Defns | The Office of Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenr, Queer, and Intersex Life | Vanrbilt Universy

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• HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS "STRAIGHT""I TOLD MY PARENTS, 'I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY.'" {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017/8:00 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}KISSBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017 / 8:00 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS \"STRAIGHT\"","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"KRISTA MASIC","KEYWORDS":"OPN","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LIKE MANY BISEXUALS, MY G OUT WAS WAS DRAWN OUT AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE FIRST QUEER PERSON I EVER DATED WAS A TRANSGENR MAN. WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER, HE WAS NEARG THE END OF A SPENT INTIFYG AS A BUTCH LBIAN. HE HAD JT BEGUN TO REALIZE HE MIGHT BE TRANS, BUT HADN’T YET TAKEN ANY OUTWARD STEPS TOWARD {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I WAS 22 AND HAD JT MOVED TO SAN FRANCIS. UNTIL THEN, I HAD ONLY EVER DATED STRAIGHT, CISGENR GUYS—SOMETHG MY NEW PARTNER ACTUALLY LIKED ABOUT ME. IT MA HIM FEEL LIKE I WAS MORE ATTRACTED TO THE THE MAN HE ASPIRED TO BE THAN THE LBIAN HE STILL INTIFIED AS, BUT SPECTED HE MIGHT ONE DAY LEAVE BEHD.COUPLE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I LIKED THAT DYNAMIC: HIS MASCULY WAS GENTLE, ANDROGYNO, AND SUBVERSIVE, AND THAT'S WHAT DREW ME TO HIM. IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME BRAND OF MASCULY I'D ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO CISGENR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN I FALLY TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATNSHIP, I SAID, "I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO FE MYSELF. I WASN'T YET READY TO EXPLA MY PARTNER'S -FLUX GENR INTY. (AT THE TIME, HE WAS STILL G HIS BIRTH NAME AND FEMALE PRONOUNS). I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A LBIAN, AND I FELY DIDN'T WANT E THE WORD "BISEXUAL." I HELD EVERY NCEIVABLE NEGATIVE NNOTATN TO THAT WORD: BISEXUALS WERE FAKERS AND ATTENTN-SEEKERS, PUNCHL OM BAD '90S MOVI. THEY WERE CISIVE AT BT, AND GREEDY AT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ALSO BELIEVED THAT THE “BI” “BISEXUAL” RELIED ON THE THEORY OF A GENR BARY I WAS RAPIDLY LOSG FAH . (IN TTH, "BI" IMPLI ATTRACTN TO MEMBERS OF BOTH ONE’S OWN AND OTHER GENRS). ULTIMATELY, FELT EASIER TO FE MY SEXUALY TERMS OF WHAT WASN'{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BUT THE LONG NIGHTS I SPENT TELLG MY PARTNER ABOUT ALL THE "GAY MOMENTS" MY CHILDHOOD THAT SUDNLY MA A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE—ALWAYS VOLUNTEERG TO PLAY THE GROOM PLAYGROUND “WEDDGS,” ASKG OTHER GIRLS AT A SLUMBER PARTY TO “PRACTICE” MAKG OUT, ROMANTIC IENDSHIPS WH A LONG LE OF TEENAGE BFFS— BEME CREASGLY APPARENT THAT I REALLY WASN'T STRAIGHT, EHER. I WAS AS ATTRACTED TO THE LGERG FEME ASPECTS OF MY PARTNER AS I WAS TO THE MASCULE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LUCKILY, I FOUND A LABEL JT FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO F ME LIKE A SEND SK: "QUEER." AND AS I EXPLORED MY NEW HOME SAN FRANCIS I MA DOZENS OF NEW IENDS WHO ALSO ALL SEEMED TO BE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, MY FIRST QUEER LOVE AND I BROKE UP—THOUGH WE LEFT ON GOOD TERMS. (HE LATER WROTE A LOVELY MEMOIR ABOUT HIS TRANSN AND OUR RELATNSHIP GOT A CHAPTER, FTGLY TLED "THE QUEER BIRDS AND THE BE."){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SOON AFTER WE PARTED WAYS, I BEGAN DATG ANOTHER TRANS GUY WHO WAS PRETTY UNIVERSALLY PERCEIVED AS A CISGENR DU. IN THOSE EARLY YEARS OF FUMBLG THROUGH MY NEWFOUND QUEERNS, I WAS DIRE NEED OF ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT OM THE LGBT MUNY. BUT BEE OF HOW I LOOKED (MORE STRAIGHT THAN FEMME) AND WHO I WAS DATG (TRANS MEN), I FELT TRATED OVER BEG RENRED VISIBLE QUEER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PEOPLE GAY BARS WOULD REFER TO ME AND MY BOYIEND AS A STRAIGHT UPLE, OR TO ME AS A STRAIGHT WOMAN, WHICH MA ME FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIR WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY OWN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN CASTRO BARS, OLR GAY MEN WKGLY UTNED ME THAT MY BOYIEND, WHO THEY PERCEIVED AS CISGENR, "MIGHT BE A LTLE B ON THE GAY SI." I BETTER BE "REFUL,” THEY'D TEASE, OR ONE OF THEM JT MIGHT SNATCH HIM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DURG PRI, A DNK WOMAN ONCE TOLD ME SHE LOVED SEEG STRAIGHT PEOPLE LIKE OUT SOLIDARY. SHE ADD THAT MY BOYIEND WAS REALLY CUTE, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY BEE SHE WAS "SUPER GAY.” AT THE TIME, I WAS CKED OUT RABOW GEAR OM HEAD TO TOE AND MY BOYIEND WAS WEARG A T-SHIRT THAT SAID "NOBODY KNOWS I'M TRANSGENR."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I NEVER OUTED MY TRANS BOYIEND (THOUGH HE OCSNALLY OUTED HIMSELF THE SCENARS), BUT I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE LANGUAGE I NEED TO OUT MYSELF, EHER. INSTEAD, I GENERALLY HANDLED THE TRATNS BY SILENTLY FEELG SORRY FOR MYSELF. OR IF I'D HAD A FEW DRKS, SHOUTG THGS LIKE, "YOU HAVE NO IA HOW GAY HE IS—HE'S GAY FOR ME!" BEFORE STORMG OUT OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT WAS STRANGE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ON THE OTHER HAND, I WAS ALSO WELL AWARE THAT MY ABILY TO PASS AS STRAIGHT—BOTH ON MY OWN AND THE NTEXT OF MY RELATNSHIP—EARNED ME A CERTA AMOUNT OF PRIVILEGE, PECIALLY THE WORLD BEYOND SAN FRANCIS. AND EVERY TIME I WATCHED MY PARTNER PEEK TO A SKETCHY MEN’S ROOM TO MAKE SURE WAS EMPTY BEFORE DARG TO GO , I WAS AWARE OF HOW BEG CISGENR GAVE ME PRIVILEGE, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT MA ME FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T PLA, LIKE I SHOULD BE NTENT TO SWEEP THE PLEXI OF MY OWN INTY UNR THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, A AND MANY RELATNSHIPS ACROSS THE GENR SPECTM LATER, I’M BETTER EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THE SUATNS. IN PART, THAT’S BEE I HAVE A MORE EFFECTIVE VOBULARY TO DO SO: I AM PROUDLY, UNAPOLOGETILLY BISEXUAL. AND STILL QUEER AF, EVEN WHEN DATG A STRAIGHT CISGENR MAN, LIKE I AM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT’S ALSO THANKS TO MY EXPOSURE TO THE ADVOCY WORK OF ANIZATNS LIKE HRC AND BINETUSA, THE CREASED VISIBILY OF BISEXUAL CELEBRI LIKE ANNA PAQU, ALAN CUMMG, AND EVAN RACHEL WOOD, AND EVEN BISEXUAL YOUTUBE STARS WHO HELPED ME BUNK THE MYTHS I’D TERNALIZED ABOUT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MAKG A FEW OUT AND PROUD BISEXUAL IENDS DIDN’T HURT, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, IF SOMEONE AT A GAY BAR ASSUM I’M STRAIGHT—BEE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE OR WHAT MY RELATNSHIP LOOKS LIKE—I TAKE AS AN OPPORTUNY TO OUT MYSELF (UALLY POLELY, AND WHOUT AS MUCH DNK YELLG). I PROUDLY REP THE B {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN REALY, A LOT OF BISEXUAL WOMEN ARE RELATNSHIPS THAT LOOK "STRAIGHT": MORE THAN 80% OF THEM MTED RELATNSHIPS REPORT HAVG A PARTNER OF THE OPPOSE SEX. (WHICH, AS A REMR, DON'T MAKE THEM ANY LS BI.) AND A LOT OF TRANS PEOPLE ARE QUEER RELATNSHIPS THAT MAY APPEAR HETERONORMATIVE OM THE OUTSI, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A STRAIGHT UPLE AT THE GAY BAR, KEEP MD THAT QUEER UPL E ALL DIFFERENT BATNS. AND THEY SERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND WELE LGBT SPAC, NO MATTER WHAT THEIR LOVE LOOKS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS
• LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, QUEER, & INTERSEX LIFE
