A Mnota school district rpond to allegatns Friday that had asked stunts to role-play gay and transgenr sex scenars before classmat as part of s sex tn curriculum.
Contents:
- FALLY THE GREAT GAY AGENDA IS WORKG! TWICE AS MANY OF NOW INTIFY AS LGBTQ+
- BRAWASH 3/7 – GAY STRAIGHT
- WATCH: CHILD BEG ‘BRAWASHED’ TO RECE ‘GAYBCS’ DRAWS SER CONCERNS
- FALLY THE GREAT GAY AGENDA IS WORKG! TWICE AS MANY OF NOW INTIFY AS LGBTQ+
- IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?
- CONVERSN THERAPY IS ‘ABE’ AND ‘BRAWASHG,’ SAY ITS LGBTQ SURVIVORS‘CULTISH’EDUARDO RIBAS/GETTYAFTER THE 11TH CIRCU LIVERED A PRO-NVERSN THERAPY LG, SURVIVORS OF THE PRACTICE REVEAL WHAT THEY ENDURED AND HOW THEY REVERED THIS SEND OF OUR SPECIAL SERI.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED DEC. 02, 2020 7:50AM EST / PUBLISHED DEC. 02, 2020 4:56AM EST WARNG: SOME REARS MAY FD SCRIPTNS OF THE EXPERIENC AND ALLEGED THERAPTIC PRACTIC DISTURBG.ON NOV. 20, THE 11TH CIRCU COURT OF APPEALS STCK DOWN BANS ON JUVENILE GAY NVERSN THERAPY SOUTH FLORIDA. THE MAJORY VOT THE 2-1 CISN ME OM TWO TMP-APPOTED JUDG, WHO ARGUED THAT THE THERAPISTS’ PRACTICG THIS MO OF THERAPY—ROUNDGLY NMNED BY EVERY PROFSNAL BODY THE FIELD—WERE HAVG THEIR EEDOM OF SPEECH VLATED BY BEG BANNED OM PRACTICG.LGBTQ MPAIGNERS DO NOT KNOW IF THE LG WILL HAVE A PRACTIL EFFECT. IT IS PRENTLY AN OUTLIER AND FOR ACTIVISTS AN ALARMG EXAMPLE OF TMP’S EFFICIENT PACKG OF LOWER AND HIGHER URTS WH NSERVATIVE JUDG, CLUDG THE SUPREME COURT WH S CURRENT 6-3 NSERVATIVE MAJORY (WHERE A CISN A RELIG EEDOM/LGBTQ FOSTERG SE IS ALREADY PENDG). THE 11TH CIRCU CISN ALSO UNNERV ACTIVISTS WHO THOUGHT THAT A WI NSENS HAD LONG BEEN REACHED THAT NVERSN THERAPY—THE IA THAT THERAPY N BE ED TO TURN LGBTQ PEOPLE STRAIGHT—WAS DANGERO AND WRONG. MATHEW SHURKA, -FOUNR OF BORN PERFECT, A GROUP FOR SURVIVORS OF NVERSN THERAPY (LIKE HIMSELF), TOLD THE DAILY BEAST THAT THE LG RAN NTRARY TO THE 107 LAWS HAVE BEEN PASSED AGAST THE PRACTICE 20 STAT, 84 CI, AND WH THE SUPPORT OF OVER 2,000 ELECTED OFFICIALS, REPUBLIN AND DEMOCRAT. IT SEEMED UNTIL NOW THAT NVERSN THERAPY WAS AN ISSUE ON WHICH THERE WAS LEGAL, MEDIL, AND POLIL AGREEMENT.DISSENTG 11TH CIRCU JUDGE BEVERLY MART, QUOTG THE AMERIN PSYCHOLOGIL ASSOCIATN, SAID THAT THIS WAS A THERAPY THAT ED PATIENTS “ANGER, ANXIETY, NFN, PRSN, GRIEF, GUILT, HOPELSNS, TERRATED RELATNSHIPS WH FAY, LOSS OF SOCIAL SUPPORT, LOSS OF FAH, POOR SELF-IMAGE, SOCIAL ISOLATN, TIMACY DIFFICULTI, TSIVE IMAGERY, SUICIDAL IATN, SELF-HATRED, AND SEXUAL DYSFUNCTN.”CONVERSN THERAPISTS THEMSELV N OM THAT SCRIPTOR, AND YET STILL OFFER THE THERAPY UNR NEW GUIS, SHURKA SAID. NOW RE-LABELED UNR PHRAS LIKE “SEXUAL ORIENTATN CHANGE EFFORTS” (SOCE), REMAS PREVALENT: AN TIMATED 700,000 PEOPLE LIVG AMERI TODAY HAVE BEEN THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY, ACRDG TO THE TREVOR PROJECT. ACRDG TO S 2020 NATNAL SURVEY ON LGBTQ YOUTH MENTAL HEALTH, 10 PERCENT OF LGBTQ YOUTH REPORTED UNRGOG NVERSN THERAPY, WH 78 PERCENT OF THAT GROUP SAYG THEY HAD WHEN THEY WERE AGED UNR 18.IN THIS, THE SEND OF TWO SPECIAL ARTICL, THE DAILY BEAST SPEAKS TO NVERSN THERAPY SURVIVORS ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENC. RANDY THOMAS, 52, IS FORMER VICE PRINT OF THE NOW-FUNCT EXOD INTERNATNAL, WHICH WAS THE WORLD'S LARGT “EX-GAY” MISTRY BEFORE SHUT DOWN. HE LIV LONGWOOD, FLORIDA. ADVERTISEMENT IT TOOK RANDY THOMAS 22 YEARS TO “E BACK OUT OF THE CLOSET,” AS HE PUTS , “AND REALIZE HOW DAMAGG NVERSN THERAPY IS. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER E OUT OF THAT CULT. I WAS SUCH A TE BELIEVER. IF I N HAVE MY EY OPENED TO THE DAMAGE AND HURT NVERSN THERAPY DO, OUR POLIL LEARS N TOO.” WHILE NVERSN THERAPY IS THE ACCEPTED SCRIPTN OF THE PRACTICE THE MEDIA AND LEGAL S, THOMAS SAID, “ IS MORE ACCURATE TO LL CHILD ABE AND PSYCHOLOGIL TORTURE.”THOMAS GREW UP ‘80S NASHVILLE. “THERE WAS A LOT OF HOMOPHOBIA WHEN I WAS GROWG UP,” HE SAID. “I WAS FELY ONE OF THOSE SENSIVE YOUNG KIDS, GIVEN TO BEG VERY NSCIENT AND EMOTNAL. I WAS TIMID A LOT OF WAYS. THE OTHER KIDS PICKED UP ON THAT PRETTY QUICKLY. WHILE THE OTHER BOYS WERE ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD, I WAS OVER THERE ANIZG THE FALL LEAV BY LOR. BUT I THOUGHT WHAT I WAS DOG WAS FUN, AND WHAT THEY WERE DOG WAS RIDICULO.” “THE RELIG FLUENCE WAS THERE STIGMATIZG ANYTHG TO DO WH BEG GAY. IT PERMEATED EVERYTHG. I KNEW OM A YOUNG AGE THAT ‘GOD HATED FAGS.’”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS WAS BEATEN UP AND PICKED ON. HIS PARENTS WERE CHRISTIAN BUT NOT PARTICULARLY RELIG, “BUT THE RELIG FLUENCE WAS THERE STIGMATIZG ANYTHG TO DO WH BEG GAY. IT PERMEATED EVERYTHG. I KNEW OM A YOUNG AGE THAT ‘GOD HATED FAGS.’”HE HAD CSH ON OTHER BOYS, AGED 10. “WHEN THE D OF HAZZARD ROLLED AROUND, I WANTED TO MARRY BOTH BO AND LE DE. I THOUGHT THEY WERE SO CUTE.” THOMAS ME OUT TO HIMSELF AT 13, AND DIDN’T BOTHER HIM. HE HAD “A REALLY ACTIVE GAYDAR,” AND FOOLED AROUND WH “THE GOTH KID” AT A NEIGHBORG SCHOOL. AS SOON AS HE ULD, HE GOT A FAKE ID AND STARTED SNEAKG OUT TO NASHVILLE’S GAY BARS. ADVERTISEMENT THOMAS WAS FORCED OUT OF THE CLOSET, AGED 19 1987, WHEN HIS MOTHER FOUND A VALENTE’S DAY PARTY VE ONE OF HIS POCKETS. WHEN HE WAS A BOY, SHE HAD TOLD HIM THAT WHEN THE RT OF THE WORLD HATED HIM, SHE AND GOD LOVED HIM, “BUT THAT NIGHT SHE TOLD ME THAT GOD WAS GOG TO CURSE ME WH AIDS AND A LOT OF HORRIBLE THGS.” THEN SHE THREW HER SON OUT OF THE HOE.“IT WAS A VASTATG TIME ON MANY LEVELS,” THOMAS RELLED. “SCE THEN I HAVE HAD REAL UNSELG—NOT NVERSN THERAPY—AND I HONTLY THK A LOT OF HER ANGER AND MALICE WAS ABOUT THE LERAL FEAR SHE HAD THAT I WAS GOG TO DIE OF AIDS. LATER I WAS ABLE TO FIVE HER, EVEN THOUGH WAS WRONG HOW SHE HANDLED .”THOMAS MOVED TO DALLAS AND RRIED ON PARTYG AND TAKG DGS. HTG ROCK BOTTOM ONE NIGHT, HE LOOKED THE MIRROR—LERALLY—“AND THOUGHT I LOOKED AS IF I HAD ALREADY DIED. I WAS NVCED THAT IF I DIDN’T GET SOBER AND CHANGE MY WAYS, I WOULD DIE.”THOMAS ENTERED A 12-STEP PROGRAM AND STAYED FOR 10 YEARS. MANY OF HIS FELLOW GROUP MEMBERS NVERTED TO CHRISTIANY. “AS IRRATG AS THAT FIRST SEEMED,” SAID THOMAS, “I WATCHED THEM BEE MORE STABLE AND LS WILD, THAT WAS SOMETHG I WAS SPERATELY YEARNG FOR AT THAT TIME. UNFORTUNATELY, I GOT VOLVED A VERY TOXIC STRA OF THEOLOGY.”THOMAS JOED A GROUP LLED LIVG HOPE, WHICH WAS ABOUT TO BEE A MEMBER OF THE EXOD MISTRY. THOMAS WAS 24 AND EXPECTED THE GROUP TO BE “HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE, I WENT FOR THE SPECTACLE OF ALL.” HE IMAGED WOULD PROVI GOSSIPY GRIST FOR HIS NEXT 12-STEP MEETG. BUT STEAD, THE SEMARY STUNT NNG THE GROUP WAS NOT OVERTLY HATEFUL. “I WAS VERY HOSTILE. HE SAID, ‘RANDY, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO E TO THIS GROUP YOU DON’T HAVE TO.’ I WAS LIKE, ‘WA A MUTE, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO THREATEN ME WH HELL AND MAKE ME PLAY FOOTBALL.’ HE SAID, ‘I HAVE NO TERT WASTG EHER OF OUR TIM.’ THAT MA ME THK, ‘DAMN , I’M GOG TO GO.’” ADVERTISEMENT “THEY WERE NOT HELPG A GAY MAN AL WH EMOTNAL PENNCY, THEY ED MY SEXUALY AS A SPEGOAT AND SAID, ‘THE REASON YOU’RE EMOTNALLY PENNT IS BEE YOU’RE GAY.’”