Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healg | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD
• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS
• MY SO-CALLED EX-GAY LIFE
• MOM'S GEICS COULD PRODUCE GAY SONS
• DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• SHOP SUAL WGIRL-SPIRED OUTFS FOR FALLOPEN MENUVIOSHOPCULTUREFAYWELLNSFOODLIVGSTYLETRAVELNEWSBOOK CLUBGMA3: WYNTKNEWSLETTERPRIVACY POLICYYOUR US STATE PRIVACY RIGHTSCHILDREN'S ONLE PRIVACY POLICYINTERT-BASED ADSTERMS OF USEDO NOT SELL MY INFOCONTACT USCOPYRIGHT © 2023 ABC NEWS INTER VENTUR. ALL RIGHTS RERVED.SEARCHLIVGFATHER OPENS UP ABOUT G OUT TO HIS 3 SONS: I'M STILL THE SAME DAD AS BEFORE3:16FATHER OPENS UP ABOUT G OUT TO HIS BYGOOD MORNG AMERIJUNE 15, 2023, 4:18 AM"GOOD MORNG AMERI" IS FEATURG STORI CELEBRATN OF PRI MONTH. STT TAKACS, A 46-YEAR-OLD AND FATHER OF THREE, PENNED A PERSONAL SAY ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE G OUT AS A GAY MAN TO HIS SONS. READ ABOUT HIS JOURNEY BELOW HIS OWN WORDS.COMG OUT AT 42 I WAS 42 YEARS OLD WHEN I ME OUT TO MY WIFE. IT WAS 15 MONTHS LATER THAT I STARTED THAT SAME NVERSATN WH MY THREE BOYS -- 9-YEAR-OLD TWS AND AN 11-YEAR-OLD.THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE IS SOMEWHAT OF A BLUR, MOSTLY PART TO THE FACT THAT AT THAT POT MY LIFE THERE WAS A LOT OF CHANGE HAPPENG AND SOME SIGNIFINT PENT-UP EMOTNS. THERE WASN'T MUCH OF A PLAN, NO GUIBOOK HAND, ONLY GOALS THAT I HOPED MY BOYS WOULD START THE PROCS OF UNRSTANDG AND ACCEPTG THEIR DAD FOR WHOM I TLY WAS: A GAY MAN.STT TAKACSGMA IT HAD BEEN A LONG 15 MONTHS SCE G OUT TO MY WIFE, AN EXPERIENCE I UNFORTUNATELY WOULDN'T SCRIBE AS POSIVE, FUN OR SOMETHG I EVER WANT TO REPEAT. IT WAS WROUGHT WH THE HAPPS OF FALLY TELLG THE CLOST PERSON MY TE INTY, WHILE SIMULTANEOLY RIPPG HER WORLD OUT OM UNR HER. WH MANY EMOTNS AND STRS, I ACCEPTED HER REQUT TO KEEP THE REASON FOR OUR DIVORCE -- DUE TO ME BEG GAY -- A SECRET FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER YEAR. THIS CLUD KEEPG OM OUR KIDS AND HER SI OF THE FAY.WHEN THE MOMENT TO BREAK THE NEWS TO MY KIDS FALLY ME, I HAD A LOT OF ISSU TO NAVIGATE. OVER 15 MONTHS, I HAD FALIZED THE DIVORCE, MOVED AGA AND TAKEN A NEW JOB BASED CHIGO, 250 AWAY OM MY BOYS. THE DISTANCE WAS TO CREATE SOME SPACE BETWEEN MY NOW EX-WIFE, WHO STGGLED BEG PROXIMY TO ME.I HAD CID I NEED TO BE SAFE, EE OF THE STRS AND EMOTNALLY SANE TO BE A GOOD FATHER TO MY BOYS, EVEN IF THAT MEANT TRANSNG OM EVERY VOLVED DAD DAY-TO-DAY TO A DAY SHUTTLG BETWEEN CHIGO AND THE SUBURBS OF DETRO MULTIPL TIM A MONTH. CHIGO OFFERED THE STABILY I NEED A JOB, IENDSHIP AND AT THIS POT, A NEW RELATNSHIP THAT ALL NTRIBUTED TO MY HEALG THIS NEW GAY WORLD.STT WH HIS IENDS.COURTY JOE KOECHERWE WERE ALL ADJTG TO A NEW, MORN FAY, MORE LIKE A FAY TRANSN. HOMOSEXUALY WASN'T A TOPIC WELL DISCSED OUR FAY. IT WASN'T NECSARILY A BAD TOPIC, JT WASN'T DISCSED. GAY IENDS WERE JT IENDS -- RPECTED BUT THEIR RELATNSHIPS NOT NECSARILY DISCSED. GAY