Why Some Straight People Might Have Gay Sex | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• SEEKG "STRAIGHT": AS MANY GAY MEN KNOW, "STRAIGHT" MEN N BE HAD. BUT STRAIGHT-CHASERS WARN THAT NOVELTY ISN'T LIKELY TO LEAD TO A STABLE RELATNSHIP.
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• KEV SPACEY: I N’T TELL WHETHER MEN ARE GAY JT BY LOOKG AT THEM
• I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BUT GAY MEN REAL LIFE EAK ME OUT.
• I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN
• AM I GAY?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• I'M A GUY TERTED RECEPTIVE ANAL SEX: DO THAT MEAN I'M GAY?
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• SUBS LOOKG FOR DOMS (GAY MEN ONLY)
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women. Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy.

If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self.

SEEKG "STRAIGHT": AS MANY GAY MEN KNOW, "STRAIGHT" MEN N BE HAD. BUT STRAIGHT-CHASERS WARN THAT NOVELTY ISN'T LIKELY TO LEAD TO A STABLE RELATNSHIP.

Osr-wng actor Kev Spacey has said he is attracted to mascule men but is not able to tell whether someone is gay jt by lookg at cross-examatn durg his trial on sex abe charg, the Hollywood star nied he was a “sexual bully” and told the jury he did not have a “power wand” to make people want to sleep wh about his sexual preferenc, Mr Spacey said he had prevly had romantic enunters wh men who would not scribe themselv as homosexual. Poilievre tells T to 'butt out' of New Bnswick's policy on LGBTQ stuntsPoilievre wish Canadians a happy Pri month — but won't say if he'll attend an eventThe "straight pri" movement has emerged recent years as a backlash agast growg social acceptance of gay, lbian, bisexual, transgenr and other sexually diverse Pri paras are held around the world throughout the summer months. They mark the June 1969 Stonewall rt, when gay bar patrons fought back agast a police crackdown — a pivotal moment wily seen as the start of morn gay rights paras are meant to celebrate a muny that has endured generatns of opprsn and events have taken on new promence at a time when some jurisdictns, notably the U.

Regardls, some straight people like porn that isn't straight (like some gay people like porn that isn't gay), and what we like fantasy or media isn't a sound way to try and figure out what our orientatn is or a place to look for a match wh what we like or want real life, even though for some folks, is some ways. It uld e om a fear that you're gay or bisexual yourself, or that likg men sexually or romantilly, even fantasy, mak you ls of a man, fears that might be irratnal, but might also be ratnal.

In se the term homophobia trips you up, UC Davis' Department of Psychology says: "The Amerin Herage Dictnary f homophobia as "aversn to gay or homosexual people or their liftyle or culture" and "behavr or an act based on this aversn. Negative feelgs or attus towards non-heterosexual behavur, inty, relatnships and muny, n lead to homophobic behavur and is the root of the discrimatn experienced by many lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr (LGBT) people.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Homophobia is somethg that is very often seen people who may be homosexual or bisexual themselv and are very aaid of those feelgs, or feel there is somethg terribly wrong wh them (even though there isn't).

KEV SPACEY: I N’T TELL WHETHER MEN ARE GAY JT BY LOOKG AT THEM

One example of stutnalized homophobia (and heterosexism and transphobia), for stance, is that very few people grow up a world or a culture which prents same-sex or same or siar-genr romantic and/or sexual relatnships as as normal, as acceptable, and as potentially wonrful as oppose-sex or genr relatnships. A lot of lbian, gay, bisexual or other not-heterosexual folks have a hard time picturg themselv anythg but oppose-sex relatnships not bee they aren't really queer, but bee 's the only, or the most pervasive, picture they've seen, or the only way they have seen relatnships or fai prented posively. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BUT GAY MEN REAL LIFE EAK ME OUT.

My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so.

Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM.

One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy.

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

[iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project.

AM I GAY?

Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Serg Ava, and Marv Jon, “Sexual Behavr, Sexual Inty, and Substance Abe Among Low-Ine Bisexual and Non-Gay-Intifyg Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex wh Men, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no. When I watched the first season of Lookg 2014, HBO’s origal seri about a group of young gay men ntemporary San Francis (season two is currently airg Atralia), I was keenly aware of the burn that such expectatns mt have posed for the show’s creators.

I uld already tect a distct self-nscns about how to approach the “gay issue” when I listened to the st terviewed on CNN last year, where they each went at lengths to strs the universaly of the them that the seri addrs. Halper and Atralian thor Christos Tslkas, who have exprsed their disenchantment wh a perceived wang of radil thought gay culture, which creasgly steers towards assiatn and obeisance to the larger stctur unrpng wtern culture – nsumer palism, marriage, nservative genr norms.