— RANDY THOMAS AT THE FIRST MEETG, THERE WAS NO TALK OF HOMOSEXUALY, BUT RATHER ABOUT EMOTNAL PENNCY. “THAT NAILED ME BETWEEN THE EY,” SAID THOMAS. “IT’S WHAT HOOKS VULNERABLE PEOPLE TO THE GROUPS. THEY WILL ADDRS LEGIMATE ISSU, LIKE EMOTNAL PENNCY, AND BLAME THEM ON BEG GAY. THEY WERE NOT HELPG A GAY MAN AL WH EMOTNAL PENNCY, THEY ED MY SEXUALY AS A SPEGOAT AND SAID, ‘THE REASON YOU’RE EMOTNALLY PENNT IS BEE YOU’RE GAY.’”AT EXOD, THOMAS FOUND THE NSTANT, UNASKED-FOR “EE THERAPY” SUPPLIED BY NVERSN THERAPY UNSELORS “IRRATG.” HE WAS GOOD IENDS WH DR. JOSEPH NILOSI SR., THE SO-LLED FATHER OF MORN NVERSN/REPARATIVE THERAPY, UNTIL NILOSI “STARTED HOUNDG ME ABOUT MY UNFISHED ISSU. HE NSIRED ME TOO EFFEMATE. I’M JT SOFT-SPOKEN AND EMOTNAL AND VERY ANIMATED. TO HIM, THAT MEANT I SOMEHOW HADN’T ALT WH MY AVERSN TO MASCULY. I SAID, ‘I DON’T HAVE AN AVERSN TO MASCULY. THAT’S WHAT I'M TRYG TO AL WH HERE! I’M VERY TERTED MASCULY!’”NILOSI WAS NOT NVCED THAT THOMAS HAD “REVERED ENOUGH. HE THOUGHT I HADN’T DONE ENOUGH WORK TO UNVER MY HETEROSEXUAL POTENTIAL. I WAS JT FE WH WHO I WAS.” “THE AMMONIA STICK WAS LIKE A COVID TT 200 TIM OVER. IT WAS LIKE LIGHTNG THROUGH MY CRANIUM. IT WAS TERRIBLE.”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS SCRIB WHAT HE WAS SUBJECTED TO AS PSYCHOLOGIL MANIPULATN, GASLIGHTG, AND SPIRUAL ABE. HE KNOWS OF OTHER NVERSN THERAPY SURVIVORS WHO WENT THROUGH MORE PHYSIL TORTURE, SUCH AS THERAPIST CHRIS AT, WHO MA HIS CLIENTS WEAR BBER BANDS, WHICH THEY THEN HAD TO SNAP IF THEY HAD SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC THOUGHTS ABOUT MEMBERS OF THE SAME SEX. (AT WAS ALSO NVICTED OF SEXUALLY ASSLTG A MALE CLIENT.) THOMAS ALSO HEARD OF NVERSN THERAPISTS G AMMONIA STICKS. IF THE CLIENT FELT ATTRACTED TO A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX, THEY WERE STCTED TO PUT THE STICK UP THEIR NOSE. ADVERTISEMENT THOMAS TRIED . “IT WAS LIKE A COVID TT 200 TIM OVER. IT WAS LIKE LIGHTNG THROUGH MY CRANIUM. IT WAS TERRIBLE.”THOMAS SAID HE WAS “ONE OF THE FEW” WHO DID NOT LEAD A SECRETLY GAY LIFE WH EXOD. “I HAD LEARNED TO NUMB THE PA AND LIVE THE PA. I HAD A FALSELY NSTCTED SENSE OF SELF TO PRERVE. EVEN THOUGH WAS A FALSE SENSE OF SELF, WAS THE ONLY THG I KNEW.” HE SAID HE NVCED HIMSELF HE WAS LLED TO CELIBACY. IF HE SAW AN ATTRACTIVE GUY—ON TV, THE GYM, ON THE STREET—“I IMMEDIATELY PRAYED AGAST SATAN AND TEMPTATN, AND REMOVED MYSELF OM THE SUATN. IF I MASTURBATED, I WOULD NFS TO MY MENTOR. I FELT SUCH GUILT IF I DID. WE WOULD THEN PROCS WHAT MY ATTRACTN TO MEN MEANT, AND WAYS TO PE WH . IT WAS PRETTY TERRIBLE.”THOMAS BELIEV THAT HIS BEG OUT ON THE LGBTQ SCENE BEFORE JOG EXOD HAD BEEN BENEFICIAL. “MY WHOLE SENSE OF SELF HAD NOT BEEN BUILT WH THIS CULTISH BELIEF SYSTEM. I HAD LIVED THE GAY MUNY. I HAD NOT BEEN THE CHURCH CLOSET MY WHOLE LIFE.” “OVER TIME WE REALIZED WHAT WE WERE DOG WAS JT AS DANGERO AND ADLY. WE WERE JT PUTTG A SE ON .”— RANDY THOMAS AT EXOD, HE HAD WANTED TO ROOT OUT “ALL OF THE CRAZY PEOPLE” THE EXOD WORK, SUCH AS THOSE G AMMONIA STICKS. “BUT OVER TIME WE REALIZED WHAT WE WERE DOG WAS JT AS DANGERO AND ADLY. WE WERE JT PUTTG A SE ON . WE WEREN’T FORCG PEOPLE TO E TO THE GROUPS, BUT THE WAY WE RERCED THE FALSE BELIEFS THAT NVERSN THERAPY PUTS ACROSS KEPT PEOPLE WH THE SYSTEM.” ADVERTISEMENT THOMAS MET NOW-SENR FIGUR THE TMP ADMISTRATN LIKE MIKE PENCE, WHEN THEY ATTEND THE ARLGTON GROUP, WHICH WAS POSED OF LEARS OF THE NSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT. “I AM NVCED THE ONLY WAY TMP GOT THE EVANGELILS’ SUPPORT IS THAT HE HAD TO TAKE PENCE AS HIS VP. THEY SOLD THEIR SOUL TO HIM: ‘IF YOU PICK PENCE, WE’VE GOT YOUR BACK.’”AN TERNAL BATTLE BEGAN AT EXOD, WH THOMAS AND OTHERS LIKE HIM AGAST THE “OLD GUARD.” THOMAS SAID HE WAS TERMED THAT EXOD SHOULD BEE AN ANIZATN OPEN TO QUTNG AND CHANGE. THEN A CLOSE IEND, MICHAEL, DIED BY SUICI 2013. THEY HAD MET AT 12-STEP, THEN BOTH GONE TO “THE CHURCH CLOSET.” MICHAEL HAD HAD A RELATNSHIP WH ANOTHER MAN BEFORE HIS ATH. A MUTUAL IEND SAID THAT SHE THOUGHT PART OF THE REASON MICHAEL HAD KILLED HIMSELF “WAS BEE HE THOUGHT GOD WAS PUNISHG HIM FOR ‘GOG BACK’ TO BEG GAY.” “WHEN MICHAEL DIED BY SUICI I ULDN’T HYPER-SPIRUALIZE AWAY ANYMORE. IT BROKE ME. I LERALLY FELL TO MY KNE CRYG BEE I KNEW THE BELIEFS THAT HAD BEEN RERCED THE GROUP WE HAD BEEN PART OF.”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS’ VOICE CRACKED. “WHEN MICHAEL DIED BY SUICI I ULDN’T HYPER-SPIRUALIZE AWAY ANYMORE. IT BROKE ME. IT’S HARD NOT TO CRY TALKG ABOUT ALL OVER AGA. I LERALLY FELL TO MY KNE CRYG BEE I KNEW THE BELIEFS THAT HAD BEEN RERCED THE GROUP WE HAD BEEN PART OF. I KNEW THAT. I HAD BOUGHT TO , AND NOW HAD KILLED ONE OF THE BT PEOPLE I HAD EVER MET MY LIFE. WHEN MICHAEL DID WHAT HE DID, THE BLRS WERE PLETELY RIPPED OFF. I ULDN’T BLAME ON SATAN OR A LACK OF SPIRUAL MATURY BEE MICHAEL WAS ONE OF THE SMARTT, MOST BRILLIANT PEOPLE MY LIFE. IT WAS A BELIEF WE HAD BOTH BOUGHT TO, THAT GOD WAS PUNISHG JT FOR BEG GAY.”THOMAS WAS TERMED TO QU EXOD AND REMEND S CLOSURE. “NOT ONLY HAD FAILED S MISSN, WAS ADLY. I KNEW WAS ADLY. IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO WEED OUT THE CRAZS BEE WAS ALL CRAZY. IT MA YOU FEEL A FALSE SENSE OF SELF AND GAVE A FALSE WORLD VIEW. IT ULD NOT WEATHER ANY TE QUTNG. IT WOULD NOT STAND FOR ANY REAL HONTY OR THENTICY. IT WAS A CULT SELF-PRERVATN MO. AFTER MICHAEL DID WHAT HE DID, THERE WAS NO NYG ANY LONGER. IT PLETELY TORE MY WORLD APART.” ADVERTISEMENT RANDY THOMAS.COURTY OF RANDY THOMAS THOMAS' TIME SCE NVERSN THERAPY HAS BEEN “VERY DIFFICULT.” HE HAS LEARNED LSONS DATG HE FEELS HE SHOULD HAVE LEARNED HIS TWENTI. BUT HE AND FIANCé DAN SBEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR FOUR YEARS (AND PARENT A 13-YEAR-OLD DGHTER) AND PLAN TO MARRY NEXT YEAR—THE SIZE OF THE CEREMONY PENDG ON THE SPE OF THE PANMIC.“I LEARNED THROUGH TRIALS OF FIRE HOW SELFISH AND RELATNALLY IMMATURE I AM,” THOMAS SAID. HE HAS ALSO REBUILT HIS REER AND IS NOW A TECH SUPPORT OFFICER FOR A BLE TV PANY. HIS SUPERVISOR SAW VIO OF HIM WHEN HE WAS HIGH UP EXOD, AND NOTED HOW “HOY-TOY” HE HAD SEEMED. “YEAH, I ED TO GET UPGRAD TO FIRST CLASS AND EAT OUT EVERY NIGHT, BUT TODAY I’D MUCH RATHER HELP PEOPLE WH TECH SUPPORT, HAVE A MUCH STRICTER BUDGET, AND BE FULLY AND THENTILLY LOVE. I LIVED A LIE TO GET ALL THE EE UPGRAS, AND I’M NOT WILLG TO DO THAT ANYMORE.”THOMAS ALSO NOT THAT TWICE HAS BEEN THE LGBTQ MUNY THAT HAS EMBRACED HIM AT DIFFICULT MOMENTS. FIRST, LEGENDARY NASHVILLE DRAG QUEEN CARMELLA MARCELLA GARCIA, WHO DIED LAST YEAR, TOOK HIM WHEN HIS MOTHER THREW HIM OUT OF THE HOE AT 19. “SHE TOLD ME TO GET MY ASS OVER TO HER NDO AND WELED ME TO HER HOME. SHE DIDN’T WANT RENT OR ANYTHG OM ME. SHE FED ME, GAVE ME A PLACE TO SHOWER AND SLEEP, AND REALLY HELPED ME OUT.”THOMAS SAID THAT SPE THGS HE SAID WHILE A MEMBER OF EXOD, HE NEVER TLY BELIEVED LGBTQ PEOPLE AND THE LGBTQ MUNY TO BE BAD. ADVERTISEMENT THE SEND ACT OF GRACE WAS BEG EMBRACED AND LISTENED TO BY THE MUNY ONCE HE RENOUNCED NOT JT NVERSN THERAPY BUT ALL THE DAMAGE EXOD HAD DONE TO LGBTQ PEOPLE S NAME. HE HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED BEG LOVED AND EMBRACED LIKE THAT WHILE VOLVED “CULTURAL CHRISTIANY.” TODAY, HE LLS HIMSELF A UNIVERSALIST CHRISTIAN. “I HAVE HAD TOO MANY SPIRUALIST EXPERIENC MY LIFE TO NY THERE IS THE DIVE THE WORLD.”THOMAS IS “VERY DISURAGED” BY THE 11TH CIRCU CISN. “IT JT SEEMED LIKE THEY DIDN’T UNRSTAND THE RAMIFITNS OF A CISN LIKE THAT, AND THEY ULDN’T HAVE POSSIBLY UNRSTOOD WHAT THEY WERE CIDG ON. IF THEY KNEW THE TE HARM, THERE’S NO WAY THEY WOULD HAVE OVERTURNED THE BANS. THIS BEG A FERAL APPEALS URT GIV MORE WEIGHT. I’M VERY NCERNED THIS TACTIC WILL BE PICKED UP BY THOSE TRYG TO OVERTURN BANS ALL ACROSS THE UNTRY.” THOMAS WANTS PEOPLE TO TE THEMSELV ON WHAT NVERSN THERAPY IS, AND HOW IS PRACTICED. THE BANS FOCED ON PROFSNAL UNSELORS LICENSED BY THE STATE, HE SAID, BUT RELIG STIGMA WAS THE MOST RROSIVE ELEMENT FOR SOCIETY TO NONT. “PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED THAT NVERSN THERAPY STILL HAPPENS, YET THE TMP-LED URTS ARE TRYG TO AMPLIFY AND SPREAD THE IA THAT YOU N CHANGE WHO YOU NATELY ARE.” “WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL WE GET THE JTICE DUE TO LGBTQ+ YOUTH. WHEN TO NVERSN THERAPY, WE MT NOT GIVE UP ON OUR YOUTH AND CHILDREN. THEY NEED OUR TENACY, TELLECT, WISDOM, AND EXPERIENCE.”