MARRIAGE WAS THE NEWS, BUT NOT DISCSED OUR HOE OTHER THAN THE OCSNAL NEGATIVE MENT OM A CLOSE RELATIVE.A 'NEW MORN-FAY'STT'S MOTHER WH HIS THREE SONS.COURTY STT TACKACS MY KIDS ATTEND A VERY NSERVATIVE, PRIVATE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL. WE CHOSE THE SCHOOL BEE WE WANTED TO GIVE OUR KIDS ACCS TO THE BT TN AND A STRONG FOUNDATN TO TAKE ON THE WORLD. IN MANY WAYS, A LOVG PLACE FOR THEM, BUT I ME TO REALIZE THAT TEACHERS SPOKE OPENLY AGAST GAY CULTURE AND TEXTBOOKS LABELED HOMOSEXUALY AS SFUL AND EVIL. MY KIDS LISTENED AND FOLLOWED THEIR LEAD.EVEN PRR TO G OUT, WAS HARD FOR ME TO HEAR MY KIDS E HOME WH STORI OF TEACHERS GRADG GAY MARRIAGE OR GAY PEOPLE, TO SEE THEIR WORKBOOKS, RERCG THE BIAS AGAST BEG GAY. I DID MY BT TO ENURAGE MY KIDS TO UNRSTAND THAT GOD MA EVERYONE JT THE WAY THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, AND THAT GOD LOV EVERYONE.I HAD TO TEMPER MY WORDS WHEN SUATNS ME UP WH MY KIDS' TN, OUT OF FEAR WOULD DISPT THEIR EXPERIENCE SCHOOL. THE LAST THG I WANTED WAS FOR MY KIDS TO BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY BEE THEY HAD A GAY DAD, WHICH I FELT WAS A POSSIBILY.IN THE YEAR FOLLOWG MY DIVORCE, I AGREED NOT TO TELL THE KIDS I WAS GAY, SO I HAD TO BE REFUL. WHEN I BROUGHT THE KIDS TO CHIGO, WE STAYED A HOTEL AND NOT AT THE HOME I SHARED WH MY BOYIEND. THE MAN I WAS DATG WAS JT A IEND. WE WERE REFUL TO AVOID REFERENC TO "GAY" DISCSNS AND PLAC, ALTHOUGH I LIVED THE GAYBORHOOD OF CHIGO, AN UPSLE, PREDOMANTLY GAY AREA ON CHIGO'S NORTH SI.'SRY'TELLG MY KIDS WAS SRY. I WASN'T SURE WHAT TO EXPECT. THEY HAD ALREADY MET MY BOYIEND MULTIPLE TIM BY THAT POT AND HAD BEE IENDS WH HIM.I STARTED WH MY OLST SON AND THEN EVENTUALLY HIS YOUNGER BROTHERS.THE OLST TOOK THE NEWS THE HARST, AS I EXPECTED. HE WAS A FEW YEARS AHEAD OF HIS BROTHERS BEG DOCTRATED BY HIS SCHOOL AGAST HOMOSEXUALY. ANGRY ABOUT THE DIVORCE, HE ACTED OUT AGAST HIS MOM AND ME. HE WAS FIANT AT TIM AND GENERALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT HIS GAY DAD. HE DIDN'T WANT HIS IENDS TO KNOW AND WAS SRED I MIGHT DO SOMETHG TO CLUE THEM . HE WAS AAID HE WOULD BE TEASED.THE TWS' REACTN WAS MORE MUTED. THEY WERE TOO YOUNG TO UNRSTAND THE NCEPT AND DIDN'T SEEM TO RE AS MUCH. IT WAS MORE OF -- "OK, DAD, LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHG ELSE."STT AND HIS TWO 9-YEAR-OLD TW SONS.COURTY STT TACKACS 'HE LOV ME, BUT HE DON'T SUPPORT MY LIFTYLE'I TRIED TO ASSURE MY SONS THAT DAD WAS THE SAME DAD TO THEM I WAS BEFORE. I TRIED TO RERCED THE G-OUT NCEPT TERMS I FELT THEY WOULD UNRSTAND FOR THEIR AGE SCE RELATNSHIP AND SEXUAL LOVE WASN'T SOMETHG THEY UNRSTOOD YET. EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, THAT STARTED TO PASS.AFTER FOUR YEARS, MY OLST SON'S IENDS KNEW HE HAD A GAY DAD, AND, TO PUT TEENAGE TERMS, WASN'T SO BAD. HE IS STILL EMBARRASSED BY THE WHOLE THG ON SOME LEVEL. HE LOV ME, BUT HE DON'T SUPPORT MY LIFTYLE. I THK HE UNRSTANDS BEG GAY ISN'T A CHOICE ANYMORE, AND I BELIEVE