• GAY
• POWER FNS OF GAY AF
• MEANG OF GAY ENGLISH
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS "STRAIGHT""I TOLD MY PARENTS, 'I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY.'" {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017/8:00 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}KISSBY KRISTA MASICFEBARY 13, 2017 / 8:00 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU'RE QUEER AF, BUT YOUR RELATNSHIP LOOKS \"STRAIGHT\"","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-02-13T13:00:04.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"KRISTA MASIC","KEYWORDS":"OPN","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LIKE MANY BISEXUALS, MY G OUT WAS WAS DRAWN OUT AND {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE FIRST QUEER PERSON I EVER DATED WAS A TRANSGENR MAN. WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER, HE WAS NEARG THE END OF A SPENT INTIFYG AS A BUTCH LBIAN. HE HAD JT BEGUN TO REALIZE HE MIGHT BE TRANS, BUT HADN’T YET TAKEN ANY OUTWARD STEPS TOWARD {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I WAS 22 AND HAD JT MOVED TO SAN FRANCIS. UNTIL THEN, I HAD ONLY EVER DATED STRAIGHT, CISGENR GUYS—SOMETHG MY NEW PARTNER ACTUALLY LIKED ABOUT ME. IT MA HIM FEEL LIKE I WAS MORE ATTRACTED TO THE THE MAN HE ASPIRED TO BE THAN THE LBIAN HE STILL INTIFIED AS, BUT SPECTED HE MIGHT ONE DAY LEAVE BEHD.COUPLE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I LIKED THAT DYNAMIC: HIS MASCULY WAS GENTLE, ANDROGYNO, AND SUBVERSIVE, AND THAT'S WHAT DREW ME TO HIM. IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME BRAND OF MASCULY I'D ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO CISGENR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHEN I FALLY TOLD MY PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATNSHIP, I SAID, "I'M DATG A WOMAN RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M NOT GAY."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO FE MYSELF. I WASN'T YET READY TO EXPLA MY PARTNER'S -FLUX GENR INTY. (AT THE TIME, HE WAS STILL G HIS BIRTH NAME AND FEMALE PRONOUNS). I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A LBIAN, AND I FELY DIDN'T WANT E THE WORD "BISEXUAL." I HELD EVERY NCEIVABLE NEGATIVE NNOTATN TO THAT WORD: BISEXUALS WERE FAKERS AND ATTENTN-SEEKERS, PUNCHL OM BAD '90S MOVI. THEY WERE CISIVE AT BT, AND GREEDY AT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ALSO BELIEVED THAT THE “BI” “BISEXUAL” RELIED ON THE THEORY OF A GENR BARY I WAS RAPIDLY LOSG FAH . (IN TTH, "BI" IMPLI ATTRACTN TO MEMBERS OF BOTH ONE’S OWN AND OTHER GENRS). ULTIMATELY, FELT EASIER TO FE MY SEXUALY TERMS OF WHAT WASN'{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BUT THE LONG NIGHTS I SPENT TELLG MY PARTNER ABOUT ALL THE "GAY MOMENTS" MY CHILDHOOD THAT SUDNLY MA A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE—ALWAYS VOLUNTEERG TO PLAY THE GROOM PLAYGROUND “WEDDGS,” ASKG OTHER GIRLS AT A SLUMBER PARTY TO “PRACTICE” MAKG OUT, ROMANTIC IENDSHIPS WH A LONG LE OF TEENAGE BFFS— BEME CREASGLY APPARENT THAT I REALLY WASN'T STRAIGHT, EHER. I WAS AS ATTRACTED TO THE LGERG FEME ASPECTS OF MY PARTNER AS I WAS TO THE MASCULE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LUCKILY, I FOUND A LABEL JT FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO F ME LIKE A SEND SK: "QUEER." AND AS I EXPLORED MY NEW HOME SAN FRANCIS I MA DOZENS OF NEW IENDS WHO ALSO ALL SEEMED TO BE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, MY FIRST QUEER LOVE AND I BROKE UP—THOUGH WE LEFT ON GOOD TERMS. (HE LATER WROTE A LOVELY MEMOIR ABOUT HIS TRANSN AND OUR RELATNSHIP GOT A CHAPTER, FTGLY TLED "THE QUEER BIRDS AND THE BE."){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SOON AFTER WE PARTED WAYS, I BEGAN DATG ANOTHER TRANS GUY WHO WAS PRETTY UNIVERSALLY PERCEIVED AS A CISGENR DU. IN THOSE EARLY YEARS OF