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS DO NOT DISUNT THE SERNS OF THE 11TH CIRCU CISN, BUT WHILE “TMP APPOTE MAY HAVE SUCCSFUL BATTL HERE AND THERE, WE ARE NEVER GOG BACK TO WHERE WE WERE. THE YOUNGER GENERATN ISN’T BUYG TO NVERSN THERAPY AT ALL. BUT THAT DON’T MEAN STIGMA AGAST LGBTQ PEOPLE WON’T TAKE ON A DIFFERENT FORM. IT WILL JT BE MORE OBV, AND LS TOLERATED.”THOMAS IS NCERNED BY THE SUPREME COURT’S 6-3 MAJORY, “BUT THAT SHOULD NOT STOP OUR TRACKS. WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL WE GET THE JTICE DUE TO LGBTQ+ YOUTH. WHEN TO NVERSN THERAPY, WE MT NOT GIVE UP ON OUR YOUTH AND CHILDREN. THEY NEED OUR TENACY, TELLECT, WISDOM, AND EXPERIENCE. THE ARE YOUNG PEOPLE. THIS IS CHILD ABE. NO MUNY ALLOWS CHILD ABE TO HAPPEN TO S YOUNG PEOPLE. THERE’S NEVER A WRONG TIME TO SPEAK UP FOR YOUNG PEOPLE. WHATEVER HAPPENS WH THIS SE, OR THE NEXT BILL OR POLICY, WE MT SPEAK UP FOR OUR KIDS REGARDLS OF WHAT OUR LEARS DO. CONVERSN THERAPY IS STILL ILLEGAL. IT’S STILL D AND OUR KIDS STILL NEED . DON’T S THERE AND BE SILENT.” ADVERTISEMENT JASON LDOW IS A 29-YEAR-OLD MATH TEACHER, LIVG SALT LAKE CY, UTAH.WHEN JASON LDOW SIGNED UP FOR THERAPY, HE DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS GETTG TO NVERSN THERAPY. HE WAS 21 AND—THEN INTIFYG AS A LBIAN—HAD BEEN DATG GIRLS FOR THREE YEARS. A TRANS MAN, HE BEGAN HIS TRANSN AT 27 (AND HE/HIM AND THEY/THEM AS PRONOUNS).LDOW TOLD THE DAILY BEAST, “AS PART OF THE LGBTQ MUNY, WE LIVE OUR LIV THE CLOSET FOR SO LONG, MAK NO SENSE TO ME THAT IF I FIGURE OUT WHO I AM AND E OUT, THEN I WOULD THEN SOMEHOW SHOVE MY PAST A CLOSET. I FEEL LIKE MOST OF MY STORY MAK NO SENSE IF NO ONE KNOWS THAT I WAS NVERSN THERAPY BEE, BEFORE MY TRANSN, I WAS ATTRACTED TO WOMEN.”LDOW’S FAY IS “EXTREMELY ACTIVE” THE MORMON CHURCH. HIS DAD IS A BISHOP AND HIS OLR BROTHER TEACH SEMARY. HE GREW UP A SMALL MUNY WHERE EXPOSURE TO THE LGBTQ MUNY WAS “MIMAL, AND THE WORD TRANS DID NOT EXIST MY VOBULARY.” HIS PARENTS WERE SUPPORTIVE. IT WAS A “MELLOW,” DRAMA-EE CHILDHOOD. THE FAY WAS NOT WELL-OFF, “BUT I FELY NEVER FELT LIKE I WENT WHOUT.”GROWG UP, LDOW FELT “UNFORTABLE,” BATTLG TO DRS AS “MASCULELY” AS POSSIBLE T-SHIRTS AND BUTTON-DOWN SHIRTS. HE GREW UP OVERSIZED CLOTHG AND WORE HIS BROTHER’S HAND-ME-DOWNS. HIS PARENTS DIDN’T PH HIM, THEY JT TREATED LDOW AS A TOMBOY. HE NEVER WORE MAKE-UP, TIED HIS HAIR BACK, AND NEVER WORE ANYTHG TO ACCENTUATE HIS CURV OR BREASTS. ADVERTISEMENT LDOW WAS ATTRACTED TO GIRLS, AT 13 FALLG FOR A TEAMMATE ON THE SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM, BUT ASSUMED “FEELGS FOR GUYS WOULD E LATER.” LDOW STAYED FOCED ON SCHOOL AND ATHLETICS, THEN GOT TO LLEGE AND FOUND THE ATTRACTN TO WOMEN STILL THERE. “I THOUGHT, ‘OH, THERE IS SOMETHG HERE. I’M DIFFERENT OM EVERYONE I KNOW,’ AND THAT’S WHERE THE SELF-DISVERY PORTN OF MY LIFE TOOK OFF.”WHEN LDOW FIRST HEARD THE WORD “LBIAN” AT 18 YEARS OLD, HE THOUGHT, “OH, THAT SCRIB ME, THAT’S WHO I AM.” (NE YEARS LATER, A TRANS STUNT HIS CLASS—LDOW IS A HIGH SCHOOL MATH TEACHER—BEME THE REGNN-KEY TO LDOW DISVERG HIS TRANS SELF.)AT LLEGE, LDOW DATED A GIRLIEND FOR THREE YEARS. “THERE WAS A HUGE BATTLE FOR YEARS BETWEEN MY INTY AND RELIGN TERNALLY.” LDOW CID TO SERVE ON A MORMON MISSN. LDOW HAD ALREADY TOLD HIS BISHOP THAT THEY WERE A LBIAN RELATNSHIP: “I SAID, ‘THIS IS WHERE I AM, THIS IS WHO I AM, AND WHAT I WANT TO DO.’” THE BISHOP SAID LDOW WOULD HAVE TO HAVE SIX MONTHS OF THERAPY BEFORE SIGNG OFF ON LDOW GOG ON A MISSN WH A FEMALE PANN. “THE BISHOP WAS A PRETTY LOVG GUY,” LDOW RELLED. “BUT HE SAID I ULDN’T HAVE A RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN. ABSTENCE WAS THE CHURCH’S VIEW. I DIDN’T FEEL HIS LANGUAGE WAS JUDGMENTAL.”THE THERAPIST, OM THE CHURCH’S FAY SERVIC ARM, GAVE LDOW SENTENC TO REPETIVELY WRE ON PIEC OF PAPER. THE CLUD: “I N MAKE MY OWN CHOIC, AND I N CHOOSE NOT TO BE WH WOMEN,” AND “GOD LOV ME AS ONE HIS DGHTERS, AND N HELP MAKE ME WHOLE.” LDOW HAD TO WRE THE SENTENC 25 TO 30 TIM A SSN. “I KNEW I WAS GETTG PRSED AND MY EMOTNS AND FEELGS WERE GETTG TURNED OFF. BUT I WASN’T AWARE OF THAT UNTIL I WAS AROUND PEOPLE WHO WERE VERY ACCEPTG OF ME BEG A LBIAN. I FELY LL A FORM OF BRAWASHG.”— JASON LDOW ADVERTISEMENT “I’M ONE OF THOSE TYP OF PEOPLE WHO, WHEN I MAKE A CISN, GO 110 PERCENT FOR . SO, AT THE TIME, I WAS LIKE, ‘THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO SHOW I AM PABLE OF SERVG A MISSN.’ I DIDN’T REALIZE THE EFFECTS WAS HAVG ON ME UNTIL I WAS OUT OF . I KNEW I WAS GETTG PRSED AND MY EMOTNS AND FEELGS WERE GETTG TURNED OFF. BUT I WASN’T AWARE OF THAT UNTIL I WAS AROUND PEOPLE WHO WERE VERY ACCEPTG OF ME BEG A LBIAN. LOOKG BACK, I FELY LL A FORM OF BRAWASHG.”LDOW FELT THE THERAPIST WAS SAYG, “YOU’RE NTROL OF YOUR CHOIC. WE’RE GOG TO TEACH YOU WHAT TO APPROPRIATELY CHOOSE. SO, THEIR EY: I N CHOOSE TO BE OR NOT TO BE WH WOMEN, AND N CHOOSE TO BE WH MEN. THE THG IS, THEY’RE MAKG THE CHOICE FOR YOU.”LDOW BEGAN TO FEEL “LIKE A ROBOT GOG THROUGH THE MOTNS.” LIFE ME TO FEEL “LORLS AND GREY. I FOUND MYSELF TAKG SLEEPG PILLS. I WAS VERY PRSED. MY BODY WAS THERE, BUT I WASN’T THERE MENTALLY AND EMOTNALLY.”LDOW DIDN’T KEEP RELATNSHIPS AND IENDSHIPS TACT, SPENDG TIME MOSTLY ALONE. “MY BRA WENT TO A FENSE MECHANISM IF I SAW A GIRL, TOMATILLY SHUTTG DOWN. AS THE THERAPIST HAD SAID, ‘THIS IS A CHOICE I’M MAKG.’ PEOPLE DON’T REALIZE HOW MUCH LOVE AND ATTRACTN, AND HAVG ABILY TO EXPRS THAT, ADDS TO YOUR LIFE.” THE TENTN MAY HAVE BEEN TO CLOSE DOWN SAME-GENR ATTRACTN, SAID LDOW, BUT THE RULT WAS A CLOSG DOWN OF SO MANY MORE FEELGS AND RELATNSHIPS AS LDOW’S FEELGS OF PRSN CREASED. LDOW SAID THAT AT LEAST AS AN ADULT HE ULD WALK AWAY AT ANY TIME; A YOUNGER PERSON, PLACED TO NVERSN THERAPY BY A PARENT—LIKE MATHEW SHURKA PART ONE OF THIS SERI—WOULD NOT HAVE THAT OPTN. “I NEVER NECSARILY WANTED TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I FELY FELT THIS SENSE OF ‘WHAT IS THE POT OF LIVG IF THIS IS HOW I FEEL BEG ALIVE?’ I THK IF I KEPT DOG NVERSN THERAPY I’M NOT SURE I WOULD STILL BE HERE.”