Gay cis you don't want to miss - The Pots Guy

Contents:

• I WENT ON A 10-DAY CISE WH 4,000 OTHER GAY MEN. I CRIED FOR DAYS AFTER END, AND I N'T WA TO GO BACK.
• DEPRSN IS KILLG GAY MEN
• THE 8 TOP GAY CIS FOR 2023
• I WENT ON MY FIRST GAY CISE — HERE'S WHAT IT WAS LIKE
• GAY MEN’S DEPRSN COPG GUI
• 12 TOP GAY CIS YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS 2023 AND 2024
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

I WENT ON A 10-DAY CISE WH 4,000 OTHER GAY MEN. I CRIED FOR DAYS AFTER END, AND I N'T WA TO GO BACK.

In our lifetime, the gay muny has ma more progrs on legal and social acceptance than any other mographic group history. Still, even as we celebrate the sle and speed of this change, the rat of prsn, lonels and substance abe the gay muny rema stuck the same place they’ve been for s. Gay people are now, pendg on the study, between 2 and 10 tim more likely than straight people to take their own liv.

In a survey of gay men who recently arrived New York Cy, three-quarters suffered om anxiety or prsn, abed dgs or alhol or were havg risky sex—or some batn of the three. “Marriage equaly and the chang legal stat were an improvement for some gay men, ” says Christopher Stults, a rearcher at New York Universy who studi the differenc mental health between gay and straight men.

In the Netherlands, where gay marriage has been legal sce 2001, gay men rema three tim more likely to suffer om a mood disorr than straight men, and 10 tim more likely to engage “suicidal self-harm. TTravis Salway, a rearcher wh the BC Centre for Disease Control Vanuver, has spent the last five years tryg to figure out why gay men keep killg themselv.

DEPRSN IS KILLG GAY MEN

By the late 2000s, he was a social worker and epimlogist and, like me, was stck by the growg distance between his straight and gay iends.

When the dispary first me to light the ’50s and ’60s, doctors thought was a symptom of homosexualy self, jt one of many maniftatns of what was, at the time, known as “sexual versn. ” As the gay rights movement gaed steam, though, homosexualy disappeared om the DSM and the explanatn shifted to trma. “That was the ia I had, too, ” Salway says, “that gay suici was a product of a bygone era, or was ncentrated among adolcents who didn’t see any other way out.

He found that gay men everywhere, at every age, have higher rat of rdvascular disease, ncer, ntence, erectile dysfunctn, ⁠ allergi and asthma—you name , we got . “We see gay men who have never been sexually or physilly asslted wh siar post-trmatic strs symptoms to people who have been bat suatns or who have been raped, ” says Alex Kroghlian, a psychiatrist at the Fenway Instute’s Center for Populatn Rearch LGBT Health.

THE 8 TOP GAY CIS FOR 2023

“When you ask them why they tried to kill themselv, ” he says, “most of them don’t mentn anythg at all about beg gay. By the time he got to high school, Adam had learned to manage his mannerisms so well that no one spected him of beg gay. And I kept nyg was a problem bee I had always told myself, ‘I’ve e out, I moved to San Francis, I’m done, I did what I had to do as a gay person.

For s, this is what psychologists thought, too: that the key stag inty formatn for gay men all led up to g out, that once we were fally fortable wh ourselv, we uld beg buildg a life wh a muny of people who’d gone through the same thg. “It’s like you emerge om the closet expectg to be this butterfly and the gay muny jt slaps the ialism out of you, ” Adam says.

I WENT ON MY FIRST GAY CISE — HERE'S WHAT IT WAS LIKE

It got so bad that I ed to go to the grocery store that was 40 mut away stead of the one that was 10 mut away jt bee I was so aaid to walk down the gay street. Several studi have found that livg gay neighborhoods predicts higher rat of risky sex and meth e and ls time spent on other muny activi like volunteerg or playg sports. A 2009 study suggted that gay men who were more lked to the gay muny were ls satisfied wh their own romantic relatnships.

GAY MEN’S DEPRSN COPG GUI

Acrdg to Dane Whicker, a clil psychologist and rearcher at De, most gay men report that they want to date someone mascule, and that they wished they acted more mascule themselv. Or maybe ’s ternalized homophobia: Feme gay men are still stereotyped as bottoms, the receptive partner anal sex.

12 TOP GAY CIS YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS 2023 AND 2024

A two-year longudal study found that the longer gay men were out of the closet, the more likely they were to bee versatile or tops. Rearchers say this kd of trag, liberately tryg to appear more mascule and takg on a different sex role, is jt one of the ways gay men prsure each other to atta “sexual pal, ” the equivalent of gog to the gym or pluckg our eyebrows. So, his sophomore year, he started watchg his male teachers for their flt posns, liberately standg wh his feet wi, his arms at his sis.

In the last 10 years, tradnal gay spac—bars, nightclubs, bathho—have begun to disappear, and have been replaced by social media. Usually when you hear about the shockg primacy of hookup apps gay life—Grdr, the most popular, says s average er spends 90 mut per day on —’s some panicked media story about murrers or homophob trawlg them for victims, or about the troublg “chemsex” scen that have spng up London and New York.

But the real effect of the apps is quieter, ls remarked-upon and, a way, more profound: For many of , they have bee the primary way we teract wh other gay people. The worst thg about the apps, though, and why they’re relevant to the health dispary between gay and straight men, is not jt that we e them a lot.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

In terviews that Elr, the post-trmatic strs rearcher, nducted wh gay men 2015, he found that 90 percent said they wanted a partner who was tall, young, whe, mcular and mascule. Walt Ots, a psychologist who’s been wrg about social isolatn sce the 1980s, says that gay men ed to be troubled by the bathho the same way they are troubled by Grdr now.

The gay men I terviewed talked about the datg apps the same way straight people talk about Comst: It sucks, but what are you gonna do?

“We often live our liv through the ey of others, ” says Alan Downs, a psychologist and the thor of The Velvet Rage, a book about gay men’s stggle wh shame and social validatn. PPerry Halkis, a profsor at NYU, has been studyg the health gap between gay people and straight people sce the early ’90s. He has published four books on gay culture and has terviewed men dyg of HIV, reverg om party dgs and stgglg to plan their own weddgs.