THAT WILL NTUE.MY EX-WIFE CERTALY BORE THE BNT OF THE DAY-TO-DAY WH THE KIDS. SHE STILL DO, AND I KNOW 'S STILL NOT EASY. I DO MY BT TO TRY TO REMA ENGAGED OM A DISTANCE, OFFERG AS MUCH HELP WH THGS LIKE DOCTOR APPOTMENTS, HAIRCUTS, BUYG SHO AND CLOTH, RERCG THEM CLEANG THEIR ROOM AS MUCH AS I ULD.MY WEEKEND VISS WH THE KIDS ULD BE SCRIBED, STILL, AS DRIVG 100 AROUND THE SUBURBS NNG ERRANDS WH THE BOYS, HAVG FUN AND TRYG TO MAKE MEMORABLE EXPERIENC WH THEM.STT WH HIS SISTER AND CHILDRENCOURTY STT TAKACSI HAVE WORKED VERY HARD TO STAY NNECTED TO THE BOYS, AND 'S NOT EASY. CALLG EVERY DAY BEFORE SCHOOL TO WISH THEM OFF, LLG TWO TO THREE TIM AFTER SCHOOL, AND FACETIMG THEM OFTEN. I STILL DRIVE BACK AND FORTH TO MICHIGAN MULTIPLE TIM A MONTH, RACKG UP 1,500 TO 2,000 A MONTH.DON'T HI THE TTHWHAT I'VE LEARNED IS THAT THIS PROCS TAK TIME. I HAD MORE THAN 25 YEARS TO E TO TERMS WH MY INTY, AND THK I EXPECTED THOSE CLOST TO ME WOULD ADJT QUICKLY. THAT'S SIMPLY NOT REALISTIC.FOR THOSE GOG THROUGH THE SAME PROCS: GIVE YOUR WIFE (EX) THE SPACE AND TIME SHE NEEDS TO PROCS THE CHANG, LOVE YOUR KIDS WH ALL YOUR HEART AND BE HONT WH THEM ABOUT THE CHANG.DON'T HI THE TTH ONCE 'S OUT. ONE OF MY BIGGT REGRETS IS NOT TELLG EVERYONE MY FAY AT THE SAME TIME, LYG ABOUT THE REASON WE DIVORCED. I WISH I HAD NOT AGREED TO THAT, BUT ALSO UNRSTAND AT THE TIME SEEMED LIKE MA SENSE.I DON'T REGRET THE PATH I WENT DOWN. I STILL BELIEVE WAS GOD'S PLAN THE WAY THGS HAVE GONE; HAD THEY NOT, I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD 20 GOOD YEARS WH MY NOW EX-WIFE, AND I WOULDN'T HAVE THREE AWOME BOYS. I WOULDN'T TRA THAT FOR ANYTHG.MY WISH IS THAT THGS WILL NTUE TO REANIZE AND ONE DAY WE'LL ALL LOOK BACK AT 2014 AND 'LL JT BE ANOTHER FLECTN POTS OUR LIFE.I HELPED START A GROUP FOR GAY FATHERS CHIGO AND HAS SHOWN ME THAT THERE ARE OTHER GAY FATHERS AHEAD OF ME THEIR G-OUT JOURNEY WH POSIVE EXPERIENC TO SHARE. AFTER YEARS OF HARD WORK, THEY HAVE MARRIED MEN, THEIR EX HAVE MARRIED AS WELL, AND THEY ALL ENJOY VATNS, BIRTHDAYS, AND SHARE THE JOY OF THEIR CHILDREN LIKE ONE, BIG, MORN FAY.STT, HIS PARTNER, JOE, AND HIS THREE SONS.COURTY STT TAKACSTHIS STORY WAS ORIGALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 19, 2018.RELATED TOPICSLGBTQUP NEXT LIVG—LOOK UP! AUGT'S 'BLUE SUPERMOON' WON'T BE SEEN AGA UNTIL 2037AUGT 29, 2023DISNEY AND MAKE-A-WISH REACH 150,000 WISH GRANTED AT ONCE UPON A WISH PARTYAUGT 28, 2023HOW WBOYS, NSTCTN CREWS AND A NOE CLUB KEPT OTHER MI FIR OM BEG 'ANOTHER LAHAA'AUGT 25, 2023PILOT THANKS FLIGHT ATTENDANT MOM SURPRISE SPEECH ON THEIR 1ST FLIGHT TOGETHERAUGT 24, 2023UP NEXT LIVG—LOOK UP! AUGT'S 'BLUE SUPERMOON' WON'T BE SEEN AGA UNTIL 2037AUGT 29, 2023DISNEY AND MAKE-A-WISH REACH 150,000 WISH GRANTED AT ONCE UPON A WISH PARTYAUGT 28, 2023HOW WBOYS, NSTCTN CREWS AND A NOE CLUB KEPT OTHER MI FIR OM BEG 'ANOTHER LAHAA'AUGT 25, 2023PILOT THANKS FLIGHT ATTENDANT MOM SURPRISE SPEECH ON THEIR 1ST FLIGHT TOGETHERAUGT 24, 2023
• I THK OUR SON IS GAY