— JASON LDOW ADVERTISEMENT NEAR THE END OF THE SIX MONTHS OF THERAPY, LDOW TOOK MORE AND MORE SLEEPG PILLS, “ MY HEAD THKG I WOULD RATHER BE ASLEEP THAN AWAKE. I NEVER NECSARILY WANTED TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I FELY FELT THIS SENSE OF ‘WHAT IS THE POT OF LIVG IF THIS IS HOW I FEEL BEG ALIVE?’ I THK IF I HAD KEPT DOG NVERSN THERAPY I’M NOT SURE I WOULD STILL BE HERE. IT’S A HOPELS FEELG—GROWG UP WH A SENSE OF WHAT LIFE SHOULD LOOK LIKE FOR YOU TO BE A GOOD PERSON. YOU GET TOLD BY A BISHOP TO DO THIS, AND H A POT OF NOT BEG ABLE TO GO THROUGH WH . IT MAK YOU TERNALIZE, ‘I’M NOT A GOOD PERSON, I DON’T KNOW WHERE I F .’”THAT SUMMER, LDOW STOPPED DOG THE THERAPY AND WORKED FOR THE FORT SERVICE, WH A KD AND AFFIRMG BOSS WHO WAS “AN ANGEL AND SOMEONE I NSIR A SEND MOM.” BEG AROUND NATURE WAS ALSO RTORATIVE. LDOW STOPPED GOG TO THERAPY AND CHURCH, WHILE REMAG A MEMBER OF FOR ANOTHER YEAR. AT ONE POT, HE WAS SHED TO THE HOSPAL, HAVG SUFFERED A D HEART ATTACK. “WHEN HAPPENED, I DIDN’T THK ABOUT NOT BEG THE BT MORMON I ULD BE, BUT MORE THAT I HADN’T BEEN A MTED RELATNSHIP. THAT WAS THE MOMENT I KNEW I HAD TO WALK AWAY OM THE CHURCH.” MULTIPLE TTS ULD NOT FD A PHYSIL E FOR THE HEART ATTACK. IT HAD OCCURRED AROUND THE TIME OF REALIZG HE WAS TRANS, AND ONCE LDOW BEGAN TRANSNG, THE SYMPTOMS—AND ANXIETY—RECED. JASON LDOW, RIGHT, WH HIS PARTNER MEGAN DENNEY AND THEIR DOG ELLIE.COURTY OF JASON LDOW NOW, ALMOST THREE YEARS SCE BEGNG HIS TRANSN, LDOW FEELS “VERY MUCH AT HOME MY BODY, AND TERACTG WH OTHER PEOPLE.” HIGH SCHOOL IENDS TELL HIM HOW MUCH MORE OUTGOG, TALKATIVE, AND HAPPY HE IS. “MY POSTURE IS DIFFERENT. I S UP STRAIGHTER,” SAID LDOW. “IT’S A JOURNEY FOR MY FAY. FORTUNATELY, THEY HAVEN’T DISOWNED ME ANY WAY. THEY DON’T NECSARILY AGREE WH MY CISN, BUT I DON’T FEEL UNWELE.” ADVERTISEMENT LDOW IS VERY MUCH LOVE WH HIS PARTNER MEGAN. THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS; SHE IS “VERY OPEN-MD AND ACCEPTG,” AND THEY MET THREE MONTHS TO LDOW’S TRANSN. HER LOVE HAS BEEN “VERY VALIDATG. I KNEW WHO I WAS AND I ULD LOVE MYSELF, AND THEN WAS GREAT TO FD I ULD HAVE A HEALTHY, LOVG RELATNSHIP WH ANOTHER PERSON—AND TO REALIZE I DIDN’T HAVE TO NECSARILY CHANGE TO HAVE THAT LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE AND SHARE WH ANOTHER PERSON.”LDOW’S FAY DO NOT KNOW HE ONCE WENT TO NVERSN THERAPY. “I FELY THK THEY BELIEVE TO BE TLY HAPPY, ONLY ONE MOLD FS. I DON’T THK THEY’D WANT ME TO HAVE GONE TO NVERSN THERAPY, BUT I FELY DO THK THEY WISH I HAD NEVER TRANSNED AND BEEN CELIBATE.” “PART OF TRANSN—FOR ME, ANYWAY—MEANT A MENTAL DISNNECT OM MY PAST SELF. THAT PRE-TRANSN PERSON FEELS LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON. LUCKILY, I WAS ABLE TO WALK AWAY OM THE NVERSN THERAPY.”— JASON LDOW THERE IS NOT MUCH OF A HANER OM THE THERAPY, LDOW SAID. “WHEN I STARTED TRANSNG WAS WHEN I KD OF LEFT THAT BEHD, AND PART OF TRANSN—FOR ME, ANYWAY—MEANT A MENTAL DISNNECT OM MY PAST SELF. THAT PRE-TRANSN PERSON FEELS LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON. LUCKILY, I WAS ABLE TO WALK AWAY OM THE NVERSN THERAPY.”LDOW SOMETIM LOOKS BACK AND WISH “I HAD FIGURED OUT I WAS TRANS AT 18. SOMETIM I FEEL LATE TO THE PARTY. I WENT THROUGH PUBERTY AT 27 YEARS OLD, AND STARTED TO FIGURE OUT SMALL PIEC OF MYSELF AT 28 AND 29. AT THE SAME TIME, BASED ON MY RELIG UPBRGG, IF HAD HAPPENED SOONER I DON’T KNOW IF I’D HAVE BEEN READY TO HEAR .”TODAY, LDOW NSIRS HIMSELF SPIRUAL, WHILE NOT INTIFYG WH ANY SPECIFIC RELIGN. “I DO BELIEVE A HIGHER POWER OR EMPATHY, BUT I DON’T NECSARILY LL GOD. I TYPILLY GO OUT AND HIKE EVERY SUNDAY. FOR ME, BEG NATURE AND SURROUND BY OTHER CREATNS IS WHERE I FEEL MOST NNECTED AND MOST SPIRUAL.” ADVERTISEMENT THE “TEMPERATURE AND CLIMATE” OF THE MORMON CHURCH IS SLOWLY CHANGG, LDOW THKS. “I DON’T KNOW IF WILL GET TO THE POT OF ACCEPTG AND HONORG LGBTQ MARRIAG. I DO THK HONTLY AND OPENLY VALU PEOPLE WHO NSIR THEMSELV LGBTQ, BUT STILL TEACH ABSTENCE AND CELIBACY. AT THEIR RE IS ‘FAY,’ AND THEIR VERSN OF FAY IS WHERE A LOT OF THEIR DOCTRE AND BELIEFS E OM.”LDOW HAS SEEN MORE AND MORE MORMONS EMBRACE LGBTQ FAY MEMBERS AND PEOPLE THEY KNOW. “GIVE 10 OR 20 YEARS OF THAT HAPPENG. THE CHURCH HAS TO FOLLOW SU, OR WILL LOSE A LOT OF PEOPLE.”LDOW IS ALSO CREDIBLY PROUD OF THE KIDS HE TEACH, WHO—AS WELL AS BEG ENERGIZED BY THE 2020 ELECTN—ALSO SET UP THE FIRST GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCE THE HEAVILY MORMON AREA WHERE THEIR SCHOOL IS LOTED. “IT’S VERY RARE THAT YOU WILL HEAR SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY TO BE FOR . IT IS FELY MANIPULATN, AND BRAWASHG IS THE BT TERM FOR .”— JASON LDOW LDOW IS NCERNED BY THE IMPLITNS OF THE 11TH CIRCU CISN, AND GENERALLY BY THE NSERVATIVE PACKG OF URTS AND WHAT THAT MEANS FOR LGBTQ CIVIL RIGHTS. “A LOT OF NSERVATIVE PEOPLE HAVE A CLOSED-OFF MDSET, A ONE-SIZE-FS-EVERYONE ATTU, AND ANY KID WHO DON’T FOLLOW THAT IS TOLD, ‘LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT’S TE.’ OR, ‘LET ME FIX YOU.’ I WOULD HOPE THAT FUTURE JUDG BE OPEN-MD ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY LISTEN TO PUBLIC MENTS, PRO AND AGAST. “IT’S VERY RARE THAT YOU WILL HEAR SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY TO BE FOR . IT IS FELY MANIPULATN, AND BRAWASHG IS THE BT TERM FOR . AS A CULTURE, WE NEED TO E OM A PLACE OF CELEBRATG AND ACCEPTG A PERSON’S DIFFERENC, STEAD OF CHAG THE PERSON TO AN IAL OF WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE. INSTEAD, STEP BACK AND SAY, ‘YOU’RE BETIFUL AS YOU ARE. NOTHG NEEDS TO BE CHANGED YOU FOR YOU TO GA SELF-LOVE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE.’ YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT, NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE YOUR LIFE.” TIM TEEMAN
FALLY THE GREAT GAY AGENDA IS WORKG! TWICE AS MANY OF NOW INTIFY AS LGBTQ+
OK, spill: who has been addg gay pills to the water supply?
5% take thgs very serly the days, so I should probably state for the rerd that I am obvly jokg about the whole gay pills the water thg. As a rd-rryg member of the Internatnal Society for the Advancement of Homosexual Liftyl (ISAHL), I n assure you that the Gay Agenda explicly prohibs the e of bweapons. But I will say this: warms the ckl of my homosexual heart to see such a big crease young people feelg fortable beg themselv.
I me out 20 years ago when “gay” was still an acceptable sult, you uld unt the number of out celebri on one hand and if you saw an LGBTQ+ character on TV there was a 99% chance they were a psychopath or a predator. I me out relatively early life but, thanks to the stigma that was still attached to beg gay, took me a long time to be proud.
BRAWASH 3/7 – GAY STRAIGHT
20, the 11th Circu Court of Appeals stck down bans on juvenile gay nversn therapy South Florida. Acrdg to s 2020 Natnal Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health, 10 percent of LGBTQ youth reported unrgog nversn therapy, wh 78 percent of that group sayg they had when they were aged unr this, the send of two special articl, The Daily Beast speaks to nversn therapy survivors about their Thomas, 52, is former vice print of the now-funct Exod Internatnal, which was the world's largt “ex-gay” mistry before shut down.
“There was a lot of homophobia when I was growg up, ” he said.
