lazy"/></picture></a><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">(Courty Sara Cunngham)</figptn></figure><p class="nt-medium">"I loved church life," said Sara. "We were there every time the church doors were open, and the boys were happy to go."</p><p class=""><strong>'A Fe Young Man'</strong></p><p class="">Ltle by ltle, Sara started noticg thgs about her younger son, Parker, that ncerned her. He grew more quiet and rerved and tend to spend a lot of time alone. One moment that sticks out Sara’s md was when Parker was 5 years old and me downstairs wearg one of Sara's drs, dancg ecstatilly.</p><p class="nt-medium">"We were all taken back by his energy and to see his sheer excement that moment," relled Sara. "That was my first glimpse of like ... that’s different."</p><p class="">Sara says ever sce then, she tried to ntrol Parker's behavr. For example, on shoppg trips, she would steer him toward more mascule cloth or toys. She forced him to jo Cub Suts.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I jt tried to make Parker a fe young man, very mascule," said Sara.</p><p class="">Instead, Parker beme shy and anx. He stggled to speak openly to his mother about issu he was havg at school, and other thgs, too.</p><p class="">Fally, when he turned 21, Parker told his mother a tth he had only hted at before: he is gay.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I jt remember that I had to face realy that moment, that hour, that I have a gay child," said Sara. "I worried about his salvatn. I tly believed that my son was gog to hell. I really did."</p><p class=""><strong>'Alienated From The Congregatn'</strong></p><p class="">Sara spiraled to a prsn and when she tried to talk to her iends at church about , the nversatns were awkward. She felt isolated.</p><p class="nt-medium">"It was paful. We all jt beme alienated om the ngregatn," said Sara. "So before long, we jt qu gog."</p><p class="">There were days when Sara uldn’t get out of bed.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I’ve heard said that when a gay child out of their closet, the parents often go to theirs and that’s te," she said.</p><p class="">On one of those days, Parker me to her room to ask if she was OK. But what he said next is etched to Sara's memory.</p><p class="nt-medium">"He said, ‘I need you to unrstand that I have sucked up for 21 years beg your son, and I need you to suck up now and be my mom.' ”</p><p class="">That moment motivated Sara to do some soul-searchg and rearch. She began a journey that would change her life forever.</p><p class=""><strong>'So Close For Your Entire Life' </strong></p><p class="">Not far om Sara, neighborg Arkansas, Tabatha Cash was growg up siar circumstanc. On Thanksgivg 2017, the love of her life, her girliend, Marlee Castillo, proposed to her.</p><p class="nt-medium">"So at first was really, really, really excg, and then set to me about tellg my mom and my fay," said Tabatha.</p><p class="">Tabatha worried about how her fay might react. They were Southern Baptists wh strict views agast same-sex relatnships. Tabatha was close to her four siblgs and spoke to her mother almost every day. She didn’t want any of that to change, but she also knew she uldn’t keep her relatnship wh Marlee a secret.</p><p class="nt-medium">"So I didn’t know how to marry her and be as happy as I was right then," said Tabatha. "When we told my mom about the engagement ... turned to this awkwardns after you were so close for your entire life."</p><p class="">Still, the uple ntued to plan their weddg. Tabatha’s fiance, Marlee, asked a close fay iend to officiate . That iend was Sara Cunngham om Oklahoma.</p><p class=""><strong>'Accintal Activist'</strong></p><figure class="article-fig size-medium article-fig--pull-right"><a href="><picture><img class="size-medium article-image" src=" alt="Sara Cunngham (center) wh her son Parker Cunngham. Sara is holdg a sign for her LGBTQ moms' anizatn (Courty Parker Cunngham)" loadg="lazy"/></picture></a><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Sara Cunngham, center, wh her son, Parker Cunngham. Sara is holdg a sign for her LGBTQ moms anizatn. (Courty Parker Cunngham)</figptn></figure><p class="">By that time, Sara, the same woman who stggled after her own son me out, had bee what she lls an “accintal activist.”</p><p class="">She had joed a group for moms wh LGBTQ kids lled <a href=">Free Mom Hugs</a> a few years before, and even beme an officiant so she uld pri over same-sex weddgs.</p><p class="">Tabatha remembers the first time she met Sara at a get-together Arkansas.</p><p class="nt-medium">"I thk we nnected bee I feel like I saw what I want my mom to be her," said Tabatha.</p><p class="">Instead of officiatg the weddg, Tabatha asked Sara if she would be her stand- mother. Sara said y.</p><p class=""><strong>'Stand-In Mom'</strong></p><p class="">On Sept. 1, 2018, Sara stuck by Tabatha's si on her big day. She helped her put on her whe drs and ma her bouquet.</p><p class="nt-medium">"It was btersweet. I felt for Tabatha," said Sara. "She enjoyed the day. She felt honored and celebrated but by the same token, her mother was not there."</p><p class="">Tabatha and her now-wife Marlee say Sara's role as a stand- mom was so much more than arrangg the flowers and helpg wh the ratns. As a mother who had to e to terms wh her own son’s sexualy, she brought a special kd of support Tabatha really need.</p><figure class="article-fig size-medium article-fig--pull-right"><a href="><picture><img class="size-medium article-image" src=" alt="Tabatha and Marlee Castillo's weddg (Cred Tabatha Castillo)" loadg="lazy"/></picture></a><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Tabatha and Marlee Castillo's weddg. (Cred Tabatha Castillo)</figptn></figure><p class="nt-medium">"Sara always giv me hope for my own fay," said Tabatha. "The fact that she has experienced , and experienced every b of the feelgs that my mom is probably gog through giv me hope, bee she figured out a way to make all work."</p><p class="">Sara says there are so many moments she regrets not beg there for her son when he really need her. But she’s here now and wants to help others the gay muny who are stgglg wh rejectn om their fai.</p><p class="">Sara now volunteers to go to other same-sex weddgs if the blogil parents refe to attend. She’s there as a stand- mom, and as a symbol of how a ep, unndnal love n change everythg.</p></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered"><p class=""><em>This segment aired on May 2, 2019.</em></p></sectn></article><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered"><div class="ntributor has-photo"><div class="ntributor-profile"><figure class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-photo"><a href="/si/staff/yasm-amer"><picture><img src=" class="lazy rd-image" alt=""/></picture></a></figure><p class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-b"><a class="ntributor-name" href="/si/staff/yasm-amer">Yasm Amer</a> <span class="ntributor-tle">Reporter</span><br/>Yasm Amer is a bs reporter for WBUR.</p><p class="ntributor-more"><a class="ntributor-lk ntributor-b-lk" href="/si/staff/yasm-amer">More…</a></p></div></div></sectn><sectn class="sectn--bo sectn--bp"><div class="uw bp--rponsive"><div class="bp-ner"><p class="bp-label">Advertisement</p><div class="bp-ntent bp-ntent--centered"><div></div><div id="adslot-500741"></div></div></div></div></sectn><div></div><div class="global-d-ponents onmand--is-playg"><div class="global-player"><d preload="to"></d><div class="global-player-bar"><div class="global-player-bar-left"><button class="global-player-bar-ntrol"><i class="in-play in-play--global-player-bar in-play--psed"><span class="in-play-shape"><span class="in-label" data-note="for-screen-rears">Rume</span></span></i></button><div class="global-player-label global-player-label--live"><div class="global-player-channel"><span>Listen Live</span></div><div class="global-player-tle"><a class="global-player-label-lk" href="/">Loadg...</a></div></div></div><div class="global-player-bar-right"><div class="global-player-x"><svg class="in in-close" viewBox="0 0 24 24" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">Close.

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