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

Acrdg to Michael Kimmel, a soclogist and expert on male sex rol, men monstrate their masculy by repudiatg all that is feme and monstratg an ever-ready willgns to engage sexual terurse wh women whenever the opportuny aris- a nutshell, to prove they are not gay. Th is no wonr that the boys the study for my book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, relled beg so reactive and fearful of the rpons of their fathers—the very people who were expectg them to receive and rry the torch of masculy. We mt remember that fathers and sons live the same world—one that teach boys that homosexualy is patible wh real masculy and, by associatn, full male adulthood.

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD

" Add to this shame and disappotment men's tenncy to be stoic about problems to avoid appearg petent or weak and one gets a sense why many fathers, like those of the boys prevly quoted, did not want to discs such a topic wh a stranger—a gay stranger, no ls. Richard Isay, a psychoanalyst who specializ work wh gay men believ that gay mal unrgo a reverse-Oedipal plex whereby, as young boys, they bee subnscly sexually attracted to their fathers (rather than their mothers). When the boy is a toddler, the father anxly sens the sublimal sexual charge their relatnship and, bee he is socialized to be repelled and aaid of homosexualy, he nsequently disengag om his son.

Oedipal issu asi, a velopg gay boy may monstrate some tradnally feme gtur or terts that forhadow an adult homosexual orientatn, which may turn make his father unfortable and want to distance.

If this primary relatnship is characterized by fear, distance, and hostily durg childhood, as is for many gay men, this will no doubt terfere wh his abily to form and mata timate, mted relatnships wh male partners his future. For gay sons of all ag, but pecially those who are stgglg to tablish, fix, or strengthen their current same-sex relatnships, might be a good ia to look toward their past relatnships wh their fathers for sights and answers.

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

Eher way, I have found my clil work wh gay men that much eful rmatn n be gaed by examg past, and even prent father-son teractns to terme what patterns are beg repeated and/or reacted to their current relatnships.

Certaly all fathers need to show that they love their sons and dghters, but fathers of gay sons need to fd ways to surmount the barrier of homophobia and socially scripted queass about gay sex to show their sons that they are ed lovable and serve the love of a good man. Although I rarely remend fictn to my clients or stunts, I urge all fathers of gay sons to follow the televisn seri Glee to study the relatnship between the gay character Kurt Hummel and his dad, Burt. Watch this very macho father reach across the great divi of sex-role expectatns to mata a relatnship wh his wonrfully "flamboyant" gay son built on unndnal love.

WALL STREET CEOS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR GAY SONS

" If the ia of your dghter sleepg wh her boyiend unr your own roof at the age of 16 sets off every bad parentg bell the universe for you, hold your gay son or dghter to the same standards. We're sure he would e out if only he didn't thk his mom hadn't already submted her résumé for an open posn at PFLAG, which stands for Parents, Fay & Friends of Lbians and Gays.

MY SO-CALLED EX-GAY LIFE

Team up wh a pediatrician, a unselor at school, close fay members and even muny anizatns — for example, Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) — if you’re havg trouble gog alone. This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child ().

Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy.

So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay. Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post.

MOM'S GEICS COULD PRODUCE GAY SONS

My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought. I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother.

DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR

Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son. However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close. Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

Lynn, a breast ncer survivor, likens the shock of learng your child is gay or bisexual or transgenr to the shock of gettg a hard-to-hear medil diagnosis. In the first-ever laboratory study of mothers of gay men, the rearch was prompted by more than two s of statistil data examg the 'olr brother effect' which shows that blogil olr brothers—but not olr sisters—crease the odds of homosexualy later-born mal. The team of psychologists and immunologists tted 16 women wh no sons, 72 mothers wh heterosexual sons, 31 mothers of gay sons wh no olr brothers, 23 mothers of gay sons wh olr brothers, and a ntrol group of 12 men.

The team found that mothers of gay sons, pecially those wh olr brothers, had signifintly higher antibody levels to both forms of NLGN4Y than did the ntrol sampl of women, cludg mothers of heterosexual sons. However, the psychologist utns that the effects are most and the likelihood of a male child beg born gay is still small—even if they have multiple male siblgs.

SHOP SUAL WGIRL-SPIRED OUTFS FOR FALLOPEN MENUVIOSHOPCULTUREFAYWELLNSFOODLIVGSTYLETRAVELNEWSBOOK CLUBGMA3: WYNTKNEWSLETTERPRIVACY POLICYYOUR US STATE PRIVACY RIGHTSCHILDREN'S ONLE PRIVACY POLICYINTERT-BASED ADSTERMS OF USEDO NOT SELL MY INFOCONTACT USCOPYRIGHT © 2023 ABC NEWS INTER VENTUR. ALL RIGHTS RERVED.SEARCHLIVGFATHER OPENS UP ABOUT G OUT TO HIS 3 SONS: I'M STILL THE SAME DAD AS BEFORE3:16FATHER OPENS UP ABOUT G OUT TO HIS BYGOOD MORNG AMERIJUNE 15, 2023, 4:18 AM"GOOD MORNG AMERI" IS FEATURG STORI CELEBRATN OF PRI MONTH. STT TAKACS, A 46-YEAR-OLD AND FATHER OF THREE, PENNED A PERSONAL SAY ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE G OUT AS A GAY MAN TO HIS SONS. READ ABOUT HIS JOURNEY BELOW HIS OWN WORDS.COMG OUT AT 42 I WAS 42 YEARS OLD WHEN I ME OUT TO MY WIFE. IT WAS 15 MONTHS LATER THAT I STARTED THAT SAME NVERSATN WH MY THREE BOYS -- 9-YEAR-OLD TWS AND AN 11-YEAR-OLD.THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE IS SOMEWHAT OF A BLUR, MOSTLY PART TO THE FACT THAT AT THAT POT MY LIFE THERE WAS A LOT OF CHANGE HAPPENG AND SOME SIGNIFINT PENT-UP EMOTNS. THERE WASN'T MUCH OF A PLAN, NO GUIBOOK HAND, ONLY GOALS THAT I HOPED MY BOYS WOULD START THE PROCS OF UNRSTANDG AND ACCEPTG THEIR DAD FOR WHOM I TLY WAS: A GAY MAN.STT TAKACSGMA IT HAD BEEN A LONG 15 MONTHS SCE G OUT TO MY WIFE, AN EXPERIENCE I UNFORTUNATELY WOULDN'T SCRIBE AS POSIVE, FUN OR SOMETHG I EVER WANT TO REPEAT. IT WAS WROUGHT WH THE HAPPS OF FALLY TELLG THE CLOST PERSON MY TE INTY, WHILE SIMULTANEOLY RIPPG HER WORLD OUT OM UNR HER. WH MANY EMOTNS AND STRS, I ACCEPTED HER REQUT TO KEEP THE REASON FOR OUR DIVORCE -- DUE TO ME BEG GAY -- A SECRET FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER YEAR. THIS CLUD KEEPG OM OUR KIDS AND HER SI OF THE FAY.WHEN THE MOMENT TO BREAK THE NEWS TO MY KIDS FALLY ME, I HAD A LOT OF ISSU TO