WATCH: CHILD BEG ‘BRAWASHED’ TO RECE ‘GAYBCS’ DRAWS SER CONCERNS
”“The relig fluence was there stigmatizg anythg to do wh beg gay. His parents were Christian but not particularly relig, “but the relig fluence was there stigmatizg anythg to do wh beg gay. He had “a really active gaydar, ” and fooled around wh “the Goth kid” at a neighborg school.
FALLY THE GREAT GAY AGENDA IS WORKG! TWICE AS MANY OF NOW INTIFY AS LGBTQ+
As soon as he uld, he got a fake ID and started sneakg out to Nashville’s gay was forced out of the closet, aged 19 1987, when his mother found a Valente’s Day party ve one of his pockets. ’”“They were not helpg a gay man al wh emotnal penncy, they ed my sexualy as a spegoat and said, ‘The reason you’re emotnally pennt is bee you’re gay.
’”— Randy ThomasAt the first meetg, there was no talk of homosexualy, but rather about emotnal penncy.
They will addrs legimate issu, like emotnal penncy, and blame them on beg gay. They were not helpg a gay man al wh emotnal penncy, they ed my sexualy as a spegoat and said, ‘The reason you’re emotnally pennt is bee you’re gay. ”Thomas said he was “one of the few” who did not lead a secretly gay life wh Exod.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?
I had lived the gay muny. A mutual iend said that she thought part of the reason Michael had killed himself “was bee he thought God was punishg him for ‘gog back’ to beg gay. It was a belief we had both bought to, that God was punishg jt for beg gay.
CONVERSN THERAPY IS ‘ABE’ AND ‘BRAWASHG,’ SAY ITS LGBTQ SURVIVORS‘CULTISH’EDUARDO RIBAS/GETTYAFTER THE 11TH CIRCU LIVERED A PRO-NVERSN THERAPY LG, SURVIVORS OF THE PRACTICE REVEAL WHAT THEY ENDURED AND HOW THEY REVERED THIS SEND OF OUR SPECIAL SERI.TIM TEEMANSENR EDOR AND WRERUPDATED DEC. 02, 2020 7:50AM EST / PUBLISHED DEC. 02, 2020 4:56AM EST WARNG: SOME REARS MAY FD SCRIPTNS OF THE EXPERIENC AND ALLEGED THERAPTIC PRACTIC DISTURBG.ON NOV. 20, THE 11TH CIRCU COURT OF APPEALS STCK DOWN BANS ON JUVENILE GAY NVERSN THERAPY SOUTH FLORIDA. THE MAJORY VOT THE 2-1 CISN ME OM TWO TMP-APPOTED JUDG, WHO ARGUED THAT THE THERAPISTS’ PRACTICG THIS MO OF THERAPY—ROUNDGLY NMNED BY EVERY PROFSNAL BODY THE FIELD—WERE HAVG THEIR EEDOM OF SPEECH VLATED BY BEG BANNED OM PRACTICG.LGBTQ MPAIGNERS DO NOT KNOW IF THE LG WILL HAVE A PRACTIL EFFECT. IT IS PRENTLY AN OUTLIER AND FOR ACTIVISTS AN ALARMG EXAMPLE OF TMP’S EFFICIENT PACKG OF LOWER AND HIGHER URTS WH NSERVATIVE JUDG, CLUDG THE SUPREME COURT WH S CURRENT 6-3 NSERVATIVE MAJORY (WHERE A CISN A RELIG EEDOM/LGBTQ FOSTERG SE IS ALREADY PENDG). THE 11TH CIRCU CISN ALSO UNNERV ACTIVISTS WHO THOUGHT THAT A WI NSENS HAD LONG BEEN REACHED THAT NVERSN THERAPY—THE IA THAT THERAPY N BE ED TO TURN LGBTQ PEOPLE STRAIGHT—WAS DANGERO AND WRONG. MATHEW SHURKA, -FOUNR OF BORN PERFECT, A GROUP FOR SURVIVORS OF NVERSN THERAPY (LIKE HIMSELF), TOLD THE DAILY BEAST THAT THE LG RAN NTRARY TO THE 107 LAWS HAVE BEEN PASSED AGAST THE PRACTICE 20 STAT, 84 CI, AND WH THE SUPPORT OF OVER 2,000 ELECTED OFFICIALS, REPUBLIN AND DEMOCRAT. IT SEEMED UNTIL NOW THAT NVERSN THERAPY WAS AN ISSUE ON WHICH THERE WAS LEGAL, MEDIL, AND POLIL AGREEMENT.DISSENTG 11TH CIRCU JUDGE BEVERLY MART, QUOTG THE AMERIN PSYCHOLOGIL ASSOCIATN, SAID THAT THIS WAS A THERAPY THAT ED PATIENTS “ANGER, ANXIETY, NFN, PRSN, GRIEF, GUILT, HOPELSNS, TERRATED RELATNSHIPS WH FAY, LOSS OF SOCIAL SUPPORT, LOSS OF FAH, POOR SELF-IMAGE, SOCIAL ISOLATN, TIMACY DIFFICULTI, TSIVE IMAGERY, SUICIDAL IATN, SELF-HATRED, AND SEXUAL DYSFUNCTN.”CONVERSN THERAPISTS THEMSELV N OM THAT SCRIPTOR, AND YET STILL OFFER THE THERAPY UNR NEW GUIS, SHURKA SAID. NOW RE-LABELED UNR PHRAS LIKE “SEXUAL ORIENTATN CHANGE EFFORTS” (SOCE), REMAS PREVALENT: AN TIMATED 700,000 PEOPLE LIVG AMERI TODAY HAVE BEEN THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY, ACRDG TO THE TREVOR PROJECT. ACRDG TO S 2020 NATNAL SURVEY ON LGBTQ YOUTH MENTAL HEALTH, 10 PERCENT OF LGBTQ YOUTH REPORTED UNRGOG NVERSN THERAPY, WH 78 PERCENT OF THAT GROUP SAYG THEY HAD WHEN THEY WERE AGED UNR 18.IN THIS, THE SEND OF TWO SPECIAL ARTICL, THE DAILY BEAST SPEAKS TO NVERSN THERAPY SURVIVORS ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENC. RANDY THOMAS, 52, IS FORMER VICE PRINT OF THE NOW-FUNCT EXOD INTERNATNAL, WHICH WAS THE WORLD'S LARGT “EX-GAY” MISTRY BEFORE SHUT DOWN. HE LIV LONGWOOD, FLORIDA. ADVERTISEMENT IT TOOK RANDY THOMAS 22 YEARS TO “E BACK OUT OF THE CLOSET,” AS HE PUTS , “AND REALIZE HOW DAMAGG NVERSN THERAPY IS. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER E OUT OF THAT CULT. I WAS SUCH A TE BELIEVER. IF I N HAVE MY EY OPENED TO THE DAMAGE AND HURT NVERSN THERAPY DO, OUR POLIL LEARS N TOO.” WHILE NVERSN THERAPY IS THE ACCEPTED SCRIPTN OF THE PRACTICE THE MEDIA AND LEGAL S, THOMAS SAID, “ IS MORE ACCURATE TO LL CHILD ABE AND PSYCHOLOGIL TORTURE.”THOMAS GREW UP ‘80S NASHVILLE. “THERE WAS A LOT OF HOMOPHOBIA WHEN I WAS GROWG UP,” HE SAID. “I WAS FELY ONE OF THOSE SENSIVE YOUNG KIDS, GIVEN TO BEG VERY NSCIENT AND EMOTNAL. I WAS TIMID A LOT OF WAYS. THE OTHER KIDS PICKED UP ON THAT PRETTY QUICKLY. WHILE THE OTHER BOYS WERE ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD, I WAS OVER THERE ANIZG THE FALL LEAV BY LOR. BUT I THOUGHT WHAT I WAS DOG WAS FUN, AND WHAT THEY WERE DOG WAS RIDICULO.” “THE RELIG FLUENCE WAS THERE STIGMATIZG ANYTHG TO DO WH BEG GAY. IT PERMEATED EVERYTHG. I KNEW OM A YOUNG AGE THAT ‘GOD HATED FAGS.’”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS WAS BEATEN UP AND PICKED ON. HIS PARENTS WERE CHRISTIAN BUT NOT PARTICULARLY RELIG, “BUT THE RELIG FLUENCE WAS THERE STIGMATIZG ANYTHG TO DO WH BEG GAY. IT PERMEATED EVERYTHG. I KNEW OM A YOUNG AGE THAT ‘GOD HATED FAGS.’”HE HAD CSH ON OTHER BOYS, AGED 10. “WHEN THE D OF HAZZARD ROLLED AROUND, I WANTED TO MARRY BOTH BO AND LE DE. I THOUGHT THEY WERE SO CUTE.” THOMAS ME OUT TO HIMSELF AT 13, AND DIDN’T BOTHER HIM. HE HAD “A REALLY ACTIVE GAYDAR,” AND FOOLED AROUND WH “THE GOTH KID” AT A NEIGHBORG SCHOOL. AS SOON AS HE ULD, HE GOT A FAKE ID AND STARTED SNEAKG OUT TO NASHVILLE’S GAY BARS. ADVERTISEMENT THOMAS WAS FORCED OUT OF THE CLOSET, AGED 19 1987, WHEN HIS MOTHER FOUND A VALENTE’S DAY PARTY VE ONE OF HIS POCKETS. WHEN HE WAS A BOY, SHE HAD TOLD HIM THAT WHEN THE RT OF THE WORLD HATED HIM, SHE AND GOD LOVED HIM, “BUT THAT NIGHT SHE TOLD ME THAT GOD WAS GOG TO CURSE ME WH AIDS AND A LOT OF HORRIBLE THGS.” THEN SHE THREW HER SON OUT OF THE HOE.“IT WAS A VASTATG TIME ON MANY LEVELS,” THOMAS RELLED. “SCE THEN I HAVE HAD REAL UNSELG—NOT NVERSN THERAPY—AND I HONTLY THK A LOT OF HER ANGER AND MALICE WAS ABOUT THE LERAL FEAR SHE HAD THAT I WAS GOG TO DIE OF AIDS. LATER I WAS ABLE TO FIVE HER, EVEN THOUGH WAS WRONG HOW SHE HANDLED .”THOMAS MOVED TO DALLAS AND RRIED ON PARTYG AND TAKG DGS. HTG ROCK BOTTOM ONE NIGHT, HE LOOKED THE MIRROR—LERALLY—“AND THOUGHT I LOOKED AS IF I HAD ALREADY DIED. I WAS NVCED THAT IF I DIDN’T GET SOBER AND CHANGE MY WAYS, I WOULD DIE.”THOMAS ENTERED A 12-STEP PROGRAM AND STAYED FOR 10 YEARS. MANY OF HIS FELLOW GROUP MEMBERS NVERTED TO CHRISTIANY. “AS IRRATG AS THAT FIRST SEEMED,” SAID THOMAS, “I WATCHED THEM BEE MORE STABLE AND LS WILD, THAT WAS SOMETHG I WAS SPERATELY YEARNG FOR AT THAT TIME. UNFORTUNATELY, I GOT VOLVED A VERY TOXIC STRA OF THEOLOGY.”THOMAS JOED A GROUP LLED LIVG HOPE, WHICH WAS ABOUT TO BEE A MEMBER OF THE EXOD MISTRY. THOMAS WAS 24 AND EXPECTED THE GROUP TO BE “HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE, I WENT FOR THE SPECTACLE OF ALL.” HE IMAGED WOULD PROVI GOSSIPY GRIST FOR HIS NEXT 12-STEP MEETG. BUT STEAD, THE SEMARY STUNT NNG THE GROUP WAS NOT OVERTLY HATEFUL. “I WAS VERY HOSTILE. HE SAID, ‘RANDY, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO E TO THIS GROUP YOU DON’T HAVE TO.’ I WAS LIKE, ‘WA A MUTE, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO THREATEN ME WH HELL AND MAKE ME PLAY FOOTBALL.’ HE SAID, ‘I HAVE NO TERT WASTG EHER OF OUR TIM.’ THAT MA ME THK, ‘DAMN , I’M GOG TO GO.’” ADVERTISEMENT “THEY WERE NOT HELPG A GAY MAN AL WH EMOTNAL PENNCY, THEY ED MY SEXUALY AS A SPEGOAT AND SAID, ‘THE REASON YOU’RE EMOTNALLY PENNT IS BEE YOU’RE GAY.’”— RANDY THOMAS AT THE FIRST MEETG, THERE WAS NO TALK OF HOMOSEXUALY, BUT RATHER ABOUT EMOTNAL PENNCY. “THAT NAILED ME BETWEEN THE EY,” SAID THOMAS. “IT’S WHAT HOOKS VULNERABLE PEOPLE TO THE GROUPS. THEY WILL ADDRS LEGIMATE ISSU, LIKE EMOTNAL PENNCY, AND BLAME THEM ON BEG GAY. THEY WERE NOT HELPG A GAY MAN AL WH EMOTNAL PENNCY, THEY ED MY SEXUALY AS A SPEGOAT AND SAID, ‘THE REASON YOU’RE EMOTNALLY PENNT IS BEE YOU’RE GAY.’”AT EXOD, THOMAS FOUND THE NSTANT, UNASKED-FOR “EE THERAPY” SUPPLIED BY NVERSN THERAPY UNSELORS “IRRATG.” HE WAS GOOD IENDS WH DR. JOSEPH NILOSI SR., THE SO-LLED FATHER OF MORN NVERSN/REPARATIVE THERAPY, UNTIL NILOSI “STARTED HOUNDG ME ABOUT MY UNFISHED ISSU. HE NSIRED ME TOO EFFEMATE. I’M JT SOFT-SPOKEN AND EMOTNAL AND VERY ANIMATED. TO HIM, THAT MEANT I SOMEHOW HADN’T ALT WH MY AVERSN TO MASCULY. I SAID, ‘I DON’T HAVE AN AVERSN TO MASCULY. THAT’S WHAT I'M TRYG TO AL WH HERE! I’M VERY TERTED MASCULY!’”NILOSI WAS NOT NVCED THAT THOMAS HAD “REVERED ENOUGH. HE THOUGHT I HADN’T DONE ENOUGH WORK TO UNVER MY HETEROSEXUAL POTENTIAL. I WAS JT FE WH WHO I WAS.” “THE AMMONIA STICK WAS LIKE A COVID TT 200 TIM OVER. IT WAS LIKE LIGHTNG THROUGH MY CRANIUM. IT WAS TERRIBLE.”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS SCRIB WHAT HE WAS SUBJECTED TO AS PSYCHOLOGIL MANIPULATN, GASLIGHTG, AND SPIRUAL ABE. HE KNOWS OF OTHER NVERSN THERAPY SURVIVORS WHO WENT THROUGH MORE PHYSIL TORTURE, SUCH AS THERAPIST CHRIS AT, WHO MA HIS CLIENTS WEAR BBER BANDS, WHICH THEY THEN HAD TO SNAP IF THEY HAD SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC THOUGHTS ABOUT MEMBERS OF THE SAME SEX. (AT WAS ALSO NVICTED OF SEXUALLY ASSLTG A MALE CLIENT.) THOMAS ALSO HEARD OF NVERSN THERAPISTS G AMMONIA STICKS. IF THE CLIENT FELT ATTRACTED TO A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX, THEY WERE STCTED TO PUT THE STICK UP THEIR NOSE. ADVERTISEMENT THOMAS TRIED . “IT WAS LIKE A COVID TT 200 TIM OVER. IT WAS LIKE LIGHTNG THROUGH MY CRANIUM. IT WAS TERRIBLE.”THOMAS SAID HE WAS “ONE OF THE FEW” WHO DID NOT LEAD A SECRETLY GAY LIFE WH EXOD. “I HAD LEARNED TO NUMB THE PA AND LIVE THE PA. I HAD A FALSELY NSTCTED SENSE OF SELF TO PRERVE. EVEN THOUGH WAS A FALSE SENSE OF SELF, WAS THE ONLY THG I KNEW.” HE SAID HE NVCED HIMSELF HE WAS LLED TO CELIBACY. IF HE SAW AN ATTRACTIVE GUY—ON TV, THE GYM, ON THE STREET—“I IMMEDIATELY PRAYED AGAST SATAN AND TEMPTATN, AND REMOVED MYSELF OM THE SUATN. IF I MASTURBATED, I WOULD NFS TO MY MENTOR. I FELT SUCH GUILT IF I DID. WE WOULD THEN PROCS WHAT MY ATTRACTN TO MEN MEANT, AND WAYS TO PE WH . IT WAS PRETTY TERRIBLE.”THOMAS BELIEV THAT HIS BEG OUT ON THE LGBTQ SCENE BEFORE JOG EXOD HAD BEEN BENEFICIAL. “MY WHOLE SENSE OF SELF HAD NOT BEEN BUILT WH THIS CULTISH BELIEF SYSTEM. I HAD LIVED THE GAY MUNY. I HAD NOT BEEN THE CHURCH CLOSET MY WHOLE LIFE.” “OVER TIME WE REALIZED WHAT WE WERE DOG WAS JT AS DANGERO AND ADLY. WE WERE JT PUTTG A SE ON .”— RANDY THOMAS AT EXOD, HE HAD WANTED TO ROOT OUT “ALL OF THE CRAZY PEOPLE” THE EXOD WORK, SUCH AS THOSE G AMMONIA STICKS. “BUT OVER TIME WE REALIZED WHAT WE WERE DOG WAS JT AS DANGERO AND ADLY. WE WERE JT PUTTG A SE ON . WE WEREN’T FORCG PEOPLE TO E TO THE GROUPS, BUT THE WAY WE RERCED THE FALSE BELIEFS THAT NVERSN THERAPY PUTS ACROSS KEPT PEOPLE WH THE SYSTEM.” ADVERTISEMENT THOMAS MET NOW-SENR FIGUR THE TMP ADMISTRATN LIKE MIKE PENCE, WHEN THEY ATTEND THE ARLGTON GROUP, WHICH WAS POSED OF LEARS OF THE NSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT. “I AM NVCED THE ONLY WAY TMP GOT THE EVANGELILS’ SUPPORT IS THAT HE HAD TO TAKE PENCE AS HIS VP. THEY SOLD THEIR SOUL TO HIM: ‘IF YOU PICK PENCE, WE’VE GOT YOUR BACK.’”AN TERNAL BATTLE BEGAN AT EXOD, WH THOMAS AND OTHERS LIKE HIM AGAST THE “OLD GUARD.” THOMAS SAID HE WAS TERMED THAT EXOD SHOULD BEE AN ANIZATN OPEN TO QUTNG AND CHANGE. THEN A CLOSE IEND, MICHAEL, DIED BY SUICI 2013. THEY HAD MET AT 12-STEP, THEN BOTH GONE TO “THE CHURCH CLOSET.” MICHAEL HAD HAD A RELATNSHIP WH ANOTHER MAN BEFORE HIS ATH. A MUTUAL IEND SAID THAT SHE THOUGHT PART OF THE REASON MICHAEL HAD KILLED HIMSELF “WAS BEE HE THOUGHT GOD WAS PUNISHG HIM FOR ‘GOG BACK’ TO BEG GAY.” “WHEN MICHAEL DIED BY SUICI I ULDN’T HYPER-SPIRUALIZE AWAY ANYMORE. IT BROKE ME. I LERALLY FELL TO MY KNE CRYG BEE I KNEW THE BELIEFS THAT HAD BEEN RERCED THE GROUP WE HAD BEEN PART OF.”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS’ VOICE CRACKED. “WHEN MICHAEL DIED BY SUICI I ULDN’T HYPER-SPIRUALIZE AWAY ANYMORE. IT BROKE ME. IT’S HARD NOT TO CRY TALKG ABOUT ALL OVER AGA. I LERALLY FELL TO MY KNE CRYG BEE I KNEW THE BELIEFS THAT HAD BEEN RERCED THE GROUP WE HAD BEEN PART OF. I KNEW THAT. I HAD BOUGHT TO , AND NOW HAD KILLED ONE OF THE BT PEOPLE I HAD EVER MET MY LIFE. WHEN MICHAEL DID WHAT HE DID, THE BLRS WERE PLETELY RIPPED OFF. I ULDN’T BLAME ON SATAN OR A LACK OF SPIRUAL MATURY BEE MICHAEL WAS ONE OF THE SMARTT, MOST BRILLIANT PEOPLE MY LIFE. IT WAS A BELIEF WE HAD BOTH BOUGHT TO, THAT GOD WAS PUNISHG JT FOR BEG GAY.”THOMAS WAS TERMED TO QU EXOD AND REMEND S CLOSURE. “NOT ONLY HAD FAILED S MISSN, WAS ADLY. I KNEW WAS ADLY. IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO WEED OUT THE CRAZS BEE WAS ALL CRAZY. IT MA YOU FEEL A FALSE SENSE OF SELF AND GAVE A FALSE WORLD VIEW. IT ULD NOT WEATHER ANY TE QUTNG. IT WOULD NOT STAND FOR ANY REAL HONTY OR THENTICY. IT WAS A CULT SELF-PRERVATN MO. AFTER MICHAEL DID WHAT HE DID, THERE WAS NO NYG ANY LONGER. IT PLETELY TORE MY WORLD APART.” ADVERTISEMENT RANDY THOMAS.COURTY OF RANDY THOMAS THOMAS' TIME SCE NVERSN THERAPY HAS BEEN “VERY DIFFICULT.” HE HAS LEARNED LSONS DATG HE FEELS HE SHOULD HAVE LEARNED HIS TWENTI. BUT HE AND FIANCé DAN SBEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR FOUR YEARS (AND PARENT A 13-YEAR-OLD DGHTER) AND PLAN TO MARRY NEXT YEAR—THE SIZE OF THE CEREMONY PENDG ON THE SPE OF THE PANMIC.