FUMBLG THROUGH MY NEWFOUND QUEERNS, I WAS DIRE NEED OF ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT OM THE LGBT MUNY. BUT BEE OF HOW I LOOKED (MORE STRAIGHT THAN FEMME) AND WHO I WAS DATG (TRANS MEN), I FELT TRATED OVER BEG RENRED VISIBLE QUEER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}PEOPLE GAY BARS WOULD REFER TO ME AND MY BOYIEND AS A STRAIGHT UPLE, OR TO ME AS A STRAIGHT WOMAN, WHICH MA ME FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIR WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY OWN {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN CASTRO BARS, OLR GAY MEN WKGLY UTNED ME THAT MY BOYIEND, WHO THEY PERCEIVED AS CISGENR, "MIGHT BE A LTLE B ON THE GAY SI." I BETTER BE "REFUL,” THEY'D TEASE, OR ONE OF THEM JT MIGHT SNATCH HIM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DURG PRI, A DNK WOMAN ONCE TOLD ME SHE LOVED SEEG STRAIGHT PEOPLE LIKE OUT SOLIDARY. SHE ADD THAT MY BOYIEND WAS REALLY CUTE, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY BEE SHE WAS "SUPER GAY.” AT THE TIME, I WAS CKED OUT RABOW GEAR OM HEAD TO TOE AND MY BOYIEND WAS WEARG A T-SHIRT THAT SAID "NOBODY KNOWS I'M TRANSGENR."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I NEVER OUTED MY TRANS BOYIEND (THOUGH HE OCSNALLY OUTED HIMSELF THE SCENARS), BUT I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE LANGUAGE I NEED TO OUT MYSELF, EHER. INSTEAD, I GENERALLY HANDLED THE TRATNS BY SILENTLY FEELG SORRY FOR MYSELF. OR IF I'D HAD A FEW DRKS, SHOUTG THGS LIKE, "YOU HAVE NO IA HOW GAY HE IS—HE'S GAY FOR ME!" BEFORE STORMG OUT OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT WAS STRANGE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ON THE OTHER HAND, I WAS ALSO WELL AWARE THAT MY ABILY TO PASS AS STRAIGHT—BOTH ON MY OWN AND THE NTEXT OF MY RELATNSHIP—EARNED ME A CERTA AMOUNT OF PRIVILEGE, PECIALLY THE WORLD BEYOND SAN FRANCIS. AND EVERY TIME I WATCHED MY PARTNER PEEK TO A SKETCHY MEN’S ROOM TO MAKE SURE WAS EMPTY BEFORE DARG TO GO , I WAS AWARE OF HOW BEG CISGENR GAVE ME PRIVILEGE, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT MA ME FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T PLA, LIKE I SHOULD BE NTENT TO SWEEP THE PLEXI OF MY OWN INTY UNR THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, A AND MANY RELATNSHIPS ACROSS THE GENR SPECTM LATER, I’M BETTER EQUIPPED TO HANDLE THE SUATNS. IN PART, THAT’S BEE I HAVE A MORE EFFECTIVE VOBULARY TO DO SO: I AM PROUDLY, UNAPOLOGETILLY BISEXUAL. AND STILL QUEER AF, EVEN WHEN DATG A STRAIGHT CISGENR MAN, LIKE I AM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT’S ALSO THANKS TO MY EXPOSURE TO THE ADVOCY WORK OF ANIZATNS LIKE HRC AND BINETUSA, THE CREASED VISIBILY OF BISEXUAL CELEBRI LIKE ANNA PAQU, ALAN CUMMG, AND EVAN RACHEL WOOD, AND EVEN BISEXUAL YOUTUBE STARS WHO HELPED ME BUNK THE MYTHS I’D TERNALIZED ABOUT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MAKG A FEW OUT AND PROUD BISEXUAL IENDS DIDN’T HURT, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, IF SOMEONE AT A GAY BAR ASSUM I’M STRAIGHT—BEE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE OR WHAT MY RELATNSHIP LOOKS LIKE—I TAKE AS AN OPPORTUNY TO OUT MYSELF (UALLY POLELY, AND WHOUT AS MUCH DNK YELLG). I PROUDLY REP THE B {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IN REALY, A LOT OF BISEXUAL WOMEN ARE RELATNSHIPS THAT LOOK "STRAIGHT": MORE THAN 80% OF THEM MTED RELATNSHIPS REPORT HAVG A PARTNER OF THE OPPOSE SEX. (WHICH, AS A REMR, DON'T MAKE THEM ANY LS BI.) AND A LOT OF TRANS PEOPLE ARE QUEER RELATNSHIPS THAT MAY APPEAR HETERONORMATIVE OM THE OUTSI, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A STRAIGHT UPLE AT THE GAY BAR, KEEP MD THAT QUEER UPL E ALL DIFFERENT BATNS. AND THEY SERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND WELE LGBT SPAC, NO MATTER WHAT THEIR LOVE LOOKS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