NAVIGATE. OVER 15 MONTHS, I HAD FALIZED THE DIVORCE, MOVED AGA AND TAKEN A NEW JOB BASED CHIGO, 250 AWAY OM MY BOYS. THE DISTANCE WAS TO CREATE SOME SPACE BETWEEN MY NOW EX-WIFE, WHO STGGLED BEG PROXIMY TO ME.I HAD CID I NEED TO BE SAFE, EE OF THE STRS AND EMOTNALLY SANE TO BE A GOOD FATHER TO MY BOYS, EVEN IF THAT MEANT TRANSNG OM EVERY VOLVED DAD DAY-TO-DAY TO A DAY SHUTTLG BETWEEN CHIGO AND THE SUBURBS OF DETRO MULTIPL TIM A MONTH. CHIGO OFFERED THE STABILY I NEED A JOB, IENDSHIP AND AT THIS POT, A NEW RELATNSHIP THAT ALL NTRIBUTED TO MY HEALG THIS NEW GAY WORLD.STT WH HIS IENDS.COURTY JOE KOECHERWE WERE ALL ADJTG TO A NEW, MORN FAY, MORE LIKE A FAY TRANSN. HOMOSEXUALY WASN'T A TOPIC WELL DISCSED OUR FAY. IT WASN'T NECSARILY A BAD TOPIC, JT WASN'T DISCSED. GAY IENDS WERE JT IENDS -- RPECTED BUT THEIR RELATNSHIPS NOT NECSARILY DISCSED. GAY MARRIAGE WAS THE NEWS, BUT NOT DISCSED OUR HOE OTHER THAN THE OCSNAL NEGATIVE MENT OM A CLOSE RELATIVE.A 'NEW MORN-FAY'STT'S MOTHER WH HIS THREE SONS.COURTY STT TACKACS MY KIDS ATTEND A VERY NSERVATIVE, PRIVATE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL. WE CHOSE THE SCHOOL BEE WE WANTED TO GIVE OUR KIDS ACCS TO THE BT TN AND A STRONG FOUNDATN TO TAKE ON THE WORLD. IN MANY WAYS, A LOVG PLACE FOR THEM, BUT I ME TO REALIZE THAT TEACHERS SPOKE OPENLY AGAST GAY CULTURE AND TEXTBOOKS LABELED HOMOSEXUALY AS SFUL AND EVIL. MY KIDS LISTENED AND FOLLOWED THEIR LEAD.EVEN PRR TO G OUT, WAS HARD FOR ME TO HEAR MY KIDS E HOME WH STORI OF TEACHERS GRADG GAY MARRIAGE OR GAY PEOPLE, TO SEE THEIR WORKBOOKS, RERCG THE BIAS AGAST BEG GAY. I DID MY BT TO ENURAGE MY KIDS TO UNRSTAND THAT GOD MA EVERYONE JT THE WAY THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, AND THAT GOD LOV EVERYONE.I HAD TO TEMPER MY WORDS WHEN SUATNS ME UP WH MY KIDS' TN, OUT OF FEAR WOULD DISPT THEIR EXPERIENCE SCHOOL. THE LAST THG I WANTED WAS FOR MY KIDS TO BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY BEE THEY HAD A GAY DAD, WHICH I FELT WAS A POSSIBILY.IN THE YEAR FOLLOWG MY DIVORCE, I AGREED NOT TO TELL THE KIDS I WAS GAY, SO I HAD TO BE REFUL. WHEN I BROUGHT THE KIDS TO CHIGO, WE STAYED A HOTEL AND NOT AT THE HOME I SHARED WH MY BOYIEND. THE MAN I WAS DATG WAS JT A IEND. WE WERE REFUL TO AVOID REFERENC TO "GAY" DISCSNS AND PLAC, ALTHOUGH I LIVED THE GAYBORHOOD OF CHIGO, AN UPSLE, PREDOMANTLY GAY AREA ON CHIGO'S NORTH SI.'SRY'TELLG MY KIDS WAS SRY. I WASN'T SURE WHAT TO EXPECT. THEY HAD ALREADY MET MY BOYIEND MULTIPLE TIM BY THAT POT AND HAD BEE IENDS WH HIM.I STARTED WH MY OLST SON AND THEN EVENTUALLY HIS YOUNGER BROTHERS.THE OLST TOOK THE NEWS THE HARST, AS I EXPECTED. HE WAS A FEW YEARS AHEAD OF HIS BROTHERS BEG DOCTRATED BY HIS SCHOOL AGAST HOMOSEXUALY. ANGRY ABOUT THE DIVORCE, HE ACTED OUT AGAST HIS MOM AND ME. HE WAS FIANT AT TIM AND GENERALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT HIS GAY DAD. HE DIDN'T WANT HIS IENDS TO KNOW AND WAS SRED I MIGHT DO SOMETHG TO CLUE THEM . HE WAS AAID HE WOULD BE TEASED.THE TWS' REACTN WAS MORE MUTED. THEY WERE TOO YOUNG TO UNRSTAND THE NCEPT AND DIDN'T SEEM TO RE AS MUCH. IT WAS MORE OF -- "OK, DAD, LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHG ELSE."STT AND HIS TWO 9-YEAR-OLD TW SONS.COURTY STT TACKACS 'HE LOV ME, BUT HE DON'T SUPPORT MY LIFTYLE'I TRIED TO ASSURE MY SONS THAT DAD WAS THE SAME DAD TO THEM I WAS BEFORE. I TRIED TO RERCED THE G-OUT NCEPT TERMS I FELT THEY WOULD UNRSTAND FOR THEIR AGE SCE RELATNSHIP AND SEXUAL LOVE WASN'T SOMETHG THEY UNRSTOOD YET. EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, THAT STARTED TO PASS.AFTER FOUR YEARS, MY OLST SON'S IENDS KNEW HE HAD A GAY DAD, AND, TO PUT TEENAGE TERMS, WASN'T SO BAD. HE IS STILL EMBARRASSED BY THE WHOLE THG ON SOME LEVEL. HE LOV ME, BUT HE DON'T SUPPORT MY LIFTYLE. I THK HE UNRSTANDS BEG GAY ISN'T A CHOICE ANYMORE, AND I BELIEVE THAT WILL NTUE.MY EX-WIFE CERTALY BORE THE BNT OF THE DAY-TO-DAY WH THE KIDS. SHE STILL DO, AND I KNOW 'S STILL NOT EASY. I DO MY BT TO TRY TO REMA ENGAGED OM A DISTANCE, OFFERG AS MUCH HELP WH THGS LIKE DOCTOR APPOTMENTS, HAIRCUTS, BUYG SHO AND CLOTH, RERCG THEM CLEANG THEIR ROOM AS MUCH AS I ULD.MY WEEKEND VISS WH THE KIDS ULD BE SCRIBED, STILL, AS DRIVG 100 AROUND THE SUBURBS NNG ERRANDS WH THE BOYS, HAVG FUN AND TRYG TO MAKE MEMORABLE EXPERIENC WH THEM.STT WH HIS SISTER AND CHILDRENCOURTY STT TAKACSI HAVE WORKED VERY HARD TO STAY NNECTED TO THE BOYS, AND 'S NOT EASY. CALLG EVERY DAY BEFORE SCHOOL TO WISH THEM OFF, LLG TWO TO THREE TIM AFTER SCHOOL, AND FACETIMG THEM OFTEN. I STILL DRIVE BACK AND FORTH TO MICHIGAN MULTIPLE TIM A MONTH, RACKG UP 1,500 TO 2,000 A MONTH.DON'T HI THE TTHWHAT I'VE LEARNED IS THAT THIS PROCS TAK TIME. I HAD MORE THAN 25 YEARS TO E TO TERMS WH MY INTY, AND THK I EXPECTED THOSE CLOST TO ME WOULD ADJT QUICKLY. THAT'S SIMPLY NOT REALISTIC.FOR THOSE GOG THROUGH THE SAME PROCS: GIVE YOUR WIFE (EX) THE SPACE AND TIME SHE NEEDS TO PROCS THE CHANG, LOVE YOUR KIDS WH ALL YOUR HEART AND BE HONT WH THEM ABOUT THE CHANG.DON'T HI THE TTH ONCE 'S OUT. ONE OF MY BIGGT REGRETS IS NOT TELLG EVERYONE MY FAY AT THE SAME TIME, LYG ABOUT THE REASON WE DIVORCED. I WISH I HAD NOT AGREED TO THAT, BUT ALSO UNRSTAND AT THE TIME SEEMED LIKE MA SENSE.I DON'T REGRET THE PATH I WENT DOWN. I STILL BELIEVE WAS GOD'S PLAN THE WAY THGS HAVE GONE; HAD THEY NOT, I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD 20 GOOD YEARS WH MY NOW EX-WIFE, AND I WOULDN'T HAVE THREE AWOME BOYS. I WOULDN'T TRA THAT FOR ANYTHG.MY WISH IS THAT THGS WILL NTUE TO REANIZE AND ONE DAY WE'LL ALL LOOK BACK AT 2014 AND 'LL JT BE ANOTHER FLECTN POTS OUR LIFE.I HELPED START A GROUP FOR GAY FATHERS CHIGO AND HAS SHOWN ME THAT THERE ARE OTHER GAY FATHERS AHEAD OF ME THEIR G-OUT JOURNEY WH POSIVE EXPERIENC TO SHARE. AFTER YEARS OF HARD WORK, THEY HAVE MARRIED MEN, THEIR EX HAVE MARRIED AS WELL, AND THEY ALL ENJOY VATNS, BIRTHDAYS, AND SHARE THE JOY OF THEIR CHILDREN LIKE ONE, BIG, MORN FAY.STT, HIS PARTNER, JOE, AND HIS THREE SONS.COURTY STT TAKACSTHIS STORY WAS ORIGALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 19, 2018.RELATED TOPICSLGBTQUP NEXT LIVG—LOOK UP! AUGT'S 'BLUE SUPERMOON' WON'T BE SEEN AGA UNTIL 2037AUGT 29, 2023DISNEY AND MAKE-A-WISH REACH 150,000 WISH GRANTED AT ONCE UPON A WISH PARTYAUGT 28, 2023HOW WBOYS, NSTCTN CREWS AND A NOE CLUB KEPT OTHER MI FIR OM BEG 'ANOTHER LAHAA'AUGT 25, 2023PILOT THANKS FLIGHT ATTENDANT MOM SURPRISE SPEECH ON THEIR 1ST FLIGHT TOGETHERAUGT 24, 2023UP NEXT LIVG—LOOK UP! AUGT'S 'BLUE SUPERMOON' WON'T BE SEEN AGA UNTIL 2037AUGT 29, 2023DISNEY AND MAKE-A-WISH REACH 150,000 WISH GRANTED AT ONCE UPON A WISH PARTYAUGT 28, 2023HOW WBOYS, NSTCTN CREWS AND A NOE CLUB KEPT OTHER MI FIR OM BEG 'ANOTHER LAHAA'AUGT 25, 2023PILOT THANKS FLIGHT ATTENDANT MOM SURPRISE SPEECH ON THEIR 1ST FLIGHT TOGETHERAUGT 24, 2023

"After beg blamed for makg their sons gay the 70's, moms now get the regnn they serve for raisg betiful sons, " Miller out more about the group here.

How Olr Brothers Influence HomosexualyHomosexualy might be partly driven by a mother’s immune rponse to her male fet—which creas wh each son she MacGregor / RtersHere’s what we know: Homosexualy is normal. Female Japane maqu will even pete tersexually wh mal for exclive accs to female sexual ’s what we don’t know: What, specifilly, someone to bee gay, straight, or somethg between.

Part of the explanatn is geic, but bee most intil tws of gay people are straight, heredy don’t expla “why” qutn is important bee “there is a strong rrelatn between beliefs about the origs of sexual orientatn and tolerance of non-heterosexualy, ” acrdg to the report thors, who are om seven universi spanng the globe. (When Atlantic ntributor Chandler Burr proposed his 1996 book, A Separate Creatn, that people are born gay, Southern Baptists lled to boytt Disney films and parks prott agast the publisher, Disney subsidiary Hypern.

I THK OUR SON IS GAY

) It shouldn’t matter whether people “choose” to be gay, but polilly, do—at least for of the most nsistent environmental explanatns for homosexualy is lled the “aternal birth orr effect. Average prevalence 2013 (Sav-Williams and Vrangalova)Acrdg to the report, Blanchard now plans to tt mothers of gay and straight men for the prence of the antibodi. But gaps will rema, such as why some firstborn sons are gay, why some intil tws of gay sons are straight, and why women are gay, to name jt a review-paper thors do le out one explanatn for homosexualy, however: That tolerance for gay people enurag more people to bee gay.

“Homosexual orientatn do not crease equency wh social tolerance, although s exprsn ( behavr and open intifitn) may do so, ” they reasong—that a tolerant society somehow enurag homosexualy to flourish—has been ed to support anti-gay legislatn Uganda, Rsia, and elsewhere. When he was CEO of Man Stanley (MS) and Cred Suisse First Boston (CS), John Mack was known for his progrsive views on lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr equaly. "I had strong views of beg anti-gay, " Mack said this month at a nference hosted by Out on the Street, an anizatn that helps firms rec and reta LGBT talent.