“I LEARNED THROUGH TRIALS OF FIRE HOW SELFISH AND RELATNALLY IMMATURE I AM,” THOMAS SAID. HE HAS ALSO REBUILT HIS REER AND IS NOW A TECH SUPPORT OFFICER FOR A BLE TV PANY. HIS SUPERVISOR SAW VIO OF HIM WHEN HE WAS HIGH UP EXOD, AND NOTED HOW “HOY-TOY” HE HAD SEEMED. “YEAH, I ED TO GET UPGRAD TO FIRST CLASS AND EAT OUT EVERY NIGHT, BUT TODAY I’D MUCH RATHER HELP PEOPLE WH TECH SUPPORT, HAVE A MUCH STRICTER BUDGET, AND BE FULLY AND THENTILLY LOVE. I LIVED A LIE TO GET ALL THE EE UPGRAS, AND I’M NOT WILLG TO DO THAT ANYMORE.”THOMAS ALSO NOT THAT TWICE HAS BEEN THE LGBTQ MUNY THAT HAS EMBRACED HIM AT DIFFICULT MOMENTS. FIRST, LEGENDARY NASHVILLE DRAG QUEEN CARMELLA MARCELLA GARCIA, WHO DIED LAST YEAR, TOOK HIM WHEN HIS MOTHER THREW HIM OUT OF THE HOE AT 19. “SHE TOLD ME TO GET MY ASS OVER TO HER NDO AND WELED ME TO HER HOME. SHE DIDN’T WANT RENT OR ANYTHG OM ME. SHE FED ME, GAVE ME A PLACE TO SHOWER AND SLEEP, AND REALLY HELPED ME OUT.”THOMAS SAID THAT SPE THGS HE SAID WHILE A MEMBER OF EXOD, HE NEVER TLY BELIEVED LGBTQ PEOPLE AND THE LGBTQ MUNY TO BE BAD. ADVERTISEMENT THE SEND ACT OF GRACE WAS BEG EMBRACED AND LISTENED TO BY THE MUNY ONCE HE RENOUNCED NOT JT NVERSN THERAPY BUT ALL THE DAMAGE EXOD HAD DONE TO LGBTQ PEOPLE S NAME. HE HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED BEG LOVED AND EMBRACED LIKE THAT WHILE VOLVED “CULTURAL CHRISTIANY.” TODAY, HE LLS HIMSELF A UNIVERSALIST CHRISTIAN. “I HAVE HAD TOO MANY SPIRUALIST EXPERIENC MY LIFE TO NY THERE IS THE DIVE THE WORLD.”THOMAS IS “VERY DISURAGED” BY THE 11TH CIRCU CISN. “IT JT SEEMED LIKE THEY DIDN’T UNRSTAND THE RAMIFITNS OF A CISN LIKE THAT, AND THEY ULDN’T HAVE POSSIBLY UNRSTOOD WHAT THEY WERE CIDG ON. IF THEY KNEW THE TE HARM, THERE’S NO WAY THEY WOULD HAVE OVERTURNED THE BANS. THIS BEG A FERAL APPEALS URT GIV MORE WEIGHT. I’M VERY NCERNED THIS TACTIC WILL BE PICKED UP BY THOSE TRYG TO OVERTURN BANS ALL ACROSS THE UNTRY.” THOMAS WANTS PEOPLE TO TE THEMSELV ON WHAT NVERSN THERAPY IS, AND HOW IS PRACTICED. THE BANS FOCED ON PROFSNAL UNSELORS LICENSED BY THE STATE, HE SAID, BUT RELIG STIGMA WAS THE MOST RROSIVE ELEMENT FOR SOCIETY TO NONT. “PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED THAT NVERSN THERAPY STILL HAPPENS, YET THE TMP-LED URTS ARE TRYG TO AMPLIFY AND SPREAD THE IA THAT YOU N CHANGE WHO YOU NATELY ARE.” “WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL WE GET THE JTICE DUE TO LGBTQ+ YOUTH. WHEN TO NVERSN THERAPY, WE MT NOT GIVE UP ON OUR YOUTH AND CHILDREN. THEY NEED OUR TENACY, TELLECT, WISDOM, AND EXPERIENCE.”— RANDY THOMAS THOMAS DO NOT DISUNT THE SERNS OF THE 11TH CIRCU CISN, BUT WHILE “TMP APPOTE MAY HAVE SUCCSFUL BATTL HERE AND THERE, WE ARE NEVER GOG BACK TO WHERE WE WERE. THE YOUNGER GENERATN ISN’T BUYG TO NVERSN THERAPY AT ALL. BUT THAT DON’T MEAN STIGMA AGAST LGBTQ PEOPLE WON’T TAKE ON A DIFFERENT FORM. IT WILL JT BE MORE OBV, AND LS TOLERATED.”THOMAS IS NCERNED BY THE SUPREME COURT’S 6-3 MAJORY, “BUT THAT SHOULD NOT STOP OUR TRACKS. WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL WE GET THE JTICE DUE TO LGBTQ+ YOUTH. WHEN TO NVERSN THERAPY, WE MT NOT GIVE UP ON OUR YOUTH AND CHILDREN. THEY NEED OUR TENACY, TELLECT, WISDOM, AND EXPERIENCE. THE ARE YOUNG PEOPLE. THIS IS CHILD ABE. NO MUNY ALLOWS CHILD ABE TO HAPPEN TO S YOUNG PEOPLE. THERE’S NEVER A WRONG TIME TO SPEAK UP FOR YOUNG PEOPLE. WHATEVER HAPPENS WH THIS SE, OR THE NEXT BILL OR POLICY, WE MT SPEAK UP FOR OUR KIDS REGARDLS OF WHAT OUR LEARS DO. CONVERSN THERAPY IS STILL ILLEGAL. IT’S STILL D AND OUR KIDS STILL NEED . DON’T S THERE AND BE SILENT.” ADVERTISEMENT JASON LDOW IS A 29-YEAR-OLD MATH TEACHER, LIVG SALT LAKE CY, UTAH.WHEN JASON LDOW SIGNED UP FOR THERAPY, HE DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS GETTG TO NVERSN THERAPY. HE WAS 21 AND—THEN INTIFYG AS A LBIAN—HAD BEEN DATG GIRLS FOR THREE YEARS. A TRANS MAN, HE BEGAN HIS TRANSN AT 27 (AND HE/HIM AND THEY/THEM AS PRONOUNS).LDOW TOLD THE DAILY BEAST, “AS PART OF THE LGBTQ MUNY, WE LIVE OUR LIV THE CLOSET FOR SO LONG, MAK NO SENSE TO ME THAT IF I FIGURE OUT WHO I AM AND E OUT, THEN I WOULD THEN SOMEHOW SHOVE MY PAST A CLOSET. I FEEL LIKE MOST OF MY STORY MAK NO SENSE IF NO ONE KNOWS THAT I WAS NVERSN THERAPY BEE, BEFORE MY TRANSN, I WAS ATTRACTED TO WOMEN.”LDOW’S FAY IS “EXTREMELY ACTIVE” THE MORMON CHURCH. HIS DAD IS A BISHOP AND HIS OLR BROTHER TEACH SEMARY. HE GREW UP A SMALL MUNY WHERE EXPOSURE TO THE LGBTQ MUNY WAS “MIMAL, AND THE WORD TRANS DID NOT EXIST MY VOBULARY.” HIS PARENTS WERE SUPPORTIVE. IT WAS A “MELLOW,” DRAMA-EE CHILDHOOD. THE FAY WAS NOT WELL-OFF, “BUT I FELY NEVER FELT LIKE I WENT WHOUT.”GROWG UP, LDOW FELT “UNFORTABLE,” BATTLG TO DRS AS “MASCULELY” AS POSSIBLE T-SHIRTS AND BUTTON-DOWN SHIRTS. HE GREW UP OVERSIZED CLOTHG AND WORE HIS BROTHER’S HAND-ME-DOWNS. HIS PARENTS DIDN’T PH HIM, THEY JT TREATED LDOW AS A TOMBOY. HE NEVER WORE MAKE-UP, TIED HIS HAIR BACK, AND NEVER WORE ANYTHG TO ACCENTUATE HIS CURV OR BREASTS. ADVERTISEMENT LDOW WAS ATTRACTED TO GIRLS, AT 13 FALLG FOR A TEAMMATE ON THE SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM, BUT ASSUMED “FEELGS FOR GUYS WOULD E LATER.” LDOW STAYED FOCED ON SCHOOL AND ATHLETICS, THEN GOT TO LLEGE AND FOUND THE ATTRACTN TO WOMEN STILL THERE. “I THOUGHT, ‘OH, THERE IS SOMETHG HERE. I’M DIFFERENT OM EVERYONE I KNOW,’ AND THAT’S WHERE THE SELF-DISVERY PORTN OF MY LIFE TOOK OFF.”WHEN LDOW FIRST HEARD THE WORD “LBIAN” AT 18 YEARS OLD, HE THOUGHT, “OH, THAT SCRIB ME, THAT’S WHO I AM.” (NE YEARS LATER, A TRANS STUNT HIS CLASS—LDOW IS A HIGH SCHOOL MATH TEACHER—BEME THE REGNN-KEY TO LDOW DISVERG HIS TRANS SELF.)AT LLEGE, LDOW DATED A GIRLIEND FOR THREE YEARS. “THERE WAS A HUGE BATTLE FOR YEARS BETWEEN MY INTY AND RELIGN TERNALLY.” LDOW CID TO SERVE ON A MORMON MISSN. LDOW HAD ALREADY TOLD HIS BISHOP THAT THEY WERE A LBIAN RELATNSHIP: “I SAID, ‘THIS IS WHERE I AM, THIS IS WHO I AM, AND WHAT I WANT TO DO.’” THE BISHOP SAID LDOW WOULD HAVE TO HAVE SIX MONTHS OF THERAPY BEFORE SIGNG OFF ON LDOW GOG ON A MISSN WH A FEMALE PANN. “THE BISHOP WAS A PRETTY LOVG GUY,” LDOW RELLED. “BUT HE SAID I ULDN’T HAVE A RELATNSHIP WH A WOMAN. ABSTENCE WAS THE CHURCH’S VIEW. I DIDN’T FEEL HIS LANGUAGE WAS JUDGMENTAL.”THE THERAPIST, OM THE CHURCH’S FAY SERVIC ARM, GAVE LDOW SENTENC TO REPETIVELY WRE ON PIEC OF PAPER. THE CLUD: “I N MAKE MY OWN CHOIC, AND I N CHOOSE NOT TO BE WH WOMEN,” AND “GOD LOV ME AS ONE HIS DGHTERS, AND N HELP MAKE ME WHOLE.” LDOW HAD TO WRE THE SENTENC 25 TO 30 TIM A SSN. “I KNEW I WAS GETTG PRSED AND MY EMOTNS AND FEELGS WERE GETTG TURNED OFF. BUT I WASN’T AWARE OF THAT UNTIL I WAS AROUND PEOPLE WHO WERE VERY ACCEPTG OF ME BEG A LBIAN. I FELY LL A FORM OF BRAWASHG.”— JASON LDOW ADVERTISEMENT “I’M ONE OF THOSE TYP OF PEOPLE WHO, WHEN I MAKE A CISN, GO 110 PERCENT FOR . SO, AT THE TIME, I WAS LIKE, ‘THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO SHOW I AM PABLE OF SERVG A MISSN.’ I DIDN’T REALIZE THE EFFECTS WAS HAVG ON ME UNTIL I WAS OUT OF . I KNEW I WAS GETTG PRSED AND MY EMOTNS AND FEELGS WERE GETTG TURNED OFF. BUT I WASN’T AWARE OF THAT UNTIL I WAS AROUND PEOPLE WHO WERE VERY ACCEPTG OF ME BEG A LBIAN. LOOKG BACK, I FELY LL A FORM OF BRAWASHG.”LDOW FELT THE THERAPIST WAS SAYG, “YOU’RE NTROL OF YOUR CHOIC. WE’RE GOG TO TEACH YOU WHAT TO APPROPRIATELY CHOOSE. SO, THEIR EY: I N CHOOSE TO BE OR NOT TO BE WH WOMEN, AND N CHOOSE TO BE WH MEN. THE THG IS, THEY’RE MAKG THE CHOICE FOR YOU.”LDOW BEGAN TO FEEL “LIKE A ROBOT GOG THROUGH THE MOTNS.” LIFE ME TO FEEL “LORLS AND GREY. I FOUND MYSELF TAKG SLEEPG PILLS. I WAS VERY PRSED. MY BODY WAS THERE, BUT I WASN’T THERE MENTALLY AND EMOTNALLY.”LDOW DIDN’T KEEP RELATNSHIPS AND IENDSHIPS TACT, SPENDG TIME MOSTLY ALONE. “MY BRA WENT TO A FENSE MECHANISM IF I SAW A GIRL, TOMATILLY SHUTTG DOWN. AS THE THERAPIST HAD SAID, ‘THIS IS A CHOICE I’M MAKG.’ PEOPLE DON’T REALIZE HOW MUCH LOVE AND ATTRACTN, AND HAVG ABILY TO EXPRS THAT, ADDS TO YOUR LIFE.” THE TENTN MAY HAVE BEEN TO CLOSE DOWN SAME-GENR ATTRACTN, SAID LDOW, BUT THE RULT WAS A CLOSG DOWN OF SO MANY MORE FEELGS AND RELATNSHIPS AS LDOW’S FEELGS OF PRSN CREASED. LDOW SAID THAT AT LEAST AS AN ADULT HE ULD WALK AWAY AT ANY TIME; A YOUNGER PERSON, PLACED TO NVERSN THERAPY BY A PARENT—LIKE MATHEW SHURKA PART ONE OF THIS SERI—WOULD NOT HAVE THAT OPTN. “I NEVER NECSARILY WANTED TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I FELY FELT THIS SENSE OF ‘WHAT IS THE POT OF LIVG IF THIS IS HOW I FEEL BEG ALIVE?’ I THK IF I KEPT DOG NVERSN THERAPY I’M NOT SURE I WOULD STILL BE HERE.”— JASON LDOW ADVERTISEMENT NEAR THE END OF THE SIX MONTHS OF THERAPY, LDOW TOOK MORE AND MORE SLEEPG PILLS, “ MY HEAD THKG I WOULD RATHER BE ASLEEP THAN AWAKE. I NEVER NECSARILY WANTED TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I FELY FELT THIS SENSE OF ‘WHAT IS THE POT OF LIVG IF THIS IS HOW I FEEL BEG ALIVE?’ I THK IF I HAD KEPT DOG NVERSN THERAPY I’M NOT SURE I WOULD STILL BE HERE. IT’S A HOPELS FEELG—GROWG UP WH A SENSE OF WHAT LIFE SHOULD LOOK LIKE FOR YOU TO BE A GOOD PERSON. YOU GET TOLD BY A BISHOP TO DO THIS, AND H A POT OF NOT BEG ABLE TO GO THROUGH WH . IT MAK YOU TERNALIZE, ‘I’M NOT A GOOD PERSON, I DON’T KNOW WHERE I F .’”THAT SUMMER, LDOW STOPPED DOG THE THERAPY AND WORKED FOR THE FORT SERVICE, WH A KD AND AFFIRMG BOSS WHO WAS “AN ANGEL AND SOMEONE I NSIR A SEND MOM.” BEG AROUND NATURE WAS ALSO RTORATIVE. LDOW STOPPED GOG TO THERAPY AND CHURCH, WHILE REMAG A MEMBER OF FOR ANOTHER YEAR. AT ONE POT, HE WAS SHED TO THE HOSPAL, HAVG SUFFERED A D HEART ATTACK. “WHEN HAPPENED, I DIDN’T THK ABOUT NOT BEG THE BT MORMON I ULD BE, BUT MORE THAT I HADN’T BEEN A MTED RELATNSHIP. THAT WAS THE MOMENT I KNEW I HAD TO WALK AWAY OM THE CHURCH.” MULTIPLE TTS ULD NOT FD A PHYSIL E FOR THE HEART ATTACK. IT HAD OCCURRED AROUND THE TIME OF REALIZG HE WAS TRANS, AND ONCE LDOW BEGAN TRANSNG, THE SYMPTOMS—AND ANXIETY—RECED. JASON LDOW, RIGHT, WH HIS PARTNER MEGAN DENNEY AND THEIR DOG ELLIE.COURTY OF JASON LDOW NOW, ALMOST THREE YEARS SCE BEGNG HIS TRANSN, LDOW FEELS “VERY MUCH AT HOME MY BODY, AND TERACTG WH OTHER PEOPLE.” HIGH SCHOOL IENDS TELL HIM HOW MUCH MORE OUTGOG, TALKATIVE, AND HAPPY HE IS. “MY POSTURE IS DIFFERENT. I S UP STRAIGHTER,” SAID LDOW. “IT’S A JOURNEY FOR MY FAY. FORTUNATELY, THEY HAVEN’T DISOWNED ME ANY WAY. THEY DON’T NECSARILY AGREE WH MY CISN, BUT I DON’T FEEL UNWELE.” ADVERTISEMENT LDOW IS VERY MUCH LOVE WH HIS PARTNER MEGAN. THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS; SHE IS “VERY OPEN-MD AND ACCEPTG,” AND THEY MET THREE MONTHS TO LDOW’S TRANSN. HER LOVE HAS BEEN “VERY VALIDATG. I KNEW WHO I WAS AND I ULD LOVE MYSELF, AND THEN WAS GREAT TO FD I ULD HAVE A HEALTHY, LOVG RELATNSHIP WH ANOTHER PERSON—AND TO REALIZE I DIDN’T HAVE TO NECSARILY CHANGE TO HAVE THAT LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE AND SHARE WH ANOTHER PERSON.”LDOW’S FAY DO NOT KNOW HE ONCE WENT TO NVERSN THERAPY. “I FELY THK THEY BELIEVE TO BE TLY HAPPY, ONLY ONE MOLD FS. I DON’T THK THEY’D WANT ME TO HAVE GONE TO NVERSN THERAPY, BUT I FELY DO THK THEY WISH I HAD NEVER TRANSNED AND BEEN CELIBATE.” “PART OF TRANSN—FOR ME, ANYWAY—MEANT A MENTAL DISNNECT OM MY PAST SELF. THAT PRE-TRANSN PERSON FEELS LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON. LUCKILY, I WAS ABLE TO WALK AWAY OM THE NVERSN THERAPY.”— JASON LDOW THERE IS NOT MUCH OF A HANER OM THE THERAPY, LDOW SAID. “WHEN I STARTED TRANSNG WAS WHEN I KD OF LEFT THAT BEHD, AND PART OF TRANSN—FOR ME, ANYWAY—MEANT A MENTAL DISNNECT OM MY PAST SELF. THAT PRE-TRANSN PERSON FEELS LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON. LUCKILY, I WAS ABLE TO WALK AWAY OM THE NVERSN THERAPY.”LDOW SOMETIM LOOKS BACK AND WISH “I HAD FIGURED OUT I WAS TRANS AT 18. SOMETIM I FEEL LATE TO THE PARTY. I WENT THROUGH PUBERTY AT 27 YEARS OLD, AND STARTED TO FIGURE OUT SMALL PIEC OF MYSELF AT 28 AND 29. AT THE SAME TIME, BASED ON MY RELIG UPBRGG, IF HAD HAPPENED SOONER I DON’T KNOW IF I’D HAVE BEEN READY TO HEAR .”TODAY, LDOW NSIRS HIMSELF SPIRUAL, WHILE NOT INTIFYG WH ANY SPECIFIC RELIGN. “I DO BELIEVE A HIGHER POWER OR EMPATHY, BUT I DON’T NECSARILY LL GOD. I TYPILLY GO OUT AND HIKE EVERY SUNDAY. FOR ME, BEG NATURE AND SURROUND BY OTHER CREATNS IS WHERE I FEEL MOST NNECTED AND MOST SPIRUAL.” ADVERTISEMENT THE “TEMPERATURE AND CLIMATE” OF THE MORMON CHURCH IS SLOWLY CHANGG, LDOW THKS. “I DON’T KNOW IF WILL GET TO THE POT OF ACCEPTG AND HONORG LGBTQ MARRIAG. I DO THK HONTLY AND OPENLY VALU PEOPLE WHO NSIR THEMSELV LGBTQ, BUT STILL TEACH ABSTENCE AND CELIBACY. AT THEIR RE IS ‘FAY,’ AND THEIR VERSN OF FAY IS WHERE A LOT OF THEIR DOCTRE AND BELIEFS E OM.”LDOW HAS SEEN MORE AND MORE MORMONS EMBRACE LGBTQ FAY MEMBERS AND PEOPLE THEY KNOW. “GIVE 10 OR 20 YEARS OF THAT HAPPENG. THE CHURCH HAS TO FOLLOW SU, OR WILL LOSE A LOT OF PEOPLE.”LDOW IS ALSO CREDIBLY PROUD OF THE KIDS HE TEACH, WHO—AS WELL AS BEG ENERGIZED BY THE 2020 ELECTN—ALSO SET UP THE FIRST GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCE THE HEAVILY MORMON AREA WHERE THEIR SCHOOL IS LOTED. “IT’S VERY RARE THAT YOU WILL HEAR SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY TO BE FOR . IT IS FELY MANIPULATN, AND BRAWASHG IS THE BT TERM FOR .”— JASON LDOW LDOW IS NCERNED BY THE IMPLITNS OF THE 11TH CIRCU CISN, AND GENERALLY BY THE NSERVATIVE PACKG OF URTS AND WHAT THAT MEANS FOR LGBTQ CIVIL RIGHTS. “A LOT OF NSERVATIVE PEOPLE HAVE A CLOSED-OFF MDSET, A ONE-SIZE-FS-EVERYONE ATTU, AND ANY KID WHO DON’T FOLLOW THAT IS TOLD, ‘LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT’S TE.’ OR, ‘LET ME FIX YOU.’ I WOULD HOPE THAT FUTURE JUDG BE OPEN-MD ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY LISTEN TO PUBLIC MENTS, PRO AND AGAST. “IT’S VERY RARE THAT YOU WILL HEAR SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY TO BE FOR . IT IS FELY MANIPULATN, AND BRAWASHG IS THE BT TERM FOR . AS A CULTURE, WE NEED TO E OM A PLACE OF CELEBRATG AND ACCEPTG A PERSON’S DIFFERENC, STEAD OF CHAG THE PERSON TO AN IAL OF WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE. INSTEAD, STEP BACK AND SAY, ‘YOU’RE BETIFUL AS YOU ARE. NOTHG NEEDS TO BE CHANGED YOU FOR YOU TO GA SELF-LOVE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE.’ YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT, NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE YOUR LIFE.” TIM TEEMAN
”Ldow is also credibly proud of the kids he teach, who—as well as beg energized by the 2020 electn—also set up the first Gay-Straight Alliance the heavily Mormon area where their school is loted. On Tuday, Christopher Rufo, known for his exposés on schools and rporatns unr the spell of cril race theory, released ternal Disney vios which those charge discs how they sert the “not-at-all-secret gay agenda” to children’s programmg. A Mnota school district rpond to allegatns Friday that had asked stunts to role-play gay and transgenr sex scenars before classmat as part of s sex tn curriculum.