Sexual orientatn refers to the endurg physil, romantic and/or emotnal attractn to members of the same and/or other genrs, cludg lbian, gay, bisexual and straight orientatns. As GLAAD not, "Transgenr people may be straight, lbian, gay, bisexual or queer.

LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, QUEER, & INTERSEX LIFE

A person who transns om female to male and is attracted solely to men would typilly intify as a gay man.

GAY

It was exactly the same brand of masculy I'd always been attracted to cisgenr I fally told my parents about our relatnship, I said, "I'm datg a woman right now, but I'm not gay. Ultimately, felt easier to fe my sexualy terms of what wasn' the long nights I spent tellg my partner about all the "gay moments" my childhood that sudnly ma a whole lot more sense—always volunteerg to play the groom playground “weddgs, ” askg other girls at a slumber party to “practice” makg out, romantic iendships wh a long le of teenage BFFs— beme creasgly apparent that I really wasn't straight, eher. But bee of how I looked (more straight than femme) and who I was datg (trans men), I felt trated over beg renred visible queer gay bars would refer to me and my boyiend as a straight uple, or to me as a straight woman, which ma me feel like an outsir what was supposed to be my own Castro bars, olr gay men wkgly utned me that my boyiend, who they perceived as cisgenr, "might be a ltle b on the gay si.

She add that my boyiend was really cute, but I didn't have to worry bee she was "super gay.

Or if I'd had a few drks, shoutg thgs like, "You have no ia how gay he is—he's gay for me! And still queer AF, even when datg a straight cisgenr man, like I am ’s also thanks to my exposure to the advocy work of anizatns like HRC and BiNetUSA, the creased visibily of bisexual celebri like Anna Paqu, Alan Cummg, and Evan Rachel Wood, and even bisexual YouTube stars who helped me bunk the myths I’d ternalized about a few out and proud bisexual iends didn’t hurt,, if someone at a gay bar assum I’m straight—bee of what I look like or what my relatnship looks like—I take as an opportuny to out myself (ually polely, and whout as much dnk yellg).

POWER FNS OF GAY AF

) And a lot of trans people are queer relatnships that may appear heteronormative om the outsi,, the next time you see what appears to be a straight uple at the gay bar, keep md that queer upl e all different batns. Pri, formerly known as Gay Pri, is a regnn of LGBTQ inty, affirmatn of equal rights, and celebratn of visibily, digny, and diversy the LGBTQ muny.

MEANG OF GAY ENGLISH

While the word homosexual is still ocsnally ed some ntexts, you might have noticed that don’t make an appearance any versn of the LGBTQ acronym.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY

As our age note on the term stat, “up until 1973, homosexualy was listed The Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), psychiatry’s standard reference on the classifitn of mental illns.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

People aware of this former tegorizatn feel that the term homosexual still rri a negative nnotatn. And many feel that this word plac undue emphasis on sexual activy, or that sounds overly clil.” In fact, the term homosexual was liberately rejected by early gay rights activists bee, acrdg to The New York Tim, “they did not want to be intified as exclively sexual begs.”. For the and other reasons, the term homosexual is wily nsired disparagg and offensive.

Gay, on the other hand, n be ed to scribe a person of any genr who experienc same-sex attractn, although is most often ed to scribe a man who is attracted to men. The days, the term homosexual is typilly limed to medil ntexts, if ed at all.

On June 28, 1969, the New York Cy police raid the Stonewall Inn, a bar equented by gay and genr-nonnformg people (at a time when terms like LGBTQ didn’t yet exist). They attempted to arrt the gay and trans bar patrons, which started a seri of protts agast the police. Partially rponse to Stonewall, 1970, queer activists New York Cy anized a march to Central Park wh the theme “Gay Pri.” A more prehensive history of the Stonewall Rt or the Stonewall Uprisg n be found our Pri Month explaer.

Trans activist Slyvia Rivera particular advoted for the more forceful slogan “Gay power.”. However, unlike homosexual, has been wily reappropriated by the LGBTQ muny as a label. Queer lerally means “strange or odd om a nventnal viewpot,” and by at least by the late 1800s, queer was ployed as a rogatory term for an effemate or gay man.

In 1990, this effort foced on queer as a llective term for gay and lbian people. Queer was seen as a way to refer to gays and lbians whout beg genr-sentialist or g divisns wh the muny.