Nohels, he strik a chord: there is somethg d and unrwhelmg about an approach to gay reprentatn that clar s “revolutnary” stat through s pictn of characters who are themselv the oppose of revolutnary, and an athetic that traffics well-trodn trop of naturalism. So until they fd themselv a siar suatn, they don’t see how n be possible for a straight person to have a sexual experience wh a person of the same sex and not be gay or at least bisexual. Whout beg aware of , most people n accurately intify gay men by face aloneAlthough I've always wanted this particular superhuman power, I've never been very good at tectg other men's sexual orientatn.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

"Th, " the thors wrote, "by g photos of gay and straight dividuals that they themselv did not post, we were able to remove the fluence of self-prentatn and much of the potential selectn bias that may be prent photos om personal advertisements. And even wh the more strgent ntrols, the participants were able to intify the gay fac at levels greater than chance—aga even on those trials where the fac were flickered on the screen for a mere 50 lisends.

For example, when shown only the eye regn ("whout brows and cropped to the outer nthi so that not even "crow's-feet" were visible"), perceivers were amazgly still able to accurately intify a man as beg gay. "A man, ually homosexual, wh a distctly effete facial stcture wh some very specific featur; a strong jawle [sic] that lacks promence, space between the ey that rell people wh down syndrome [sic], and a slopg, long forehead.

Now, that one's rather silly and sensatnalized—even polilly spect—and there's certaly no scientific evince support of the claims about the "mongoloid" featur of homosexual men's fac.

I'M A GUY TERTED RECEPTIVE ANAL SEX: DO THAT MEAN I'M GAY?

The llectn clus Espac Dos (Spa) In the Name of the Father (Brazil), My Straight Boyiend (US), Tth or Consequenc (Brazil), Coffee Date (US), Poprn & Coke (UK), and productn, box office & pany PhotosMore like thisReview Half hearted llectn of gay short filmsThis is by far the poort llectn of gay shorts that I've seen marketed. The men his photographs are unabashed exhibnists lookg for a place to f to a gay culture that has creasgly turned s back on a sexually aware world where leather and cisg are forms of liberatn.

Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr. “By unrstandg their same-sex sexual practice as meangls, accintal, or even necsary, straight whe men n perform homosexual ntact heterosexual ways…Ward argu that the real reason ‘straight’ men behave the ways is to ‘reaffirm rather than challenge their genr and racial inty’ and ‘to leverage whens and masculy to thentite their heterosexualy the ntext of sex wh men.

That same guy might also feel that way about kissg and who he kiss, but if he told people he was terted kissg -- jt kissg, not kissg any given genr of people -- you wouldn't hear anyone suggtg that probably means he's gay, right? But if when you talk about beg gay beg somethg "worth nsirg, " you mean you thk 's somethg you need to nsir jt bee you're terted anal sex, or jt bee you thk you're supposed to, then know you certaly don't have to. Unls that chang for you, or you fd that while you n be attracted to girls, but are ually, if not almost always, attracted to men, homosexualy, as 's ually fed, is probably not where you're at.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

TL;DR - I thought I was straight, got cur, started chattg wh a guy 3 hours away, met up, did everythg together, talked everyday sce we met, velopg feelgs for each other, need to take slow, not sure how but termed to figure out, never been happier, both closet bi/gay. Wh more than 25 years of experience treatg sex and timacy issu, I n tell you that ’s not unmon for betrayed female partners to exprs ncern about their male partner viewg gay pornography or engagg sex wh other men – all the while sistg they’re heterosexual and love their wiv.

He suggted that maybe he uld look at gay porn on a limed basis, or they uld have an open relatnship that would allow him to be sexual outsi their relatnship once or twice a month, or, well, the list of optns was endls. Its te that people like to be around like md people and so socially may spend more time among their own however s not set stone and many lbgt people cludg myself have a mixture of gay/bi/straight iends. Ally: A person who supports and rpects sexual diversy, acts acrdgly to challenge homophobic and heterosexist remarks and behavrs, and is willg to explore and unrstand the forms of bias wh themselv.

SUBS LOOKG FOR DOMS (GAY MEN ONLY)

Bee most LGBTQ people are raised the same society as heterosexuals, they learn the same beliefs and stereotyp prevalent the domant society, leadg to a phenomenon known as ternalized homophobia, whereas LGBTQ-intified dividuals feel shame, guilt or hatred towards the part of themselv intified as LGBTQ.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

Leather culture is most visible gay muni and most often associated wh gay men (“leathermen”), but is also reflected var ways the gay, lbian, bisexual, and heterosexual worlds. You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup.